by M. L. Ray
“Whoa! Stop right there. Tell me you don’t think for one minute that there was anything you could have done to prevent that.”
“I could have…”
Tyler was angry. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly, “Michelle, if she was determined to end her life, that was not on you. You didn’t slit her wrists. You gave her a place to live and all of the support she needed to live again. She’s the one who chose a different path. That is not your responsibility.”
“But if I’d not stayed late, I would have known she needed someone to talk to…”
Tyler shook her a little harder, “Stop it! Is that what sent you running home? You feel responsible for not having saved her?”
Michelle looked at him and the tears started up again, “I just…why didn’t God help her?! I prayed so hard for her, and look at what happened! She was devastated because her entire life was consumed with her love for her husband and son. And when they were taken away, she had nothing!”
Tyler suddenly saw what had been bothering her a year earlier. She was afraid of falling in love with you because of the risks you took every time you climbed on the back of a bull. She was afraid of losing herself and falling apart!
Tyler turned her head with a gentle hand beneath her chin. He wiped her tear stained cheeks with his thumbs and then softly told her, “Michelle, you know better than anyone that just because we pray for something, doesn’t mean we’re going to get the answer we want. Celia was in charge of her own destiny. I’m positive it wasn’t God’s wish for her to take her own life, but that was the choice she made.”
Michelle looked at him and shook her head, “But if she hadn’t loved so deeply, she might have been able to recover after losing her family. If her husband hadn’t been so reckless…”
“Like me?” Tyler questioned softly, needing her to verbally admit that she’d been afraid of losing him.
“Yes! Exactly like you! That rider died, and you had to undergo surgery, but you still wanted to climb back on another bull. You knew the risks…”
“What’s going on in here?” Trey asked, entering the room and frowning at seeing his sister obviously upset.
Tyler sighed and closed his eyes. We were just starting to get somewhere! “Michelle and I were just talking.” Tyler pushed himself off the couch and then looked at her for another moment before shaking his head and walking away.
“Michelle?” Trey asked, question and concern in his voice.
She shook her head at him and closed her eyes.
Seeing that he wasn’t going to get anything from her, he stalked after Tyler, catching him before he could get out the front door. “What’s going on?”
Tyler turned and looked at his friend, “Let’s just say your sister’s in a bad way. Something happened with one of her clients, but I promised her I wouldn’t say anything until she was ready to talk.”
Trey thought about that for a moment before he asked, “Is she going to be okay?”
Tyler shook his head, “Honestly, we didn’t get a chance to talk about everything. It’s more than just one thing. She’s scared. And now, she’s hurting. By the way, she really is a lightweight when it comes to narcotic painkillers. She can have two of the pills sitting next to the kitchen sink in another hour.”
“Are you sticking around?” Trey asked, hearing Jenna talking to Michelle in the other room. He looked over his shoulder and then frowned. Michelle was crying again.
Tyler slapped him on the shoulder, “She’s going to be okay. I won’t let it be any other way.”
“Thanks for taking her in to Montrose.”
“No problem. The doctor said she’s supposed to stay completely off her ankle for the next seventy-two hours.”
Trey shook his head, “Great – she’s never going to adhere to that. Not without someone around to make sure she stays put.”
“Won’t you be around tomorrow?” Tyler asked.
“No, and you won’t be either. At least, I’m hoping we can count on your help. The camp was supposed to be winterized tomorrow and the horses brought down. Since Michelle’s out of the picture, my dad’s making some calls tonight to get a crew up there first thing in the morning.”
“Count me in. I thought I’d have a few more weeks before the stock needed to be brought down.”
“Early winter storm coming in a few days. The weather forecasters issued a winter weather storm watch for the mountain a few hours ago. I heard you were going to take over the ranch…”
“Yeah. My folks really like it down in Junction and are planning to stay there at least through the winter months. When I told them I was coming home, they drove down a week earlier than planned. Peter’s been staying at the ranch for the last week to keep an eye on things.”
“I heard Nash had been helping your dad out. Have you seen your mom lately?” Trey asked.
Tyler nodded his head, “I met up with dad for coffee before I drove here. They’re trying out a new facility that caters to folks with Alzheimer’s. Dad has assistance right at his fingertips anytime he wants it, their meals are prepared, and it even comes with housekeeping and laundry service.”
“Sounds like a good place. It’s been hard on your dad, watching her slowly forget everything around her.”
“She didn’t really recognize me. She thought I was her baby brother, and kept calling me Darrell.”
“Didn’t her baby brother die when he was seven?”
“Exactly. Anyway, I’m really grateful Peter stepped up to the plate and has been so helpful. I always thought he would become part of the family.”
“I think everyone around here had the same thought when we were in high school. He and Brooke were like peas in a pod. Inseparable. Speaking of Brooke, the girls seem kind of worried about her. When was the last time you spoke to her?”
“Months. She answers my emails, but I haven’t spoken to her on the phone in months. I’ve tried her cell phone several times, but she doesn’t have voicemail service connected on it anymore. Guess she must have gotten a new phone. I figured once I got everything settled here, I’d spend some energy on finding out what’s going on with her.”
“Jenna mentioned that Stephanie was heading to New York in a few months to begin preparing for the spring fashion shows. She’s planning on trying to physically check up on her then.”
“I don’t think I’m wanting to wait two months to speak to her. Dad is pretty worried about her as well. I’d like to know what’s up before the holidays set in.”
“Well, you just let me know if there’s anything I can do. Brooke’s one of our own and I’d personally like to know that she’s okay.”
Tyler nodded, his thoughts mulling over his wayward sister’s actions. This was so unlike her, but then again, the last time she’d been home she’d been acting strange, getting lots of late night phone calls, and hadn’t stuck around more than a few days. He’d chalked it up to their mom’s medical condition, but now he was beginning to worry something else was going on.
“So, you want the herd taken to the ranch?” Trey asked, trying to keep one ear on what was happening in the other room.
Tyler pulled his thoughts back to the present, tabling the decision on what to do about his sister for the moment. Nodding his head, he agreed, “Sure. Hey, I’m gonna get out of your hair. I’ll talk with Jenna. Maybe she can muster the girls together and have them come over here tomorrow and keep Michelle company.”
“Sounds good. I don’t know if Jenna could keep her from trying to do too much.”
“Consider it done. See you first thing in the morning.” Tyler looked towards the other room once more and then shook his head and headed out.
Trey headed back to the family room, hoping that Michelle had quit crying by now. He’d never known what to do with her tears. When he heard her still crying softly and Jenna’s soft murmuring, he turned and headed out of the house after Tyler. There was a lot he would do for his sister, but consoling her when she was this upset –
not unless he absolutely had to!
Chapter 30
Jenna finished hanging up their wet towels on the clothesline and then entered the house by way of the back door. As she exited the kitchen, she saw Michelle sitting with her ankle propped up on the couch.
“Hey, so I heard the good news.”
Michelle looked at her, “What?”
“The news about your ankle. It’s not broken. That’s good news, right?”
Michelle shrugged, “I guess.”
Jenna took a seat on the chair next to the couch, “I’m glad it’s not broken.”
Michelle nodded her head, “Where have you been?”
“Trey told you…”
“No, not for the last few hours. Where have you been the last seven years? I tried to find you, but no one would tell us anything.”
“That’s what Trey said. It’s a rather long story, are you sure you’re up for it tonight.”
“Please tell me where you’ve been. Take my mind off of other things.”
“Like your ankle?” Jenna asked, glancing down to where it was still being iced.
“That. And other stuff.”
Jenna watched her for a moment and then nodded her head, “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you my story, but then you have to share yours. Trey said you’ve been moping around here since you came home. And it’s obvious you’ve been crying. I’ll share my sad story with you, but you have to do the same. Deal?”
Michelle looked at her, “That’s blackmail.”
“Yes. It is. Do we have a deal?”
Michelle appeared to consider it for a moment and then she nodded, “Fine. But you go first. And don’t leave out anything.”
Anything? Dear friend, Trey’s the only one who has been privy to some of the worst of it, and he still doesn’t know it all. You couldn’t handle the bare-naked truth. Not being in social work yourself. Jenna really didn’t want to ruin such a nice relaxing day by bringing up the horribleness of her past, but if it got Michelle to talk about what was bothering her, she would willingly tell her most of it.
Jenna spent the next few minutes giving Michelle the condensed version of her life in the juvenile detention system. She only highlighted the major events of the last seven years, but before she’d even gotten through the first year, Michelle was sobbing.
“Jenna, I’m so sorry. If I had only minded my own business, you would have never gone through any of that.”
Jenna looked at her friend in shock, “What?! Michelle, if you hadn’t called Trey to come get me that night, my father would have killed me before he could get the help he needed.”
“How can you say that so calmly?” Michelle cried, tears still flowing from her eyes.
Jenna took a breath and handed Michelle some fresh tissues, “Michelle, when I arrived here a few days ago, I didn’t want to be here. I spent the last seven years thinking that nobody loved me or cared for me. My life didn’t really mean that much to me, until I talked with Trey and he helped me see that not only did my dad get his life together, but that everyone here mourned me when I was gone.
“That meant so much to me. I’m not entirely sure I won’t slip back into the old ways of thinking, but I do know that I’ve found my faith once again. I can’t live in the past anymore. I don’t want to be that woman.”
Michelle dried her eyes, “I wish I could turn off the past so easily.”
Jenna looked at her, reaching over and clasping her hand, “You can. I’ll help you. Trey will help you. Tyler will help you. We’re all here to help you. Tell me what happened.”
“It all started a little over a year ago. Tyler and I had been spending some time together whenever he could get to town. I didn’t realize that I had fallen in love with him until I watched one of the bull riders die. He got stuck in the ropes and the bull’s thrashing broke his neck and killed him. Tyler had already ridden and dislocated his shoulder during that same competition.
“Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his broken and bleeding body. I was working with a client who had just lost both her husband and her son to a stupid accident. Her husband was reckless and liked to take risks. It destroyed her.”
“What happened to her?” Jenna asked softly.
“She killed herself.” Michelle swallowed and then rushed to tell her the rest, “In my bathroom. She was living with me while I tried to find her a place to go, and I came home from work late one night. She was in the bathtub…”
Jenna grabbed Michelle around the neck, tears streaming down her own cheeks, “Shush. You don’t have to tell me the rest. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I couldn’t help her. She completely fell apart when her family died. I realized that I loved Tyler and was afraid that if something happened to him, I’d fall apart like her.”
“Michelle, that would never happen to you. You’re stronger than that. And Tyler’s fine. I heard he was retiring.”
“That’s what he said, but we had a terrible fight a year ago. I basically told him that if he wanted to be with me, he had to quit riding.”
“Did you tell him about your client and the fear you were living under?” Jenna asked.
“No,” Michelle shook her head, crying once again, “I couldn’t. So much of my work was horrible and I never wanted to taint our time together by talking about it.”
Jenna pulled away from Michelle and looked her in the eye, “Did you ever think that you weren’t being fair to him? You never gave him a chance to step up and understand your point of view.”
“We were starting to talk before you guys got home. I told him about Celia, but I didn’t get a chance to tell him how scared I was. He says he wants me back.”
“What do you want?” Jenna asked. “Don’t you think it’s time you figured that out and went after it?”
Chapter 31
Jenna’s question lingered in Michelle’s head over the next few days. She was never left alone, she never wanted for anything, and by the time Sunday night rolled around, she was longing for a little peace and quiet.
“So, I’m going to run over to Missy’s and pick up Jenna. Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone?” Trey asked his sister once again.
“Yes, I’ll be fine. I promise I won’t move from the couch until you get back.” Michelle rolled her eyes at her brother, wondering when he’d become such a mother hen.
The girls had descended on the house the morning after her accident, while the men and her parents had overseen the closing down of the Camp Red Bird. Normally, they would wait until a little later in the fall, but with heavy snow forecasted, it was imperative they beat the storm in getting the cabins and wells winterized.
She’d only seen Tyler briefly on Friday, and then yesterday he had stopped by to check on her, but only for a few minutes. The men had transferred the herd down to his family’s ranch and he had been busy arranging everything. She had been fine with that, not feeling strong enough to handle another emotional conversation while still on the pain pills.
The girls had drawn straws to see who was going to stay with her during the Sunday morning church service, her mother having declared her unable to attend the service and still follow doctor’s orders. Missy had drawn the lucky straw, and Michelle had spent the morning helping her make a list of possible baby names.
Missy’s husband had been killed in Afghanistan, and she was looking at raising their only child by herself. Michelle felt badly for her, but after spending the morning in her presence, she had to admire her strength. Missy had lost the love of her life, but she hadn’t folded or given up. She was doing the best she could to live each day to its fullest and make the best possible home for her unborn child.
Trey came back through the room, “I’ll be back shortly.”
“Go away. I will be fine.” Michelle loved her brother, but sometimes he really got on her nerves. She waited until she heard the front door closed before she tossed the blanket she had been using over her lap aside a
nd slowly lowered her injured leg towards the ground.
She slowly put her good foot under her and then used her arms as leverage to push herself upright. So far, so good! She looked towards the kitchen and calculated the distance between the various furniture pieces that would help stabilize her on her way to the kitchen sink.
Her ankle was starting to throb again, but she had declined another pain pill when Trey had offered it to her a few hours earlier. They made her feel fuzzy in the head, and she figured if she could just keep some ibuprofen on board for the next few days, she’d be fine. She wanted to try her theory out, without having Trey hovering over her as he waited to see if she was going to need the stronger stuff.
She leaned over and used the coffee table to help balance herself as she made her way to the other side of the couch. Wish I knew where Tyler had stashed those crutches. They’d sure come in handy right now. Trey hadn’t mentioned them, which told her he was completely on board with keeping her from moving around too much. Well, ha ha brother. I can move around just fine without them. Or at least, I’ll tell him that if he finds out I left the couch.
She used the arm of the chair to hobble her way around it and then came the hardest part. She gauged the distance to be approximately ten feet from where she currently was, to the doorway leading into the kitchen. No other furniture pieces were in a position to aid her trek, and she knew better than to even try to put weight on her ankle.
That only left two options: hop, or crawl. She attempted an awkward hop on one foot, but the jarring motion sent a new surge of pain through her ankle and had her gasping to catch her breath. Okay, make that one option. Crawling it is.
She slowly lowered herself down to the carpeted floor, being careful to keep her injured ankle elevated and safe from hitting anything. She found herself smiling as she navigated her way towards the kitchen door. When she reached the doorway, she continued to crawl, even though she could have used the kitchen counters to navigate her way towards the sink in a standing position. Crawling was infinitely easier and she was already on the ground…