“You.”
“I’m right here.”
“I know. I just want to see more. I want to know you.” When he said this last part, his eyes flickered to my belly and I immediately felt self-conscious. I knew he’d noticed and I feared it would scare him away. After I received his text earlier that day, I’d vowed to hit the gym, hard. As if he could read my mind, Uriah reached out and placed a tentative hand against my middle. I abruptly recoiled.
"It's okay," he murmured, sitting up as he looked into my eyes, his palm returning to rest against my stomach. I cringed, self-disgust consuming me. I hoped he'd remove his hand, but instead he began stroking my belly. This simple act sent goosebumps skittering across my flesh. It's been too long since anyone has touched me. Far too long.
“Let me kiss you,” Uriah whispered, an urgency in his voice. I'd been so focused on his hand, I hadn’t noticed the look in his eyes. Fiery lust. God, that's hot! Should I let him kiss me? The alarm in my head screamed no, but my heart cried yes. I want this! I need this! Succumbing to desire, I nodded. He leaned forward and our lips met. He tasted good. Sweet, like mangos. The delectable fruit still lingered on his tongue, tantalizing me. Moving closer, I deepened the kiss. I explored those full, succulent lips before parting my own, allowing him entrance. Uriah wasted no time diving in, his tongue eagerly exploring me. He is so divine. I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to experience all of him. Reaching up, I ran my fingers through his hair. It was so soft. Like silk. Still devouring his mango-sweet mouth, I brought my hands to his chest. I could feel the muscles under his shirt. The powerful, rippling muscles. His strength was electrifying. Coming up for air, I looked into his light golden eyes. Eyes that looked at me like I was the beautiful one. Lust flared within me. This time I didn’t ignore it. Plunging back in, I let Uriah ravage my mouth. I held him to me, my fingers gripping his longish pale locks. Within minutes, I was on my back, his massive frame above me. I felt so small, so vulnerable. I’ve never been with someone who possessed such a commanding presence. He’s so big and powerful. He can have whatever he wants, be with whomever he wants and he chose me. I don’t know why, but he chose me!
I was so lost in euphoria, I almost didn’t notice that Uriah’s hand had abandoned my face and was now at my belt. Grabbing his wrist, I shook my head. I longed to go there with him, but it was too soon. I wasn’t interested in a one-night stand, a casual hook up or friends with benefits. I wanted a real relationship. If this was going to work, I had to know it was real. Taking my silent cue, he nodded and brought his fingers back to my cheek. I don’t know how long we kissed and caressed, but it felt like hours. Years. When our frenzied kissing dwindled down to nothingness, we simply held each other. Well, Uriah held me. Lying on my bed, he wrapped me in his arms. I was just melting into his warmth when he suddenly pulled away. He looked like he was in pain. A lot of pain.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, searching his face.
“Bathroom,” was all he choked out.
“Down the hall and to the right.”
Without another word, he bolted from the room. I wasn’t surprised. It was just a matter of time before that Mango Squeeze caught up with him. Fifteen minutes passed and right when I was sure he’d climbed out the bathroom window, he re-appeared in my doorway.
“Feel better?”
“So much better.”
Climbing back into bed beside me, he wrapped me in his arms, completely engulfing me. His body was so warm. It was almost inhuman. Whatever. I felt safe in his embrace. We stared silently into each other’s eyes. He looked content. At peace. Normally when I’m with someone, they can’t keep their mouth shut. Uriah didn’t have that problem. He soaked in the silence like a pro. It felt natural. Looking into those pale gold eyes, I almost felt like I could see everything I needed to know. Innocence, strength, kindness, determination and something else. Longing, yearning? Right when I thought the silence would last forever, which I was strangely cool with, Uriah spoke.
“Why are you so sad?” His voice was soft and full of profound curiosity. He didn’t just want to know. He needed to know.
“What makes you think I’m sad?” My heart was pounding so hard, I feared he could feel it.
“I can see it… in your eyes.”
Humor is my best defense and I couldn’t help hiding behind it. “Oh, crap. I meant to get that fixed.”
“I’m being serious.”
I hesitated. “I think everyone’s at least a little sad.”
“Why are you sad?”
I didn’t want to dump all my baggage on him and scare him away. It was probably best to give him a half truth. “I graduated high school and now I didn’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“Are you going to college?”
“That’s the plan, but I still feel lost.”
“Perhaps I can help guide you. I have an amazing sense of direction.”
“You’re too kind.” The root of my unhappiness was a little more complicated than that, but I appreciated his offer. Still, I had to remind myself that this could fall apart at any moment. No point counting on him only to be let down. I was just disappearing back into his eyes when my phone buzzed. I considered ignoring it, but thinking it might be Kay, I pulled it from my pocket. It wasn’t.
“What is it?” Uriah asked inquisitively.
“Just a text from one of my friends.” It was actually one of those chains. You’re supposed to pass it on for good luck. Normally I ignore them, but this one was kind of funny.
“Check it out.” I held the screen out for Uriah to see, but he barely glanced at it. “Come on, it’s hilarious.”
“I’m sure it is,” he responded, still refusing to read the joke.
“What’s wrong?” He had that same look as when we were in the juice place. The angst was practically seeping out of his pores. Why is he nervous all of a sudden?
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure? You look freaked.”
“I’m fine,” he grunted, pulling away.
“Than why won’t you read this joke?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Just ‘cause.” He was looking more and more flustered by the minute.
“Okay…”
For the most part, when we were together Uriah appeared laid back, but there were times when he seemed agitated. I first saw that look when he picked up the menu at the 24-hour diner, but it vanished so quickly I didn’t think anything of it. It re-appeared when I asked him to read the movie listings in the car, but I’d been driving and didn’t have time to zero in on it. As my mind continued to ponder, I realized that I’d never actually seen Uriah read anything. He used the pictures on the diner menu and he’d insisted on having whatever I had at the juice place. Can he not read? I immediately rejected this notion, remembering that we’d texted earlier today. Unless someone was helping him. When he’d received that text from his mom at the diner, he didn’t have a problem with me reading it. He’d even insisted on it. My mind began to race. Is that why his mother pulled him out of school? Is that the “issue” he hadn’t wanted to discuss?
As my gaze shifted back to Uriah, I could see the fear in his eyes. He suspected that I might be onto him and he was terrified. The idea that he couldn’t read was startling, but I wasn’t sure why he looked so scared. Most of my friends can barely put together a decent text. Is it out of embarrassment? Is he afraid I’ll judge him? That’s possible. People can be mean. Okay, back up, Aaron! You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Just because he doesn’t like to read menus, doesn’t mean he’s illiterate. It’s probably best to confirm before jumping to conclusions.
“Uriah, can you read?” The question sounded blunt, but I didn’t know how else to phrase it.
“Of course.” His voice came out in a rush, like he’d been holding his breath.
“Are you sure?”
Uriah made a face. “What? Just because I refuse to read some silly joke, yo
u think I’m stupid?”
“I never called you stupid.” He didn’t respond, his big pale gold eyes turning away. He’d gone from looking agitated to scared in point zero seconds. “Hey.” I slid a finger under his chin. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care. If you have trouble reading, that’s fine.”
“Whatever,” Uriah grunted, continuing to avoid eye contact.
“Hey!” I gave him a light slap on the side of the face. “What do you take me for?” This time he looked straight at me, his lower lip trembling. “You can talk to me. I won’t judge, I swear.”
Uriah searched my face, his eyes timid yet hopeful. “You really don’t think I’m stupid?”
“Of course not. So far, you seem pretty bright to me.” he was silent so I continued. “So, what’s the problem exactly? Are you dyslexic?”
“Something like that. It’s a little more extreme though. It gets worse if I’m excited or nervous.”
“So, that was you I was texting earlier?”
“Yes. In the privacy of my own home, I don’t usually have a problem. Just out in public.”
I thought about that for a moment. “Do you really get motion sickness?”
He gave me a sheepish grin. “No.”
“Is this the reason your mother pulled you out of public school?”
“Uh, yes. It was starting to effect my grades.”
“I’m sorry, man. That really sucks.”
Just then there was a loud knock on my door. Before I had time to respond or even get up, it flew open and my little brother entered.
“Mathew!” I quickly pulled away from Uriah. “You’re supposed to wait for a response before you enter!”
His eyes went from me to my company. “You always say ‘enter’ so I figured why bother.” I rolled my eyes, but didn’t respond. Meanwhile, Mathew stepped into my room, his gaze returning to Uriah. “Are you my brother’s new boyfriend?”
“Matt!” I cut in before he could answer. “That’s not… What do you want?”
“Mom told me to come get you for dinner. Should I tell her to set an extra place?”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“I was just leaving anyway,” Uriah said, also getting up. When he rose to his full height, Mathew’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
“Holy smokes, Aaron! Are you dating a giant?” My friend laughed as my ears grew hot.
“He’s not a giant. He’s just really tall.”
“I’ll say.” Mathew took a step closer, peering curiously up at Uriah. “How tall are you?”
“Six foot, six,” he responded, still looking amused.
“Wow! I’m only four foot, six. Are you sure you’re not a giant?”
“I’m sure.”
“‘Cause you don’t look human.”
“Mathew!” I hissed when my friend’s smile instantly vanished. “That’s very rude!”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, momentarily bowing his head. Meanwhile, Uriah took a step closer to me as if seeking refuge. Me protect him? That’s rich.
“Maybe you should go out the window,” I suggested while my little brother continued to study him with overt amazement.
“You don’t want him to meet Mom and Dad? You introduced them to all your other boyfriends.”
“Mathew, get out of here!” I snapped as Uriah’s eyebrows went up in mild surprise. My brother was right. Although I haven’t had many boyfriends, after I came out of the closet, I always made a point of presenting them to my parents. It was my desperate attempt at getting them to see me for who I really am.
Casting my friend one last look, Mathew scurried from my room, shutting the door behind him.
“Have you had a lot of boyfriends?” Uriah asked, turning to face me.
“No.”
“How many have you had?”
“I think it’s a little soon for exes,” I said, going over and opening my window. “Perhaps when we know each other better.”
“Of course.” Uriah approached me, but made no move to climb out the window. After a brief pause, he asked, “So, am I your boyfriend?”
I hesitated. While I did enjoy the hour we’d just spent entangled in each others arms, I wasn’t ready to take that leap. “Well, we’ve only been on one date. I think it’s safe to say we’re still exploring.” Despite my words, I couldn’t help thinking there was nothing safe about this. I was entering dangerous waters and I didn’t have a lifeline.
“Good to know.” Uriah looked a little disappointed as he bowed down and kissed me. His lips lingered for a moment before he slipped out my window. I was about to climb out after him, but he stopped me. “I don’t need a ride.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” his hand went to his middle. “I need to work off that Mango Squeeze.”
“You’re running home?”
He paused. “It’s only thirty miles.”
“Only thirty miles!” I looked at my watch. It was a little past six. “Unless you’re the fastest human alive, it will take you at least an hour to run that far. And that’s assuming you don’t take any breaks or slow down.”
A large grin spread across Uriah’s face. My shock clearly amused him. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Go have dinner with your family.”
It was only after he disappeared that a thought occurred to me. If he wasn’t unloading that Mango Squeeze in the bathroom, what was he doing? Come to think of it, the look on his face wasn’t that of someone who desperately needed to vomit or take a dump. It was something else. But what? And what did he do to relieve it? He’d been in the bathroom a while. Pushing those thoughts aside, I focused on our day together. The date might have started out a little rough, but things ended better than expected. Uriah had shared a part of himself that was deeply personal. That was a good sign.
Leaving my room, I headed down the hall to the kitchen. I haven’t felt that at ease at the dinner table since I came out, but high off my time with Uriah, I was feeling pretty good. Of course it didn’t last. Only minutes after my mother had served us all, Mathew was chirping excitedly about the giant in my bedroom.
Mom made a face. “A giant?”
“Yeah!” Matt insisted, eyes wide. “Aaron’s new boyfriend is a real life giant! You should have seen him!”
At that my mother looked sharply at me. “He has a new friend?”
“Yeah,” my little brother said, eyes sparkling, completely oblivious to our mother’s disapproval. “He has long blond hair, but it isn’t really blond. It’s more white than yellow. His eyes are like really, really, really light brown. Kind of like honey. Only more… I don’t know. Goldie. They are SO cool and he’s huge. Like ginormous!”
“And when did you see this boy?” Mom asked.
“Just now. Right before dinner. He and Aaron were in bed together.”
“What?!” my mother’s eyebrows shot up. “You saw them… messing around?”
“No!” I cut in, shooting Mathew a deadly stare. “We weren’t doing anything. Matt barged in without knocking.”
“Why was your door closed?”
“Uh, privacy?”
“If you insist on bringing your… friends home, you should keep your bedroom door open.”
“Seriously? I’m eighteen years old.”
“And you still live in our house. If your brother is walking in on you in bed with another boy, something isn’t right.”
“Maybe he needs to learn how to knock.”
“I did knock!” Mathew protested.
“And wait for a response.” My little brother looked like he might cry.
“Aaron!” Mom snapped. “You’re the adult. It’s your job to be responsible and messing around with some guy with your little brother mere feet away is irresponsible. I don’t want him seeing that kind of thing.”
Anger infused rage filled my chest. “What? You scared I’ll turn him gay? That’s not the way it works, Mom.”
“I don’t want to take any chances.”
“Of course. God forbid you have two gay sons!”
My mother didn’t say anything, but I could see the unspoken yes on her lips. Anger gave way to grief. I hated the fact that my mother couldn’t accept me. I spent so many years despising myself. What I was. Before I came out, I knew my parents wouldn’t approve. I tried so hard to be the son they wanted, but I caved. When Tyler asked my out, I said yes. I threw caution to the wind and I said yes. In reality, he’d caught me at a weak moment. Any other day, I would’ve called him nasty names and told him to get away from me, but that day I was struggling. My defenses were down and I was just so damn tired of pretending. Consciously, I refused to believe I was gay, but I wouldn’t know for sure unless I slept with a guy. I prayed that I just had to get it out of my system. That these feelings would go away if I experimented a little. Obviously that didn’t work. One night with Tyler and I knew there was no going back. It took me months to gain the courage to come out to my parents, but I knew I couldn’t keep pretending. Not anymore. Tyler is far from prefect, but he's what I needed at the time. I’ll always be thankful for him, but at times like these, a part of me wishes I’d never met him. That I’d never said yes. That I’d never come out. At times like these, I wished more than ever that I was still the son my parents wanted.
When the sadness threatened to swallow me whole, I had to excuse myself from the kitchen table. I knew Mathew was innocent, but sometimes I resented him. The day I told my mother that I liked boys, all the love and affection that she’d had for me turned to him. I told myself I should be thankful that they didn’t kick me out, but I wanted more. I wanted her to love me the way she still loved him. Is that too much to ask? Usually when I’m feeling this down, I call or text my best friend Kay, but lately she’d been strangely silent. Over the past couple days all my attempts to contact her had gone unanswered. This was disheartening, but it wasn’t a complete shock. Since she’d started dating this guy, we’d been drifting apart. Still, this complete radio silence was unlike her. Desperate for some moral support, I sent her yet another text. After meeting Uriah, I’d been filling Kay in on the situation. Once upon a time we would tell each other everything. Now I needed her sage advice. With my mom whittling away at my self-esteem, I really needed that. I waited for a response, but none ever came.
The Flyer (The Flyer Series Book 1) Page 5