by Dawn Kinzer
“Sarah, you still can. Everything is out in the open now. I have no more secrets. I swear.” He sounded so hopeful.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “You’ve been loyal to me. For that I’ll always be grateful. But even though you didn’t join Rebecca in her plan, you still betrayed me. I can forgive you because I know you were placed in a difficult position, and you admitted to your part in all of this, but I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
“What if I publically confess, Sarah, and put an end to the lies? Would you trust me then?”
chapteR FORTY-TWO
The impromptu church council meeting took Peter by surprise. The last time Ole called them together, Peter was confronted with tales of his misconduct with Sarah. Whatever the reason for this gathering, it couldn’t be any worse.
He slid into a chair at the square table already occupied by six council members and two guests to his immediate left—William, then Sarah.
A blistering sensation filled Peter’s chest at seeing them together. He caught Sarah’s eye and raised his shoulders, hoping she’d give some indication why they were there. She opened her mouth, but seemed to change her mind, and focused her attention on Ole.
“Mr. Reed, you asked to meet with us.” Ole leaned forward and laid clasped hands on the table. “You got somethin’ important to share regarding the rumors concerning Sarah and the reverend?”
What could Will possibly have to say? Did he intend to damage their reputations even further? No, Peter needed to deflate his imagination. Will cared too much for Sarah to intentionally hurt her.
Silence draped the room like wet, heavy snow.
“Yes, sir.” Will glanced at Sarah. She gave a slight nod and an encouraging smile, as though they shared a secret.
Peter’s head throbbed. What was going on? He rubbed sweaty palms on his thighs.
Will looked straight at Ole sitting across the table. “I’ve come to apologize and clear Sarah and the reverend of any wrong-doing.”
“We’re listening.” Ole eyed him back and rubbed his jaw.
Will scanned the rest of the group, but avoided Peter’s eyes before settling back on Ole. Peter clenched his teeth. If Will came to exonerate them, why wouldn’t he look Peter in the eye? What was he hiding?
“Yesterday in the store...” Will took a deep breath. “I overheard Rebecca Hoyt confess to starting the rumor that Reverend Caswell and Sarah were having an affair. Sarah, Clara Boyle, and several other customers were also there.”
Council members murmured their shock.
“Rebecca? We’ve known her our entire lives. How could she think...?” Peter sat stunned. Rebecca said he’d regret his decision to no longer enlist her help with Mary, but he never imagined this. To go so far with revenge as to attempt destroying not only his, but Sarah’s reputation. She hadn’t done anything to warrant that kind of wrath. Righteous anger simmered in his gut.
“Millie heard it.” Matthew Kahl’s statement stilled the room. “She told me last night at supper. I was going to say something myself, but Ole called this meeting before I got a chance.”
Even after discovering the truth, Sarah had kept her distance. Peter’s throat burned. Had he truly lost her? His eyes attempted to catch her gaze—to grasp any reassurance.
“I’m confused, Mr. Reed.” Ole scratched his head. “Why would a respected woman and member of this church be involved in such a devious thing?”
“Rebecca saw Reverend Caswell and Sarah embrace in front of his home early one morning. That part is true. But Rebecca didn’t know Sarah stayed the night with Mary, alone. The reverend had just arrived after being out at your farm all night.”
Ole leaned in closer. “The night that Frank died?”
“Yes.” Will studied his hands for a moment, then looked up. “Rebecca observed an innocent exchange. Sarah was only trying to comfort Peter. But Rebecca took it out of context without seeking the truth.”
“That’s a serious accusation. Rebecca Hoyt has been a teacher in the community and member of our congregation since she was born.” Ole’s solemn tone hinted at how much it hurt him to hear Will’s story.
“I know, sir. But I believe Rebecca’s feelings for the reverend and jealousy of Sarah made her lash out.”
Ole’s wrinkled forehead furrowed even more. “But, Mr. Reed, why do you feel the need to apologize?”
“Because...” Will’s face turned the shade of fresh blood. “Because Rebecca asked me to help perpetuate the rumors.”
“You knew the whole time?” The spirited Peter of his youth kicked back his chair and lunged. He grabbed Will’s shirt at the collar with both hands, and pulling up, forced him to stand eye to eye.
“Peter! Stop!” Sarah’s frightened voice rang in his ears.
Matthew, who sat next to Peter, jumped up and laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got a right to be angry, but scuffling isn’t the answer.”
Peter didn’t let go. “You pretended to be our friend! Why didn’t you say something? This whole mess could have been avoided if you’d come forward!” Will’s silence had soiled Peter’s character, but even worse, it harmed Sarah’s.
Matthew’s grip tightened on Peter’s shoulder. “C’mon, let him go.”
Peter stared into eyes filled with regret, and felt Will’s body slacken. No blows would be exchanged.
“He’s here to help, Peter.” Sarah sounded desperate. “Will came here without anyone pressuring him, including me. It was his decision—at risk of damaging his own standing. We should be thankful.”
With his heart racing and his breathing heavy, Peter released his grasp and slumped into his chair. He couldn’t look at Sarah. He’d already heard the disappointment in her voice. He didn’t need to glimpse it in her eyes.
Will dropped into his own chair and adjusted his shirt collar.
“I’m sorry.” Peter rubbed his knuckles. “It won’t happen again.”
“Make sure it doesn’t.” Ole’s voice commanded Peter’s attention. “We understand your frustration with the situation, but fighting isn’t going to help. Just because you only wear a clerical collar on Sundays doesn’t mean you’re excused from fulfilling your role the other days of the week.”
Peter gave a subtle nod. The reprimand stung, but Ole was right in putting Peter in his place.
A glass of water sat in front of each attendee. Will gulped his down dry, then clutched the empty glass on the table in front of him.
“Go on, Will.” Sarah’s soft voice held compassion.
How could she sound so sympathetic toward him? How could she defend someone who’d betrayed her?
“Rebecca asked me to help spread the story.” Will massaged his reddened throat where Peter had clutched his shirt. “She believed two people would do a better job than one. I refused. But she threatened to disclose something personal about me to someone I care about—something that would hurt our relationship—if I told anyone about her plan. So, I didn’t do anything to stop her. For that, I am truly sorry, and I’m ashamed it took me this long to tell the truth.” Will took a deep breath and exhaled. “I don’t know the reverend very well, but Sarah is a good and caring person. I don’t want her to continue being hurt by these false accusations. She doesn’t deserve it.”
Sarah leaned over and squeezed Will’s hand. “Thank you, Will.”
A miracle just happened—he and Sarah were absolved of any wrongdoing, but all energy drained from Peter and he became numb. Convinced he’d distanced himself because of not wanting to hold Sarah back from her dreams, the harsh truth hit him in the gut. Fear of losing his precious integrity and reputation kept him away.
He should have loved her enough to stand up for her—fight for her—for them. But Will had humbled himself before her and the rest of the men in the room, including Peter. Shame at his failure cloaked Peter like a cape made from heavy, thick chains.
“We all owe you our thanks for clearing things up. You did a good thing by coming here.” Ole’s
tone exhibited his kind and forgiving nature. “But now how do we handle the situation?” His eyebrows lifted as he eyed the group. “Matthew? Timothy? Carl?”
“This information needs to be shared with the congregation.” Matthew’s crystal-blue eyes were as clear as his clean-cut statement.
Timothy leaned forward on the table. “Rebecca made a terrible mistake, and the truth needs to come out, but our faith teaches grace. It wouldn’t feel so forgiving if we got up in front of everyone and crucified her.”
Peter bit his tongue. The human part of him wanted public retribution, but revenge never honored God. Peter would forgive Rebecca—just not today.
“I think the best way to handle it is to explain this Sunday that someone has come forward with the facts, and that after fully reviewing them, Reverend Caswell and Sarah have been absolved of any impropriety.” Ole leaned back in his chair. “If Rebecca had come to us with her concerns, this entire mess could have been avoided. But that’s not what happened, and the end result is that she’s also hurt herself. With people overhearing her confession in the store, it won’t be long before the whole town knows that she started the rumors.” Ole glanced around the room. “We can set an example of grace by speaking to her privately about the matter. If she’s truly sorry for the harm she’s done, forgiveness must be offered.”
“I’m still her pastor. It’s my responsibility to go.” Peter wanted to hear from her own lips what she’d done and why. He needed to hear that she regretted her decision to tell lies.
Sarah laid her palms on the table. “I think she believed she was protecting Peter. The one she wanted to hurt was me. I’ll talk to her.”
“I understand your eagerness to get answers—both of you,” Ole said. “But I think it’s best you don’t approach her just yet. I’ll take it upon myself to visit and have a private conversation with Rebecca, but I’d like one council member to go with me.”
“I’ll do it,” Timothy piped up.
“Everyone agree?” Heads nodded. “It’s settled then.” Ole stood. He shuffled over to Peter and extended his hand. “It’s a good day, isn’t it?”
“It is,” Peter said, gripping his friend’s hand. He had a lot to make up for, but he hoped Sarah would give him another chance. Maybe if he shook hands with Will and thanked him. He hated to admit it, but Peter owed the man.
Peter gave Ole a nod good-bye and turned to see Sarah strolling toward the door with William. “Mr. Reed?”
Sarah and Will both turned, questions in his eyes, distrust in hers.
“Can I have a few minutes?”
Sarah laid her hand on Will’s arm, as though to stop any response or movement. “The ordeal is over, Peter. There’s nothing more to be said.”
chapteR FORTY-THREE
It’s so peaceful here.” Sarah inhaled the crisp autumn air. Fallen leaves swirled around her feet. The water below reflected the burnt orange, saffron, and crimson display on the wooded bluff across the river. A breeze carried the smell of burning foliage.
“It is.” Alice settled into a chair next to Sarah on the porch. “But I’ve found that peace isn’t dependent on what’s going on around us as much as what’s going on inside of us.”
“I’ll try to remember that while getting used to living in the city.” She rubbed her chilled arms and pulled her wool shawl around her shoulders. “Will and I leave for Milwaukee on Monday morning. I’ll work at the store tomorrow, then pack on Sunday.”
“Only a few days and you’ll be on your way.”
Sarah would soon leave Riverton behind, something she’d dreamed of for years. Why then did she find herself humming at the prospect one moment, and the next wanting to curl up and cry?
“My grandmother is having a hard time getting used to the idea, but it’s probably better that Will’s father asked him to return several weeks earlier than originally planned. A prolonged good-bye could make things even more difficult for her.” And me...
Their relationship still felt strained, but Sarah didn’t want to begin a new life and adventure with ill feelings between them. For several days, Sarah prayed for God to soften her heart. Then one night, after another long conversation with Gram, Sarah believed her grandmother was truly remorseful for keeping Sarah’s mother’s whereabouts and letters secret, and she was able to forgive.
“George and I are going to miss you. A number of people will.” Alice’s sincerity warmed Sarah. “I know things were difficult for a while because of gossip, but I hope that’s changed.”
“Some people have been overly nice and apologetic these past two weeks. I’m grateful one of the council members gave a simplified version of what happened to the congregation. He just said several people came forward with the truth.”
Sarah hadn’t realized the burden and shame she carried until the scandal was dispelled. But joy still mixed with sorrow. The lies had cost her and Peter a future together.
Humbling himself in order to clear up the mess made a huge difference in Sarah’s ability to start trusting Will again. Mr. Carter had become aware of the ongoing gambling problem. How could he not in a town the size of Riverton? That knowledge contributed to Will and his father agreeing to an earlier return to Milwaukee than originally planned. Will had acknowledged that he not only needed to quit gambling, he desired to stop—a good start.
“If it weren’t for Will...”
“Yes, thank goodness he finally came forward. And now you’ve agreed to work as a store clerk for his father.” Alice opened her mouth, then closed it, seeming to give thought to her next words. “Sarah, at our Fourth of July picnic, I mentioned that Will was drawn to you, but his feelings have moved beyond attraction. He loves you.”
Sarah clenched her hands in her lap. She knew how he felt. He’d been honest with her all along, but she’d hoped his affection toward her had gone unnoticed by others. “He’s shared his feelings with you?”
“Not in words, exactly. But, it’s obvious, even to George.” Alice’s caring eyes searched Sarah’s. “But what do you feel for him? I don’t want either of you to step into a situation where one or both will end up hurt.”
“Alice, I assure you that I care very much for Will as a friend. Nothing more. I’ve painfully explained that to him many times, and I think he’s finally accepted it. I plan to work at his father’s establishment only until I can start a new life of my own.” Sarah wanted Alice to understand. “It’s not that I haven’t enjoyed working in the Home Store. I’ve appreciated the opportunity, and you and Mr. Carter have been so good to me. It’s just that I need...more.”
Alice gave a knowing smile. “This new life you speak of. What is it that you want?”
“I’m not sure. But there are several orphanages in the city. I’ll start there and offer my services as a volunteer.”
A charcoal-gray cat scampered up the steps to the porch and leapt onto Alice’s lap. “Ahh, Smoky. You’ve come visiting again.” Alice ran her hand along the animal’s back. The cat stretched, nestled down, and purred. “And Peter?”
Sadness draped Sarah like slippery silk, cool and difficult to control. “Now that rumors have been put to rest, people are flocking to services again. Standing room only, from what I’ve heard.” It seemed the scandal’s exposure increased interest in hearing what he had to say.
“That’s not what I was asking.”
Sarah fingered the empty locket hanging around her neck. “Too much damage has been done. I don’t think it’s possible to find our way back to each other.”
Alice tilted her head. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” How could one simple word—three letters—finalize a decision affecting one’s entire life? But hadn’t the door to her heart been closed and bolted from the inside? Sarah wouldn’t risk being hurt again.
“You know, offering forgiveness isn’t just about making the other person feel better. Sometimes we need to do it for ourselves.”
***
The light shining from the hallway through th
e open door cast shadows onto the papered bedroom walls.
“Mary, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Peter hunched down on the edge of his daughter’s bed. “You should have been asleep an hour ago.”
Curled up, her head peeking above the covers, Mary sniffed. “I’ve been a bad girl.”
“Oh, honey, come here.” Peter wrapped a blanket around Mary to keep her warm and slipped her onto his lap. He grabbed the edge of the blanket and wiped her damp cheeks. “When Aunt Ellie brought you home tonight, she said you and your cousins had a good day.”
“I hided the bad thing.” Mary’s chin quivered as tears spilled down her face. “Grace—won’t—want to be my friend anymore.”
“Grace loves you. I’m sure you haven’t done anything that would make her stop.” Peter held Mary against his chest and caressed her hair.
Female emotions. And she was only four. There were bound to be tougher years ahead.
“Tell me what happened, Mary,” he whispered.
“We played dolls in Grace’s room, but she never lets me have Amy.”
“Amy?”
“Amy is her favorite.” Mary rubbed her nose. “Grace wanted a drink of water so she went to the kitchen, but I didn’t. I tried to put a pretty dress on Amy, but her head came off.” Mary’s face scrunched up and a fresh flood of tears escaped. “I broke her.”
“Was Grace angry?”
Mary shook her head. “I throwed Amy under the bed so Grace wouldn’t see.”
“Oh...” The problem had just become more complicated. “When I take you back to the farm tomorrow, you need to tell Grace what happened.”
“But she’ll be mad.”
“If she sees that you’re really sorry, maybe she’ll understand. But even if she’s upset, I think she’ll feel better if you talk to her than if she finds the broken doll by herself. You didn’t mean to break Amy or hurt Grace’s feelings.” Just like he never meant to hurt Sarah.