by Jenny Hale
“I think she’d like it,” he said.
Olivia would like it. And the fact that he knew filled with her emotions. Did he feel what she was feeling? He gestured for her to enter the aisle leading to the toy trains and trucks, so she went first, glad that she could focus on something other than his face to settle her nerves.
They stopped in front of the toy construction trucks. Adam’s expression was the same as the one he had when he was concentrating at his desk. He scanned the toys in front of him. “David doesn’t really play with these types of trucks, does he?”
“You’re right,” she said, happy that he knew his son better than she thought he did.
They walked to the next aisle. The shelves were lined with blocks of different types. This is the perfect spot to find David a gift, she thought, but she didn’t say anything. She waited to see if Adam knew it too. He stopped and took a box of bristle blocks off the shelf, read the back of it, and put it back. Then, he pulled a larger box of stacking blocks down and inspected the picture on the front. He turned it around for Carrie to view. “I think he’d like these,” he said. “And he mentioned a racecar set.” It was true: David had mentioned that he wanted a racecar set on the day they’d gotten the Christmas tree with Adam. She had thought he wasn’t listening.
“How many gifts should we buy? I noticed Mom had put some presents under the tree.”
“Maybe we could get two or three each, and then there’s always Santa’s loot. Anything planned for that?” She knew it probably hadn’t occurred to him until that moment, but she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Two tiny creases formed between his eyes as he considered her question. When his face was serious, she could see David’s resemblance to him.
“Hm,” he said, looking around. “We may need a cart. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared around the corner and returned, pushing a small shopping cart. She placed the crown and the blocks in the basket and headed toward the jungle animals section.
There were stuffed monkeys, trees with bright flowers strung around them, toucans, and frogs with orange feet. An enormous, animated panda growled in her direction, causing her to jump in surprise. She heard that all-too-familiar laugh beside her, and her hopes went soaring. He was enjoying himself, clearly. Did he have these kinds of experiences with Andy? She didn’t want to think about it.
“What is this?” Adam said, pointing to a picture of life-sized indoor jungle-themed play set with a tube slide.
“It looks like a jungle gym,” she said, trying to mask her surprise. She thought about the last nanny, Natalie—her quiet demeanor, her strict rules—and she couldn’t believe he was even considering purchasing such a thing. The playroom, with its dark wood shelves, and burgundy and green rug was like a toy museum. The toy bins were color-coordinated and labeled, the art table perfectly organized. This orange and yellow contraption would stick out like a sore thumb in that décor.
“Do you think they’d play on it if I bought it for them? Gwen’s getting them each a Big Wheels for her house. This would give them something active that they could do at mine.”
She didn’t want to have seen it, but she’d caught a glimpse of the price tag: one thousand, two hundred ninety-nine dollars. “I think they’d love it,” she said.
“Do you think this could be their gift from Santa?”
She thought back to her gifts from Santa. Her biggest gift had been a bike, and she’d wondered how he’d fit it in the sleigh. How would they explain this? It was okay, though. She’d leave them to wonder. Their daddy was about to buy a gift for them that they’d absolutely love, and he had the money to do it, so she kept quiet. It was extravagant, but the point was that she had Adam out shopping, and he’d picked it out himself.
They paid for the jungle gym and a few other smaller gifts, and walked out into the frigid cold of winter. The tinkling of jingle bells sailed toward her and she saw Santa—all decked out in the most elegant deep red outfit with furry white cuffs and lapels, thick, black leather boots and belt, and the most gorgeous white hair and beard, perfectly combed. He let out a “Ho ho ho,” from his golden throne, a line of excited children waiting to give him their lists. A little boy with a bright red and green sweater and white Oxford shirt collar peeking out at the neck climbed onto Santa’s lap, his mother holding his coat and smiling affectionately.
“What would you like for Christmas?” Santa called out in his bellowing voice. As he did, he caught Carrie’s eye. She felt a little embarrassed, realizing she’d been staring at him, thinking about the magic of Christmas and how much she wished she could have David and Olivia with her. What would she like for Christmas? She’d like more days just like this one. As she allowed the thought to come through, Santa winked at her and then went back to the little boy who was unfolding a piece of notebook paper and reading his list. She turned to talk to Adam, but, to her surprise, he wasn’t beside her. She looked around, her eyes moving from storefront to storefront. Where had he gone? Fear took over as she worried that he’d taken a work call. Maybe one from Andy. She shivered in the cold, putting her hands in the pockets of her coat to keep her fingers from going numb.
Before she could ponder Adam’s absence too long, she was relieved to see him walking toward her from the chocolate shop with two steaming cups in his hands. He was unaware that she was looking at him. She noticed his stride, the square of his shoulders under his coat, the confidence in his face as he made his way through the crowd. Then, he locked eyes with her, and smiled, and she could hardly manage the happiness that she felt. If only she could have more time with him like this. It was probably the only chance she’d get with just him.
“I thought this might warm us up,” he said, handing her a cup. “Hot chocolate.”
“Thank you,” she said, gingerly taking a cup from his hand.
He looked over at Santa who already had a different child on his lap, the camera snapping a pose before the child pulled out her list. Carrie felt self-conscious about her Christmas wish to be with Adam more, as if he could read her mind. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said, and she nearly choked on her hot chocolate.
“You do?” she said after swallowing a blazing gulp of the hot liquid. She let out a tiny cough.
“We should bring the kids to see Santa.”
“Oh! Yes. We should.” She’d answered without thinking about it, but once she processed his words, she realized that he’d said we should bring the kids to see Santa. We. That little word sure packed a punch. He could have said, “Why don’t you bring the kids…” or “Feel free to bring the kids…” but he hadn’t. Did he even realize what he’d said? Or was she reading into things, letting her hope get the best of her? With the Christmas music, the decorations, Santa—the magic of the season—it was easy to do.
“Do you mind, since we’re out already, if I get some presents for my family as well? I was hoping you’d help me pick them out. I’m not very good at present-buying.”
“You seem very good at it to me,” she said, taking another sip of her hot chocolate. They’d started walking the brick walkway toward the fountain that was full of pennies, each one someone’s wish. She contemplated throwing one in for good luck.
“I’m better at it when you’re with me to give the final ‘okay’.”
She smiled at that comment, and they walked together, looking at shops and chatting about possible gifts for his parents and his grandfather. The most difficult person was going to be Sharon. He was at a loss for what to get her.
Adam stopped outside a small restaurant, the smell of the grill filling the air and making her tummy rumble despite having finished the hot chocolate. “It’s nearly lunchtime. I’m hungry,” he said. “Would you mind getting a bite to eat here rather than waiting until we get back home?”
“That’s fine with me,” she said, trying not to jump up and down, squealing in delight. She was about to share a meal with Adam at a restaurant with no work and no one bothering them at all. She couldn’t a
sk for more. In fact, it was so perfect that she had to wonder if her Christmas wish had come true somehow. She didn’t want to think about what might be between him and Andy, or the irritation she felt when he didn’t spend time with his kids. She wanted to ignore it all and let the happiness bubble up to the top because he was in the moment, and when he was, it was wonderful.
“Great. Let’s get a table. Is this all right?” He gestured toward the restaurant, its interior lighting so dim it made it look like dinner time rather than lunch. Past the green wreath on the window with its cascading red, velvet ribbon, she could see the roar of a fireplace inside and the shiny brass of a bar.
“Yes.” Of course it was all right. It was more than all right; it was fantastic.
Adam opened the door for Carrie and followed her inside.
Chapter Nineteen
Create a list of what makes you happy. Carrie didn’t need that line to find her inner happiness. She was perfectly happy right now, and she hadn’t needed any coaching or words of wisdom. She walked along beside Adam as they passed a Christmas tree with white lights and gold ornaments and followed the hostess to their table. Adam pulled out a chair for her before moving around to the other side and taking a seat. A very low light filled the room, allowing the table candles to show off their flames. A fire popped and sizzled at one end of the restaurant, and, even though Carrie couldn’t feel the heat from it, the entire restaurant was warm and cozy. Adam sat on the other side of a very small table, so small that when the server brought their menus there wasn’t enough room for both of them to lay end to end, so she had to pick hers up to read it.
“Thank you for making me do this today,” Adam said from behind his menu. He peeked over it, and she could tell by his eyes that he was smiling.
“You’re welcome. But I didn’t make you do anything. I just asked, so thank you for coming.”
The server appeared at their table to take their drink order. “What do you have on tap?” Adam asked. She rattled off a short list, and at the end of it, she mentioned Salty Shockoe Lager. “Hmm,” he said. It appeared that he was considering his choices, but Carrie was suspicious. She could tell he was up to something. “Have you ever had Salty Shockoe?” The server nodded. “And what’s it like? Is it any good?”
Carrie thought back to her first experience with the beer and their discussion regarding the label, and she was so relieved that he hadn’t put her in the position that he was putting this girl in right now. She was almost nervous to hear the answer for fear that the girl would say something negative about it and ruin their meal. Carrie didn’t want anything to mess this up.
“It’s delicious, actually. It’s one of my favorites.”
“Are you just saying that to make a sale?” he asked, grinning.
“No, sir. It really is one of my favorites.”
“Good to hear. I trust you. What will you have, Carrie?” he asked. “Have you decided?”
Carrie had been so enthralled in the conversation about Adam’s beer that she hadn’t really thought of what she wanted for herself.
“Um, I’ll have a Salty Shockoe.”
Adam looked at Carrie and winked. “Two bottles of Salty Shockoe, please.”
After the server left, Adam set his menu down and said, “You didn’t have to get my beer just because it’s mine. If you’d wanted a glass of wine or something, you could’ve gotten it.”
It was true that she hadn’t given the order much thought, but it had been the right drink for the moment. The memories of having beers with her father were warm memories—warm like she felt tonight. It felt as right being with Adam as it felt with her own family, which was a brand new feeling. She’d never felt it before. When Adam looked at her, she felt pretty, and when he listened to her, she felt confident. While her friends all had glasses of wine or mixed drinks, that wasn’t who she was. She was the girl who had a beer with her dad. And now with Adam. And it felt great.
“I really love…” she heard herself saying the words and her heart raced in her chest. What she wanted to say was that she really loved being with him no matter what she had to drink, but instead, she said with a smile, “I love your beer.”
The huff. The smile. She laughed out loud, unable to contain her happiness. There was something between them—a kind of chemistry that can’t be forced, it was just there. It was as if she felt who he was before she even knew him. She was in tune with his mannerisms, his quirks, what made him laugh, what set him off. She’d fallen for Adam Fletcher. Hard. What would she do when her time with him was up, when she couldn’t see him anymore?
And then there was the fact that he hadn’t given her any reason to think he wanted to take things any further than their employer-employee relationship. For all she knew he could be romantically involved with Andy. Just thinking about Andy made her chest ache. Carrie was setting herself up to be hurt—she knew that—but the problem was that it was out of her hands. She was at the top of the roller coaster, teetering, looking down the hill, knowing she couldn’t get off. And she didn’t want to. Her feelings were speeding faster with every moment, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She hadn’t meant to fall for him, but she had. She hadn’t followed any of the dating strategies in her ridiculous books—she hadn’t tried anything at all. Feeling something for Adam was as easy as breathing. It was beyond her control.
“I’m excited to see Olivia and David in their play tonight,” he said, to Carrie’s surprise.
“I am too. I have Olivia’s angel outfit laid out and ready to go already. And David’s Joseph costume is all set too. I just need to see if I can tighten his belt a little. It keeps slipping when he moves too much.”
“They’ve been practicing with their mother. I know she’s been taking them to church for Sunday school, and they’ve worked on this for quite a while.”
Adam was actually excited to see his kids in their play, which was a revelation to Carrie. With his work schedule, she’d originally assumed that he didn’t care, but it turned out he did. She had such a different picture of who he was now than she had when she’d arrived. Adam was a loving, sweet, charming man. He just had trouble letting people see it. Had Andy seen that side of him? Carrie felt a ripple of jealousy as she thought about how Andy got to see him all day long and then even some evenings. Was he this charming with her, too? Of course he probably was. And they even had work as their common ground.
“I’m sure the kids will be glad to see you in the audience,” she said.
“I’m glad we could have a whole row of family there for them since Gwen couldn’t come.” The waitress had set the beers down while they were chatting, and Carrie noticed that they were the bottles with the white labels. She felt sentimental about it because that had been the first time she’d had a moment with Adam. They’d come quite a ways since she’d first arrived. He smiled. “I’m glad they’ll have you there.” He took a sip of his beer and set it down slowly, his eyes on the beer mat below it. Without looking up, he said, “I’ll be glad to have you there too.”
Carrie could feel the hope rising up from the bottom of her stomach where she’d pushed it down. What did he mean by that? Did he mean that he was glad the kids would have someone they trusted to watch them in the play? Before she could ask herself any more questions, he added, “I’m hoping that having you there may help Sharon. I’m sure watching the children is tough, given her situation. You have a calming way about you. Maybe between you and my mom, the two of you can help keep her spirits up.” Once again, her hopes were dashed. Adam was glad to have her there because she could help with his sister’s emotional state. That was it. Nothing more. She was hoping he’d say that he wanted to have her there because he enjoyed being around her, or that he couldn’t imagine spending the evening without her, but that was just silly thinking, wasn’t it? She should know better by now. Every time she let her guard down, she was reminded that Adam wasn’t interested in her. She was just the nanny.
“My halo is itchy
,” Olivia said, tugging on the circle of tinsel that was pinned to her hair. She scratched underneath it, causing her hair to lump up in the middle. Carrie gently pushed it back down and secured the pins.
“You are a beautiful angel!” she said, fluffing out the white cotton dress that Olivia was wearing. She also had white tights and white patent leather shoes. With the gold tinsel halo in her hair and the pink on her cheeks that Carrie had brushed on a few minutes earlier, she really did look like a little angel. “Here, David, let me see if I can get that belt tighter.” David walked over wearing a brown burlap material that fit him like a sack, with a black belt cinching it all together. He tugged at his belt, his little, somber face showing his worry that it wouldn’t stay tight. Carrie pulled it to fit and secured it with a safety pin. While she worked on David’s costume, Olivia pranced around the bedroom, jumping and spinning like a ballerina.
When they were finished getting ready, Carrie grabbed the directions to the church and headed downstairs with the children. Joyce and the others were following in Adam’s two cars to the church. She and the kids met Eric at the bottom of the stairs. “You two look great,” he said as the kids showed him their costumes. “I can’t wait to see you in the play tonight.”
“You’re gonna like it!” Olivia said in a sing-songy voice. “Is Aunt Sharon coming, too?”
“She sure is. She’s just finishing up getting ready.”
The kids ran off when they heard Joyce and Bruce in the living room, leaving Carrie and Eric alone at the bottom of the stairs. “Is she doing okay today?” Carrie asked, boldly.