Sweet Things

by JA Armstrong

  “Devon, I think I understand. I know you had issues with Dar.”

  There was no point in denying it. Devon nodded. “I did. She hurt people I love, Mom. Don’t get me wrong; I feel horrible about her death. I do. I can’t help but feel angry. You should have seen Tommy last night. And, CJ? Mom, she’s asked at least twenty times when Carrie will be back.” Devon massaged her eyes, hoping to hold her tears at bay. “And, Carrie? She’s busy taking care of everyone and everything—again.”

  “And, you resent that?” Jillian asked as gently as she could.

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. I can see it in her eyes—the hurt. I can’t do anything about it.”

  “And?”

  “And? That’s not enough?” Devon snapped.

  “Devon…”

  “I’m sorry.” Devon took a deep breath and released it slowly. “We met with a fertility specialist yesterday.”

  Jillian’s ears perked.

  Devon offered her mother a smile. “She thinks there’s a chance Carrie can successfully conceive and carry a pregnancy to term.”

  “That’s wonderful, Dev.”

  “It is,” Devon agreed.

  “But?”

  Devon sighed. “What if she doesn’t want that now?”

  Jillian was puzzled. “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “All of this, everything that’s happening, the business, Tom, CJ—all of it. What if it all becomes too much and…”

  “You think that Dar’s passing will make Carrie rethink having a family with you?”

  “No. I don’t. I just… It’s…”

  “Devon?”

  “I don’t want to put any pressure on her.”

  “About?”

  “Anything. I was going to suggest we make it official while we were in California.”

  Jillian smiled. “I see.”

  “Are you mad?”

  “That you want to marry Carrie? I already know that.”

  Devon blushed. “No, that I was thinking about doing it…”

  “Without including us?” Jillian guessed. “No, I’m not mad. Maybe a little disappointed. I’m not mad. I think you need to talk to Carrie. The last thing she needs is for you to shut her out. Don’t underestimate her, Devon. Maybe it isn’t the right time. You should still tell her how you feel.”

  Devon shook her head. How can I? “I can’t ask her now.”

  “Ask who what?” Carrie wondered when she opened the door.

  Devon looked up like a deer caught in headlights.

  “What did I miss?” Carrie asked.

  Jillian pushed out her chair. “I think I’ll go check on CJ.” She leaned into Devon’s ear before leaving the room. “Talk to her, Devon.”

  Carrie watched the interaction between Devon and Jillian with interest.

  Devon cleared her throat. “How are you doing?”

  Carrie smirked. “Nice try. Want to tell me what that was all about?”

  “It’s not important.”

  Carrie folded her arms across her chest.

  “It’s nothing. Honestly, it isn’t. Right now, I am worried about you.”

  Devon’s attempt to divert their discussion was futile. Carrie could easily read Devon’s expression. She placed her keys on the counter and held up a finger. “Wait here for a second.” She made her way into the living room.

  “Auntie!”

  “Hey, sweetie.” Carrie accepted an enthusiastic hug from CJ. She squatted to CJ’s level and brushed CJ’s bangs from her eyes. “Can you play will Grandma Jill for a few minutes?”

  CJ looked at her feet. “Are you weaving again?”

  “No,” Carrie replied. “I just want to take a little walk with Dev. Would that be okay? Then, I promise I will be here for the rest of the day.”

  CJ nodded.

  Carrie sighed inwardly. CJ had always liked to cuddle; she’d never been one to cling. Carrie kissed CJ’s forehead and looked at Jillian. “Do you mind staying with the padawan for a few minutes?”

  Jillian grinned. “Not at all. In fact, I think I could use a dose of Nemo.”

  CJ brightened and ran to Devon’s mother. “We can watch Nemo!”

  “Really?” Jillian asked hopefully.

  “Yep. Me and Deb watched him last night, Grandma. Deb likes the birds.”

  Carrie chuckled. “I’ll be back in a little bit,” she promised.

  “’Kay!” CJ waved.

  Carrie shook her head and giggled as she left the room.

  “What’s funny?” Devon asked when Carrie walked back into the kitchen.

  Carrie’s eyes sparkled with affection. She held out her hand to Devon. “Let’s take a walk.”

  “A walk?”

  “Yes, a walk. You do remember how to do that?”

  Devon was puzzled. “You just got home.”

  Carrie pulled Devon to her feet. “Come on.”

  Devon relented. Carrie grabbed her keys off the counter and led Devon through the door. She was content to hold Devon’s hand and walk in companionable silence until they reached the small park at the end of Carrie’s street. Carrie pulled Devon to sit under a large oak tree.

  “Want to tell me what it is you don’t want to tell me?” Carrie asked.

  Devon bit her lower lip.

  “Devon?”

  “You have a lot to deal with right now.”

  Carrie nodded. “I do. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have time for you.”

  “Carrie, you just lost your best friend. I…”

  Carrie pressed two fingers to Devon’s lips. “Stop. I want you to listen to me. You come first. Do you understand that? You come first in my life, Devon. I’m not made of glass.”

  “I don’t think you’re made of glass. I also don’t think you’re made of steel. I just want to support you.”

  “You do.”

  Devon took a deep breath. “I…”

  “What is it?”

  “I had planned to talk to you last night when you got home.”

  “About?”

  “Getting married while we were in California.”

  “Is that right?”

  Devon shrugged, regretting her words immediately. The planned trip to see Carrie’s family was on hold indefinitely. While Carrie had seemed to take that in stride, Devon was sure that her fiancée was disappointed. Carrie had been looking forward to spending some time with her parents and her brother’s family.

  Carrie smiled and lifted Devon’s face to hers. She kissed Devon sweetly. “Dev,” she whispered. “I would marry you today if you wanted.”

  Devon’s forehead fell gently against Carrie’s. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

  “None of this is because of you,” Carrie reminded Devon. “It hurts, Dev. I’m not going to lie to you. There’ve been moments in the last day that I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide. I can’t do that.”

  Devon’s heart ached. “That’s why I didn’t want to say anything.”

  “I understand. This isn’t easy for you either. I know that.”

  “Me? I’m fine.”

  “Sure, you are. Our life just got turned upside down. I understand that you want to protect me.”

  “I do.”

  “I know that.” Carrie studied the expression on Devon’s face. “Dev, let’s get through this week. Tommy called me. Dar’s mother is a mess. She’s still Lorraine.”

  Devon understood the implication in Carrie’s observation. Carrie had told Devon countless stories about life as Dar’s best friend. Those stories included many about Darlene’s family. The Knowles family differed from the Maynard, Willis, and Brine clans. Carrie, Devon, and Tom had all enjoyed supportive families. No family was perfect but Devon had always understood that she had been lucky to grow up with parents who loved and engaged with their children. Carrie and Tom had been raised in similar environments.

  Carrie told Devon that Lorraine and Doug Knowles had visited Connecticut twice in the last eighteen years, once
for Dar’s college graduation and to attend Dar and Tom’s wedding. Dar had left home at eighteen and had done everything she could to look back as little as possible. She seldom made trips home. When she did, she always sought Tom or Carrie as company, hoping to buffer Lorraine Knowles’ propensity for criticism. Carrie confided in Devon the previous day that she expected this would be the last trip Dar’s parents would make to the East Coast. They barely engaged with either of their grandchildren. Dar’s older sister had been in and out of rehab and floundered to find her way for years. Lorraine remained adamant that CJ and her cousin were not their responsibility.

  Devon sensed there was something Carrie had yet to share. “Did you talk to her?”

  “Dar’s mother?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No. And, to tell you the truth I’m dreading it.”

  “What did Tom say?” Devon asked.

  Carrie sighed. “She wants Tommy and I to handle the arrangements. Doug will fly in when that’s settled.”

  Devon forced herself not to scream. “She wants you and Tom to plan Dar’s funeral? Is that what you’re telling me?”

  Carrie watched as Devon’s eyes flickered with anger and reached for Devon’s hand. “It’s okay.”

  “The hell it is,” Devon replied.

  “It is.”

  “Carrie…”

  “I’d rather we plan it.”

  Devon pinched the bridge of her nose forcefully. From her perspective, Dar’s entire life had landed in Carrie’s lap. Now, Carrie would be faced with handling the fallout from Dar’s death too. It seemed incredibly unfair to Devon.

  Carrie gently pried Devon’s hand from the grip it held on her face. “Devon,” she called softly. “Look at me.”

  Devon complied with a deep sigh.

  “I need you right now.” It was a difficult admission for Carrie. She’d found herself mulling over the reality that she needed Devon all day. She needed the safety and comfort of Devon’s arms. She needed Devon to help her laugh, and to remind her of all the wonderful things that lay ahead.

  “You know that I will do whatever you need.”

  “I just need you,” Carrie said. “I don’t need you to do anything but be Dev.”

  Devon nodded. She pulled Carrie close. “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop apologizing.” Carrie let her head fall onto Devon’s shoulder. “Were you really going to suggest we get married next week?”

  “Yeah.”

  Carrie smiled. “Soon, Dev.”

  Devon placed a tender kiss on Carrie’s temple. “There’s no rush.”

  “No?”

  “I will marry you the moment you tell me you’re ready.”

  “I’m ready, Dev. I just can’t think about a wedding and a funeral at the same time.”

  “I know.”

  “Soon. I promise.”

  Devon closed her eyes and held Carrie close. I hope so.

  Chapter Three

  Carrie and Tom had escaped into the den to take a call from the medical examiner. Lorraine had feigned palpitations when the call came. Devon was grateful that CJ had been on her lap. A few hours with Lorraine Knowles explained many things to Devon. If she had considered Dar dramatic, Lorraine defined the word diva. Devon found herself thinking that Lorraine should have been an actress. She didn’t doubt that Dar’s death was painful for the woman. She did note a deliberate sense of melodrama from the woman. CJ kept her distance from her grandmother. She stayed close to Carrie whenever possible.

  “Where’s Auntie?” CJ asked.

  “She had to talk to someone with Daddy. They’ll be right back,” Devon explained.

  “Can I stay here tonight?”

  Devon wasn’t certain how to answer. Tom and CJ had slept at Carrie’s the last two nights. The original plan had been for Lorraine to stay at Dar’s house. She’d broken down into tears when Carrie and Tom had driven her there, and Carrie extended the offer for her to stay with Carrie and Devon until Dar’s father arrived. That had landed Carrie and Devon on the sleeper sofa in the living room. She imagined that Tom was eager to get home and that he would want CJ with him.

  “We’ll see what Daddy and your auntie have planned, okay?” Devon replied cautiously.

  CJ frowned.

  “What do you say we play some Angry Birds?”

  CJ shook her head.

  “No?” Devon asked.

  CJ shook her head again.

  “Do you want to take a walk to the park?” Devon asked.

  CJ brightened.

  “Okay. Let me go tell Daddy and Auntie where we are going.” Devon moved CJ off her lap and headed for the den. She knocked and opened the door a crack. “Sorry.” The moment Carrie’s eyes met hers, Devon’s heart sank. What now? “Carrie?”

  Carrie shook her head sadly. “Close the door.”

  “What is it?” Devon asked, noting Tom’s pallid color. “What did the ME say?”

  Carrie looked at Tom before turning her attention to Devon. “It was an overdose. A mixture of painkillers and alcohol.”

  “I’m sorry,” Devon said.

  “But,” Carrie continued. “They… They found something else, Dev.”

  “What?”

  “She had a tumor in her brain. The doctor said based on the medical records he received, he doesn’t think she knew. But…”

  “But?”

  Carrie’s eyes closed and a tear slipped down her cheek. “It looks like she had at least a couple of seizures. He said Dar likely had frequent pain. And, it’s possible her memory and behavior could have been affected.”

  Devon moved to kneel in front of Carrie. “This is not your fault—either of you.”

  “Why wouldn’t she say something?” Carrie asked.

  “Carrie, there are a lot of possibilities in what he told you.” Devon looked at Tom. “You can’t help someone if they won’t let you. Trust me on that.”

  “I’ve been so angry,” Carrie began.

  “Rightfully so,” Devon said. “Don’t look at me like that. Don’t you either,” she told Tom. “Listen to me, both of you—all of that may be true. And, maybe that explains some things. You can’t beat yourselves up now. You can’t. I didn’t know Dar that well.” Devon took a deep breath. “I do think she loved you both.”

  Carrie’s surprise was evident.

  “I do,” Devon said. “She wouldn’t want you two in here blaming yourselves. That’s not going to help anyone, least of all CJ.”

  “I wish that made it easier,” Carrie offered.

  “I don’t think anything will make this easier,” Devon said. “For any of you. You lost someone you love. There’s no better way to lose someone.”

  Carrie smiled. God, I love you, Dev. “That’s not why you knocked. What’s going on?” Carrie asked.

  “I was going to take CJ for a walk to the park. I think she could use to get out of here for a little while.”

  “Probably a good idea,” Carrie agreed.

  Devon grimaced.

  “What?” Carrie asked.

  Devon looked at Tom. “She asked if she could stay here tonight.”

  Tom nodded.

  “Tommy, you can both stay as long as you need to,” Carrie offered.

  “You two need a break,” he replied. “I think that I should insist that Lorraine come stay with me until Doug gets here. And, before you say anything, you deserve a break from CJ too.”

  “Carrie’s right,” Devon said. “You are welcome to stay. We understand if you want to be home with CJ.”

  “What I want is to stop dropping all my issues on the two of you.”

  Carrie grabbed Tom’s hands. “Stop it. That is not what is happening. We’re here for you, Tommy.”

  “Carrie’s right,” Devon said. “There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for you and CJ.”

  “What about you?” Tom asked.

  “Me?” Devon asked.

  “Devon, this isn’t…”

  “This is my family,” Devon put Tom�
��s thought to rest. “I certainly will understand if you want to take CJ home tonight, so will Carrie. And, we’ll help with that any way we can,” Devon said. “CJ’s your daughter. We both know that. But don’t ever think that CJ doesn’t have a home here too. She does. Nothing will ever change that unless you decide to.”

  Tom swallowed a growing lump in his throat. The resolve in Devon’s voice and the tears in Carrie’s eyes told him everything he’d always believed was true. He managed two words. “Thank you.”

  Devon nodded. “I’m going to take CJ out for a little bit,” she said. “Get her away from the stress here, and let you two do what you need to do.” She leaned in and kissed Carrie on the cheek. “I love you,” she whispered.

  Carrie smiled gratefully as she watched Devon leave.

  “Carrie, if you need,” Tom began.

  “She meant every word,” Carrie assured him.

  I know she did.

  ***

  Devon woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Carrie’s phone buzzing across the bedside table. Normally, Carrie would have woken immediately. Exhaustion had finally claimed Carrie. Devon had insisted that Carrie relax and have a glass of wine before bed. Tom had left late in the afternoon with a reluctant CJ and Dar’s mother in tow. She reached over Carrie and retrieved the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Auntie?”

  “CJ?” Devon asked as she tried to shake her sleepiness.

  “Auntie Debon?”

  “Yeah, monkey, it’s me. Auntie is sleeping.” Devon made her way from the bed and stepped into the bathroom. “Why are you awake?”

  “Can I come home?”

  Devon thought her heart would break beyond repair at CJ’s request. “Honey, you are home.”

  “Wif you,” CJ said.

  “Where’s Daddy?” Devon asked.

  “In his room.”

  “CJ, honey, why don’t you go sleep with Daddy? We’ll see you in the morning.”

  “I want you.”

  Devon was at a loss. She didn’t want to wake Carrie but she was unsure how to handle CJ’s request. “CJ, Daddy would be very scared if he woke up and you were gone.” CJ didn’t answer. “CJ?”

  “Okay.”

  Devon let out a sigh of relief. “Good. You go sleep with Daddy.” Before Devon could continue her thought, CJ had hung up. Oh, boy.