"Does it bother you that you won't have grandchildren? You haven't said anything about... my relationship with Marty."
Ross looked at her. "I've known for a long time. It never bothered me."
Erica sat forward. "How did you know?"
"Your mother wrote to me about it, but I knew before then. When Ted told me about Morgan and Britt... you never dated boys and you spent so much time with Morgan I just naturally thought that..."
Erica sat in stunned silence. Finally she asked, "Are you sure Morgan and Britt were..."
"Ted said that Donna walked in on them once when they were... together. Ted was very upset. He blamed you."
Erica felt numb, but tears filled her eyes. As the numbness dissipated she was left with an ache, an agony so ancient it seemed to echo from a place light years away.
"Are you all right?" Ross asked.
Erica tried for a moment to locate her voice, but then, not wanting to dislodge the quiet, delectable anguish, she merely nodded.
Ross stood up and stretched. "When the sun goes down it's my bedtime. Do you want to light the boulder before I go in?"
Erica smiled and shook her head.
"Well, goodnight then." Ross bent down and kissed her. Erica locked her arms around his neck for a moment and then released him.
She sat alone for awhile and then walked down to the boulder and sat with her face turned up to the moonless sky. The stars seemed close, but she looked beyond them as though searching for a special light. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked at the refracted lights through a blur.
Erica got her flute from the trunk of the car. Sitting on the boulder, she lifted it to her lips and played a different kind of music, a meditation on Morgan.
Later, inside, she searched her father's bookshelves for an old photo album. She flipped through the pages until she found the snapshots in which Morgan appeared. The two of them together at the beach, the zoo, birthday parties; faces half visible as they sped away on their bikes. In all of the snapshots they were touching, arms around each other, or holding hands, or with shoulders pressed together. In most of the photos Morgan was looking at Erica's face, and Erica was looking at something in Morgan's hand.
The last snapshot, of Morgan, Erica had taken herself when Morgan was fifteen. Morgan was looking at the camera, her face softer than usual. She looked vulnerable, almost sad, and her eyes - Erica stopped and studied the eyes. There was clearly a look of love. "Oh, Morgan!" she said aloud, "how could I have been so stupid?"
She carefully removed the snapshot from the four corners holding it in place and returned the album to the shelf.
In her room Erica propped the snapshot next to her Stone so she could look at it without turning on the light.
She kicked off her boots, undressed, and got into bed naked. She lay staring at the snapshot for a long time and then closed her eyes and put her hands under the blankets. Her fingers felt cool against her warm skin.
"Morgan," she whispered as she squeezed a breast and pressed her nipple between two fingers. "Oh, Morgan!" Her hand slipped down to the softness of her thighs and up to touch for a moment the wetness between her legs.
She opened her eyes for a moment to gaze lovingly at the face of her friend. "Morgan," she said. Both hands began caressing. She opened her mouth slightly and wet her lips with her tongue.
She moaned softly and kicked off the blankets. Through half-closed lids she watched her body move beneath her own caress - and when she could postpone it no longer, she cried, "Morgan!" and reached down to relieve the growing ache.
* * * *
Erica awakened at dawn and dressed quickly. She made her way down the path and pushed through the barrier. She sat down and allowed her thoughts of Marty to surface. There was a slight churning and then a calm.
Memories of Morgan entered her. A soft breeze caressed her face as she recalled the early years. When she thought of Morgan at the funeral the wind began to howl, and when Morgan's haunted face loomed before her she reached for something to hold onto.
She was suddenly lighter than air, and images changed into shapes and colors. She became the wind and began whipping into trees and tugging at huge branches. She battered against the soft wall, she wanted to go out beyond the barrier. She took off in another direction, she had to get out. She found another barrier. Back and forth she flew, and the distance beyond barriers became smaller and smaller until the wind was contained in a very small place. In one last tumultuous effort she tried to break through, then surrendered.
She opened her eyes. Her clothes were soaking wet and her face was dripping with perspiration. She looked around. She was alone.
* * * *
Ross was drinking coffee when she got back to the cabin. Erica poured some into a mug and sat down at the table. "Do you know where Morgan is now?" she asked casually. "I haven't seen her for more than a year."
Ross was surprised. "I thought you knew. She's in Paris studying art. I think she's been there for almost a year."
"I didn't know. Do you know if she's alone?"
Ross shook his head. "Ted wasn't very communicative. He was worried and upset about her but he didn't give me much information."
* * * *
May 28, 1960
Dear Kelly,
We're finally getting settled in the new Center. Considering that I have the apartment upstairs for myself, and that we rent the hall one night a week to Mike's old Metaphysical Study group, we are ahead of the game on the rent side. The down payment just about wiped out our bank account but Mike always seems able to generate funds.
The apartment is twice the size of my old place, with two bedrooms, and is freshly painted. Downstairs is a wonder. The main hall will hold four hundred people (though we haven't had a crowd that large).
Mark is finally on staff. He was going to leave after Mike hired Julie, so Mike decided to hire him as an assistant. Julie manages just about everything. After we broke up we had a long talk and she decided to stay. It's too bad we didn't get along as lovers, we work so well together.
My love life is rather quiet at the moment. Dr. Lewis, my new therapist, says as long as I keep comparing everyone I meet to Morgan I'll never be satisfied with any relationship.
We have between twenty and thirty Tenders now, most of them guys. They seem to change. I always see new faces. Mark manages them, which suits me fine.
Yes, I'm going to get my Masters. I don't really want to get a job - I don't know what kind I'd get. I never did learn to type. Besides, I make enough here to take care of my needs.
My mom is coming out for graduation. Maybe she'll have some news of Morgan. You know Mom still corresponds with Donna (Morgan's stepmother).
I spent some time with my dad at the cabin during spring break. He just finished a book on modern mysticism.
Gotta go now. I have a date tonight (someone new). Maybe this will be Miss Right.
Love,
Erica
~ Chapter 15 ~
"Is this a new car?" Paula asked.
Erica opened the trunk and put her mother's suitcase and cosmetic case in it. "No, Mike bought it used. The Center owns it." She slammed the trunk shut. "My car is an MG."
As they neared the Center, Paula seemed nervous. "I could stay at a motel. I..."
"Mom, no one is staying with me right now."
Paula looked embarrassed. "I didn't mean..."
"That's OK, Mom. Anyway, we're here." Erica pulled into a space next to her yellow MG.
Paula reached over and took Erica's hand. "I'm sorry I hurt you that time when we talked."
"That was a long time ago, Mom."
"I know," Paula insisted, "but I want you to understand. I lost both of my parents when I was a teenager. I didn't have skills and I didn't have anyone to turn to until I married. I was worried about you. I don't think being gay is wrong."
Erica asked, "What about George?"
"George is George. I'm afraid he represents how most people feel
about it."
Erica looked at her. "Do Ted and Donna still feel the same way about Morgan?"
"No, but last year she started getting money from a trust fund her mother set up for her, and they're concerned that she's living too fast."
"What do you mean, too fast?"
Paula shrugged. "They saw her a few months ago and didn't like her friends."
Erica sighed. "We'd better get going. I want to show you the Center and Mike wants to meet you before the Click."
Paula looked at the building and shook her head. "The rent on this place must be enormous."
"No, Mike put a down payment on the building and our payments are relatively small."
Erica took her mother to her private office. Paula was stunned. "I had no idea..." She ran her fingers over the top of the walnut desk. "It must have cost a fortune to furnish. Mike must keep you pretty busy. When do you study?"
Erica laughed. "Mike is happiest when I'm upstairs. I come down when we have celebs."
Erica took Paula past the kitchen where Tenders were busy preparing refreshments.
"What does it cost to hire that many people?" Paula asked, "even just paying minimum wage? What is it now? Still one dollar an hour?"
"We don't pay them," Erica said.
When they reached the meeting room Paula gasped. "There must be hundreds of chairs."
"About two hundred," Erica confirmed. "Tonight is our big night. This is the night I come to the meeting and tell my story and Click everyone. I used to come to all the meetings, but while I was away for two weeks Mike found out that people came whether I was here or not."
"I can't wait to meet him," Paula declared.
Erica took her hand. "Come on, we'll see if he's finished his meeting." On the way she opened a door. "This is our newcomers' room. Sometimes when people don't see the light from the Stone they need a little extra motivating to come back."
They encountered a Tender standing outside the office. He rapped on the door twice.
Mike stood up and extended his hand. "Mrs. Avery, what a privilege."
Paula's smile revealed genuine pleasure. "Thank you. Erica has been telling me about all the wonderful things you've done." She put her hand in his.
Mike turned to Mark. "Would you ask one of the Tenders to bring Mrs. Avery a celeb name tag and some refreshments?"
Mike looked at his watch. "I'll get things started."
Just before the guests were introduced, Erica took Paula into the meeting room. A Tender sat them at a table in the back of the room. Mike announced, "Will all those who brought guests please bring them forward."
Several people, some obviously reluctant, came to the front of the room. The Stone Tender came forward with a basket, and each guest chose a Stone.
Then Mike led the energetic applause and said, "We will now have the presentations."
A woman standing on the far left turned to her guest. "Jeff, you are a great brother. I hope this Stone brings you happiness." She placed a Stone in the hands of her blushing brother and they walked to their seats amid applause.
"Mom," the next speaker said emotionally, "I've wanted to give you this for a long time." He hugged the older woman before giving her a Stone.
Erica saw Paula wipe tears from her eyes.
After the presentations Mike led another round of applause, then asked, "Who has a report?"
Several hands went up.
"Yes, Betty." He pointed to a young woman in the third row.
Betty stood and faced the crowd. "I was flunking in two of my classes so I Scanned it and got Bs in both finals."
Paula whispered, "What does she mean?"
"Scanned means to hold it up to the light," Erica explained.
After several speakers, Mike glanced at his watch. "Right now I want to introduce our very own Erica and there is someone very important to her she wants you to meet."
Paula's hand went to her throat. "You aren't going to make me go up there!"
Erica patted her hand. "Just stand and smile when I introduce you."
The crowd cheered as Erica went to the front of the room and climbed onto the platform. Many of them called out, "Erica! Erica!"
Immediately Erica was lifted to a state of euphoria as she faced the crowd and looked into the faces. It always happened. She looked toward the back of the room where Paula was tensely twisting a tissue. She had planned to introduce Paula after her story, but decided to get it over with. "I'm very happy to introduce you to my wonderful mother, Paula Avery."
Paula stood during the enthusiastic welcome and then surprised Erica by saying, "Thank you very much. I'm so happy to be here."
There was a new round of applause and then when the room quieted, she began, "When I was seven years old..."
Afterward, Mike walked to the stage. "Erica will stand at the back of the room and Click each of you as you file out. At the end of the break, please show your guests to the newcomers' room and then we'll have some more reports."
Erica took her place by the door. When the last Stone had been Clicked, Erica collapsed into a chair next to Paula.
She rubbed her wrist. "I feel like my hand is going to fall off."
Then she got up. "I almost forgot, you wanted a Stone." She got the basket.
Paula looked at the Stones hungrily. "They are all so beautiful." She chose an Amethyst.
"Take one for George, too."
"Oh, could I?" Paula picked out a Jasper.
Erica Clicked them.
"Nothing happened." Paula was disappointed.
"Sure it did, Mom," Erica assured her. "Lots of people don't see it right away. Keep Clicking."
A week later as Paula was about to board the airplane she patted Erica's cheek. "I was silly to worry about you not having a man to take care of you. Mike takes care of you beautifully."
~ Chapter 16 ~
Erica slammed her apartment door. For the third time in the past three years Mike had refused to make Julie the Manager. Julie was already running Central and did the work of three men.
She kicked off her shoes and curled up on the sofa. She watched from the window as the cars began arriving for the evening Click. She counted five men to every woman.
The telephone interrupted her musing. Her first impulse was to ignore it. But it was probably one of the Tenders with her fifteen-minute warning.
"Darling, I'm glad you're finally home. I've been calling all evening. I was talking to Donna this afternoon. Morgan is back."
"Morgan?" Erica froze.
"Yes, sweetheart. Donna said Morgan is being very self-destructive. I told her I'd talk to you and maybe you could teach Morgan to Scan."
Erica managed to keep her voice steady. "I'll talk to her. I... I have to go now. It's almost time for the Click."
Erica's hand was shaking when she hung up. She started to call Morgan and then looked at her watch. It was almost time to go downstairs. She would be through by nine, and then there would be more time to talk.
* * * *
Donna answered the phone.
Erica tried to keep her voice casual. "Hi, Donna. My mother told me Morgan is back."
"She thought you might be able to help Morgan," Donna confided.
"Could I talk to her?"
"She went to bed early. Can you call back in the morning?"
Erica had a hard time going to sleep; all she could think about was Morgan. She probably still wouldn't Click, so Scanning wouldn't do any good. Besides, Erica had tried it and it didn't work for her. What if she could get her to go up to the cabin? She could take Morgan beyond the soft wall to process whatever was bothering her.
* * * *
Erica was jolted by the sound of Morgan's voice. She had forgotten the effect that voice had on her.
"I was glad to hear you were back," Erica said. "I was wondering if I could see you today."
"I'd like that. Ted and Donna are gone for the day. Could you come over this afternoon?"
"About four?"
; "Yes, I'll see you then."
Erica looked at the snapshot she had taken of Morgan when they were teenagers. She gazed at those dark eyes and said aloud, "If you ever look at me like that again, I'm going to dive in and not come up till I need air."
Clicking Stones Page 7