by D. R. Rosier
Andy didn’t really share their nights at all during the week, only on the weekends when they were off, and chose to stay in the small inn and tavern by the dungeon. Mostly because he wasn’t in their building.
Sophia groaned, “Evil woman, you’re cold.”
She giggled, and snuggled tighter, while she put an arm around her lover from behind and cupped her breast with her cool hands. She loved Sophia’s small perky breasts, they were a perfect handful, and extremely sensitive. They were also warm, her hand felt better already.
Sophia gasped, “Bitch!”
She giggled, “Love you too.”
She’d only meant the words playfully and teasingly, but Sophia stiffened slightly. She did love Sophia, as family, and as a sister cleric of the church, even as a lover, but in love? She still had no idea what that even meant, or what it’d feel like.
“What’s wrong? Besides my cold hands I mean.”
Sophia said, “Sorry, not you, well your hands are cold. Andy, I’ve been thinking about what he said to us a few days ago. What do you think about that, it’s weird right?”
She shrugged, and finally relented and moved her hand to Sophia’s tight sexy stomach, after she’d given one last teasing squeeze. She whispered a quick spell to give them privacy. She was the only one that could do that in the whole church, being an air mage as well as a light cleric. Technically, she was a dark mage as well, though she knew no spells for that. There were a few other dual affinities in the church, but none of the others had air, or a third.
“Not sure. Does it matter? The church won’t let us both marry him, and if we let him knock us up outside wedlock we’d be in deep shit. We’re also not allowed to leave the church, which means we’d have to flee the city and even the kingdom if we wanted to live with him and make babies anyway. I have no intention of doing any of that. The church is fucked up in a lot of ways, but we can’t fix it if we run, and it’s our home, not to mention the temple of Yphine is here. I care about him a lot, and you, might even love you both, but…”
She trailed off a moment, “Is this, what we have now, not loving and good enough? I have too many things to do to throw it all away, fixing things, and you know I heal once a week and do other charity stuff on the sly.”
Sophia’s hand settled on top of hers, and half entwined their fingers together against Sophia’s stomach.
“What we have now is beautiful and loving, but don’t you feel the urge at all to start a family? We’re still young, with centuries of life ahead of us, but eventually I’m going to want a family and children. That means we’ll lose each other, maybe not today, tomorrow, or even next year, but it will happen. I won’t cheat on my future husband, and I don’t believe you would either.”
Her stomach tightened and roiled at the thought of losing Sophia’s love, not just the shared physical pleasure, but the deep intimacy and safety she felt in Sophia’s arms. Her lover wasn’t wrong. She did want a family, it was just way down on her list of ambitions at the moment. She was far more focused on becoming a master cleric, and perhaps a master warrior as well in time. Other ambitions too, like as much reformation as she could possibly sneak in once she had a modicum of power, even though she doubted even now that would work all that well.
After all, she sincerely doubted her and Sophia were the first people to see inequity and corruption in the church and feel the ambition to fix it. Chances were they’d never see the master tomes of knowledge for their church.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t. What are you saying exactly?”
Sophia shrugged, “That I wouldn’t have to lose you at all, if there was a way to make that work.”
Her heart melted, and she laid a soft kiss on the back of Sophia’s neck. In love with Sophia and Andy or not, she was sure she’d be devastated if she lost either of them. Was that love, or just what was comfortable and familiar?
Her lover continued, “I think I might love Andy as well, it’s all confused with the physical relief and respect we started with. You know? We’re kind of fucked up.”
They were fucked up, sometimes she wondered if she was broken that way, but suspected she was just… damaged. Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to endure the touch of any man, like a few of the other adept females she knew. She’d always been strong, and as fucked up and inappropriate as it’d been, she never thought it was rape. Coercion, oily and evil even, but not rape. She’d said yes after all, over and over back when she was an initiate and apprentice, out of ambition and a desperate need to quench her libido after a long day of magic practice.
Even while she’d known it was wrong, her ambition and body had betrayed her, which really was what made her so dysfunctional. It was evil even, and a violation of a kind even if not rape, but she’d played her part in it. It was hard to separate that out from what she had with Sophia and Andy at times.
She snickered, “No doubt. Right now, we have other ambitions we’re putting first, so let’s just enjoy each other and Andy for now, if the time comes we decide they’ll never promote us to masters, we’ll reassess. I won’t leave our goddess, but who knows? Maybe there’s a way to take her with us?”
Sophia rolled over, their faces just an inch or two apart, their breasts mashed together, and her body tingled as Sophia caressed her face gently.
“I can do that, and most of me agrees, I just hope Andy understands.”
She replied, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow about it, after we train. We’ve probably put him off too long as it is, I hope he understands.”
Sophia nodded, “I don’t want to lose him, but right now we can’t make that move. Should I show up?”
She shrugged, “It wouldn’t hurt for you to be there.”
Sophia giggled, “We could always tag team his cock from our knees, he won’t even notice the rejection.”
She snorted, and spanked her lightly, “Wicked temptress.”
Sophia nodded in agreement.
It was a weekday, she had classes in the morning, dungeon training to oversee in the afternoon, and then her own paladin training with Andy in the evening. A busy day, but at least her schedule tomorrow wasn't unreasonable.
Then they kissed, and their talk was over, as soft touches, sweet kisses, and a slow rise to ecstasy took its place as they teased each other to completion. She felt warm, sated, and still a little confused despite that, as they fell into sleep.
“Control is more than mere concentration and focus. It is confident belief. You can be as focused as you want, but if you fear your spell will get away from you, it will. Controlling a spell is ten percent focus and knowledge, and ninety percent confidence and faith that you are in control. A tentative approach to spellcasting will always fail. Conversely, overconfidence is almost as bad. Control requires both the confidence and the level of focus and concentration a spell requires. The former without the latter, is just as bad as the reverse.
“You may ask me… How do you find this precious balance? That’s the easy part. We’ve already done it for you. The spells you learn will be rated by level in the books you study. The masters will assess you, your control, knowledge, and power, and you’ll know your ranking. If the spell requires a higher ranking, don’t try it. If it’s at your ranking or lower, you can be confident in your ability to cast it and control it. That requires trust. If you aren’t trusting of what your assessment says, you can’t be confident when you cast. That’s the trouble some of you will run into, but I’m telling you now we are very good at assessments, the church has been doing it for a very long time.
“Now, all of you are low level apprentices of the cleric discipline. I imagine you’re all very tired of creating and maintaining light spells all day, and then casting a simple offensive light spell to kill weak skeletons.”
She paused, and there was a bit of nervous laughter. Most of the students in the class were sixteen, two were seventeen, they’d gotten a late start.
“Well, your practice has paid off, you’ve been judged to have eno
ugh control over channeling your magic, and your concentration, to be considered an apprentice. We’re going to learn two new spells this week, healing, and shielding. Light shield spells work best against dark magic, but they will shield you from most magic at your level or below. Healing… is self-explanatory, but for those of you unsure you’ll be learning to heal wounds and broken bones, such as might be encountered in a dungeon dive. Healing disease is a journeyman level spell.
“You’ll also no doubt notice when we return to the dungeon, that your weak light attack spells to unravel the dark magic of the undead is quite a bit stronger. Some spells should never be overpowered, but some like the magical light attack spell grows in power as your magical strength, focus, and concentration grow. Any questions before you start studying those spells?”
Jason, one of the young clerics asked, “What about other spells?”
She nodded, “Once you’ve proved you can cast those two spells easily and consistently, you’ll be considered apprentice level two. After that, you’ll have unfettered access to the apprentice level library, and may learn whatever spells and techniques you find there. Healing and shielding are the only required spells for the apprentice levels, after that it’s what you feel comfortable doing. Every cleric needs those two spells, which is why they were chosen.”
There were no more questions, so she motioned for them to start studying the two scrolls. She took a seat, kept half an eye on her students, and let the rest of her mind wander. She was worried about later, she didn’t really feel like she was rejecting Andy at all, but she could see how he could and probably would think so.
There was no denying she was putting her career, ambitions, and her goddess ahead of him. At least, for the moment, and she would until she was sure her life ambitions to reach mastery were dead, without the possibility of the masters relenting and sharing the knowledge.
So many of her life goals rested on that, but she already feared they would never accept her as she was. She didn’t toe the line, and she hadn’t gotten married. Just that one thing probably doomed her ambitions, she wasn’t aware of any female masters who weren’t married, and even the married ones were mostly never given that permission.
Still, that was one price she wouldn’t pay. Even if she could marry Andy, she could never screw over Sophia that way. Either it was both of them, or neither, that much she was sure on, and no other men had her attention that way.
It wasn’t even all a women thing either, there were plenty of men who were denied master training as well, like Andy. At least, so far, but the imbalance did lean more towards women in that way. Still, she was still only halfway through her third decade, and had over seven and a half centuries of life left even with just being an adept. Point being, she’d be in the prime of her life for another three hundred years, so it would be a long time before she gave up on it.
She shook her head, and then focused on the class. Two of the boys were already casting the shield, and then attacking each other with the offensive light spell.
She cleared her throat loudly, damned idiots…
The afternoon escort had gone well. Two of her new apprentices got to see the second level of the dungeon for the first time, but the apprentice paladin they were teamed with had been through the level several times already.
At the moment she was sparring with Andy, and she was dreading the coming conversation. Still, focusing on her life force and enhancing her body, while learning more advanced sword forms and combinations was a great distraction. She thought she was doing well, but she also knew she had a lot of work to do and had a long way to go.
She relaxed slightly, when five or so minutes before they’d finished their training, Sophia arrived. She’d been starting to wonder if her petite and wicked lover was going to show up or not.
Their swords rung in a staccato rhythm as they sparred, and she tried to put her new knowledge into practice. It was a little frustrating, how he so easily blocked her every attack, but she was proud of the way she was holding her own. Yes, he was holding back she knew, but he’d have slapped her with the flat of his sword if she made any stupid mistakes.
Pain was a good teacher.
Andy took a step back, and slightly lowered his sword.
“I think that’s enough for today.”
He wiped down his sword, and then sheathed it as he turned to look at Sophia questioningly. Not so surprising, she usually only joined them on the weekends, and she knew those two had their own one on one trysts as well at times, but not during her and his training time, that was usually just theirs.
Sophia smiled, but it looked brittle.
“Thought we should talk, over dinner maybe? You two can get cleaned up, I’ll grab some food in the common room and then join you?”
He nodded, and she sheathed her sword as well after checking for nicks.
She took his arm as they moved inside and up the stairs. It wasn’t really their room, but they spent a few hours in the same one every evening after training, so it kind of felt that way as they got inside. They both stripped down and started to clean up with soap and warm water. They were both soaked with sweat, and her whole body tingled with need and desire, her nipples were tight and pebbled, but she resolved herself to the idea of putting it off a little longer. Channeling her magic and life energy made her incredibly needy and available to her small group of lovers, but she wasn’t a total slave to her body’s needs either.
Although, the thought she should have had Sophia come a bit later did come to mind.
When she was clean, she slipped on a robe, as did Andy.
Andy asked, “So what’s going on?”
She blushed, “Let’s wait for Sophia, it’s not anything bad, not really, but…” she trailed off.
He raised an eyebrow, “Very convincing.”
She felt really uncomfortable about the idea of defining their relationship, because she wasn’t even sure what they had, or what she even wanted to have. She liked it the way it was, no pressure, stress relief, good friends, respect and caring. She had enough stress already between her ambitions, the church, and all the things she wanted to change.
Things she was already getting around, like the healing for the poor.
“You’re all distracting,” She said in a breathless sultry voice, that came out far more serious than she’d intended. He was distracting just then, to her body and libido at any rate.
He snorted, “So are you.”
His head turned as the door opened, and Sophia walked in with a tray of food. It was a mixture of cold cuts, cold chicken in strips, some bread, and a small glass container of oil.
Sophia grinned, and put down the tray. A servant followed her in with a large pitcher of ale and three glasses, and then closed the door as she left.
She cast the privacy spell and then grabbed the bread, poured on a little oil on it, and loaded up some beef and venison. She was starving for food as well, it’d been a long day.
Andy asked again, “So, what’s this about,” while he and Sophia made sandwiches as well.
She poured them all some ale, and then took a sip of hers.
Sophia said, “We’ve been thinking about what you said last month, and we both feel guilty making you wait so long.”
He frowned, “I figured it was a no, at least for now, when you didn’t respond sooner.”
She felt a little relief at that, he didn’t seem all that upset. Perversely, that bothered her.
“You took that well. We do care about you, very much, but our lives are here for now. I do want you and Sophia, but realistically we can’t start a family, not here, not without the church freaking out. I also wouldn’t consider anyone else.”
Sophia blew out a breath, and nodded tentatively, obviously agreeing with what she said and nervous about doing so. Neither of them wanted to lose him, but they couldn’t string him along either.
He chuckled, which drew a glare from both of them.
“What’s so funny?” she as
ked.
He shook his head, “Sorry, I’ve just never seen either of you so nervous before. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I have some of those same ambitions myself, remember? Still, there’s going to come a time when we decide it’s a lost cause, or we succeed. Until then, I’m more than satisfied loving you both as we are now, although I want more I can accept it for now. It’s not exactly torture, although I wish I could sleep with you both and wake up to you two on more than weekend mornings, it is what it is. The important thing is I found you feel the same, even if you have higher priorities for the moment.”
“We do?”
Sophia glared at her, and she blushed sheepishly.
He nodded, “I can see it. You don’t have to say it until you feel it, but I know your both hopelessly in love with me and my sex slaves.”
She raised an eyebrow.
He snickered, “Okay, just that first part. Bad joke?”
She cracked a smile, and so did Sophia.
Sophia tilted her head, “And here I thought you were ours.”
She slowly relaxed, as she realized this wasn’t going to go as badly as she’d feared, he truly seemed okay with her putting her ambitions before him. Maybe, just maybe, it was because those ambitions weren’t selfish, and were more about reforming the inequities and selfishness of the church than about personal power and accomplishment. Although, for her, it was both at the same time.
She still wasn’t sure if she was in love with him or not, but she knew she’d been terrified of losing him, and she sort of believed him when he said he could see it in her. She just wished she could see it in herself. Maybe someday, for now she’d have to settle for knowing she cared about him, was attracted to him, and loved the way he looked at her and made her feel.
Chapter Twelve
It was the dead of night, and Astrith was asleep in her home. None of the church’s paladins or clerics had been in my dungeon for hours. Sadly, it’d been over a month since I’d woke, and not one of the bastards had died yet. I knew that wasn’t exactly a fair assessment, they were young and being molded into the future corrupt assholes, it was the leaders of the church that were my true enemies.