“Silas,” I began, then paused. His eyebrows went up, as though encouraging me to continue. “Tell me something about these women, about how all this works. What about your parents? Do you have any siblings?”
“How it works? That depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“Depends on whether the women who are with us can bear to live with so many alterations in their lives. They have to leave everything behind — family, friends, career — to stay at one of our settlements. Some can only manage a few years before they go back to their lives.”
“What happens then?”
He gave me a sad smile. “We have to remove their memories of their time with us, of our very existence. We can’t let the world know anything about us. So….”
“How on earth do you do that?” I asked, aghast. I could just begin to understand the need for such secrecy, but my mind and soul rebelled against it. “Would you do the same thing to me?”
“If I must. Or rather, the task wouldn’t fall on me. The Conclave handles such things. But not all relationships between humans and gula end in such a way. My parents are still together, and live in the compound outside Humboldt. They’re happy. But I didn’t want to lie and tell you that these things always go perfectly. And then there are the children.”
Maybe we were getting ahead of ourselves when it came to that sort of thing. After all, Silas and I had been intimate for less than twelve hours. Still, I needed to know what I was letting myself in for. “What about the children?”
“I mentioned that it’s difficult for humans and gula to conceive at all, and even when conception happens, only a small percentage of male children turn out to be shape-shifters. But when children are born who are completely human, they can’t remain part of the community. Our secret is too important to be trusted to those who have no true vested interest in keeping it. So all the girl children, and the boys who aren’t gula, are sent away to be adopted.”
I stared at him, open-mouthed. “That’s — that’s inhuman.”
“No, it’s necessary. I know it’s difficult for an outsider to understand. They are all sent to loving homes. In most cases, they will have better lives than they would if they’d remained in a gula compound. Life there is comfortable, but certainly not luxurious.”
Was I really hearing this? Shaken, I got up from the bed and started looking around for my discarded clothing, just before I remembered that it was all lying on the floor downstairs in the living room.
“Here,” Silas said. He went over to the dresser on the other side of the room and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs and a T-shirt, then brought them to me. “Use these.”
“Thanks.” I climbed into the underpants, which just barely fit, and pulled the T-shirt over my head. While I was doing that, Silas had apparently gotten another set out for himself, since he was more or less dressed by the time I’d finished pushing all my hair through the crew neckline of my borrowed shirt. He stood by the window, but he wasn’t looking outside. His gaze was fixed on me, his expression pleading.
“I know this is difficult to understand. And it must sound like too much, after everything we went through yesterday. I would have had this conversation with you at some point, only not so soon.”
“It’s all right,” I said, even though I really didn’t know if it was or not. “I’m glad you told me.”
It seemed my reply wasn’t terribly convincing, because he crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Are you?”
What could I say? If nothing else, I thought it was probably a little premature to be worrying about a future and children. Yes, we’d slept together…multiple times…and so our relationship would be forever altered. He’d told me he loved me, and I’d told him the same. I knew I did love him, but I’d leaped without looking, without thinking about what I might be getting myself into.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk about it more at some point, but right now we have Lucius Montfort and his vampires to worry about.”
“True.” His expression remained troubled, though, and so I went to him and put my arms around his waist.
“I meant everything I said, everything I did,” I told him. “You have to believe that. What you’ve just told me…well…that’s a lot to absorb all at once. But it’s not going to stop me from loving you, Silas. Not one bit.”
For the first time, his mouth lifted slightly. He bent so he could press his lips to the top of my head, bestowing the lightest and sweetest of kisses there. “I’m glad, Serena. More glad than I can say. And now….”
“‘Now’?” I repeated.
He pulled away just a little so he could look down at me and smile. “Now, let me make you breakfast.”
Chapter Sixteen
Which he did, first brewing up a pot of delicious Italian roast, and then making a simple but tasty breakfast of buttery scrambled eggs and whole wheat toast made of bread so delicious, I asked him if he’d baked it himself.
“No, I can’t take credit for that,” he replied. “There’s a bakery over on 3rd Street that makes it.”
“Well, it’s amazing.”
“Do you want me to put another slice in for you?”
“Better not. Those carbs will sneak up on you.”
That comment earned me a shake of the head. “Serena, I’ve seen you naked. I don’t think you need to worry about carbs.”
“I knew you were a man after my own heart.”
He grinned and kissed me, and after that we went upstairs and shared the large shower with its rain-shower head and built-in tiled seats. In fact, we ended up on one of those seats, with me straddling him as he plunged into me once again. The whole time, though, I couldn’t help but be inwardly grateful for my IUD. There were complications ahead, complications we would have to address, but for right now I wouldn’t have to worry about the whole gula baby thing. Yes, Silas had told me that it was harder for his kind to reproduce than it was for normal humans, but I still didn’t want to take any chances.
After we got out of the shower and had dried off — and I’d climbed back into my old clothes, since I didn’t have anything else to change into — I pulled my phone out of my purse, just to make sure I hadn’t missed any important calls or texts. There was only one voicemail, though, from my mother.
I sighed, wondering if I should put off listening to it until I was back home. As much as I really didn’t feel like going back to Pasadena, Silas felt it was best, and so he was going to drive me home that afternoon. My being out for one night was enough of a break from my routine, but if I was gone for too long, someone was bound to notice.
But he was on his computer, checking what he called his daily briefing from the Conclave. I figured I might as well listen to the message from my mother. She should still be up in Santa Barbara, which meant she couldn’t be calling about anything too terribly disruptive, like trying to get me to come over for Sunday dinner that evening.
It turned out she only wanted to talk about Jackson’s announcement, to tell me that he really had wanted to call me and inform me about his presidential run himself, but that his schedule had gotten away from him.
Yeah, right. He’d had time to call my mother, and I would’ve bet the fifty-odd bucks in my wallet that he’d probably called Vanessa as well, but, as usual, I was the afterthought.
A week ago, such an omission would have really bothered me, as much as I would have tried to hide it, since leaving me out of those calls just reinforced my belief that I was the family outcast. Now, though, all I could do was give a mental shrug. What with lurking vampires and attacking semivives and falling in love with a guy who just happened to be a gargoyle — sorry, gula — worrying about any real or perceived slights from my brother wasn’t too high on my list of priorities.
My mother ended the call by saying she would be back in San Marino late Monday, and that she would try to get in touch with me once she was home. Whether her words were a promise or a threat, I didn�
�t know. And right then, I didn’t much care.
Silas came downstairs from the office area up on the second floor. He was frowning, brows pulled together and mouth tight. As I caught his gaze, I hoped his expression would lighten somewhat, but if anything, he appeared even more brooding.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“The members of the Conclave aren’t very happy about my involvement with you. They’ve summoned me to discuss the matter with them in person.”
“In person?” I repeated blankly, setting my phone down on the sofa next to me. “You mean they expect you to go to Paris?”
“Yes.”
That didn’t sound good at all. I worried for Silas, for what the people in this Conclave might say to him. And I worried about what I would do, left on my own in Pasadena without him to watch out for me. Even if he caught the first flight out of LAX and didn’t linger in France, he would still have to be gone at least two days, maybe more. It was that concern I decided to voice, since I already knew him well enough that I guessed he wasn’t overly concerned as to his own fate.
“But that would leave me here without a protector, wouldn’t it?”
“No. They would never risk such a thing. Emanuel, one of the Humboldt group, is already here in Southern California and ready to take over for me. You won’t see him, of course, but he’ll be here to watch over you and make sure Lucius Montfort doesn’t try anything. Don’t worry — Emanuel is very capable. You’ll be safe. ”
Was that supposed to be reassuring? I didn’t want a substitute, no matter how “capable” he might be. I wanted Silas. But I had a feeling my thoughts and wishes didn’t matter too much here. “Are you — are you in much trouble? I mean, it’s not like the military or something, is it? I don’t want to be responsible for a dishonorable discharge.”
At my remark, he almost smiled, then came to me and folded me into his arms. He smelled clean and reassuring, some of the scent from the lemongrass soap he’d used still lingering on his skin. “No, it’s not like that at all. It’s more — they’ll want to know how serious things are between you and me. They’ll want to know why I put you at risk.”
“You didn’t put me at risk,” I protested. “For one thing, it was my idea to come down here.”
“I could have said no.”
“And sounded like a jerk. So it wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m afraid they probably won’t see it that way.”
Of course not. I had no idea who was on this Conclave, but I envisioned a bunch of bitter older gula who’d either never hooked up at all, or whose lady loves had bailed out because they couldn’t handle living such an isolated existence. But then, I realized I might one day be one of those women. Sure, I liked to complain about my family, but I also knew it would be hard for me to walk away from all of them, and Candace, and Brian and Lewis, and the small number of people I could count as part of my circle.
I looked up at Silas. His expression wasn’t quite as somber as it had been when he descended the stairs, but he also didn’t appear exactly cheerful, either. This might not have been the right time to ask the question, but I couldn’t leave it hanging out there, not when he was being summoned to Paris to discuss this very topic.
“So…how serious are we?”
His arms tightened around me. “That depends on you, Serena. I know my feelings. But I also know we haven’t been together for very long. These are the kinds of decisions that should only be made after a good deal of deliberation.”
He might have been right, but I wished he hadn’t made the situation sound so…clinical. “And I know how I feel about you. I know I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. So I think I could get used living in the compound in Humboldt, even if that pin in my leg might complain about the damp.”
I’d said the last bit of that remark with a slightly teasing tone to my voice, just to show him that I didn’t want to be all doom and gloom about things. He didn’t smile, however, but said, “You would have to deal with a good deal more than damp, which is why we shouldn’t have to make this decision now. And I plan to tell the Conclave that.”
Even though I knew I wanted to be with Silas, I couldn’t help being somewhat relieved by his words. He wasn’t like any other man I’d ever known, and sex with him was spectacular, but even so, this wasn’t the sort of thing to rush into. We needed more time to get used to each other.
“How do you think they’ll respond?”
“I don’t know for sure. They may say that my judgment when it comes to you is impaired, and that I can’t be your guardian anymore. They may demand that you go live up there if you and I continue to be…involved.” His shoulders lifted slightly, even though he still held me in his arms. “It’s hard to say for sure, simply because this situation doesn’t have any precedent. The jaded part of me thinks they will probably urge me to take you to Humboldt, just because that way you’ll be safely ensconced in the community there, and therefore far less easy prey for Lucius Montfort.”
That thought hadn’t even occurred to me, but it made sense. If Silas and I were going to be together anyway, better to make the move in the near future, removing me from any further attempts on my life…and also having me handily nearby so I could share my visions with the gula community. Would those visions change once I was there? Most of my visions so far had involved situations and scenarios that took place somewhere nearby. It wasn’t as if I’d had visions of Russia, or Africa, or even New York City. If locations could be identified, they were always someplace in the greater Los Angeles area.
“Well, I can think of worse fates than living with you in Northern California,” I said. “Especially if they’ll let us slip out from time to time and go on tours of wine country.”
“Serena, this isn’t a joke.”
“I’m not joking.” I went on my tiptoes so I could give him a quick kiss on the lips. “I want you to know that as long as I’m with you, where I am doesn’t matter so much.”
He held me close then, his lips touching the top of my head. “You continue to amaze me, Serena.”
“I do my best.”
A chuckle, and then he let go of me so he could step back a pace. “I know you do. But for now, I need to take you home. I have to be in Paris by this evening.”
“Are you flying, or….” I let the words trail off and sent a significant look toward his upper back, where his gargoyle wings would sprout.
“My wings can’t carry me nearly that far. In a pinch, I might be able to fly to Northern California, but traveling overseas is out of the question. I’ll catch the earliest flight I can to Paris. The Conclave will send a car for me that will take me to the settlement outside the city.”
“How…ordinary.”
“We must always utilize the most useful tools.”
I supposed that made sense. Silas was a shapeshifter from a race I didn’t even know existed before last night, but even he had to obey the laws of physics…up to a point. I assumed there must be a rational, scientific explanation for how he was able to alter his entire form and turn into a completely different creature, but I sure as hell didn’t know what it might be. But even the supernatural creature that he was couldn’t exactly travel halfway around the globe on his own power.
“How long will you be there?” I tried not to sound pitiful, although I knew I wasn’t being terribly successful at it.
“At most two nights in the settlement. I’ll be back as quickly as I can. And remember, you are not being left unprotected.”
“I know.” Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help sighing, just a little. “But it won’t be you protecting me.”
He reached out and took my hand, gave it an encouraging squeeze. “You’ll be fine.”
All I could do was give him a wan smile. I knew it didn’t matter what I said — he had to go, and I had to endure his absence.
Thank God it would only be for three or four days.
* * *
As usual, Silas walked me to my do
or and saw me inside. The condo looked exactly as I had left it — and why shouldn’t it? I hadn’t been gone even twenty-four hours, and yet the world had changed forever.
One long, impassioned kiss, and then he was gone. A selfish part of me had thought about coaxing him up to the bedroom so he could make love to me one last time. But I knew he had to go, and trying to delay him wouldn’t change his plans. Better to get this over with quickly. Anyway, I didn’t want him to be in any more trouble than he already was. So there was only that kiss, a murmured goodbye, and he walked away.
I watched until he had disappeared around the corner. Immediately afterward, I shut the door and locked it, and engaged the security system. Yes, it was broad daylight, and after that melee on 4th Place the night before, I figured Lucius Montfort wasn’t in any hurry to send his goons after me — if he even had any goons left — but I knew better than to take any chances.
The house felt quiet and empty. I was used to solitude, or at least I thought I was. And yet now the silence seemed to pound against my eardrums. After spending the night with Silas, I knew I never wanted to be alone again. I wanted to fall asleep next to him, and awake at his side.
And you will, I told myself. He’ll be back in three days, or four at the very most. It’s not even a week. Stop being a drama queen.
I wondered who this Emanuel was that the Conclave had sent to look out for me. Did he have a mate, for lack of a better word, or was he a free agent? Did the Conclave have a rotating pool of freelance gula guardians in case one of their regulars had to take time off for some reason?
So many things I still didn’t know. I supposed I’d find out eventually, if I did end up in Humboldt, in the gula settlement there. I tried to imagine what it was like. Some sort of enclave hidden in the redwood forests, or a huge ranch with the houses of its members scattered around the property? Silas hadn’t given me any details, and so I couldn’t begin to guess.
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