He walked away and she stood there, watching him, her eyes filling with tears. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but just when one expected the impact and the screams, she took a deep breath, wiped her hands under her eyes, and strolled the opposite way, her head high.
Shocked, I finished my drink.
“What the hell was that?” Phoebe asked me, right behind my shoulder.
“I have no idea,” I said, turning to face her. She stared at my face and handed me her untouched glass. “You didn’t drink anything.”
“I’m not much of a drinker, and I know you probably need it right now.”
I did need it. Without ceremony, I took the glass from her, and drank half of it in one gulp. “Thanks.”
She smiled. “Anytime.”
By the … how many drinks did I have? Not sure. But it was not even midnight, and my head was buzzing. I laughed. In Brazil, parties started at midnight, and I couldn’t remember one time that I went home before the sun was up. This was quite different.
It was nice though, to drink and forget. To let the alcohol take over and be someone else, do something else. To forget who I was, to forget everything.
Maybe I should do it more often. Invite Garrett to the lake late at night with a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label. Would he refuse that?
And that was not forgetting him.
Another shove sent me, once again, into one of Kevin’s friends. A little tipsy, I clutched his forearms to steady myself. Almost instantly, his arms were around me. He smiled. Poor guy, I didn’t remember his name. I smiled back, but retreated, not wanting to give him the wrong idea.
Seriously, now I needed water this time. Otherwise, I would be too careless and someone would find out about me. Or I would trip on my own feet and I would reveal myself. Yeah, not what I wanted.
“Gonna buy water,” I told Phoebe before sashaying through the crowd.
I tried not looking around but that was impossible.
Jonah was right in front of the stage with Jeff and two other guys. Audrey was with Sarah, Molly, and two other girls from their sorority near the table/bar, watching Jonah, of course. And where was Garrett? He had probably left with some girl by now. Maybe Jennifer.
I pressed a hand to my belly, feeling sick. Jeez. I never felt sick. The line to buy a bottle of water was too long, and I would never drink it before this sick feeling left me. Literally.
I turned to the left and rushed to the corridor leading to the bathrooms. I pushed inside the women’s bathroom, which was full, of course, and headed to the sink. I cupped my hand under the faucet and drank tap water. Not the best, but it would have to do.
Some girls stared, and I was glad I was wearing a mask and wig. If they had heard Audrey’s lies, and almost everyone on campus had, they would know who I was, and if they saw me, nearly drunk, trying to abate my sickness with tap water, more lies would ensue and tomorrow everyone would have heard, what? That I tried to fuck a guy in a corner, and when he said no, I was so hot, I went to cool down in the ladies’ restroom. I bared myself and practically laid over the sink.
Credo.
I drank slowly but steadily, taking deep breaths between each swallow. Soon, the sickness was gone. However, my head was nowhere near clear yet. Without rush, I exited the restroom and turned back to the party. I could endure the rest of the night now; I just couldn’t drink anything else.
Once back in the ballroom, I paused. My head wasn’t good, and I still felt tipsy. Maybe it was time to leave.
I turned to the end of the room with the intention of walking around the outer walls, close to the curtain-closed windows. It was darker and had less people, which was odd since, hmm, shouldn’t there be couples making out in the dark? I wouldn’t mind them; I just wanted to avoid the crowd. I took a step into the darkness and halted.
Garrett stood before one of the large windows. The curtain was pulled to the side enough for a thin streak of moonlight to seep in. With his hands on the windowsill and his torso slightly forward, Garrett looked up. To the stars? The moonshine illuminated his face, creating shadows under his chiseled jaw and chin.
I sucked in a sharp breath. Meu Deus, he was handsome.
His kissable lips seemed relaxed into his usual half-smile, as if he enjoyed being here, away from the others, and admiring the night sky. I could bet his hazel eyes were bright, and I ached to check them out. To check all of him out.
The old Bia would have walked to him, hooked her hand on his neck, and pulled his mouth to hers, and she knew he wouldn’t resist her.
Warmth spread through me, followed by my old boldness. The old Bia wanted to break free. She wanted to take down the fences, if only for a moment. He won’t know it’s you, she said.
She took over me and I didn’t even fight it.
I marched until I was standing two feet from Garrett. Noticing my presence, he whirled to face me.
“Um, hi,” he said, frowning. “Do I know you?”
I stepped into his personal space and looked at him, loving how tall and wide he was compared to me. I kept out of the moonlight, hoping it was enough for him not to see my eyes—which were a dead giveaway of who I was. The mask didn’t hide their unique color—and slid a hand around his neck. Even in high heels, I was still shorter than he was, so I tugged him down. He resisted.
Oh no, he wouldn’t. I scratched my nails on his nape, and he took a sharp breath. The frown deepened, and he turned his face to my arm. He closed his hand around my forearm and pulled it closer, making me lose my grip on him. He inhaled before placing a soft kiss on my wrist.
I shivered and warmth ran low in my belly.
Slowly, he turned his eyes to mine, and placed my hand back around his neck. However, he didn’t move. Not to me, not away from me. He just stared at me, his eyes darkening, his chest rising and falling faster.
I tried it again. I took another step, pressing my body to his, and tugged his neck down. This time, he met me halfway. I brushed my lips against his, and shock raked my body. Meu Deus, if a simple peck could do this to me, what would happen if—?
His hands landed on my hips, his fingers digging into me through the fabric of this ridiculously heavy dress, and his mouth claimed mine. His lips were soft but demanding, and I wanted to give him all he asked. I parted my mouth, and his tongue took charge, drawing a moan from my throat. Groaning, he deepened the kiss and whirled us around, pushing me against the window and trapping me with his hard body. One of his hands slid up, purposely brushing against my breast—and making me gasp in his mouth—before continuing up. He clutched my shoulder, wedging his fingers under the dress. That simple touch, his skin grazing mine, sent another powerful jolt down my spine. I entwined my fingers with the hair on his neck and snaked the other hand around his back, pulling him closer, as if there was any space left between us.
Garrett propped his knee between my legs, but the full skirt of the dress caught in the way, and suddenly, I wanted it off. The dress was not helping! He bit my lower lip, sucking hard, and I thought I would melt at his feet, because there was no way this was real. It felt too good, too right.
He dragged his mouth to my jaw. His lips and his hot breath on my skin were a deadly combination, and I was ready to combust. I clutched his shoulders, arched my back, and threw back my head, granting him access. He planted a kiss on my neck and inhaled, sending another shiver sweeping through my body.
Then he whispered against my skin, “You’re so sweet, Bia.”
I froze. What did he say?
Noticing my tension, he straightened to look at me. There it was, written in his eyes. He knew. He knew who I was.
My throat went dry. I dropped my hands from him and stepped back.
He held on to my waist. “No, Bia. Wait.” I pushed his hands away and continued retreating. He reached for me, but I raised a hand and he stopped.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I wanted to scream at him, but scream what? I had been the one who came to
him. I buried my face in my hands, mortified. “Meu Deus.”
Now he had proof that I was the slut Audrey painted me as.
His hands enveloped my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. “Don’t hide.” He didn’t let go of my wrists and drew me closer. “Talk to me.”
“Let me go,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Bia …”
I cleared my throat and said louder, “Let me go.”
Sighing, he opened his hands, and I withdrew my arms.
I whirled on my heels and ran into the crowd. I didn’t look back to see if he was following me. I didn’t stop. I didn’t slow down. I just weaved through the bodies, counting the seconds until I was out the ballroom, out the building, and running across campus. I only stopped once I was inside my dorm, with my back against the closed door.
My tipsiness gone, I pulled the mask and the wig off and let out a deep breath.
Meu Deus, what had I done? How could I have been this stupid? Yes, I missed partying, I missed drinking here and there, I missed kissing guys and feeling like they appreciated me, but one kiss, one really good, really hot, really perfect kiss could throw everything I was working so hard to erase to the wind.
What if he told Jeff or Jonah about it? What if they told more friends, who told more friends, who told Audrey? Tomorrow, there would be at least one more big lie about me hovering over my head and crushing my soul.
I couldn’t let this happen. I couldn’t slip this way. My life, my reputation, my future here were on the line.
My phone dinged, and I was reluctant to look at it, afraid to see his name on the screen. However, it wasn’t him.
Phoebe: Where are you?
Me: Sorry. I’m in my dorm.
Phoebe: Everything all right? Why did you leave?
Me: Wasn’t feeling well.
Phoebe: Want me to go there?
Me: No. No need. Enjoy the party. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Phoebe: Okay. But call me if you need anything.
Me: I will. Thanks.
Phoebe: TTYL
I set the phone on my nightstand, and stripped off the dress. I hid it, in case Molly saw it and recognize it. I didn’t want her knowing I was there—even if it were likely she would know soon enough.
I slipped into my pajamas and under my covers. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine a green pasture under a warm sun. Preta and Midnight running free, playing with each other, while I laughed, happy to see them happy. Then Garrett stepped into my daydream.
“Bia, wait,” he said, reaching for me.
The simple thought of him touching me, resting his hand on my arm, sent a waved of heat through my core. I recoiled in my bed, aching for more than a kiss, but knowing it couldn’t happen. The kiss couldn’t have happened.
I dragged my hand over my belly and under my panties. Reliving the moment we shared at the ball, I touched myself, imagining it was Garrett’s hands on me instead of mine. My heart rate sped up; my breathing came out into little rasps. Heat swarmed in me and my belly clenched. I was about to come, and I knew I would scream his name when I did.
The door opened and Molly stumbled in, giggling.
My hands stilled and the heat seeped out of my body. She didn’t even look my way while she changed from her skimpy costume to her pajamas, tripping over her feet several times.
Groaning, I rolled to the side, giving her my back, and tucked my hands under my pillow, hating her for interrupting such a glorious daydream.
Chapter Seveteen
Frustration, disappointment, and even anger simmered in my chest, and I fought the urge to scream every few seconds. If I was feeling bad about everything that was happening, now that I had kissed Garrett and he had recognized me, I felt much worse. Why, meu Deus, why was I so weak? Why did I throw myself at him? After all I went through to make him believe I wasn’t like that.
On Thursday and Friday, I avoided being out of my dorm. I only left to go to classes and grab food. On Saturday and Sunday, I thought I would have to tie myself up so I wouldn’t go to the ranch.
Maybe it was silly, avoiding the ranch because Garrett and I had kissed, but I couldn’t get past it. How was I supposed to face him? What could I say? I hadn’t heard any new rumors yet, but that didn’t mean there weren’t any.
It was silly, and it made me anxious and agitated. What the hell was I supposed to do with myself? Study. I could study. I hadn’t done well with my midterms, I was sure, and it wouldn’t hurt to start prepping early for final exams. However, each time I sat down and started reading my books, my mind zoned out. My thoughts flew across everything and anything, except whatever was written on the pages before me.
Finally, on Sunday evening, I gathered the courage to leave the room and take a walk off campus. I wasn’t much of a reader, but with nothing better to do, I wandered inside a bookstore and stopped by a shelf with plenty of books with horses on the cover. I fingered through some, trying to find out if they were fiction or non-fiction.
“If it isn’t the Brazilian girl.” Jonah stopped by my side.
I cringed and glanced at him. “What are you doing here?”
He leaned on the shelf, turning his torso to me, and smiled. “I was walking to the bar across the street with the guys when I saw you entering the bookstore. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see you.”
I put the book I was holding back on the shelf and stepped back. “Um, you just saw me. Now you can go.”
“How about you come to the bar with me? Let me buy you a drink while we talk. You never gave me the opportunity to actually sit down and talk.” He reached over and ran his finger up my arm. “To get to know each other.”
I stepped back once more, out of his reach. “I’m not interested.”
He held my gaze. “I promise you. Give me five minutes. I’ll make you interested.”
What did a girl have to do to make a guy give up? Sighing, I walked away. I actually had hope he would let me go, but hope was a fickle thing. Jonah caught up with me as I stepped outside the bookstore.
He halted in front of me. “Okay, let me ask you a question. Why don’t you want to give me five minutes of your time? What is it that makes you say no to me? Not to sound vain, but I know I’m not hard on the eyes, I’m rich, I’m smart, and I like to think I’m a good friend. I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to at least try to get to know me.”
That was my answer. His arrogance. And Audrey. I really, really wanted to stay far away from her, and if that meant never being friends with Jonah, I was okay with that.
“Goodbye, Jonah.” I whirled around and started walking away.
“I’ll see you soon, Brazilian girl,” he said.
I really hoped he didn’t.
***
The sun was warm, but not enough against the chill of the second weekend of November. I pulled my turtleneck over my chin and tugged my jacket tighter against me.
An older woman sat beside me. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” she asked, touching her pearl necklace. “If it was a few degrees warmer, it would be perfect.”
I watched the bright green field before us. Leo had emailed me a VIP pass so I could sit in one of the fancy chairs right in front of the field. This club wasn’t as fancy as the one my brothers and cousin played for, but it looked bigger. The people walking around, talking to friends, and searching for their places were well dressed.
I looked down at my clothes. A thin sweater and jacket, black slacks, and black boots—unfortunately, these weren’t cowboy ones. During the summer, I usually wore dresses to these events, but when it was chilly like today, I wouldn’t dare leave my legs bare. Who cared if I was a bit underdressed? Surely, not me.
“It is. A great day,” I said.
The truth was that I felt anxious and frustrated. I had managed to avoid the ranch since the Halloween Ball ten days ago, and Jonah since the encounter at the bookstore last Sunday. It wasn’t easy though. Everything in me screamed to go to the ranc
h, even if I had to turn my back on Garrett and pretend he didn’t exist each time he came in the stable. However, I wasn’t that strong. Not anymore. My feelings had been all over the place, and with all my other problems, I would crumble if I pushed a little too hard. And facing him would be pushing too hard.
I almost went there this past Friday. I knew The Bat was having a mixer and Garrett was bound to be there—as well as Jennifer. The ranch would be Garrett-less, and I could use a couple of hours submerged in that world to forget the rest. Once again, my new fears won and I stayed in my room.
My phone dinged.
Leo: Where are you?
Me: Already seated.
Leo: What? Why aren’t you with us?
Me: I better wait until after the game.
Leo: Because of our father?
Me: Yes. If we argue again, it’ll weigh on you guys and I don’t want to ruin your game.
Leo: This isn’t a tournament.
Me: I don’t care. You have to win anyway.
Leo: No pressure, huh?
Me: None at all. Boa sorte.
Leo: Obrigado.
I pocketed my phone and it dinged again. However, this time it wasn’t Leo.
Tom: Where is my coffee and my donuts?
Me: Sorry, Tom. I can’t come today.
Tom: You didn’t come last weekend either. What did Garrett do?
I smiled, but it was a sad little effort. If only he knew.
Me: I’m out of town, actually.
Tom: Everything okay?
Me: Yeah. My brothers and cousin are playing in Denver.
Tom: Yeah, I remember now. Garrett mentioned the polo game.
Me: Yeah.
Tom: Well, have fun, and come visit me soon.
I wouldn’t make any promises.
Me: Bye.
I was pocketing my phone again when my family strolled to the other side of the field. The guys saw me and waved. I waved back.
The woman beside me looked at me. “Do you know them?”
“Yes,” I said, suddenly proud. “I’m their sister.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
Not long after, the game started, and, as I expected, Montenegro won by a landslide.
Breaking Fences (The Breaking Series) Page 15