by Cindi Madsen
Mom turned. “Hi, sweetheart. How was your day?”
Sure she was going to lose her lunch, she put a hand over her mouth.
Mom glanced from her to the TV. “Oh, it’s some old surgeries. To keep up my surgical skills. I’ll turn it off if it bugs you.”
No wonder I’m so screwed up, she thought as she hightailed it out of there.
Taking deep breaths, she managed to make it back to the living room. The love seat was closest, so she took a couple shaky steps and flopped onto it.
Dad lowered his magazine. “You okay, Livie? You look a little pale.”
“Mom’s in there watching brain surgery while making dinner.”
“I saw that she’d gotten out her old tapes.”
“You don’t think it’s a little weird to be making food and staring at brains?”
One corner of Dad’s mouth twisted up. “I suppose it does seem a little crazy to someone who isn’t used to seeing it, but to your mom, it’s where she excels. It’s like math is to you; it’s what makes sense to her.” He paused for a moment. “I do worry about her. She loved her work.”
“Then why’d she give it up?” Liv asked.
Dad looked at her for a moment, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening. “Well, after your wreck, she put all her efforts into getting you better. She needed a break from work anyway and had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I’m sure someday she’ll… Besides, there’s not exactly a lot of need for it in Cottonwood.”
“Then why did we come here? Mom always says we needed a fresh start, but I’m still not sure why we moved at all.”
“If you’re not going to help your mom, why don’t you go start your homework?”
“But—”
“Now.” Dad’s tone made it clear there wouldn’t be any more questions. Normally, Mom was the one to get upset. Dad had never sounded so harsh.
Hurt and frustrated, she made her way up to her room. Spending time with Spencer, she’d let herself think her life could be normal. But now there it was again, all her instincts whispering that she was anything but. Ignoring the signs wasn’t working anymore—if she was honest with herself, she’d known something bad had happened in Minnesota. More than the car wreck. Something so awful that Mom and Dad were keeping it a secret from her.
And since they obviously weren’t going to confess, she would have to start digging for the truth herself.
18
“Hey, about yesterday and the makeup thing. I was just teasing you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
Pulling her book out of her locker, Liv spun around and faced Spencer. “It wasn’t what you said, I swear. Besides, isn’t giving each other a hard time kind of our thing?”
His solemn expression softened, and a smile played on the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, I guess it is. I felt bad, though. I was sure you were going to tell me what a jerk I was.”
“Not today, but don’t worry, I’ll call you on it if you start acting like one again.”
This time, his smile broke free.
Together, they started down the hall. “What happened, then?” Spencer asked. “I take it you weren’t crying because of the cinematic beauty of the movie.”
She exhaled, trying to figure out what she could possibly say. “Here’s the thing. Since I broke girl code and all, you’re kind of my only friend—no pressure, by the way. I’m sure Keira will still be nice to me, but I don’t want her to get in trouble, so…”
“So you’re saying you don’t want people to know we’re friends. I’m making things worse?”
Liv shook her head. “Not at all. In fact, I want to show Sabrina that she can’t push me around. She can’t tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.”
Spencer lowered his eyebrows. “Then what are you saying?”
“I guess I’m asking if we can just forget yesterday’s meltdown ever happened.”
“Forgotten.” He shook his hair out of his face, and the overhead lights reflected off his lenses. “But if you ever do want to talk about it, you can.”
“And if you ever want to talk about anything, you can talk to me, too.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about.”
Liv raised an eyebrow. “Sure you don’t.”
“So today after school,” he said, ignoring her implication, “you want to finish the movie or do something else from the list? I added bowling and mini-golf last night. Those are definitely things you’ve got to experience.”
The fact he’d added to the list after she’d acted all crazy made her want to hug him. But since she couldn’t get up enough courage to actually do it, she smiled at him. “Bowling sounds fun.”
“Bowling it is.”
Sabrina and her group walked down the hall, headed toward her and Spencer. Pinpointing the exact moment Sabrina realized that she hadn’t listened to her threats was easy: the smile turned into a sneer, and she shot her an icy glare.
“This should be interesting,” Liv muttered.
Spencer draped his arm around her shoulders and leaned in. “What was that?”
Pulse racing, she stared into his eyes, trying to remember what she’d been talking about. Oh yeah, Sabrina. Getting mad. But with his arm around her, she really didn’t care.
…
Liv was having trouble focusing on her English comp paper. For one, she was thinking about how Spencer had put his arm around her, replaying it over and over. Then there was the fact that she didn’t have anything to put down. With Mom and Dad both freaking out any time she brought up the past, she didn’t have the information for the family paper she was supposed to write. Taylor and Candace were both in the class, too, and they took turns staring daggers at her.
Mrs. Tully gave a pointed look at Liv’s blank computer screen. “You should get started, Olivia. This is going to be a big project.”
Liv put her hands up on the keyboard. “Okay.”
“Why don’t you start with your family history.”
Believe me, I’m as curious about that as you are. “I’m not sure about the details.”
“Then write about a tradition your family has. Like what you do for birthdays or holidays.”
Again, not something she knew. She supposed she could start with how every morning they sat around the table and she threw back a handful of pills. Then there were walks with Dad and making dinner with Mom—she doubted anyone else’s mom cooked while watching brain surgery. Of course, she didn’t exactly want to write about that. Especially since it might lead to her puking all over her keyboard.
Typing her name and a couple of generic facts was enough to get Mrs. Tully to move on. Liv stared at the blinking cursor.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
Like it was taunting her.
How can you not remember? The loud, demanding voice in her head made her jump. Her heart rate spiked and her palms felt slick against the keyboard. You’re not even trying.
Yes I am. Liv glanced at Mrs. Tully, now seated behind her desk. Starting now.
She opened the Internet and typed in Dad’s name. She got a bunch of links that weren’t him—an artist, a real-estate guy. She tried again, typing in MD and then PhD after his name. Information came up on where he did his schooling, residency, and fellowship, along with several medical articles.
One had a subheading that read:
Genomics and Genotype-Phenotype Relationships in Heritable Cardiovascular Diseases Predisposing to Sudden Death
The article itself was full of words like DNA and ion channels. Nothing helpful like, Hey, this is why your dad acts weird every time you bring up the past.
A chair scraped the floor and Liv looked up, feeling her heart thudding against her rib cage. Candace sneered at her, then leaned in to say something—most likely an insult about Liv—to Taylor.
Ignoring them, she typed in Mom’s name. She got about the same results: her credentials and articles that might as well have been in Latin. Liv bit her
thumbnail, trying to think of what else she might be able to look up. After a moment, she moved her fingers back over the keyboard and searched for the Mayo Clinic. Within a couple minutes, she’d found out that it was known for its innovative treatments, was huge in medical research, and was on a list of the “Best Companies to Work For.”
So why would they give up such great jobs to come here?
Something didn’t add up. And as a math person, that bothered her.
…
“I thought you and Spencer were just friends,” Keira said as Liv shoved her books into her locker.
Liv closed the door and turned toward Keira. “We are.”
“Everyone’s talking about how cozy you two looked this morning.”
“By everyone, I’m assuming you mean Sabrina.”
Gripping her open locker door, Keira leaned in. “She’s really upset. She thought that Spencer would come back around eventually. One day they were together, the next he just stopped talking to her. Talking to anyone, really. Then you move in, and just like that,” she said, snapping her fingers, “he’s talking to you.”
“We didn’t exactly have an easy start,” Liv said.
“But he is talking to you.”
Liv nodded.
Keira glanced around, then leaned even closer. “Sabrina and Spencer went out all last year. They were the couple everyone gossiped about. She was totally crushed when it ended.”
“Something must’ve happened between them.”
“Everything changed at the end-of-the-year party. Spencer got arrested. After that, he was a different person.”
A sinking feeling went through Liv’s stomach. “Arrested? Are you sure?”
“I’d already left, so I didn’t see it, but that’s what I’ve heard. Since he cut himself off from everyone, no one really knows what happened. Plus the story always changes based on who tells it.” Keira’s eyes widened. “Oh, crap. Here comes Sabrina. You know I’m not mad, but if she sees me with you…”
“It’s okay. I don’t want to make things hard for you.”
Keira shot her an apologetic smile, then stepped past her. Liv’s mind spun over Keira’s revelation. Spencer was arrested?
Bad boys are kind of hot.
Yeah, until they take out their rage on you. Then it doesn’t matter how hot they are.
“Hey.” Fingers grazed her back and she jumped. Turning, she saw Spencer. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Liv put a hand over her fast-beating heart. “Hey.”
“Ready for lunch?”
She nodded. Then she walked down the hall with Spencer, wondering if everyone in the world had something to hide.
…
As Liv sat on the bench after school, waiting for Spencer, she replayed Keira’s unexpected news about his arrest; how Clay had told her to be careful.
Maybe I should rethink spending so much time with him.
It was true she didn’t know him that well, but she couldn’t believe he was dangerous. Occasionally cold or distant, sure, but dangerous? Wouldn’t she be able to sense something like that?
Spencer exited the school and made his way over to her. He flashed her a smile that shot straight through her heart. “Ready to go?”
So maybe she didn’t know everything about him. But this was a guy who’d written a list to make up for the experiences she couldn’t remember. Her gut told her he was a good person.
Sometimes you just had to trust your instincts. She tossed her book in her bag. “Ready.”
Music rang out and Spencer reached into his pocket. “That’s my phone. One second.” He answered it. “Yeah.” Pause. “Okay, hang tight. I’ll be right there.”
He hung up and sighed. “My sister and her friend got in a fight, so she doesn’t want to go over to her house to wait for me or my mom to get home. It looks like our options are finishing the movie at my house, I can take you home now, or I guess we could still go bowling, but we’d have to bring Katie, which we probably don’t want to do because she gets really chatty.”
“I don’t mind chatty,” Liv said.
“You sure?”
She nodded. Her main concern was that she’d look at Katie and start crying again. But she liked the idea of spending time with her.
When they got to Spencer’s house, Katie was sitting on the front step, cheeks propped against her fists, elbows on her knees.
“She looks so sad,” Liv said.
“She’ll get over it. She and Hailey fight all the time.” Spencer unrolled his window. “You want to go bowling?”
Katie’s brows drew together. “With you?”
“And Liv.”
“But you never take me anywhere anymore.”
“I do, too.”
“You do not.”
“Do you want to come or not?” Spencer asked.
A smile broke through the sadness, and Katie shot up and bounded toward the car.
…
Liv studied the multicolored balls lining the racks at the bowling alley. She pointed to a blue swirled one. “This is pretty.”
Spencer shook his head, but he was smiling. “Typical girl. Choosing a ball because it’s pretty.”
She grabbed the ball and almost dropped it on her toe. Whoa. It’s heavier than I thought it would be. She lugged it over to the lane they’d been assigned, then sat down to put on the ugly black-and-maroon shoes she’d rented. Katie and Spencer showed up with their shiny bowling balls shortly after.
Katie plopped in the seat next to her. “Hailey said that I’m a baby because I wanted to play Barbies. How old were you when you stopped playing with dolls?”
Liv glanced at Katie, then at Spencer, hoping he’d give her a good answer. He just shrugged. “I think you can play with them however long you want,” she said. “I hate to break it to you, but girls are just kind of mean sometimes.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I guess we all feel a little insecure from time to time, and it’s easier to pick on someone else than focus on ourselves. Just look at Spencer. Instead of thinking about how bad I’m going to be at bowling, I’m going to tell him that he better watch out, because he’s going down.”
Katie laughed. “You must be really good, then, because Spencer’s way good. Dad used to take us every Friday night.” She looked at Spencer. “Remember that?”
Spencer nodded. “Yeah. And as for Liv, she can’t even handle a little lizard bite, so I don’t think beating her will be that hard.”
“Oh, it’s on.” Liv stood and grabbed her ball. Looked down the lane at the bowling pins, then over her shoulder at Spencer. “Um, I just roll it, right?”
“I keep forgetting that you don’t know what you’re doing.” He walked up to her. “You have to hold it like…” His gaze dropped to the ball in her hands. “First off, I think we should get a ball with holes you can actually put your fingers in. This one is way too big.” He took it from her and set it down, then ran to the rack. He grabbed another ball and brought it over to her.
She frowned. “It’s black and ugly.”
“Just put your fingers in it and let’s get started.” Spencer showed her how to hold the ball, then, using his ball, demonstrated the basic moves.
Liv swung her arm back like Spencer had. Started forward.
And dropped the ball.
It barely missed her toe, then rolled the opposite way it was supposed to.
Katie giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. “Sorry.”
Spencer had his lips clamped together, the corners of his mouth trembling.
Cheeks burning, Liv bent down to pick up her ball. “Well, that didn’t go like I expected it to.”
Spencer shot her an encouraging smile. “It’s okay; we’ll try again.”
She put her fingers in the holes and faced the lane. Spencer stepped up behind her. He put a hand on her hip, and her stomach jumped into her throat. He slid his other hand down her arm and gripped her wrist. She felt his breath on her c
heek when he spoke. “When I say to drop it, you let go.”
With his arms around her, she could hardly breathe, much less think about a stupid bowling ball.
But since she didn’t want to make a fool of herself again, she forced herself to focus.
“Swing it like this…” Spencer guided her arm back and then pushed it forward. “Drop it.”
Liv dropped the ball. It slowly rolled down the lane. Veered to the right. And took out three pins.
Grinning, she twisted toward Spencer and found him smiling, too. Their eyes met and his grip on her waist tightened.
Her heart felt like it was trying to make an escape from her chest as she leaned in to him.
“Good job, Liv!” Katie said, throwing her hand up.
Spencer took a giant step back.
Working to hide her disappointment, Liv turned to Katie and gave her a high-five. “Thanks, Katie.”
“Now you go again.” Katie grabbed Liv’s arm and tugged her over to retrieve the bowling ball the machine had spit back out. “And it’ll get easier every time.”
Liv watched Spencer sit down and retie one of his shoelaces. Hopefully, bowling wasn’t the only thing that would get easier every time. Because now that she’d experienced how it felt to be right next to him, all she wanted was to get back to that place and linger for a while.
…
Katie was right about how good Spencer was—he got strike after strike, and when he didn’t get a strike, he almost always picked up his spares. And Spencer was right about Katie being chatty. She talked nonstop, explaining the ins and outs as they played. But she didn’t mind; Katie’s enthusiasm was catching, and there was something comforting about the constant chatter.
Once in a while, Liv would look at Spencer and think about the fact that he’d been arrested. But then she decided that whatever had actually happened that night, it didn’t matter. The way he talked to his sister and the way he encouraged her instead of making her feel stupid—he was a good guy. That was all there was to it.
At the end of the game, her score was the lowest. By a lot.
Spencer draped his arm over her shoulders as they looked at their scores. “Not too bad for your first time. Not too great, either.”