by Sylvia Blake
Once they were both out of their winter gear, Aunt Wendy set about making a fuss over Debbie. She offered her three different furry slippers to try on, offered her coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and even a glass of mulled wine (it was only noon!), and offered her a seat at the small kitchen table, where she had already laid out a plate of fresh bread, butter, and three different kinds of cheese.
“That’s just an appetizer, dear. I have lunch on the stove. In emotionally trying times like these, it’s important to keep your strength up. We don’t want you getting all gaunt and scrawny.”
Debbie chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, auntie, you’re going to get all the juicy details soon enough.”
Her aunt looked taken aback, and drew a hand up to her throat. “Honey, do you think I take any pleasure in your misfortune and pain? Nothing could be further from the truth! I just know that you can’t brush these things under the rug. You need to discuss them and hash them out so you can grieve properly. But, I suppose we have time for that,” she admitted grudgingly, and moved to the stove to give her stew a good stirring.
The warm scent of the stew comforted Debbie. She looked around the familiar kitchen as she took a sip of her coffee. It was the same as she remembered it; it was old, but you wouldn’t know it – Aunt Wendy kept everything meticulously clean, so it always looked new.
The main floor of the chalet was open concept, and from her seat, she could see the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room and smiled. It was magnificent, and exactly the sort of tree she always dreamed of putting up. It was tall, and real, and was decorated with soft yellow lights and gorgeous hand-crafted glass ornaments.
“How’s the café, auntie?” she asked, hoping to change the subject again. Her aunt and her aunt’s late husband had been running a café within the resort ever since she could remember. When her husband passed away, Aunt Wendy refused to sell it, in part because she felt it would have been a betrayal of her husband’s hard work and passion.
Instead, she learned all the ins and outs of the business, and ran it in the same manner it had always operated. Her meticulous nature had even improved the business, and she made a healthy living from it, allowing her to keep up her chalet and even take some luxurious vacations from time to time.
“Oh, it’s running smoothly, thank goodness. It’s going to get really busy now, with the Christmas season and all. The hotels are filling up quickly, you know. It’s already December.” She took a quick taste of the stew with the spoon and nodded to herself. “In fact, I meant to talk to you about that.”
Debbie nodded and leaned forward, instantly curious about what her aunt had in mind.
“I have a young woman working there now, but she’s going on her maternity leave in a week or two; well, whenever she gets too tired of working. Poor thing, she’s having a hard time of it, actually. But back to the subject – now, you know very well that I can’t be there at all hours of the day, so I’m going to need some help.”
Debbie knew where this was going, but kept listening.
“I don’t know how long you plan on staying, but would you consider helping out at the store? I’d pay you, of course. Don’t feel like you have to do it, though. There are plenty of youngsters around I can hire, but I thought I’d offer it to you first. I don’t want you getting bored out of your mind here, honey. I know that you can’t ski, after all,” she said, her wide blue eyes twinkling and her lips curling up at the ends into a small smile. She was obviously suppressing a laugh, but wasn’t very good at hiding it.
Debbie didn’t have to think for long at all. “I’ll do it, auntie.”
She smiled as Aunt Wendy reached out and gave her a hug. “That’s great, I’m so happy. I think it will do you a world of wonders, honey.”
Debbie raised an eyebrow. She didn’t want to tell her aunt, but she had her doubts about that.
Chapter 3
After lunch, Aunt Wendy went off to the store, leaving Debbie at the chalet to rest after her long drive. They had agreed that Debbie would start coming to the café for a couple of hours a day starting the following Monday, but she wondered whether she had made the right decision in accepting the job. After considering the situation from all angles, she decided that it was a great idea.
Sure, it might be nice to not have any responsibilities for a while, but on the other hand, she’d get bored out of her mind if she had to sit in the chalet for the next few weeks. It was true that the resort was right there, where she could ski (which she couldn’t do even if her life depended on it), snowboard (ditto), sit in a Starbucks or other café sipping on a moccachino (this sounded appealing) and check out the various shops.
She couldn’t imagine that going from shop to shop and drinking coffee nonstop would be great for anyone’s mental health – especially not hers. Not when she was trying to clear her mind. She knew that she should stay as busy as possible so she couldn’t dwell on things. With a sigh, she realized that she couldn’t stop thinking about Jake and what he had done. And above all, she couldn’t stop thinking about HER. That witch…she KNEW that he was taken and still went for him. She had heard all the sordid details from her other good friend Mary, whose boyfriend was good friends with Jake.
She felt a wave of nausea as the memories of that horrible conversation flooded back to her. She had already confronted Jake about the cheating (which she discovered when she came across some questionable text messages in his phone – he had allowed her to check his phone for their wifi password) when Mary called her to console her.
Apparently, Jake had told Mary’s boyfriend Kyle about getting busted, which is when Kyle shared what he knew with Mary. Being the good friend that she was, she called Debbie right away, and after confirming that she already knew about the affair itself, filled her in on the details she had learned.
It was all really unbelievable to her – he had been carrying on with this other woman for six months. According to Mary, she was an assistant in his department at the bank. He was a corporate banker, and considered a good catch by any standards. Apparently, she had pursued him, even after he told her he was engaged. It didn’t seem to matter to her, and she took every opportunity to throw herself at him. Being the spineless jerk that he was, she thought bitterly, he finally succumbed, and decided to betray her. Even the thought of it was enough to bring the tears springing to her eyes.
He was the guiltiest party. He was the one who had made a commitment to her, after all. But it still felt good and satisfying to judge her as well.
In an attempt to distract herself, she curled up on the couch and turned on the tv, a hot chocolate in one hand and the remote controller in the other. Leo curled up on the other end of the couch. She flipped from a Christmas movie to the news and again to another Christmas movie. This was her idea of a properly spent afternoon. She smiled as she recalled how her aunt had warmly implored her to have April join them in the chalet for as long as she wanted. Debbie already spoke to April, and the plans were set – she would arrive on Friday and stay through the weekend – possibly longer.
April was one of her oldest friends, at least from the friends she had made as an adult. They met in college. Both of them would go stir crazy during the long lecture they attended together, and would step outside at break time to get some fresh air. The smokers would stand on one side of the entrance, and they would stand on the other, checking their phones, making calls, or just killing time.
Eventually they spoke to each other and Debbie couldn’t get enough of April’s colorful personality, which was almost as colorful as her hair. She must have dyed her hair a different color every three months, and Debbie had always wondered how she kept it so healthy looking in the face of such constant chemical assault.
During their college years, they were inseparable. They both commuted to campus, and whenever they had free time between classes, they spent it together, whether in the library, the gym, or one of the many patios dotting the campus streets. On the weekends, they
hit the pubs and bars together – if you saw one of them there, you knew the other couldn’t be far behind.
After college, with the hustle and bustle of work, they found that they had slightly less time to spend together, but that didn’t affect the strength of their friendship one bit, and April was the first person she called when she had anything newsworthy to share – a new success, a sad failure, new heartbreak, new love – April was the one she wanted to share everything with. So, Debbie wasn’t surprised that she would once again be there for her when she needed her the most.
She sighed as she remembered the difficult conversation she had had with her mother right after Aunt Wendy left for the café. That one conversation was enough to drain the little energy she had in her. She loved her mother; and her running away to the resort had nothing to do with her feelings for her, but her mother saw it differently. It seemed that everything was a personal affront to her. During their call, she assumed that Debbie was angry with her for some reason; and if she wasn’t angry, she was just being a selfish self-centred brat. It was enough to make Debbie want to scream.
When it came to her mother, she was a pushover, and dreamed of the day when she could finally stand up to her. She would never dream of describing her to anyone as cruel, or as a bad mother. In fact, she knew her mother loved her and her sister to pieces and would do anything for them, even if they were in the wrong or had hurt her somehow. But, she was overbearing and demanding, and Debbie didn’t feel as if anything could be done about this personality flaw at this point. It was just too late. So, Debbie figured the best she could do is learn how best to manage her mother and her tantrums, and do her best to prevent them.
It was a skill her father had perfected, mostly by letting her think she was always getting her way. Debbie considered her father a saint. He was patient, kind, and was always sensitive to her feelings, sometimes overly so. She remembered her mother telling her on more than one occasion that the reason she had to be so tough on her was because her father was overly lax. Debbie compared how her father would have reacted to the news that she was going to be out of town to how her mother reacted.
Her mother had fumed on the phone, her voice becoming shrill and sharp, asking Debbie how she could possibly do this to the family at the most important time of the year. Everyone wanted her around, and she was ruining everyone’s Christmas! Melodrama at its finest, thought Debbie. In the end, she promised to come back to the city for a Christmas dinner one evening, but they didn’t set an exact date. Suffice it to say, Debbie wasn’t looking forward to it.
She sat up on the couch and stretched her arms up above her head. She didn’t feel like napping right then, and needed something to zap her awake, so she made her way through the house towards the back patio. She had to pass by the kitchen, which tempted her with the scent of the cinnamon vanilla cookies Aunt Wendy had baked right after lunch. She shook her head as if to strengthen her resolve and kept walking down the dark hallway until she came to a big, bright room facing the backyard.
The chalet sat on a huge lot, and other than maybe fifty feet of clear space in the backyard, the rest of the land behind the house was taken up by large, ancient trees, their branches barren but blanketed with snow. What a pretty sight it was.
Although she was dressed only in yoga pants and a thick, long turtleneck sweater, she slid open the patio door and stepped out onto the deck in her thick, furry, pink slippers, making sure to close the door quickly behind her. Her steamy breath shot out of her lungs with each exhale, fogging up the air around her, and her cheeks became rosy and bright. The air had that distinct, crisp, wintery scent to it, and as she leaned against the deck railing overlooking the backyard, she closed her eyes, turned her face to the sky, and inhaled as deeply as she could.
She wasn’t particularly religious, but at that moment, she felt at one with something more powerful, something larger than herself. Maybe it was nature. Maybe it was an omnipotent being. It didn’t matter to her. For the first time in a week, she felt at peace.
Chapter 4
The Starbucks on the resort was bustling with activity as Debbie and April sat down with their brews of choice – Debbie with her grande mocha and April with the peppermint version. Debbie unwound the thick red and green wool scarf around her neck (a gift from Aunt Wendy, lover of all things Christmas) and shone a bright smile in April’s direction.
“I can’t thank your aunt enough for letting me stay with you guys. I was fine with staying at a hotel, but she wouldn’t take no for answer,” she said, before taking a quick sip of her piping hot coffee and pursing her lips in pain. “Ouch, hot, hot, hot!”
That was just like April, Debbie thought. Always in a rush to get into something good. Her hair was a more modest auburn these days – probably a result of having to keep a professional image at her accounting firm, where she was a junior consultant.
“Oh no, are you ok? Here, have some of my water.” Debbie opened her water bottle and shoved it in April’s hand.
“Thanks so much,” April said, and proceeded to guzzle half the bottle.
Debbie chuckled softly. “No problem, just be careful.”
“Yeah, well, patience is not my forte. Besides, why is this coffee so hot? I should sue them or something.”
Debbie rolled her eyes and laughed. She knew April was joking – she was prone to exaggeration and melodrama, and had a dry sense of humor.
April had arrived at the resort early that morning, and had joined Aunt Wendy and Debbie for breakfast, before dragging Debbie out for a morning of skiing. The sky was bright and sunny, and the snow on the slopes was fresh and light. She ignored Debbie’s stern objections, and promised she wouldn’t pressure Debbie to tackle anything tougher than the bunny hill, because she knew that Debbie would cancel the whole thing if she had as little as an inkling of a suspicion that someone would pressure her to go on a real hill.
Debbie took a sip of her mocha and licked her lips with a contemplative look on her face, accompanied by a frown.
“What is it, sweetie? Is something wrong?” April asked.
Debbie gave her a pointed look, as if to say, ‘are you kidding me?’
“Ok, I know you’re upset in general, but what’s up right now? You were just laughing, and then your expression soured instantly. What’s going on?”
“Well,” started Debbie, “I’m just having a real hard time believing that I was wrong about Jake all these years.” She seemed to be seething inside but trying really hard to hide it. “I mean…how can I put this? Am I really that stupid? Can I ever trust my feelings or decisions ever again?” She looked away, almost afraid to meet April’s gaze, even though she knew April would be the last person to judge her.
“I know. I think you can expect to feel that way, at least for a little while. It was a huge shock. And I’m not surprised you’d be having trouble trusting your own judgment right now. But just remember: some people are incredibly good liars, almost pathological, and it’s not your fault if you believe them. It’s their fault for lying to you.”
Debbie’s eyes stung as they welled with tears. She looked down and turned red. She despised getting emotional in public. “You’re right. I just feel like I’ll never trust anyone again…well, at least not a man. It’s not even worth trying. I think I’ll just be single and alone forever.”
April reached over and covered her hand with hers. “Hey…” she said quietly, with concern in her eyes. “That’s not true. I know it feels that way right now, but eventually…somehow…you’ll get over it and find love again. Real love.”
Debbie blinked away her tears. “Never,” she responded. “I don’t think it even exists.”
April grabbed Debbie’s arm and steadied her. They had rented their ski gear and made the magic carpet ride to the top of the bunny hill.
“Bend your knees!” she told her. “If you stand up straight while going downhill you’re going to fall right over, trust me!”
Debbie felt her stomach do fl
ip flops as she looked down the hill. It had looked really easy from down below, but from up there on top it was terrifying. Never mind that three-year-olds were handling it with ease – to her, this was a nightmare. She wondered why she had let April talk her into skiing in the first place. She would have been perfectly happy sitting at that Starbucks all day or going for a pedicure.
She tried to remember what April had taught her at the bottom of the hill. To slow down, bring just the tips of your skis together, so they form a pizza slice shape. How to turn. Bend the knees. Lean forward a bit. Check, check, check. Now, she just had to implement it all perfectly. She groaned.
“Don’t be scared. I’ll go first. Just remember everything I told you, ok?”
Before Debbie could say anything, April was off, gliding down the hill and making her zig zags as effortlessly as breathing itself. Debbie tried hard to observe her movements, in hopes that she’ll magically absorb it all and get to the bottom of the hill in one piece.
She watched April come to a stop at the bottom with ease. She bit her lip, determined to show her friend that she had learned something. Relaxing her knees, she bent them a bit, and gave herself a push. She had a moment of panic because one of her legs slid slightly in front of the other, but she corrected it and continued forward, even managing to do a little turn here and there.
Her heart raced as she realized she was getting close to the bottom. How would she stop?? She recalled something about getting the front of the skis closer so your skis made the shape of a pizza slice, and tried to will her legs and ankles to do her bidding. She watched the tips of her skis with steely determination, and realized her efforts weren’t enough. She wasn’t slowing down at all!
She momentarily saw April’s panicked face as she passed her, and with a little shriek, she realized she was barreling towards a group of children!