“Nothing.” Hell, this was embarrassing. Anger built to cover it. Fierce anger—with him for not being the person she’d wanted him to be. And with herself for being so naïve and silly to want so much more. “You can’t be what you’re not. You can’t give something you don’t want to give.”
“What don’t I want to give?”
“You’re not a commitment guy. Hell, caring for that dog is almost too much for you.”
He looked as angry as she felt now. “When did you get so bitter? Why so untrusting? This isn’t you, Lexie.”
“It is. I’ve grown up. I’m not the naïve girl I was. And I’m not going to be used.”
“And just who do you think is using who here?”
“We used each other. You were sore and bored and wanted entertainment while stuck at home. I was…horny.”
“That’s all you were? That’s all you wanted from me?”
“That’s all you ever want,” she sidestepped answering directly.
“Could your opinion of me be any lower?” He stared at her, his face pale. “You don’t like me. You just wanted someone to screw.” He turned away from her. “Go ahead then, Lexie. Leave.”
It only took five minutes to throw all her gear together, and she refused to feel bad. The only reason he’d wanted her was because he was bored and she was there. He’d seen more of her skin than ever before and he was a playboy who couldn’t resist. And she’d only wanted him because…well, she’d always wanted him. And she was such a fool.
…
Two hours later Dani frowned at her. “Are you sure you’re all right? You look really pale.”
“I’m fine.” If she had to keep this smile on much longer, her lips were going to bleed. “But Luke’s back now and can look after Mango.”
Dani frowned. “I can’t get over him hurting his knee. He’ll be so mad at himself. He can’t even walk Mango?”
Lexie didn’t think that was much of a problem. Mango didn’t have the legs to walk miles. She glanced over at Dani. She knew she really shouldn’t ask, but she wondered why it was that Luke had ended up with the lapdog. Why didn’t the model want the pooch in her purse anymore? “How did he end up with Mango anyway?” she asked. “Wasn’t he his ex’s dog?”
“Angela was going to put Mango down. Luke rescued him.” Dani’s fierce expression lightened. “He takes him to work every day. It’s ridiculous how attached he is to that dog.”
“She was going to put Mango down?” Lexie all but screeched.
“Yeah, I know. Total bitch. She’d gotten a big job overseas and didn’t want to bother with animal quarantine and all that. Mango was just an accessory to her. Actually, so was Luke. She used him. She’s not the first woman to have used Luke. You know he comes across all bulletproof, but he’s a complete softy inside.”
Lexie turned away so Dani couldn’t see her face. Softy? Luke? She was sure Dani had some sibling blind spot in there, but the facts about Mango spoke for themselves. Now she felt like the world’s biggest bitch. What Luke had said was right—she was bitter, totally untrusting. And to dump all that on him after one night? What had she expected? That the guy get down on bended knee?
Okay, so the fantasist in her would have loved that. She would have loved for Luke to love her. But he was perfectly within his rights not to. Maybe she should have given him a chance—gotten to know him again instead of jumping to conclusions. She could be more mature about it. She certainly could have been nicer instead of morphing into a psychotic shrew. He wasn’t all bad. She’d been colored by the jerk boyfriends in her past.
Back in Boston, Luke had been young and done as he was told. And he was allowed to like other women more than he did her. She owed the guy an apology. A big one. Hell, she’d even been cynical about his motives for the marathon. She didn’t like the person she’d become. Why had she let a bruised heart change her that way?
She’d been the one to go on about how she wasn’t a scaredy-cat anymore, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. She’d been too scared to even give him a chance. She was even more pathetic now than when she’d been a shy teen crippled by nerves. She had to apologize. And the worst thing was, any kind of chance at any kind of thing developing between them was totally blown. He probably thought she was psycho.
So how to go about it? Maybe she was better just escaping to Scotland as she’d planned and hoping she’d never see him again. But that was the old chicken in her. She was braver than that, right?
“I’ll only stay a day or so Dani, don’t worry.”
“You can stay as long as you need.”
No, she couldn’t.
She didn’t sleep that night on Dani’s couch. She tossed and turned, hating herself for being such a fool. For being so rude. And in the few moments she did start to sleep, she was overcome by hot memories—the feel of him, the way he’d held her. As if she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He’d treated her so well. He’d laughed with her, he’d played with her—but he’d also cared for her. He’d been shaking when he’d touched her—as though it was something he’d wanted forever.
Yeah. Lexie had some fantasy going and she was more than a little in love with the guy. That was real. And she’d messed it up so completely
“I’m going for a walk round Primrose Hill,” Lexie whispered to Dani early the next morning.
“Okay.”
She walked for a long time—three times around the small park. And then she noticed the figure coming toward her, slow but determined.
He was limping. He hadn’t shaved. He looked sore and tired and devastating.
“Dani said you were here. You don’t make it easy for me, Lexie.”
She quickly walked up to him but stopped a few feet away. Out of the touch zone. He wouldn’t want to touch her. “I’m really sorry about what a bitch I was. I had no right to talk to you that way yesterday. It was so rude of me.”
“No, I’m sorry. You were right. I’m spoiled and I like to play around. I did want you to entertain me while I was home. That’s totally true.” He took a step closer. “But I wanted more from you too.”
Silenced, nervous, she waited.
“Do you know what? I remember this girl who used to read my comics when she thought I wasn’t looking. She used to laugh at the pages I laughed at. She was so shy and I didn’t know how to get through to her.” He stepped closer and locked his arms around her.
“Why’ve you gone boa constrictor on me?” She could hardly breathe. But it was good.
“You keep running away. What else am I supposed to do? I need you to listen to me.”
She waited, but he didn’t speak. Instead he bent his head and kissed her. It was so damn unfair of him. He had no need for boa constrictor arms now—she was lax against him, hungry all over again. But it hurt.
“What’s with the running away?” he asked.
“You do this to me. So easily.”
“Do what?”
“Make me want you. Make me want so much with you.” This time she was honest. She bent her head, wincing inside at her weakness. He’d be gentle with her though, right? Let her down easily because he was more of a gentleman than she’d ever given him credit for.
He lifted her chin, angling her face so she had to lift her lashes and look directly at him again. “Why is that a problem?”
To her utter horror, stinging tears flooded her eyes. Damn, she was that silly, scared teenager all over again. “You were right. I am the same old scaredy-cat I was when I first went overseas. I’m sorry.”
His arms tightened for another second, and then relaxed. She knew she could push away from him if she wanted to.
“Lexie. I need you to give this a chance. This is special. You’re special to me.” He frowned. “I’d decided to stay away from you five minutes before you turned vixen on me. And I just lost it. Once I’d started, there was no stopping. Anything you offered I was going to take and I was going to ask for more. I want so much more from you, Lexie.
Not just sex.” He finally smiled. “Although it’s fair to say I want a lot of that too. The other night was spectacular, but it wasn’t enough. I thought it would be. I was wrong. I don’t want to have a fling with you. I want more. We are more. But then you acted all one-night-stand on me and it hurt. And some of what you said was right. That hurt too.”
“You only do temporary,” she countered, just as soft. Not wanting to be crushed any more than she already was. “You have millions of girlfriends. All temporary.”
“I don’t have millions of girlfriends.” He denied it strenuously. “I haven’t had the time. I went straight from my bachelor’s into my MBA and then straight into the firm. I’ve been too damn busy.”
“But you dated hundreds of girls in high school. Hundreds.”
“Hell, Lexie. You know why that was?” He laughed roughly. “I was trying to escape from you. From how much I wanted you. That six months I was a total man whore, yes I was. But it never worked. It was never great. It never worked and I grew out of it so quickly.”
“Not that quickly. You broke my heart so many times over.”
“You broke mine, too. You never looked at me again. I lived under the same roof as you. Complete torture. I had to try to forget you. I thought I had.”
He kissed her. Her senses lifted, soaring into the sky. It was familiar already, and yet there was so much more to explore with him.
“My heart feels a lot better now,” he said.
“Mine too,” she whispered.
“So,” he laughed, his brows waggling wickedly. “I have this month off from work. You have no job. What on earth are we going to do with our time?”
“Go on that big Ferris wheel again,” she said promptly “It’s a beautiful day—we might actually see something this time. I want to relax and enjoy the view.”
He glanced up at the sky. It was another gray day.
“So you’re going to trust me, Lexie? You’re going to say yes and stay with me? See where this takes us?”
She thought about it, about what she’d thought she knew and what she really knew. She’d jumped to conclusions—she’d been stupidly scared. She refused to let fear hold her back now. “Yes.”
Lexie knew it was no gamble. She had already won gold.
Acknowledgments
Thanks so much to my daily email buddies Nicola Marsh and Soraya Lane—you two keep me sane! Huge thanks to Liz for being such a fabulous editor. To the cover, publicity and copyediting teams at Entangled—thank you for helping get the trilogy looking good. And most of all, thanks to my wonderful husband who built me the best writing room in the world, and to my children for being such fun—I love you.
About the Author
USA TODAY bestseller Natalie Anderson writes fun, frisky, feels-good contemporary romance for Entangled Publishing and Harlequin Mills & Boon. With over twenty books published, she’s also been a Romantic Times Award nominee & a finalist for the R*BY (Romantic Book of the Year).
She lives in Christchurch, New Zealand with her husband, four children and what feels like a million ducks.
Find out more at her website http://www.natalie-anderson.com and be sure to sign up for her newsletter there as she often has subscriber only eTreats!
She’s also on Twitter @authornataliea and Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/authornataliea
Recent titles by Natalie Anderson:
BARGAIN IN BRONZE
SEDUCTION IN SILVER
GAMBLE IN GOLD
DATING AND OTHER DANGERS
WAKING UP IN THE WRONG BED
FIRST TIME LUCKY?
NICE GIRLS FINISH LAST
MELT
Bargain in Bronze Page 25