Lacey Luzzi: Sparkled: A humorous cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 2)

by Gina LaManna

  “No, nope. Not that I remember. But he had one of those white squares taped to his neck, so probably he was the real deal.”

  “Oh, God. Oh, no.” I backed against the wall. “Oh no.”

  “Anthony.” I turned to him. “We have a problem.”

  “Meg, was that red-headed kid with them?” I asked.

  “Alfonso? No.” She shook her head. “Haven’t seen that guy for a while.”

  A thunk sounded from inside the closet.

  I moved closer, gesturing for the other two to listen.

  “Back off, Lacey,” Anthony said, an arm extended.

  A chink and a thunk sounded from inside the closet once again.

  “I’m going in.” I glanced at Anthony and Meg.

  “No way, chicken legs. Move aside.” Meg stood up. She cracked her knuckles, then took a deep breath and chugged towards the closet. She was more of a cargo train than an express one, but she reached the door more quickly than I anticipated.

  I looked to Anthony. “You’re not going to stop her, but you’ll stop me?”

  “She’s on a mission.” He had his hand on a gun.

  “So was I.” I jutted a hip out.

  “Yeah, but I’ve seen your bicep curls. You are not capable of knocking anyone out.”

  Meg punched her palm. “I take that as a compliment, big sir.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine then. Go ahead. Be a show off—”

  I gasped as Meg put a foot right through the closet door.

  “Meg! Was that necessary? You could’ve hurt someone!” I rushed forwards, peeling panels of wood back from the closet. “Couldn’t you have just opened the dang thing?”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not hurt.”

  “I didn’t mean you.”

  “You told me to show off. Anybody can twist a stupid knob.” Meg helped shift back the largest section of door onto the hotel bed. “I ain’t paying for this, either.”

  By the time we’d moved most of the door shards out of the way, except for a shower of splinters that lined the floor like pine needles after Christmas, I pushed back Joey’s blue robe that was hanging in the closet. He’d brought it from home, apparently. Behind the folds of fabric, I found Alfonso cowering in the back corner, a towel shoved into his mouth and taped in place, his hands and legs tied together with rope.

  He was shaking harder than a leaf in a thunderstorm, and I immediately knelt in front of him and ripped the tape from his mouth, pulling the towel out like a sick magic trick.

  Alfonso screamed a profanity, his chin and lips red from where the tape had been stuck moments before. “It never looks so painful in the movies.”

  “Nothing is as glamorous as it is in the movies,” I said, giving him what I hoped was a meaningful glance. “Nothing.”

  “You gonna be sick?” Meg asked. “Why you looking at him like that?”

  “No reason,” I grumbled. “Move this way, kid. I can’t reach the rope. Anyone got a knife?”

  “Sugar.” Anthony kneeled next to me and flicked open a very scary looking knife. “You can’t work for the Family and not carry a weapon. You’re asking for trouble.”

  “Yeah, well…” I generally felt that I caused enough havoc in the world without a deadly assault weapon strapped to my thigh. It was anyone’s guess what dangers would befall me if I started carrying around guns and knives.

  With two quick slashes, Alfonso was pulled to his feet as he rubbed his wrists and ankles gingerly.

  I was relieved to see they’d allowed him to pull on a pair of boxers—Joey’s, by the look of the sparkly sequins and “Bite Me” stamped across the back. They’d probably let him dress on account of nobody wanting to deal with a naked, prepubescent ginger kid. I certainly didn’t, and despite my frustration with Joey, I appreciated the gesture.

  “Sit.” I directed Alfonso to the bed. “Talk.”

  “You’re acting like I’m the bad guy,” he said.

  “Well, we thought you were until about an hour ago. And who knows, with this funfest, you still might be. Nobody’s cleared yet.” I scolded him with my pointer finger. “Plus, you wanted us to think you were the bad guy, so you should feel quite accomplished that you’ve attracted the attention of Carlos’s number one Head of Security. If you can’t tell, he’s a dangerous dude.”

  I gave Anthony’s biceps a decent squeeze, impressed by how much they resembled tree trunks, but stopped at the murderous expression that took over Anthony’s face.

  “Right.” I cleared my throat. “So what happened?”

  Alfonso sighed as if it was painful to remember. “So you two stepped out of the room to whisper sweet nothings into one another’s ears—”

  The click of a fully loaded gun caught both me and Alfonso by surprise. Meg just crossed her arms and muttered, “‘Bout time.”

  Anthony held the pistol to Alfonso’s head and the boy turned whiter than I’d thought imaginable. He was even paler than Clay’s skin, which was nearly translucent thanks to the amount of time he spent in front of the computers.

  “Don’t shoot,” Alfonso squeaked.

  “You want to play games with the big boys?” Anthony asked.

  “Uh, n-n-no.” Alfonso shook his head rapidly.

  “Then don’t pretend you do, big guy. You think the Family is a game. But it’s not a very fun game when you lose, I’ll tell you that much.” Anthony lifted the gun slightly so that it was directed just above Alfonso’s head.

  I looked down and realized my hands were slick with sweat. They shined with a sheen that betrayed my nerves, and I quickly wiped them on my pants. I thought—hoped—Anthony was just messing with the kid to make sure he would tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but honestly I wasn’t sure.

  This was a side of Anthony I rarely saw. He was a well-oiled machine: beautiful on the outside, but in a menacing, terrible sort of way. It was beyond clear that Anthony would kill without a moment’s hesitation should someone interfere with the Family. While that dedication and loyalty made him an ideal employee and an admirable addition to the security force, it was the perceived lack of remorse that caused my gut to clench and my heart to wonder if he was truly human.

  And still, this wonderful, terrible human being played with my emotions in a way I couldn’t explain. Dangerous, forbidden, our relationship felt like we were storm chasers, hunting a thrill as elusive as a tornado and just as deadly.

  I brought my thoughts back to reality as I watched Alfonso try to speak, his voice probably frozen with fear.

  “Put the gun down,” I said firmly. “He’ll talk.”

  Anthony’s face portrayed no emotion. I wondered if he’d heard me.

  “Anthony…” My voice was a bit pleading.

  “Lace.” His voice was tight and constrained.

  Meg stared at both Anthony and I. My hand had reached out of its own accord and perched on his wrist, though I don’t remember having moved towards him. Alfonso looked between us, his eyes wide as two globes.

  Anthony let out a long breath that escaped in a hiss. His gaze didn’t waver from Alfonso’s forehead, where it seemed he was trying to drill a hole with his eyesight. I didn’t take my eyes from Anthony’s face, secretly praying that he’d listen to my pleas.

  After what seemed like eternity, Anthony finished his sigh, took a deep breath and lowered the gun to his side with a click.

  “All right, tell us what happened after we left,” I said, fixing Alfonso with a no-nonsense glare.

  “R-r-right. A-a-after y-y-you—”

  “Oh relax,” Meg whined. “He’s put the gun down, nothing fun’s happening anytime soon.”

  “S-sure.” Alfonso took a moment to compose his nerves. He cleared his throat, and began the story again. “When you left, we were just sitting here on the beds and waiting for you to come back. Joey and Vivian were making lovebird eyes at each other, but me and the big guy were just kind of hanging out quietly.”

  Alfonso looked up at Anthony and me, and I g
ave him an encouraging nod.

  He took a shuddering breath. “And then the door opened with a key card. It definitely was a card because nobody knocked. Joey said something like back so soon? And then this big guy pulled his gun out at the door.” Alfonso jerked a thumb at Anthony’s snoozing guard.

  “But then a priest walked in and the big man seemed a little confused, like he didn’t wanna shoot a priest, you know?”

  “I get that,” Meg said. “Bad karma. It’s really a bitch if you kill one of God’s dudes.”

  “Exactly.” Alfonso nodded. “He hesitated a second, but then that priest just swung a bat from behind his back at the guard’s head and there was a super loud crack. I kinda closed my eyes since I’m not a big fan of blood or crazy priests.”

  “Amen.” Meg nodded along.

  Alfonso looked gratefully at Meg. “So then I opened my eyes and big guy was unconscious on the ground and the door was shut. The priest says, ‘Maintenance stairwell one door to the right.’ I asked him how he didn’t get seen when he walked in, and he said you two were at an overhang at the other end of the hall and couldn’t get a clear view of the door on account of a potted plant at just the right angle.”

  I interrupted. “Why would he take the time to tell you that?”

  Alfonso shrugged. “That priest, he was bragging about how clever he was putting that potted tree there earlier. He talked about how he had to haul it up the stairs due to a broken elevator, going on about it for about two full minutes until Joey told him to shut up.”

  “Did you know the priest?” I asked.

  “Yeah, he was my Uncle Leo.” Alfonso nodded. “Sorry, I forgot to say that.”

  I gave a cautionary shake of my head at Anthony, whose mouth was open in disgust, his gun finger twitching.

  “How do you forget to tell us that the priest is your Uncle?” I asked.

  “S-sorry. I’m just nervous and under pressure, you know? It’s hard to remember what order to tell the story in. Sometimes the important details get stuck under all of the other ones.” Alfonso shrugged.

  “All the details are important,” Anthony said through gritted teeth, his jaw so tight I was afraid it might violently pop open off its hinges at some point in the near future.

  “Right. I’ll remember them from now on,” Alfonso said. “Anyway, so I said to Leo, ‘What are you doing? Ain’t you dead?’ And he just looked back at me. You know what he said?”

  “What?” Meg leaned forward, intrigued.

  “He said, ‘Yeah, I’m as dead as I was the day you killed me.’ I mean, the balls on that guy. He must’ve known that I pretended it was me. Somebody spilled the beans. I’m not sure who, though.”

  “Well, I was a cop,” Meg said. “Therefore I got good detective skills. Does he have any friends that would’ve known?”

  “Uh, how about Joey?” I asked. “Joey knew. Obviously Joey and Leo were working together and talking.”

  “Riiiiiiight,” Meg and Alfonso said together. I could almost hear the click of light bulbs over their heads.

  Meg said, “Lace, you would’ve made a good cop.”

  “More money on this side of the table,” Alfonso argued with Meg. “Lacey made the right choice.”

  “Enough about my career,” I said. “What happened then?”

  “Well, then Leo untied Joey and told him to grab what they needed and hurry up. I think he wanted to get out of there. Joey got up and got his crap together. But then he put on a suit and got really ‘motional…”

  “Motional?” I asked. “Like, he was fast, or what?”

  “’Motional. Like he was crying.” Alfonso said. “His eyes got wet and just before they were about to leave, he bent right down on one knee. The right one, I think. Or maybe the left… but when I look at it like this, it was maybe the right…”

  “Go on,” Anthony said.

  “I was trying to get all the details right because they’re important.” Alfonso shot Anthony a withering look. The kid stopped when the gun started bouncing against Anthony’s leg once more.

  “So he got down on one of his two knees?” I prompted.

  “Yep. Ninety percent chance it was the right one.” Alfonso closed his eyes as if trying to picture it. “Then, Joey right then and there asked Vivian if she’d forget about the boring banker and run away with him. Go on the honeymoon they were meant to go on. Get married since they were soul mates.”

  My jaw dropped open, though when I truly thought about it, the idea wasn’t all that surprising. In fact, pretty much everything Joey had done all weekend had been one giant plan to ruin the wedding.

  Why I’d ever allowed him to come—even with the five thousand dollar bonus I’d received upon arrival, was beyond logical thought. I could have found another way to earn the money—maybe taken another job with Carlos, or helped Anthony out with a side project, or sold my body to a creepy old perv looking for a cuddle. Any one of those sounded more ideal than the debacle I’d been through, and put others through, for the past two days. After all, hadn’t I essentially sold my body as a plus one to a creepy old perv named Joey?

  “What’d she say?” Meg blew her nose into a huge wad of toilet paper she’d pulled from one of the many pockets on her camo jacket. “I’m telling’ ya, this love story just hits me where it hurts. It really got me in the feels.”

  Alfonso looked mystified at Meg’s reaction, his expression matching my exact thoughts. “She said, ‘Okay.’”

  “OKAY!” Meg wailed “She said okay! How beautiful!”

  As Meg collapsed in a fit of sobs, the large man next to her on the bed stirred, grunting and rubbing his head. He fell silent when he tried to sit up, passing back out quicker than he’d woken moments before.

  “Shouldn’t someone look at him?” Alfonso gestured towards the guard.

  “Probably. But he’s not dead.” I patted Meg’s back, rubbing sympathetic circles.

  Alfonso looked appalled, either at my reaction or at Meg’s ear-splitting wails.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered to Alfonso. “Meg’s really a fan of Team Joey and Vivian.”

  “Because they’re a modern Romeo and Juliet,” she cried. “Wonderful. The stuff of reality television.”

  Maybe it was just me, but I thought Anthony’s gun hand flicked slightly in the direction of Meg. I gave him a very, very disapproving look, and he focused his gaze on Alfonso.

  “Whatever,” Alfonso said. “So, she said okay, and then they took off. And that’s it. They tied me up, locked me in the closet and laid the big guy here out like he was dead. Then, for the rest of the time I was in the closet and didn’t see nothing until you all let me out.”

  “Wow,” Meg whispered. “What a twist for an ending.”

  “This isn’t the end,” I said. “Where did they go?”

  I strode to the bedroom window and looked outside.

  “Dammit,” I said. “They took the Lumina.”

  I didn’t even need to look in my purse, I was sure the keys were missing. “Anthony, can you get some guys on the road following it?”

  “They’re already on it,” he said, phone in hand. I didn’t bother to ask how he’d dispatched them so quickly. He worked in mysterious ways, a lot like God.

  I sat on the bed. Where could they have gone?

  I replayed the recent events in my mind.

  Leo, first of all, was alive. It was safe to say he’d been working with Joey the whole time. But what purpose did it serve to fake Leo’s death?

  I stood and paced the room. There was some little fact niggling in my brain that I knew I was missing. Something that probably should have been obvious a long time ago. What was I missing?

  “All right, we know Joey was trying to stop the wedding. That was his purpose with this whole scheme, to convince Vivian that they were soul mates. What’s Leo’s part in this, besides helping them get away?” I spoke aloud to my mute audience. “I mean, there are a lot of people I’d trust over Leo to help with an escape. I’d
trust Leo only about as far as I could punt him.”

  Meg looked confused. “How far would you say you could punt a man?”

  “That’s not very far,” I clarified.

  “Right.” She nodded in agreement. “You need to work on those leg muscles, then. Right, Anthony?”

  She looked up for reassurance, but Anthony merely grunted, his eyes fixed on me with a piercing stare.

  “You don’t trust a priest?” asked Alfonso sarcastically. “Then who can you trust?”

  I turned to Alfonso. I bit my lip. Then it dawned on me. “You’re exactly right! That’s it. Genius!”

  Alfonso looked more confused than ever.

  I flicked open my phone. It was a long shot, but I needed to try it.

  I dialed Vivian’s cell phone number.

  The second it picked up, I said, “Was Leo supposed to marry you and the banker this weekend?”

  “Yeah, why?” she snapped her gum as nonchalantly as if I’d asked her to go to the mall and shop for gold toe socks.

  In the background, I heard Joey yell something like hang up. Vivian yelled something back, but the next noise to travel through the phone to my ear was a strange whistling, like air rushing quickly by on a freeway, and then a crackle, a thump, and silence. I hung up when I heard the dial tone.

  “That’s it,” I said. “Leo was supposed to marry Joey and Vivian. I bet you they had to pay some sort of deposit, so Vivian being the cheapskate she is probably just asked Leo if she could transfer the deposit to a different wedding when the first one didn’t work out. Which then explains why Vivian and the banker scheduled their wedding for the same weekend as her original date to Joey.”

  “Yeah, I always thought that was weird,” Meg said. “You marrying two honeys is fine, just do it on a different weekend. That’s a lot of honeymoon sex, otherwise.”

  Now Alfonso was looking at Meg with an odd gleam in his eye.

  “Don’t get any ideas, twerp. She’s too old for you,” I said. Realizing how that sounded, I gave Meg a reassuring look before she exploded. “And she’s young, so that means you’re a baby.”

  Meg nodded happily. “A baby.”

  “All right, the picture is coming together,” I said. “So Joey pays Leo more money to pretend he dies. Then, Vivian is stuck pushing back the wedding and finding a new priest. Which she did. But when that didn’t work to postpone the wedding longer than a day, Joey needed to take more serious measures.”