Klubocks’ puppy began to bark. A car was pulling into the driveway. “Goddamn that Sonny,” she muttered, hurrying into the kitchen. Well, this was it. From now on, if he wanted to talk, he could call.
“Hello, Marie,” Sam said when she opened the door. “I just wanted to say goodbye to Alice.” His face was a shocking red, his cheeks and the bridge of his nose mottled with blistery broken blood vessels. His thin yellow-tinged hand trembled as he held out a small white box tied with red ribbon. “This is for her.”
From the next step down, Renie grinned up at the two of them.
“You should have called,” she said. “We’re running late as it is.”
“Well, I…I was going to.” He swallowed hard and shook his head, and, in the old way of knowing, she understood how for days he had wanted to, planned to, tried to, but then could not bring himself to even lift the phone, much less make the commitment.
“We just thought we’d stop,” Renie explained. “On our way to Waterbury. I’m riding Sam up. He’s going to stay awhile. The state hospital. He called and made himself all the arrangements,” Renie said with a proud nod at Sam, whose modest grin saddened and wearied her.
“We can only stay a minute,” Renie said. “Sam’s got a nine-o’clock appointment.”
She invited them in, and they sat at the table. Renie couldn’t stop smiling.
“That there Bendix is quite a machine,” she heard him telling Sam as she hurried up to get Alice. She’d be down when she was ready, she called from her room; and at her sovereign tone, Marie’s hand shot to the doorknob. No. She would be patient. Today there would be no outbursts. She came down and sat at the table with them. Renie’s eyes gleamed as he ate banana bread and bragged about the store. Mr. Cushing was turning the entire second floor over to Renie’s housewares department. A lot of the old managers were jealous, but Mr. Cushing said they were all a bunch of crones and Renie wasn’t to worry because it was time for new blood and new ideas. “And that’s one good thing about me. I always have new ideas,” Renie was saying.
Sam drank a glassful of water. He kept glancing up at the clock. There were sores on his mouth and his knuckles were scabbed. She tried not to look at the pulsing blue vein in his right temple. Cushing’s was already planning their Christmas promotion. “A Winter Wonderland of Value,” Renie said, eating the crumbs from his napkin. He helped himself to a third slice.
Sam was biting his lip. He kept taking deep breaths, then gulping when he tried to swallow.
“There’s going to be a Santa Claus on every floor, and not only that, but out in the parking lot, real reindeer. Well, for the opening day, that is. That’s going to be really something! You ever seen a real reindeer?” he asked Marie.
“Well, yes. Deer, they’re all around in the woods.” She didn’t dare look at Sam.
“Oh!” Renie nodded. “Oh yah. That’s right. Reindeer, they’re like deer, the same, huh? I don’t know, I was thinking they weren’t really real, I guess, because of Rudolph and Santa Claus.”
She and Sam looked at each other.
“Ain’t he something?” Sam said, chuckling. “That’s why I’m on my way to the nuthouse. Renie! He finally did it. He pushed me over the edge.”
“No, now tell her the real reason, Sam.” Renie smiled at her. “Sam’s made up his mind. He doesn’t ever want to drink again. And this time he means it.”
“That’s right,” Sam said with his wry half-smile. “This time I mean it. Not like last time, or the time before that, or all those other times.” He was still looking at her. “Believe me, this time I mean it.” He closed his eyes and laughed. “Oh do I ever!”
She studied a jagged hangnail.
“I think that’s great, just great.” Renie patted Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t you?” he asked, but she had gotten up to see what was keeping Alice. She ran upstairs again and opened the door. Alice was sitting on her bed reading a book. She was dressed in her new olive-green corduroy dress. “What are you doing?” And the minute she said it, she knew the answer. “He has to leave. He only has a few minutes.”
“I’ll be right down,” Alice said, without looking up. “Tell him I’m almost ready.”
Sam and Renie had said goodbye and were on their way out the door when Alice finally came downstairs.
“Oh don’t you look beautiful,” Renie said, holding out his arms when he saw her, then quickly hugged himself.
“I wanted to say goodbye, pet, and wish you good luck,” Sam said. He handed her the box.
“She’s gonna love them,” Renie told Marie as Alice opened the box.
“Thank you,” Alice said with a nervous little laugh. “They’re beautiful.”
“Look close,” Renie said, reaching to take the fountain pen from the box. “See on this hook thing here, it’s got your initials. AMF in that old English. Both pens got it. Real classy, huh?”
“Yes.” Alice smiled at him. “Thank you, Uncle Renie.”
“Oh don’t thank me. Thank your dad here. He’s the one giving you such a nice present. Me, I’m only the driver here.”
Alice smiled.
“That’s the troot!” Renie said. “I mean, the troot. The truth.”
“Aw she knows, Renie,” Sam said with a sad chuckle. “My little girl knows all about me, don’t you, pet?” He pulled her close and hugged her, looking over her head at Marie. “I just want you to know how proud I am. I’m so proud of you,” he said, looking at Marie, who stared back at him.
Marie had taken two wrong turns and had ended up ten miles from campus.
“What time is it?” she asked again.
“Eleven-twenty,” Alice said.
“Oh God.” She drove so fast the car began to shimmy.
Alice’s dorm was on Redstone campus, about a mile from the main campus. The circular road was backed up, so they waited in the long line of idling cars. Ahead, in front of the dorms, mothers and fathers were unloading their station wagons, carrying in suitcases and trunks. Boxes, pictures, and bulletin boards were stacked on the walkways. Alice’s things were in grocery bags, which Marie thought would be easier to manage than boxes. She hadn’t considered all these people seeing them carrying in paper bags.
“Two Gypsies, that’s what we’ll look like,” she muttered, but Alice didn’t say anything. The line was moving ahead. Alice had mentioned a trunk, but Marie had said no, and now she could see that everyone had trunks. Damn it, why did she always give in so easily? If she wanted a trunk, why not make sure she got one? If she couldn’t pull something as simple as that off, how the hell was she going to make it on her own?
“There’s no place to park,” Alice said as they inched closer to the dorms.
“That’s because we’re late, damn it. You should have come right down when I told you your father was there.”
“We’re not late.”
“Oh, okay! Then why can’t we find a parking spot?”
“Because they all got here early,” Alice said, her eyes darting at everyone.
“Story of my life!” Marie sighed. “A day late and a dollar short.” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.
Alice stared out the window. “I don’t believe it. I’m the only one in a dress.”
“Well, don’t blame me. That was your decision.”
“I know that, Mom. I’m not blaming you,” Alice said, glancing at her.
The bottleneck was caused by a large panel truck parked in front of the second dorm. It blocked part of the narrow road.
“God,” Marie said as a car ahead stopped and all four doors flew open. Four girls jumped out, and instead of waiting for a parking space they ran around to unload the trunk. Marie watched a group of women greeting one another on the sidewalk. “Look at all the mothers. They’re all so dressed up.” She felt drab and small and sweaty.
“No, they’re not, they’re just…” Alice’s voice trailed off.
Just better dressed than you, Marie completed the thought. In bright colors, s
oft and pretty swishy skirts, with husbands to do the hauling and lifting.
The girls slammed the empty trunk shut and the car pulled out. The two cars directly ahead parked at either side, one on the left and one on the right, leaving just a narrow passage between them.
“Look, they’re twins,” Alice said pointing to two redheads. Each was unloading a car. “There’s a spot!” Alice pointed to a blue car that was pulling out from behind the panel truck.
Marie eased ahead, trying to inch between the cars. Staring blindly ahead, she didn’t dare look to either side, making her way on hope and the certainty that nothing could happen now. Not when she had come this far, gotten this close.
“Hey, lady!” someone called, and she hit the brake. They both jerked forward, and Alice groaned. “What do you think you’re doing?” a burly young man called from one of the parked cars. “You’re not gonna make it!”
“Then why don’t you move? It’s not fair to block everything just because you’ve got two cars.”
“Mom!” Alice said.
“It’s not my fault,” the young man said. “It’s that joker up there with the truck. He’s taking up all the spaces.”
“Mom! Why can’t we just wait?” Alice hissed, her pinched white fearfulness the prod Marie needed.
No. Alice had better learn right here and now that waiting never got anyone anywhere. Besides, now all she wanted was to get out of here as soon as possible. There were too many people watching, and behind them the line of cars was growing longer. “I can make it!” The engine was idling so fast that just lifting her foot from the brake bucked the car forward.
“No, you can’t!” the young man insisted, and she hit the brake, jerking them again. He angled his head to see. “One more inch and you’ll hit my fender!”
Neither of the cars flanking her could be moved. The one on the left abutted a stone wall, and the one on the right was against the curb.
“Mom, please!” Alice groaned, eyes wide, fists clenched in her lap. “Everyone’s looking. Why are you doing this to me? I feel like such a fool. I can’t even breathe.”
She couldn’t back up, and she couldn’t go forward. And she couldn’t even open the door to get out. Somewhere in the long line behind them a car blared its horn. The young man hurried in a half trot toward the entrance to the circle, where he directed each car to back up.
Up ahead, the door of the truck opened. The driver jumped out and was walking toward them with a bouquet of roses.
“I don’t believe it,” Alice said in a low voice.
It was Blue Mooney in dark-green coveralls. He waited on the sidewalk while Marie backed up, and the car on the right pulled partially onto the sidewalk to let her by.
“This isn’t happening,” Alice said. “I know it isn’t. Any minute now, I’m going to wake up.”
When Marie parked behind the truck, Mooney opened Alice’s door.
“Happy First Day of College,” he said, handing her the roses. Their fragrance filled the car.
Alice seemed to bury her face in them.
“Movin’-in day, right? So I brought my crew,” he said, with a wave toward an unshaven man in a soiled undershirt that did not cover his hairy belly and a tall skinny tattooed fellow with cigarettes behind both ears. They nodded and the tall fellow waved good-naturedly. “Hello, Mrs. Fermoyle,” Blue called in. “You and Alice don’t have to lift a finger. All we need’s the room number.” He squatted down with his hands over the door, grinning at her.
“That’s awfully nice of you, but people don’t do that,” Alice said softly.
“I know, but I just thought you’d like it. You know, kind of classy having your own crew. Movin’-in day and you got your own crew,” he said as if she weren’t getting it. He gave a high uneasy laugh. With her silence, he winced. “But it’s weird, huh?” He glanced back at the families hurrying in and out of the dorms. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. Them two can go get a coffee, and I’ll unload you myself like I’m your big brother or something. Without the monkey suit even,” he said, unfastening his top button.
“That’s a good i—” Marie started to say. With his help they’d have this over in no time and then she’d be on her way. Maybe she’d even get in a few hours at the store.
“No, that’s okay, Blue. Really. It’s one of those things, you know, you just do with your mother. What I mean is, I always looked forward to this…. I always pictured us doing this together. She even took the day off so we could do it,” she said, gesturing back at Marie.
“Yah, I did,” Marie said, pleased to hear Alice finally acknowledge her effort in getting the time off. “But I’m going to make it up tomorrow,” she added, though no one was listening.
“Hey!” Blue said, cocking his finger at them. “I get it! It’s a family thing, right?”
“Yah,” Alice said, and then she thanked him for the roses. “They’re beautiful,” she said.
“You really like them? For a minute I didn’t know if that was weird, too. I kept looking around, but nobody else has any bouquets.”
Alice laughed. “No, just me. I’m the luckiest one here.”
“Hey!” he said, taking a step back. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll come by one of these nights and we’ll go for a ride.” He laughed. “And I promise, no truck and no crew. I’ll come dressed like a real college guy.” He looked around. “Yah, and I’ll get some of those what do you call them, those shorts.”
“Bermudas,” she said under her breath as he strutted toward the truck on his high-heeled boots. She laughed nervously as he drove off. They got out of the car and opened the trunk.
“He was just trying to be nice,” Marie said.
“I know,” Alice said, taking out two bags.
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone like that around if you need help.”
“If I need help,” Alice said as they carried the bags up the front walk, “I’ll just call you, Mom.”
She had been to the freshman parents’ meeting in the chapel while Alice registered at the Waterman Building.
“Tuition,” she said, when Alice asked what the meeting had been about. She didn’t tell her that moments after sitting down in the warm back pew with the dust-moted sunlight streaming through the tall leaded windows, she had fallen sound asleep, not waking until a man nudged her so he could get by.
Now there was a picnic on the green. Since they hadn’t thought to bring a blanket, they stood under one of the graceful elms with their fruit punch and chicken salad sandwiches.
“We’re the only ones standing,” Alice said.
“No, we’re not.”
“Yes, we are! Come on, we can sit on the grass.” Alice started to sit down.
“No! I don’t feel like it. I want to stand.” She had just realized that they were the only two women who were alone. What she wanted to do was leave. She hated things like this, hated all the false camaraderie and cheer.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Alice said, getting up and leaning against the tree. “Why do we have to be the only ones standing?”
“Well, why don’t you put your beanie on, then, like everyone else?”
“What’s a beanie got to do with whether we stand up or sit down?” Alice asked.
“Well, you want to be so different. You don’t want to be like everyone else. So we might as well just stand.” There, she thought, relieved to have found some logic, some basis for this baffling rage.
Alice smiled with wide, apprehensive eyes. “I’m not trying to be different, Mom. I just think it’s weird, that’s all. But if you want me to wear one, then I will.” She removed the beanie from her orientation packet and put it on. She smiled and tilted her head as if posing. “Now can we sit down?”
Seeing the green felt beanie perched on Alice’s head made her feel worse. She had dreamed of this day, focused every effort toward this moment, and now all she felt was this terrible emptiness. Would anything ever be enough?
As soon as they sat down M
arie noticed a white-haired couple and a thin girl with glasses who were sitting nearby on a red tartan blanket.
“What are they looking at?” she hissed.
“Shh,” Alice said.
“They’re obviously talking about us.”
“Come on, Mom. Let’s just eat.”
Marie glanced down at her sweater. All her buttons were fastened. “What do they keep looking at?”
“Mom, please. You’re so nervous and now you’re making me nervous.”
“I’m not nervous!”
The girl got up and came over to ask if Marie and Alice would like to join her and her family.
“Thank you!” Alice said, immediately getting up. “That’s so nice.”
Marie looked at her, then rose slowly. She was relieved to see what mousy little people they were. Grandparents, Marie thought, as they introduced themselves. Maybe the girl’s parents were dead or divorced or maybe just plain lousy lowlife people and this cheery but plain couple were trying to fill the gap. As it turned out, Jean’s parents were an Army family stationed in Germany, and the grandparents had driven up with her from their home in Virginia. Both girls seemed relieved to be in each other’s company. Neither one had yet met her roommate. As it turned out they were both on Redstone campus, but in different dorms.
From there they walked together to the concert in the chapel. Jean and Alice strolled along in front while Marie bombarded the grandparents with a flurry of nervous questions so that they would have no time to ask any of her. When they got inside, she hung back to let them get ahead. But Alice hadn’t noticed and ended up sitting with Jean and her grandparents. Marie slipped into the familiar back pew, pinching her wrist and jiggling her foot to stay awake as the university string quartet played The Four Seasons, which she thought was the saddest music she had ever heard. By the end her eyes stung with tears and she bit her lip and tasted blood. What was happening? Hadn’t she looked forward to this day for years?
Songs in Ordinary Time Page 84