by Trina M. Lee
A cry broke out of me when I was gasping on my knees, digging my fingers into the dirt. I shivered at the sudden temperature change from fur to skin. The sound of my pain was something that Shaz could not ignore, and the moment he took to look my way gave Julian the advantage.
The large, brown wolf threw himself on Shaz, pinning my mate beneath him. He fought for Shaz’ throat, believing the end was within his grasp. My wolf was nothing, though, if not determined. He effectively angled his head so that his throat was hidden, twisting his body to throw Julian’s balance off. He was unable to maintain his hold, and Shaz grasped his sudden opportunity, throwing himself right in the brown wolf’s face.
Though Arys’ voice was now absent from my mind, the power we shared soared up inside me, forcing me to my feet. I was shaky and pained from the sudden shifting, but I was not going to let them kill each other. A few of the wolves around me moved uncomfortably at my quick change.
Shaz was in Julian’s face with jaws snapping too fast to see. Julian was surprised by the move and fell back, losing his footing in his attempt to backpedal. It gave Shaz all he needed to get on top of the other wolf, successfully pinning him. Everyone seemed to be reacting to the urgency in the atmosphere. The anticipation of the end was heavy.
My hands grew hot as I tapped the roiling mixture of undead and living energy inside me. Shaz gained a clear shot of Julian’s throat, and he took it. Only Kylarai’s tiny whimper reminded me why I was willing to stop this. Shaz’ fangs sunk into Julian’s flesh; in the same moment, I let a blue-tinged gold psi ball fly.
It was enough to knock Shaz off his feet without hurting him. Before Julian could get up, I threw up an energy wall between them. When he didn’t get up, Kylarai rushed to his side. Shaz growled with a low rumble at the barrier that separated them.
Everything had happened so fast. My heart pounded louder than any other sound. It was over though. And, they were both alive. Angling my body so that most of my nakedness was shadowed; I went to them and kneeled next to Ky.
The blood pumped steadily from the wound in Julian’s throat. However, it wasn’t a fatal puncture. He would live. And, I couldn’t help but wonder if that would be something both Shaz and I would regret allowing to happen.
I made eye contact with my beautiful white wolf; my heart broke in response to the many red splashes marring his fur. He looked both proud and relaxed. Confident that he wouldn’t try to finish Julian off now that he was down, I dropped the barrier.
Leaving Ky and Julian, I went to Shaz, kneeling before him. Though I was still in human form, I bared my throat to him anyway, acknowledging him as Alpha male. My breath sucked in as his sharp fangs tentatively touched my skin. His breath came hot against my flesh and a rush came over me when I longed for him break the skin.
Shaz’ touch was nothing less than gentle and loving when his teeth grazed me. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, my hands reaching to entangle in his filthy, matted fur. A swell of emotion erupted like hot lava coating my insides. My eyes filled with hot tears, but they did not fall. I wasn’t sad, yet a melancholy feeling enveloped me. I had only kneeled before one other man, claiming him as my Alpha. That man was dead. Was this nostalgia or something else entirely?
Slowly, I got to my feet. I was startled to find a line of werewolves behind me, each waiting their turn to show respect to their new Alpha. I watched them, one by one, as they kneeled and gave Shaz their throat. It caused my heart to swell with pride. He was so much more amazing than I even knew yet. Everything about him told me so.
Julian finally struggled to his feet, leaning his weight heavily against Kylarai. He was in pretty bad shape. When at last they were the only two left to acknowledge Shaz, Ky moved to do so and Julian hung back. He was unwilling, which meant he forfeited his place and protection within our pack.
The silky smooth leopard fur rubbing against my thigh drew my gaze to Jez. She had been such a quiet observer that I’d almost forgotten she was there.
“Thanks Jez,” I whispered for her ears only. “I appreciate that you came here tonight.” I said a silent prayer of thanks that she hadn’t had to tackle me as I feared. With Shaz’ control compromised, I’d worried for my own.
She made a noise low in her throat, something between a purr and a growl. With a chuckle, I added, “You so better not be checking out my ass.” She hissed at me then, her tail flipping around wildly. I knew it was only because she had no voice to blast a retort at me.
Finally, Shaz padded over to me, pushing his muzzle into my hand. I smiled down into his enchanting face, that strange sadness welling up again. He actually didn’t look too bad. Julian was in worse shape.
“I’m not feeling up to running tonight,” I told him, my voice low. “If you feel good enough, stay and run with our wolves. I just need some time alone.”
He studied me, confusion and worry written all over his dirt-stained face. I smiled and kissed the tip of his wet nose. With a sigh of relief, I allowed the wolf within to have her way, and I once again embraced the change. Shaz nuzzled me, rubbing his side along mine. We were the mated Alpha pair. It seemed so surreal to think of it that way.
When he was certain that I meant what I’d said, he glanced around the clearing.
Shock shone in his eyes upon noticing that the other werewolves awaited his command to run. Giving me one last reassuring nudge, he loped out of the clearing with every other wolf close behind.
When even Jez had sauntered off into the night, I turned and headed back the way that would lead me home. Leaving Julian and Kylarai in the clearing didn’t feel at all right but staying would only wound his pride further. I trotted in between the tightly woven trees, listening to the voices of my pack, raised together in spine-chilling harmony as I went.
Chapter Twelve
The door creaked as I pushed it open. I’d had it repaired since the last time I’d been here. I’d broken it when I’d kicked it open. That had been months ago. In some ways, it felt like years and, in other ways, like it was just yesterday.
Despite the fact that he’d been dead for three months, Raoul’s scent hit me as I stepped into his house. Closing the door behind me, I counted to five and then turned around. I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d see.
Everything looked completely normal, as if nothing had been out of place. The furniture was the same. Everything was the same. The wolf tapestry that had once hung over the fireplace was gone though. Zoey Roberts had destroyed it.
Closing the door, I slipped off my shoes and crossed the front room until the kitchen came into view. The breath was crushed from my lungs as I took in the sliding glass door that led onto the patio. Though the glass was brand new and the mess long since cleaned up, I could see it in my mind like I was reliving the night Raoul died.
For a moment, I couldn’t think or make sense of why I was there. Something had drawn me. If anything, I needed to be at Raoul’s. I had put off coming here since Zoe killed him. But, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to be here now, if only for my own sanity. I’d thought that leaving the forest would upset my wolf, but being here, in Raoul’s house where I’d once spent a portion of my life, I felt at home.
Since he had left the house to me in his will, knowing his death was imminent, I had kept it maintained. I’d also refused every offer from those interested in buying. I had no intention of giving it up. Did that make me crazy, nostalgic or just unable to let go?
I flicked on a few lights as I went, flooding the space around me with a warm glow. I came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs that led up to the bedrooms. Shaking my head, I continued on to the kitchen. I hadn’t been upstairs since Zoey murdered one of Raoul’s lovers, a fellow pack member, and I didn’t feel inclined to go up there now. New carpet and paint wouldn’t wash away the negative energy left in that room.
Raoul’s small den was just off the kitchen. It was where we had shared our first and last truly intimate moment. The door stood open, but it was pitch black in
side the windowless room. A hot tear streaked down my face, and I touched it to be sure it wasn’t a vampy blood tear.
Turning on the kitchen light, I squinted against the sudden illumination. A quick glance around the kitchen showed me that it looked as if nothing out of the ordinary had ever taken place there. The beam of light shone into the den, and I followed it, pausing in the doorway.
I looked toward the couch in the corner. I could barely see it from where I stood.
Crossing the room, I turned on the lamp that sat on the corner of the desk, the same desk where Arys had found the confession letter Raoul had left me.
Against my better judgment, I pulled open the top desk drawer. It was filled with typical desk clutter like pens and post-it note pads. I closed it and went on to the next one.
It had nothing but file folders for Raoul’s real estate business, which was nothing of extreme interest to me.
As I reached for the handle on the third drawer, something told me not to open it. Of course, that only made me want to get into it even more. Pulling it open harder than necessary, I was surprised to see that it was filled with photo albums. There were three of them. I couldn’t help but reach for the first one, the pages creaking uncomfortably as I opened it. Clearly, nobody had looked at it in awhile.
The first page held a very old photo, a young woman with smiling brown eyes and a head of hair to die for. The caption beneath it said, “Naomi”. I was astonished and began to scrutinize the picture closer. This was Zoey’s mother, the human woman Raoul had loved. One of two anyway.
Flipping through the pages revealed more photos, some of Raoul and Naomi together. In all the time I’d known him, I had never seen him look at these pictures. It must have hurt him too much.
Now that I knew about the two great loves of Raoul’s life, one of which was my own mother, I could better understand why he chose the bachelor lifestyle he had lived until his death. It didn’t make it any easier to accept though.
The entire photo album was photos of that time in Raoul’s life, before me. I put it back and reached for another one. Flipping open the cover, I was strangely surprised to see photos of Shaz and myself, among other wolves, from when Raoul had taken us in. It was strange to see a much younger version of me. Looking at the teenage version of both my white wolf and myself, I couldn’t help but think of everything that had changed since that time.
For one, my loss of innocence had gone from learning how to deal with the change to becoming more of a monster than I had ever dreamed possible. The uncertain smile on the face of the teenaged me spoke volumes, and I slammed the album shut. I didn’t bother opening the third one. I didn’t want to take this trip down memory lane.
Casting a glance around the small office, I put the photo album back in the drawer and kicked it closed. I sat heavily on the end of the couch with Raoul’s scent puffing up at me as I did so. I leaned back so that my head rested against the back of the soft, worn sofa. Running my hands over it, I instantly became lost in a memory, one that refused to leave as easily as it had come.
It had been in this very room, oddly enough. The very first time that Raoul and I had made love. My skin flushed hot with the memory of his hands on my body. I had been so young, a virgin. He had been the man of my dreams, the one who had saved me in so many ways.
I had been in the den here, crying after an especially traumatic night. A fellow wolf had tried to take advantage of me, and Raoul had kicked the shit out of him. He’d found me in tears on this very same couch and pulled me into his arms, pressing moist kisses to my temple, cheeks and eventually my lips.
The memory ensnared me until it was as real as it had once been. Raoul drew my face to his with a warm touch, and I melted, hungry for what he offered. Our lips met, and my heart raced in disbelief. I had spent so many nights imagining this moment and all of a sudden, it was happening.
He had never been one to take it slow. Once I responded to Raoul, kissing him back, biting his lips and tongue, he’d been quick to take it a step further. Pressing me into the back of the sofa, his long black hair fell around my face, and his scent was all I could breathe in. Intoxicating and overwhelming, I was flooded with heat between my legs as he buried his face in my hair and nipped at my neck.
I reached to pull him closer, needing to feel him against every part of me. He growled low in his throat, and my wolf leaped in response. It was both frightening and awe-inspiring. I gasped when he bit me harder, a shot of pleasure going straight to my groin.
The next thing I knew, I was naked and begging him to take me. His silky, soft, ebony hair trailed over my skin as he kissed his way down my body. He kneeled before me on the floor, his dark eyes peering into mine as he spread my legs wide. When he tasted me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
My fingers were lost in his hair as I pulled him closer. A strange growl bubbled out of me, and I writhed under his expert touch. I orgasmed with an intensity that tore a series of cries from me.
Raoul stood beautifully nude, like a Greek god. I ran my hands over his hard stomach, boldly reaching to stroke his hard and ready shaft. Though I was inexperienced, I wasn’t completely naïve. He looked down at me, his coal-black eyes watching every slick motion of my hand. With his hands on my shoulders, he slowly pushed me back so that I was lying on the couch. Raising one of my legs up over the back of the couch, he moved between my thighs so that he was positioned at my entrance.
“Are you ready, Alexa?” His voice was powerful, touching me in the pit of my stomach so that I had the urge to squirm.
I tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out so I reached for him instead, my clawed fingers creating red scratches on his forearms. He leaned down so that my breasts pressed against his hard chest. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let out a little yelp when he pressed forward, slowly but surely, until he was fully sheathed inside my tight warmth.
“Sorry,” he murmured, his breath hot against my ear. “I figured it would be better than inching my way in.”
A blush colored my cheeks, and I bit my lower lip when he began to move, building a steady rhythm. The pain eased, replaced with pleasure unlike any I could have imagined. Desire had me moaning with every one of Raoul’s thrusts; the animal inside me was truly unleashed in this act. I welcomed it, wanting more, needing to feel him deeper and fuller.
I couldn’t be still beneath him. My hips moved as my body instinctually sought to pull him further into me. We grew slippery with sweat as Raoul increased his speed until he pounded into me harder than I ever would have guessed possible. My body received him willingly, opening up to accommodate both his power and size. The sensation of an approaching climax started, deep inside me.
Each wave built until it was bigger than the last. I gasped for breath, my hands on his ass to hold him immersed in my body, fearing he would stop.
Raoul pulled back to nip at my breasts and throat. A low snarl deep in his throat caused my heart to surge with adrenaline. He wouldn’t hurt me, would he?
Just when I thought surely I couldn’t take anymore, my muscles clenched and tightened around his cock. I cried out when the earth shattering orgasm rolled over me.
Every wave drew a cry from me, but it was edged with the hint of a growl and sounded like somebody else.
He tensed and then spilled his hot seed inside me, throwing his head back. He moaned, and the sound was chilling in its husky maleness. I stared up at him with a mixture of wonder and awe in my eyes. I could feel the adoration spill out of me as I looked at him. He was my Alpha wolf, and I had given myself to him, no regrets.
With the curtain of his hair shadowing his face, Raoul spoke softly. “Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
The sincerity in his eyes had been heart stopping. If only it had been real.
As I reclined on the very same couch, lost in the past, those words echoed in my head. Yes, you did hurt me, Raoul, I thought. If only it had been physically instead of emotionally. But, I have to forgive y
ou, or I will never be able to move on.
The overwhelming urge to cry struck me, and it was more than I could take. The tears spilled down my cheeks like a waterfall. A sob broke the silence around me, and I felt ashamed because a part of me would have given anything to relive that night. The pain that Raoul had caused me back then ran too deep, I couldn’t completely let it go.
Yet, I knew that I had to.
I practically leaped off the couch, feeling like it had burned me. The strangest sensation struck me, the feeling that I wasn’t alone. A chill stole down my spine, and I shivered. I didn’t like the idea that something could be there with me, something like …
Raoul? I wasn’t keen on ghosts; I really wanted nothing to do with them. Despite everything that had transpired with Raoul, I hoped that he would have gone on to something better than that.
Feeling uncomfortable, I left the den and descended the stairs near the kitchen, to the living room below. I turned the TV on and let it play quietly while I curled up in an old easy chair in the corner. I didn’t want to leave the house, and that was both comforting and frightening.
* * * *
I didn’t know that I was dreaming. All I knew was that Harley had me pinned beneath him, and I was struggling to fight him off. He wanted to bite me, to draw my blood deep into him while I fought him. I knew that, and I knew that I had to stop it from happening. This wasn’t about him trying to kill me. His intentions were darker than that.
Whatever it was that he intended, it was worse than death. It hit me all at once. I knew what he wanted from me. He wanted to claim me so that Arys never could: the blood bond, the wicked kiss. I couldn’t let it happen.
The dream broke into fragments and as I fought him, it all began to fade away, as fast as it had come. I woke with a scream on my lips, staring into the worried blue eyes of my dark vampire.