by J. L. Beck
“Sir, there is a Ryan Nelson on line one.” Tina, my assistant interrupted. I gave Mandy one last dirty look before heading into my office. Maybe he could shed some light on this whole situation.
“Ryan, my man.” I scrubbed a hand down my face in frustration as I settled into my office chair.
“I would say it’s nice to hear from you, but something tells me that you aren’t calling me for a celebration.” There was real concern in Ryan’s words. He had everything. This perfectly put together life with a killer wife and baby.
And here I was, just barely getting by. Yeah I had a daughter I was more than grateful for, the one thing I cherished more than life itself, but I had no one to share her with. No one to love and no one to spend quality time with.
“Yeah it’s definitely not a celebration I was calling about.” I sighed. “I know you and Cam ended up falling for employees, and now I’ve found myself in that same situation.” Silence settled onto the line.
“Ahhh. It happened to you, too.” Ryan’s deep laugh rumbled through the phone. “Did you know her longer than I knew Chloe? Because if not, I’m going to have to yank your chain a little bit and give you some shit, since everyone else did that to me.” Ryan’s amusement was almost contagious.
“I’ve known her awhile, she’s worked here for over a year and I’ve wanted to make a move for months but I never had the balls to do it.” I hated admitting defeat to a fellow friend, but I really needed his advice and that meant telling him the truth.
“Hmmm…Well, I’m sure you’ve made the first move by now if you’re calling me, so what the hell is going on?” He questioned, I could hear Ginny, their baby girl, cooing in the background and my heart started to beat faster. I wanted that, all of it, with Lucy. I wanted Emily to have another sibling and a house with two parents instead of one.
“She found out about Emily and Laura before I could tell her, and I feel like such an asshole for not being upfront about things right away, but I didn’t want to scare her. Now I’m almost positive that she’s gone because she assumes I was hiding them from her.” I was seriously frustrated and pissed off at myself for being so stupid. Yeah, we had just started talking, and I had finally crossed the line between boss and employee, but I should’ve been straight forward with her.
“That’s a fucking mess Nicolas.” He hissed into the phone, finally getting the gist of all that was going on.
“Oh yeah, and it gets worse. I think another employee here is up to no good and has plans of making the mess that much bigger.” Isn’t this the entire reason that things with Laura went to shit? We both had let the media come into our marriage and before we could make amends and fix things, the damage had been done.
“Well, first you need to find her. Get ahold of her and explain everything to her. Tell her the problem, and just be as honest as possible, because you know as much as I do, that when people see others happy they’re going to do whatever they can to rip you guys apart.” I enjoyed his honesty.
“That’s just it…” I growled, letting the weight of everything that had happened settle onto my shoulders. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me. She didn’t even show up for work today, and as much as I don’t want to be an ass and just show up at her house unannounced, I feel the need to make things right with her right now.” I was torn up about the entire issue and just wanted Lucy back in my heart. Was it so bad to have the one thing you wanted most?
“Do whatever you need to do to let her know your feelings. Don’t hesitate and don’t stop until you’ve made yourself clear. I have to go take Ginny to the sitter’s, but I expect a phone call with an update when everything gets cleared up.”
We said our goodbyes and I hung up the receiver, knowing what I had to do, but questioning if it was morally right or not.
Chapter Nine
Lucy
My cell rang loudly in my pocket, as I tried to adjust my dress, knowing my mother was going to pitch a fit the second she noticed what I was wearing. I was headed to Christmas at my parents’, after calling into work today.
I fished it out of my pocket and pressed the green answer key, noticing Mandy’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hello?” I greeted.
“Thank the lord you answered. I was worried you had decided to boycott all of us since you didn’t come into work today.” I felt a tiny bit guilty for leaving without even saying hello or goodbye to Mandy, but I needed to get out of there and away from Nicolas and his perfect little life.
“What do you mean boycott? I messaged you and told you that I had to leave. Shit between Nicolas and I hit the fan.” I wanted to throw up just saying his name, not for the reasons you would think.
“Oh yeah…” I could tell from her tone that she needed to tell me something.
“What’s going on?” I questioned, anxiety filling my belly. Did something happen today that I missed?
“You haven’t heard, have you?” Mandy’s question made me nervous, more nervous than I had been before.
“Heard what? Don’t play with me, Mandy.” I was on the verge of a panic attack, the air filling my lungs refusing to escape.
“Nicolas told uhh…” She paused. “The entire office you guys had sex in his car the other night during the fundraiser.” My mouth popped open, and tears filled my eyes. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to cry over something as absurd and mean as this, but I guess I thought he was different.
It didn’t help that I would have to sit in a room full of judgmental family members for the next couple of hours, all without being able to mention a single word or show any emotion aside from happiness.
“You still there, Lucy?” Mandy’s voice pulled me from my misery-filled thoughts. I didn’t really feel like talking to her after having just heard what was said about me in my own work place when I wasn’t even around to defend myself.
“I’m still here, though I do need to get off the phone. I’m having Christmas dinner with my family tonight, and if I’m not on time my mom will have a mental break down.” I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist.
“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry to have ruined your night with such shit information.” Mandy didn’t sound the least bit sincere. In fact, she sounded gleeful.
“Don’t be sorry…” I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the bitter rage from my voice. “It’s not your fault, plus it’s not like you were the one spreading the rumor anyway. Thanks for telling me.” I gritted my teeth, feeling more and more alone with each passing second.
“Of course. How could I not? I didn’t want you to come into work tomorrow wondering why everyone was talking about you. I would hate for you to be the laughing stock of the office.” That was a lie if I ever heard one. Still, I kept my mouth closed, refusing to let her have the satisfaction of hurting me. She didn’t tell me out of the need to do so because she wanted to be a good friend, she told me because she wanted to hurt me.
I knew it, and I’m sure she realized it too, because I hung up the phone not even a second later without bothering to say goodbye.
She wasn’t worth the words, or energy. Applying some lip-gloss and making sure I looked as conservative as possible, I got out of the car. I was parked down the street from my parents’ house in an effort to keep their perfect little image clean. They told me numerous times they didn’t want the beat up old jeep parked outside their house, as if we lived in a mansion growing up or something.
My heels clacked against the sidewalk, as I walked down the street and up the steps to my childhood home. The place looked the same as it did the day I moved out. The paint on the exterior was still chipped and the shrubs looked like they hadn’t seen a hedger in months, if not since the last time I came over, which was nearly a year ago.
I was consumed with sadness, and all because I fell for a fucking guy that didn’t really feel the same way about me, or maybe he did but didn’t trust me enough with his secret.
“Lucy.” My mother opened the door, popping her head outside. Sh
e had never been this eager any other year for Christmas, yet here she was all but begging me to come in and sit down. I sighed, readying myself for a shit-tastic dinner. As I stepped over the threshold and into the house, I was reminded why I never came here to visit.
“It’s so nice of you to take some time out of your day for your family.” There was a look of complete distaste on my mother’s face. Had I cared more, maybe I would ask her why she seemed to hate me so much.
My other two siblings, Mason and Cash were sitting at the dinner table, smirks of mischief on their faces. That was one thing I did miss, my brothers.
I shrugged my jacket off, and headed into the dining room, where my mother had everything already set out. She was wearing the apron she always wore, her hair up on her head in a perfect bun. My father was probably still in his office or, better yet, banging one of his assistances.
“Holy shit, Sis! You’ve got tits.” Cash, the middle child of the family and a mere two years in age behind me, announced, causing my mother’s eyes to turn the color of fire. I had just taken a sip of water, and his comment caused me to choke on it.
“You’re going to make mom have a heart attack, Cash.” Mason the youngest, and the one still at home, added. I could see the same nervous tick in his eyes that I always had and I hated it. I hated that I wasn’t here for him when I should be, but he understood, or at least he acted like he did.
Our mom was a perfectionist. I think she thought if she could be this perfect person that she could forget about the fact that our father was cheating on her nearly every day and pretend that this entire world that she built around her was real.
“Dinner is ready. Behave or I will get the spoon out.” I rolled my eyes. Mom wasn’t against beating us. In fact, she did so often. It was the only way she could keep us in line, she claimed. I called bullshit. She was just fucked in the head.
Mother disappeared from the room for a second to get our father and both Cash and Mason looked at me.
“It’s been a year, Lucy. A-fucking-year. We miss you.” Cash’s voice was just above a whisper. Tears pricked at my eyes, because once again I was reminded of what a failure I was at all of this. Yeah, I was the quiet shy girl who didn’t say much, but that was only because I was screaming on the inside, begging for someone to save me.
“I’m sorry, guys. I’ll make a better effort okay? You all know how I feel about mom.” Today had been a cluster fuck of a mess, and I was ready to go home and curl up with a glass of wine and book.
Cash stared at me, and I knew he didn’t believe me. He looked so much more mature than he had before. He was in college now, and would be on his way soon, too. It would only be a matter of time before we were all out of mom’s clutches.
Ding-Dong. Ding-Dong. The doorbell rang across the house, meeting my ears inside the dining room.
“Was mom expecting anyone else?” Both of them shook their heads no, so I got up to get the door. I gripped the metal door handle tightly in my hand, twisting the knob and opening the door.
My mouth went dry, and a sheen of sweat formed against my palm as soon as I realized who was standing on the other side of the door.
Nicolas-fucking-Walker. The man I loved, and the man who had broken my heart. He had a dozen red roses in one hand and a bottle of wine I couldn’t even pronounce in the other.
I licked my lips, “You can’t be here.” The words came out without thought. I wasn’t ready for him to meet my family, especially after everything that had happened between us. He needed to leave, and he needed to leave now.
“I swear to God, Lucy, if you don’t listen to me I will take you over my shoulder, drive you out into the middle of nowhere, and do very bad things to you.” The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t lying.
“I can’t talk about this right now. I’m having dinner with my family, Nicolas. Which reminds me, how did you know I was here, and how did you get this address?” I was flabbergasted, and a bit taken aback by his appearance, even more so after everything that Mandy had told me he said.
He winked, “Your job application of course. I also got your cell number, but didn’t want to make it up to you by messaging you. Can I come in?” I blinked, and then blinked again.
Yes, the man was beautiful, but was he stupid? “I just told you I’m having dinner with my judgmental as fuck family, and you want to know if you can come in? Don’t you have more rumors to spread about me, about us?
A puzzled expression formed on his face, “What the hell are you talking about? What rumor?” I could see he was getting pissed off. Good, maybe he could simmer in that anger for a while. Just as I was about to slam the door in his face, my mother came up behind me, her super fake, I’m-always-happy smile plastered on her face.
“Well, well, who is this, Lucy?” My mother questioned, curiosity lacing her words. I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing my day had just gotten ten times worse. I still had so much to say to Nicolas and here he was at my family Christmas and we weren’t even together.
“Hi. I’m Nicolas Walker, Lucy’s boyfriend.” He said the word. He said the fucking word. I didn’t know if I should believe him or not.
“Well, welcome Nicolas. Come on in, and make yourself at home.” I opened the door wider, allowing his large frame to come in the doorway. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the sneer on my mother’s face that said, you’ll pay for this later.
With Nicolas finally in the house, and my entire family waiting at the dinner table, I closed the front door. The sound of it shutting was almost like a lock snapping shut.
I was screwed.
Chapter Ten
Nicolas
Maybe it was wrong to show up to her family dinner uninvited without even having talked to her in days, but I had to try and make amends. Her mother took the flowers and placed them in a vase of water, leaving the bottle of wine on the table in front of Lucy and I.
“Mr. Walker, I’m pleased to meet you.” Lucy’s dad announced, reaching across the table to shake my hand. Was it weird that I expected more from him? Maybe a don’t-fuck-with-my-daughter or I’ll kill you comment?
“It’s great to meet you, and thank you for having me over on such short notice.” I understood now why Lucy thought the differences between us were so stark. Her parents weren’t poor, but they didn’t live the same kind of life I did. The tension in the room mounted with each second that passed.
“It’s no problem. Lucy here didn’t mention anyone coming, but that’s not the first time something like that has happened.” I could see from the way Lucy was looking at her mom that they didn’t get along, and honestly I knew why. Lucy’s mom was a fucking bitch.
Lucy sighed loudly, loud enough that everyone at the table stopped doing what they were doing to look at her.
“Can we just, for one year, have a normal dinner? Where you act like the mom who gives a shit about her kids instead of being a complete bitch?” Holy shit. Sweat formed on my brow. Did that just come out of Lucy’s mouth?
Her mother looked as if she had eaten something sour, and her brothers snickered.
“Lucy, that is no way to talk to your mother.” Her father scolded her.
“Oh please, stop pretending like you aren’t going to go back to the office tonight and screw your assistant or something. I’m fucking leaving. I might not have anyone to spend the holidays with, but I would much rather spend them alone than with you.” Tears sprung from Lucy’s eyes, and as soon as she shoved from the table I did so, too.
Ultimately, I wasn’t here for Lucy’s family. I was here for her, and if she left, I would leave, too.
I reached her just as she was walking out the door, the dining room had gone completely silent, the look of shock and complete despair on her parents’ faces as they digested what she had said was priceless. Still I needed Lucy to know she wasn’t alone and that, yes, I had made a mistake by not telling her about Emily or Laura, but that she wasn’t alone, and that she never would be.
Not with
me by her side.
I wanted her, and if she would have me. I would do whatever I could for her. I would move mountains for her. I would kill for her if need be. Nothing mattered to me except her happiness.
“Lucy, wait…” I grabbed her by the arm, my fingers sinking into her supple flesh, her warm vanilla scent washing over me in waves. I was consumed, rubbed raw with need from being away from her for days. I was fucking starved for this woman.
“Let go of me. You can go fuck yourself, too. I put my heart on the line for you, only to realize I wasn’t good enough to know your secret.” The tears swimming in her eyes stabbed me in the chest, leaving gaping knife wounds.
She pulled away, and I slammed the door closed behind us, following her down the sidewalk.
“Lucy. I swear, I was going to tell you. I just didn’t want it to be overwhelming for you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else and I didn’t want to scare you away. I love you. I fucking love you, and losing you is killing me.” I laid it all out on the line, my entire body shaking as I prayed she understood and got it through her beautiful head that I did care about her.
She stopped a few feet ahead me, and I took the time to cross the space between us, the distance making me anxious.
“If you loved me so much, then why would you tell the entire office that we had sex? Huh?” She turned so fast on her heels, my head was spinning, the look of pain in her eyes was almost too much for me to take.
“What are you talking about?” I gave her a bewildered expression, confused as to why she would assume I would even mention my sex life to anyone.
“Mandy told me what you did, Nicolas. How you told everyone about us. How could you? I get keeping your daughter a secret, but exposing me as the laughing stock of the entire office….” Tears slipped from her eyes this time, each one a stark reminder of the damage that had been done.