Old Desires

by Liz Fielding

  ‘If you want to sell, then I’ll cover the sum I told you was on offer. But I was rather hoping that the prospect of losing the place would make you think twice.’

  ‘Then you were right.’ She offered a tentative smile. ‘You always are, apparently. So what are you going to do about David?’

  ‘I find it incredible that he would have hurt you to get at me. It’s hard to forgive, Holly.’

  ‘Is it? Don’t you feel just a little bit sorry for him?’ she asked him.

  His eyes softened as he looked at her. ‘Possibly,’ he conceded. ‘But I hope to heaven that he never finds out.’ He thought for a moment. ‘He’ll have to forget the tabloids. But I’ll give him a piece that any one of the quality papers will fall over themselves for. That way he might be persuaded to forget that he saw me making love to you in your kitchen at six o’clock in the morning.’

  ‘But you’d only just walked in,’ she protested. ‘You were dressed.’

  ‘You weren’t.’

  ‘Oh!’ Her face was a picture of confusion. ‘You shouldn’t have noticed.’

  ‘I’m only human.’

  ‘Not that human,’ she retorted quickly, then put up her hands to cover hot cheeks.

  He laughed softly. ‘Under the circumstances it’s a good thing I didn’t accept your invitation to stay last night.’ He took her hands away from her face and regarded her with grave eyes. ‘If I had, there would have been precious little left with which to prove my innocence.’ After an almost imperceptible pause he said, ‘Unless of course you were bluffing?’ She made an effort at a lack of concern that she was very far from feeling. ‘You’ll have to call me to find out, won’t you? Are you innocent, Joshua?’

  He shook his head, a slow smile lighting his eyes. ‘Don’t ever play poker, Holly. You haven’t got the face for it.’ Then he said, ‘You obviously didn’t get very far with Grantham’s press cuttings.’

  Grateful that he had let her off the hook, she sighed with relief. ‘I haven’t read any of them.’ Then she glanced at him sideways. ‘What have you done that’s so bad?’

  ‘Read all the news that’s fit to print and I’ll leave you to make up your own mind, but when you do, bear in mind what he would have made of that scene in the kitchen and take it all with just a pinch of salt.’

  She turned and looked at him, her lips parted in soft laughter. ‘Joshua Kent, are you telling me that you have a reputation?’

  His grip on her elbow tightened momentarily. They had been gradually walking back towards the house and he indicated the garden seat and sat down beside her. She found her breath quite suddenly caught in her throat, wondering what on earth he could be going to tell her with such a solemn face. What could be that bad?

  He propped one elbow on the back of the seat and began to toy with a wayward strand of her hair, wrapping it tightly around his finger, holding her captive by that slender thread as surely as if he had her in chains.

  ‘Once, Holly, when you were still in pigtails, I made a complete ass of myself over an actress. I was young enough, and I have to say green enough, when I made my first really big deal to attract the notice of the press. Idiot that I was, I actually thought that it made me someone important, someone who Shelly would fall in love with. What she actually loved was publicity. She was very beautiful, very exotic. At least five years older than me.’ He paused, a sudden glint in his eye. ‘Possibly more.’ Then he shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. ‘I was quite bowled over. But youthful pride is fierce and when I overheard a remark at a party about her ‘cradle-snatching’, well—’ he shrugged ‘ — I’m afraid I behaved very badly. I won’t draw a picture, but I was lucky not to be charged with assault. The ensuing publicity caused me a great deal of embarrassment and everyone else much amusement, except for the lady involved. The affair ended somewhat abruptly.’ He smiled slightly. ‘The incident taught me a lot. Mainly about self-control. But for a long time I was pursued in the hope that I might make the same mistake again. And the tabloids have a long memory. They never miss an opportunity to remind their readers what you did in the past, if given the slightest excuse.’

  ‘Oh.’ She hid a smile.

  ‘Quite. I’ve never come so close to hitting anyone again as I did this morning and that would have been a very big mistake. An exclusive interview will be quite a coup for a young reporter trying to make his name and it’s a small price to pay for a little discretion.’

  ‘But he wouldn’t…’

  ‘Wouldn’t he? He’s ambitious. He would like you to be in love with him, but you’re not and he knows it. Would you trust him with the story of your life?’

  Put baldly, like that, Holly had to concede that she wouldn’t — she hadn’t — and she shook her head.

  But with that knowledge came something else: a clarity of mind that had been eluding her all the long, dark hours of the night. Because with the discovery that she didn’t trust David came the equally startling knowledge that she would trust Joshua not only with the story of her life, but life itself.

  She turned to him and the twirling of his finger immediately stopped as her face was suddenly inches from his. It was an effort to concentrate under the perilous nearness of a pair of eyes so clear and deep that she thought it would be possible to drown in them. She turned quickly away.

  ‘Thank you for helping me to see that I should stay, Joshua.’

  ‘I actually quite enjoyed myself.’

  ‘Not as much as you might have.’

  ‘I didn’t want to confuse things.’

  ‘No? Then you’d better ring Marcus and explain what you’ve been doing. He must be very confused.’

  ‘Marcus was extremely annoyed when he phoned me yesterday afternoon. Demanded that I tell you the truth or he would do the decent thing. I had a devil of a job with him.’

  ‘I began to suspect that something was wrong after I’d had lunch with him. He tried very hard, but it was obvious that he was paddling way out of his depth.’

  ‘You’re very quick.’

  ‘Not quick enough. Why didn’t you just suggest I stay put for a while?’

  ‘This from a woman who prefers her advice upside-down?’ His voice, his eyes, his whole body challenged her to admit the truth. ‘You had to make your own decision. Stay here because it was what you wanted more than anything else in the whole world. But you made it damned difficult. I thought if I could just get you home I could work something out. But I never expected so many questions.’

  ‘Why on earth did you say Ashbrooke Leisure wanted to buy the house?’

  ‘It was the first name that came into my head. I could hardly use one of my own companies.’

  ‘And the caravans?’

  ‘Mary’s father tried to get a scheme through years ago. He thought that because he was mayor he could do what he liked. He found out differently. I thought it was suitably gruesome and, because of that, perfectly likely.’

  ‘You went to a lot of trouble.’ She stood up, pulling away from him, unable to think with the warm heat of his body against her, needing to put a space between them, needing to look away from those disquieting eyes. ‘Why didn’t you stay last night?’ she asked a little stiffly.

  There was a moment of utter silence. ‘You’ve been through a difficult time. I didn’t want you to do anything you might regret later.’ He rose quickly to his feet. ‘You are sure?’ She waited, breathless, uncertain what he meant. ‘About staying?’

  For a moment she stared at the dark, tanned V of his chest where his shirt revealed a few dark hairs, forcing herself to face the fact that he had simply been keeping a promise to a dying woman. His kiss had been a response to the desperate need he had seen in her eyes, to their closeness on the back of that crazy motorbike, to the tension caused by continual bickering. A thousand reasons, but none of them important.

  Now he had fulfilled his promise, done everything her mother had asked of him, and he could walk away and get on with the rest of his life with a clear conscienc
e. She must do the same.

  ‘Yes, Joshua,’ she said. ‘I’m quite sure about staying.’ She shrugged quickly free of his touch, stepped around him and walked quickly down the path. ‘I found something yesterday that made up my mind for me,’ she said with a forced cheerfulness, coming to a halt in front of the hidden studio, then faltered. ‘Oh, I haven’t brought the keys.’

  ‘You’ve found the studio?’

  She turned on him. ‘You knew it was here and you didn’t tell me?’ She felt stupidly close to tears and that wouldn’t do, so she put her hands on her hips and her head on one side and demanded, ‘What else haven’t you told me, Joshua Kent?’

  He raised his hand to her chin, tilting it up to read the expression in her face. ‘One or two things, Holly Carpenter, but there’s no rush. Now you’re staying.’ He glanced at the studio. ‘This has been waiting for you for a long time.’

  ‘Waiting?’ She thought of the pristine tubes of paint, the new brushes and fresh canvases. She’d known something had been missing — it was the smell of paint and turpentine. The studio had never been used. ‘Mary did that for me?’ He nodded and let his hand fall to his side. It was easier to think without his warm hand under her chin, yet a little lonely, and she shivered slightly. ‘You never said a word.’

  ‘On the contrary, I think perhaps I said rather too many. I thought you were a cold, uncaring young woman who had quite deliberately chosen to ignore her natural mother. I did everything Mary asked of me, to the letter, but frankly I hoped you would just go away and never set foot in Highfield, or Ashbrooke, again.’

  ‘So why did you make me come back?’

  ‘Because I made a mistake.’

  His eyes were shadowed in the cool shade of the studio. Unreadable. ‘I confess that from the moment I met you I had my doubts, but I refused to listen to them. The facts spoke for themselves. It was quite clear that you were simply coming with me because you thought that you might miss out on a valuable inheritance if you didn’t.’

  ‘That wasn’t why I came.’

  ‘No. That caricature was quite a shock, though. Did I really make that bad an impression?’

  ‘Yes,’ she admitted, embarrassed. ‘But you’ve changed. I couldn’t draw that now.’ Then, realising that this betrayed her own change of heart she turned from him and looked at the house, bathed in sunshine. ‘But there was no need to come and fetch me. I would have come back eventually.’

  ‘I couldn’t be sure. And I wanted you here.’ Before she could work out exactly what he meant by that, he had his arm around her shoulder and was leading her back to the house. ‘I’ve been putting off the evil moment, but I think I’d better get this interview over with, then I can throw Grantham out with an easy conscience.’

  ‘I can manage that myself, Joshua. But it’s a long drive and it is the weekend. He really ought to stay until tomorrow.’

  ‘He should have thought of that before he came bothering you. If he’s too tired to go home he’ll have to stay in a hotel.’

  *

  David’s face, as he followed Joshua back into the sitting-room a couple of hours later, was an odd mixture of elation and dejection. Clearly he had got most of what he wanted, but at a cost.

  ‘If you telephone my secretary on Monday she’ll make an appointment for your photographer to come to my office,’ Joshua said, adding, in case it wasn’t absolutely clear, ‘I don’t want to see you again.’

  He returned to the study, leaving David to say goodbye to Holly and tender his apologies, which he did with less grace than she might have expected in the circumstances.

  ‘I wouldn’t have said anything about the two of you,’ he said finally, unable to contain his resentment any longer. ‘He didn’t have to threaten me.’

  He looked so much like a small boy that Holly felt quite sorry for him. She had no idea what Joshua’s idea of a threat was, but could well imagine that it wouldn’t be much fun to be on the receiving end of it.

  ‘There’s nothing to tell, David.’

  ‘No? That was two other people I saw kissing this morning, was it?’

  ‘David,’ she warned. ‘You have more than you could possibly have hoped for, leave it at that.’

  ‘I know. It was just that… Oh, what’s the use? Who could compete with someone like Joshua Kent?’ He made an angry gesture in the direction of the study. ‘He’s got everything. Including you, apparently.’

  Wrong again, David, she thought. He hasn’t got me, because he doesn’t want me. But she had no intention of giving him any hope.

  ‘Once you’ve a grand job in London you’ll find someone special and forget all about me,’ she assured him, trying hard not to be too impatient.

  He looked at her pityingly. ‘I might find someone else, Holly, but I’ll never forget you.’ He paused in the doorway. ‘Just don’t let him hurt you.’

  Too late, she thought. Far too late for that.

  ‘Has he gone?’ Joshua looked up from the tape recorder as Holly searched him out in the study a little later.

  ‘Yes. What are you doing?’ He pocketed the cassette. ‘Just a few precautions, in case he decides to forget our agreement.’ He pulled a face. ‘What a miserable start to a warm and sunny Saturday. I came to take you sailing and now it’s the middle of the morning.’

  ‘Sailing? I’ve never been sailing.’

  ‘Well, now is a very good time to learn. Ashbrooke Leisure is about to launch a new class of yacht. The prototype awaits your pleasure.’

  She had thought, in that moment when she had turned at the sound of his voice and he had kissed her, that he had changed his mind. Come back to finish what they had barely begun. But no. He had made her come back to Ashbrooke and now felt it his duty to look after her. She had no wish to be a duty.

  ‘It sounds lovely, but please don’t feel you have to entertain me, Joshua. I’m sure there are dozens of other things you could be doing.’

  ‘Hundreds,’ he assured her, with a perfectly straight face. ‘We could drive up to Dartmoor if you’d prefer?’

  ‘It’s all right, Joshua,’ she said, determined to let him see that she wasn’t going to make a fuss just because he had kissed her until her bones melted. He had probably kissed dozens of girls just like that. He couldn’t possibly have known that for her it was a totally new experience. ‘You’ve done everything you had to do. I’ll always be very grateful.’ She put out her hand very firmly, a gesture that gave them both a graceful exit. He took it in his own, larger, darker one and held it quite gently.

  ‘Are you telling me to go?’ he asked in a smooth drawl that immediately threatened to overturn her resolve. His grip tightened imperceptibly as she tried to withdraw her hand from his.

  ‘I…I think it would be best.’

  ‘For whom?’

  ‘For both—’ But he didn’t wait for her answer. He provided his own.

  ‘If you’re saying it would be best for me, Holly, I have to tell you that that’s an impudent presumption on your part.’ She opened her mouth to deny it, but he continued, ‘But if you’re trying to tell me that it would be best for you…’ This time the pause was endless.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I I intend to prove you wrong.’

  He jerked her in one swift movement into his arms and pinned her against him, his hands at her waist, her bare legs pressed against the hard, hairy length of his thighs.

  ‘Joshua!’ she protested. ‘Let me go!’ And she pushed furiously against his chest.

  ‘Of course,’ he went on, as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening. As if her heart were not rushing headlong to obliteration. As if her body were still all her own and not simply a quivering extension of his. ‘You could simply admit your mistake. Say, I’m sorry, Joshua. I’d love to spend the day with you. Try it.’

  ‘No—’

  One hand remained at her waist, effortlessly containing her attempts to free herself. The other began to move in a slow, kindling caress upwards along her spine a
nd for a moment she was paralysed by the slow spread of fire that seeped through her veins. Then she gasped and began to struggle against him in earnest.

  His full lower lip curved in a sensuous smile and his eyes darkened and quite suddenly she realised that she was not helping herself. Not one bit. She stopped abruptly, her breath coming in short ragged gasps as she fought to overcome her own desire.

  ‘Well?’ He waited a moment, holding her against the warm, still length of his body, driving her almost beyond the limit of her self-control. Then his mouth began to dip towards hers.

  ‘I’m sorry, Joshua,’ she rasped out urgently. ‘I’d love to spend the day with you.’ His mouth paused, inches from her own, but he didn’t loosen his grip.

  ‘Sure?’ he said. ‘I’m perfectly willing to demonstrate.’ Neither of them was oblivious to the quiver that shot through her. ‘Say, “yes, Joshua”.’

  ‘Yes, Joshua…’ The words were little more than a croak, she could hardly speak, but his look demanded more. ‘I’d love to spend the day with you.’ She forced the words out in a series of hoarse, panting breaths.

  ‘That’s better.’ She almost collapsed with relief as he loosened his grip. Then he said, ‘Oh, what the hell?’ And he kissed her anyway.

  CHAPTER TEN

  HOLLY’S lips parted on an urgent protest and that was her first mistake. What might have been almost nothing, the merest tease of a kiss, became altogether different as, with a groan something like agony, he pulled her fiercely into his arms, his tongue stroking swiftly along hers to begin the sweetest exploration of her mouth.

  His touch turned her bones to liquid fire and she melted against him, no longer able to offer any resistance to the man taking control of her senses and making them his slave. Even her hands, which had been pressing against his chest, fighting uselessly against his domination of her will, slid traitorously upwards to wind themselves around his neck, leaving her quite defenceless. And that was her second mistake.

  His hands swiftly loosened the T-shirt from her waistband and then slipped under the cloth where the sensitive pads of his fingers began to work a deeper kind of magic, sending warm, electric tremors flickering across the silky smooth skin of her back. He reached the fastening of her bra, disposed of it and then his hands moved swiftly to cup the firm ripeness of her breasts and torment the burgeoning tips of her nipples under his thumbs.