“Okay, I get it and I’m sorry. I haven’t had y’all over and I know I haven’t spent much time with either of you. In all honesty, Ramon and I had some things to work through, but we’re all good now. I guess I just didn’t really want to be around anyone until I had completely adjusted to my living situation. Now, who wants wine?”
“We both want wine,” Desi said as he stood to open the wine bottle for Zoe and fill the goblets. “Where are we eating, at the bar or the table?”
“Let’s eat at the table so that we can see one another without having to turn all around.” Zoe placed the plates on the table. “Do you guys want the parmesan and red pepper flakes for your pizza?”
Before anyone could answer, they heard the front door open and close. Ramon walked in, peeked in the kitchen and turned to head to the bedroom. He never opened his mouth or acknowledged anyone in any way. Once he crossed the threshold to the bedroom, he began to disrobe, headed for the bathroom and turned on the shower. Zoe excused herself for a moment and went into the bedroom to see what was going on. She entered the room and quietly closed the door.
“Hey, babe, are you okay? You came in and didn’t speak to me or our guests. Are you feeling alright?”
“It’s been a long day Zoe and instead of coming home to a quiet home and a nice meal, I walk in on you and your little queen friends. I’m not in the mood to make nice with anyone, especially them,” Ramon said flatly.
“Why can’t you be bothered with my friends when I tolerate yours all the time? Every time I turn around Harvey and Rich are chilling up in here like it’s their house. This is the first time any of my friends have been over. Why can’t you be just as gracious to mine as I am to yours? And please do not refer to Desi as a queen, its very offensive.”
“This is my house and my friends are always welcome. And since this is my house, I don’t have to be gracious to anyone I don’t want to. Lastly, I will call that queen anything I want to, just be thankful I don’t call him something worse,” Ramon stepped into the shower leaving Zoe wondering what in the world brought all of this on.
“Fine, I’ll go out to eat with them tonight so that we can catch up. You have clearly had a bad day and I’m going to leave you here to relax and decompress. I’ll be back in a little while.”
Zoe turned to leave when Ramon reached around the shower curtain and aggressively grabbed her arm. Zoe tried to snatch her arm back, but his grasp was too tight.
“No, you stay here and entertain your little friends. I’m going out to grab a beer and let you have your moment. But don’t get it twisted; I’m not coming home to a house full of folks every day, so get this entertainment crap out of your system.” He let her go with a little shove and ordered her to return to her company.
Zoe dried the water from her arm and eyes. Everything had been going well and now she wondered if it was all just an act to keep her there. She wiped the last tear from the corner of her eye and headed back to the kitchen. To her dismay, April and Desi were gathering their things in preparation to leave.
“What are y’all doing? Put your stuff down. Sit down and let’s eat,” she demanded. Zoe turned to walk into the kitchen and when she didn’t see them following her lead, she again fussed like an annoyed parent. “Hello, am I talking to the wall? Come on guys.”
“Zoe, we don’t want to be the cause of any problems,” April stated with sad eyes. “So how about we just leave and we can all hook up later this week after work?”
“No. You all sit, enjoy your meal, and catch up. Babe, I’ll be back later,” Ramon said as he hustled out the front door.
April hesitantly placed her things down on the sofa, “Okay, let’s eat. Desi, are you going to stay?”
Desi had been standing just watching Zoe; he knew that she wasn’t right. Without words, he walked over to her and wrapped her in his arms. She tried to resist his embrace, but quickly gave in, melted into his strong chest, and let the tears flow freely. It felt good to be comforted; it was like a cleansing for her heart. She hadn’t been able to share her emotions over the hitting incident, therapy, or Ramon’s ever changing moods. And though it felt good to be held, she still didn’t think that exposing everything was a good idea. When Zoe’s crying subsided, Desi ushered her into the kitchen and April followed closely behind.
“Zoe, you don’t appear to be very happy right now. I know you love Ramon, but y’all seemed to be better as a couple when you lived separately,” Desi said. He was never one for mincing words and didn’t feel the need to start now.
“Wow, Desi, don’t you think you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions?” Zoe asked. “This is just one bad day for us.”
“Girl, don’t try to give me some snow job. I’ve known you practically your whole life and we’ve never gone more than three or four days without talking. Now that you’ve moved up in here, I’m lucky if I talk to you once a week. And damn if you don’t sound like you’ve lost your best friend when we do talk. Where is your happiness? That sense of peace and joy you felt after you moved to Atlanta?”
“I still have it, Desi; it’s just been an adjustment for both me and Ramon. He has his funny ways and Lord knows I have mine, but running away at the first disagreement or misunderstanding is not the way to build a lasting relationship. There are some things that we’re both going to have to learn to live with.”
“Look Zoe, I hear what you’re saying, but keep in mind that the things you tolerate now will likely become the things that you hate later. So be sure that the crap he’s giving you is what you’re willing to live with for the rest of your life. If not, it may be time to reevaluate this relationship,” Desi said bluntly.
“Oh, so now you just want me to abandon the relationship all together? Ramon has so many good qualities and the good definitely outweighs the bad. And who knows, with a little counseling some of the bad can be improved upon.” Zoe hated the way she was sounding. Hated that she was sounding like some heart sick, weak ass woman.
“I know you’re not serious?” April chimed in. “You know you can’t change people, they are who they are. The most you can hope for is that they’ll change their behavior and that’s not likely to happen.” She picked up her glass and asked, “Can I get an amen?” Desi was more than happy to shout amen.
“Great, you two ganging up on me is just what I need to feel better. I thought this was going to be a fun, lighthearted night for us, but it seems to have turned into some kind of intervention. I love y’all, but I don’t think you’re being fair. You’ve spent very little time with Ramon and it’s not fair to judge him off of his behavior today. You know it’s more to a person than what you see in brief snippets,” Zoe said, trying to offer up a defense for her man. But in her heart she didn’t know if she was trying to convince her friends or herself.
“And we love you too Zoe and all we want is the best for you. If Ramon makes you happy then so be it, we’ll step back. But if anything ever goes haywire, we’ll be right here for you.” Desi leaned in and kissed her on the cheek as did April.
“Thank you guys. Now can we please eat, drink, and be merry?” Zoe asked as she dabbed the tears out the corner of her eyes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It had been a rough day at work, and more than anything, Zoe wanted to spend a little time with her mother. Martha may not have been able to protect her and her sister when they were younger, but she’d always been a phenomenal comforter. And right now, that’s exactly what Zoe needed. Ramon’s mood swings were becoming almost unbearable. When he was loving and kind, it was wonderful. They’d laugh, play, cook together, and make amazing love. But when he was having a bad day, he was impossible to deal with. Everything she did was wrong, he’d snap, push, argue, and, God forbid, he’d want to have sex. He would make it as un-pleasurable and demeaning for her as possible. She didn’t know if he would be in a good or bad mood this evening, but before finding out, she would find love and comfort in the arms of her mother.
“Hey, baby, come on back
to the kitchen and talk to your mama,” Martha insisted as she let go of the tight hug she’d had on Zoe.
“Where is Pam?”
“She’s going out to dinner with Alvin this evening. She didn’t take an overnight bag with her when she left this morning, so I’m assuming she’ll be back tonight.”
“I never imagined Pam would be this happy with any man, but Alvin brings so much joy to her life. I’m so happy for her,” Zoe said as she took a seat at the kitchen table.
Martha poured them each a cup of tea and took a seat next to Zoe. “Yes, she is happy, baby. Are you?”
“Why would you ask me that, Mama? Don’t I look happy?” Zoe asked as she tried to conjure up a sincere smile.
“Zoe, I’m your mother. I know you better than anyone and I know when my baby is not happy. That sad, little fake smile can’t convince me that you’ve found true happiness with Ramon.”
Martha sipped her tea and waited to hear what her daughter would say next. She was hoping against all hope that Zoe wasn’t going to try and defend her relationship.
“Mama, what makes you think it’s my bond with Ramon that’s causing me to not be happy? Maybe it’s my job or just the stresses of life.”
“Or maybe it’s the economy or the war in Iraq. Zoe, you can blame anything you want to, but I can see the truth. You are my baby and it’s breaking my heart to see this new-found sadness in your eyes. You love your job as well as the people you work with and I know that hasn’t changed.”
Zoe’s cell phone rang and she fished it out of her purse. When she saw that it was Ramon she placed it face down on the table. She wanted to have uninterrupted time with her mother. “I don’t know Mama. When things are good between me and Ramon, they’re really good. But when he gets in these funky moods, he’s almost unbearable. I love him, but his unpredictability is a lot to handle.”
Martha looked directly in Zoe’s eyes and was as blunt as she could possibly be. “Has he hit you, Zoe?”
Zoe diverted her eyes and her lengthy pause provided Martha with the answer that she didn’t want. Martha moved her chair closer to Zoe’s and like a child, Zoe laid her head in her mother’s lap and began to weep. She cried because she loved Ramon so much, she cried for becoming the kind of woman she never wanted to be, and she cried because despite it all, she wasn’t ready to leave him.
Martha stroked her baby’s hair and cried silent tears. “I know you’re not ready now. It’s going to take something drastic for you to want to leave. But baby, I beg you, please don’t wait until it’s too late. I realize that you love him and that he loves you, but please don’t let him love you to death.” Martha’s tears were no longer silent; she wasn’t able to hold back the flood of emotion. Zoe was the strong one in the family and to now see her like this was almost more than Martha could take. She cried and prayed for God to protect Zoe from further hurt and harm.
Zoe’s phone rang again and when she saw it was Ramon, she simply put it back in her purse, said her goodbyes to Martha, and headed home. A little while later she pulled up to the house and was annoyed to find Rich’s truck parked in the driveway. She was not in the mood to deal with company, especially Rich. He was the biggest, most arrogant jackass she’d ever met. She’d only met his little mousy girlfriend, Candy, once and after ten minutes in Rich’s presence she felt nothing but pity for his girlfriend. Zoe walked into the house and politely said hello, but she never broke her stride as she headed for the bedroom.
“Where you going, babe? I haven’t seen you all day. Don’t you want to sit out here with us and catch the end of the game?” Ramon asked.
Zoe paused for a moment. “Thanks, baby, but I’m exhausted. I think I’ll just head on back and get ready for bed,” she replied as she tried to continue on to the bedroom.
“Well, will you at least throw us a couple of sandwiches together before going back?”
“How long have you been home Ramon?”
“A couple of hours, why?”
“Babe, you could’ve prepared a full meal by now. I’m really tired and it won’t take you but a minute to slap some mayo and ham on some bread.” Zoe turned and went on in the room and closed the door.
“Damn, man, whose house is this? Cause it looks like she’s running things. I wish the hell Candy would talk to me like that or walk out on me,” Rich bellowed as if he were trying to insight a riot. He leaned back into the sofa with his round belly still sticking out as if he were eight months pregnant. His hair slicked back into a ponytail made him look as if he were some sleazy used car salesman. He kept staring at Ramon with those beady eyes waiting to see his friend’s reaction.
As if he were a twelve year old, Ramon was unwilling to look like a punk in front of his friend. Without hesitation, he took off towards the bedroom. What he didn’t need was more encouragement, but that slimy, no good Rich offered it anyway.
“That’s right, bro. Go handle your business.”
Ramon stormed into the room slamming the door behind him. Startled by the loud noise, Zoe jumped and looked around to see Ramon fuming. “What’s wrong, babe? Did something happen with you and Rich?”
“No, something happened with you. How are you gonna come up in here and embarrass me like that. You roll up in here and act like you’re too good to hang out with me and my boy and then refuse to fix a couple of sandwiches. You need to get your damn clothes back on and come out here and fix us something to eat!” Ramon demanded.
“You sound like a crazy man! When my friends are here you won’t even speak to them. At least I acknowledge that animal you call a friend. And y’all are grown ass men perfectly capable of fixing a sandwich. I’m going to bed. Goodnight!” Zoe shouted as she slipped her shoes off. But Ramon walked up on her and grabbed her by the arm. He dug his nails into her flesh so hard that she immediately began to bruise, and when she still seemed unwilling, he dug in until he drew blood. “Ramon, I swear if you don’t let me go I’m calling the cops,” she threatened, trying her best not to cry.
“What you’re going to do is take your ass out there, fix us something to eat, and act like you’re glad to do it.” He never let go of her arm as he shuffled her out of the room and into the kitchen. As they passed by Rich, they could hear him shouting words of encouragement to Ramon.
“So you’re treating me like this to try and impress that fool?” Zoe asked in disbelief.
“You’re getting treated like this because you don’t know how to act otherwise,” Ramon responded as he flung her against the counter. “I’m starting to see why your daddy beat y’all’s asses; you clearly don’t know how to treat a man.”
His words cut like a knife and Zoe was unable to contain her rage. She lunged at Ramon and started hitting him as hard as she could and when that didn’t seem sufficient, she grabbed a pan off of the stove and wacked him with it. Unfortunately for her, the noise caused Rich to come racing into the kitchen. He grabbed Zoe and held her arms behind her back. “Man, are you going to let her hit you like that? You better put this bitch in her place,” he growled at Ramon. And without any further prodding, Ramon backhanded Zoe across the face. “Naw man, you have to hit her where no one can see the bruises,” Rich advised. And with his closed fist, Ramon punched Zoe in the ribs as if they were in a professional cage match. Her screams sounded muffled because he literally knocked the wind out of her. Rich let her go and she dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. The pain in her mid-section made it difficult to breathe, but in the midst of all her agony, all Zoe could think about was how she would get out of that house.
Ramon knelt down to the floor and whispered, “Now fix me those sandwiches I asked for.” Zoe couldn’t believe any of what was happening to her. Ramon and Rich left the room and she struggled to her feet. It took every ounce of strength she had to gather the necessary items for their food. She sloppily mad the sandwiches and prayed to God that they would choke to death on them. Zoe carried the plate of food to them and returned to the bedroom. She retrieved her purs
e and keys and tried to ease out of the back door. But to her dismay, Ramon caught her and ordered her back to their bedroom. Zoe couldn’t understand how she’d gotten herself in this position and couldn’t stop thinking of how she’d get out of it in one piece.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Zoe waited patiently for Ramon to leave for work. Her plan was to wait an hour after he left and then leave herself. She figured if she waited an hour it would give him time to double back and see that she was just relaxing as he had instructed. Once he was confident that she wasn’t trying to leave, he would head on to work and she would run out of that hell hole.
Ramon emerged from the bathroom still in a t-shirt and pajama pants, not his work clothes like Zoe had expected. “Why aren’t you dressed for work?” she asked, trying unsuccessfully to hide her disappointment.
“I decided to stay home and nurse you, babe.”
“I don’t need a nurse, Ramon. All I need is to be left the hell alone.” Her tone was venomous.
“You do need me, babe. You need me to love you. I know I messed up, but I love you and all I want now is to take care of you.” Zoe looked at him with disgust and then painfully turned over. She couldn’t stand to look in his face another second. “Come on; please don’t turn your back on me. I can’t handle you being this upset with me, Zoe. Don’t you know that I need you?”
Zoe turned back over, looked him in the eye and spat, “Well I don’t need you! I don’t need to be your punching bag, your maid, your cook, or your fucking victim. There is nothing you can ever do for me again except help me pack my things and move.”
“Then I guess there’s nothing I can do because you’re never going to move, you’ll never leave me,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Watch me!”
Hate the Way He Loves Me Page 11