Shane's Fall (The Escort Series Book 2)

by Kennedy, Sloane

  “In my bathroom.” Of course, he realized stupidly. His chest constricted as he realized this wasn’t the first time for her and she would have had to take care of the damage she had inflicted upon herself. She followed him silently through the dark living room and then up the stairs to where her bedroom was. Her door was open and he pulled her in and had her sit on the bed. A long, white haired cat jumped on the bed and immediately crawled into her lap. Savannah automatically started stroking the animal.

  “How are you Pickles?” Shane said as he gave the cat a quick pet and then reached passed Savannah to turn on the light next to the bed.

  “Mr.,” she corrected.

  “Savannah, I’m having a hard enough time calling the cat ‘Pickles’ – don’t ask me to stick a ‘Mr.’ in front of it.” She smiled briefly and for the first time that night, he felt a shard of hope that maybe he could fix this.

  “It’s not his fault. Logan was the one who said he was a girl when he gave him to me. By the time the vet told us he was a he, it was too late to change his name.” Shane chuckled and opened the can of soda and put it in her hands.

  “Drink that,” he ordered and then went into the bathroom. He rummaged around in the vanity drawers and then went to the cabinet next to the sink. He pulled it open and froze when he saw an assortment of bandages, ointments, gauze pads and band aids. Right next to the medical supplies was a fresh pack of razors. Nausea swept through him and he held on to the cabinet door so hard he feared he might actually rip it from the hinges. He took a deep breath and then grabbed the razors and put them in his pocket – he knew she could easily get more with one trip to the drug store or just do what she’d done tonight and grab a knife from the butcher block downstairs, but it still gave him some comfort to get them out of her reach.

  He grabbed some of the band aids and ointment and then found a fresh washcloth which he got wet. When he got back into her room, she was still sitting in the same spot, the cat softly purring in her lap, her fingers idly running down the length of its back. He remembered how those fingers felt on his skin and envied the animal. Shaking the inappropriate thought away, he grabbed the rolling chair that was in front of her small writing table and sat in front of her. He dropped the supplies on the bed next to her and then removed the towel on her arm so he could clean the wounds again.

  “When did this start?” he asked, hoping she hadn’t drifted too far off into her safe place. She started at the sound of his voice and then snapped her eyes to where he was cleaning her arm. She had been somewhere else.

  “Does it matter?” she asked.

  “It matters to me.”

  She was quiet for a moment and then said, “Just before I left for college.”

  “Have you done it a lot?” He tried to keep his tone casual so she would keep talking, but his insides were churning.

  “The first year of school was bad.” Shane took that to mean that yes, she had done it a lot. “Focusing on my school work helped take my mind off things.”

  “You mentioned seeing a counselor at school – did you tell them about this?”

  She shook her head and whispered, “I was afraid they’d tell Logan and that they’d put me into an institution or something. I knew they’d tell me I was crazy.”

  He stopped cleaning the cuts and looked up at her, his eyes penetrating hers. “You are not crazy – you’ve got some stuff you need to work through, but you are not crazy, do you hear me?” She dragged her gaze from his and focused on the cat in her lap. She obviously didn’t believe a thing he was saying. He finished cleaning the wounds and then carefully dressed them. His hands drifted down her arm and over her palm and he couldn’t help but notice how cold it felt. He placed it between his hands to try and warm it up and marveled at how big he was compared to her.

  “You’re so strong Savannah,” he said, his gaze fixated on where their bodies were temporarily linked. It felt so good to touch her, to feel his warmth seep into hers.

  She laughed harshly at his statement and tried to pull her hand away, but he wouldn’t release her. She quickly settled and stopped fighting his hold and he couldn’t help but be glad she hadn’t seemed afraid that he was restraining her – maybe that meant she trusted him just a little.

  “I’m not. Strong people don’t do this,” she said, jutting her chin towards her injured arm. “Strong people don’t freak out when someone tries to dance with them. Strong people don’t use the people…” she chocked back a sob. “They don’t use the people they care most about.”

  A combination of joy and dread shot through him when she said those words. “You didn’t use me,” he said firmly but she shook her head and ripped her hand from his. The cat, sensing her agitation, jumped off her lap and ran out of the room. She stood up and began pacing and he saw her hands ball up into fists.

  “I did! I lied to you, I lied to Logan – I lie to him every day! Weak people lie! Weak people are cruel and selfish.”

  Anger filtered through him at the rage she was directing at herself. He got up and stalked towards her. She automatically stopped at his approach and then backed up until she hit the wall behind her. She looked scared, but at least he had her attention now. He caged her in with his arms but didn’t touch her. “You are none of those things and I don’t ever want to hear you use those words to describe yourself again.” She was trembling and he knew he was being too rough, but he couldn’t listen to her disparage herself like that – if those words were true then it put her in the same category as him and he knew for a fact that she was nothing like him. He’d had choices and made them – nothing that had happened to her had been her choice.

  “Someone hurt you Savannah – someone took something from you that they had no right to take and that makes them cruel and selfish and weak – not you! The only thing you are guilty of is not asking your brother or me or Gabe for help sooner and my guess is you have your reasons for that, even though I’ll be damned if I can figure out what they are.”

  She swallowed hard but he saw something in her eyes shift briefly – a spark of hope maybe? Was she hearing him? Could he plant a seed in her head that she could draw on later when that darkness came back for her? Maybe that was what he needed to give her – she’d asked him to help her get control back, but maybe she needed more than just control of her body. She needed those pieces inside that that bastard had taken – the ones that reminded her that she was strong and kind and beautiful. Could he give her all of it and still let her go when it was time?

  “I’m going to give you what you asked me for Savannah.” She sucked in a breath and he knew she understood what he was talking about. “But I have conditions.” When she remained silent, he continued. “I’m going to show you that your body is yours – that your choices are yours. But I need three things back from you.” He dropped his gaze to her lips which had parted and he was momentarily distracted. He forced his eyes back to hers and said, “One – you have to go talk to someone. A professional. I’ll help you find someone and if you don’t like them, we keep looking until we find one you do like.”

  He saw her nod slightly and he felt a shiver of victory go through him. He also felt the stirrings of desire and struggled not to close the distance between their bodies. “Two – you need to understand this isn’t about love or emotion. When it’s over I need you to be able to walk away.”

  “You don’t want me to fall in love with you,” she finally said, her voice barely audible even though she was only a few inches away.

  “It wouldn’t be love Savannah – at best it would be some kind of knight in shining armor thing.”

  “Does it happen a lot?” she asked. “Do the women you’re with fall in love with you?”

  Her change of topic unnerved him because talking about his work was definitely not something he wanted to do with her. “Sometimes,” he finally answered truthfully. “But most figure out it’s not real.”

  “And that’s how it would be between us.”

  “You’re
not a fucking client Savannah. It’s not the same thing.”

  “What’s the third thing?” she asked.

  He dropped his right hand so it closed around the wrist of her injured arm. “If you feel the need to do this, you have to call me first – no matter where you are, no matter what time it is, no matter what the circumstances.”

  She waivered for a long moment, but he was patient because he knew what he was asking her to do – she’d have to go without the security that cutting gave her and rely on him to keep her grounded. When she finally nodded, something inside of him let go and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss her. It was soft, tender and she relaxed instantly under his mouth. He lingered for a moment and then drew his mouth back.

  “Meet me at my place tomorrow after work. You know where it is?”

  She balked and said, “What about your girlfriend?”

  He stiffened at the mention of Paige. He supposed it was just another mark against his character that he had no problem being unfaithful to the woman everyone viewed as his girlfriend, but who was really nothing more than set dressing in the fucked up little play that had become his life.

  “She’s not part of this. She never comes to my apartment.” That was all he was willing to give and she seemed to accept it because she just nodded. The air was awkward between them now, so he drew back. He cast her one last glance as he left her room. Mr. Pickles darted passed him and back into the room as he walked out and he was glad that at least she wouldn’t be alone the rest of the night.

  Chapter 6

  Logan Bradshaw watched his younger sister jump up from the table for a third time to go rummaging in the fridge, this time for some more orange juice. She topped off her nearly full glass and put the carton in the middle of the table. She’d been like this for the last twenty minutes as they worked together to get their breakfast on the table. He’d been up for almost twenty-four hours now and was planning to hit the sack as soon as she headed off to work. He would have gone to bed as soon as he got home from the bar after finishing inventory this morning around five, but his concern for Savannah had kept him sitting at the kitchen table for the last hour while he waited for her to get up. She’d been surprised to see him sitting there, but had managed to squeak out a polite greeting and ask him if he wanted her to make him some breakfast. He hadn’t really been hungry, but he was worried that if he said no, she’d grab a protein bar and rush out the door just so she could avoid being around him.

  It hadn’t always been like this. They’d been very close as children and at five years old, he had taken on the role of protector the moment he met her in the hospital room a few minutes after she’d been born. They’d been a happy family. Busy, but happy. His parents both worked hard, his dad as an engineer, his mom as a teacher. But they both made it to the dinner table each night and he and Savannah had been carted to all the different after-school activities like most kids. His sister had been happy and carefree, always smiling. But one drunk driver on a cold, wet March night had changed all that. He had tried to give that back to her by taking the place of his parents as best as any nineteen year old kid could, but she wasn’t the same. They hadn’t had any other family to rely on, just each other.

  The insurance his parents had left behind had helped get them through at the beginning, but between his tuition and everyday bills, the money disappeared quickly. Becoming a professional escort had sounded like the stupidest idea he had ever heard when an Upperclassmen at school approached him and Gabe near the end of their freshman year. But when the guy had told them how much money they could make in one night, it became a lot more attractive than the lousy pay he was making bussing tables at a local seafood restaurant. So he’d done it and the money he walked away with made him feel just a little bit less dirty. He could swallow the shame of selling his body for sex if it meant he could keep his sister safe and give her the life she deserved.

  But things had changed shortly before she left for school. She’d become withdrawn and anxious and most of her energy had been focused on getting her grades up high enough that she could get enough scholarship money to fund her dream of becoming a teacher like their mother had been. He’d balked when she told him she was going out of state, but she’d worn him down and he knew that he had to let her go. She came home for the occasional holiday, but had decided to stay on campus each summer so she could pick up some extra classes.

  His own life had become harried as he and his business partner and one time former boss, Sam Reynolds, had bought a small bar in the touristy part of downtown Seattle a few years ago and finally started fixing it up earlier this year. Logan had actually started leasing the space while Savannah was still in high school and he’d been working part-time for Sam as a bartender at Sam’s trendy sports bar in the heart of downtown. But when the owner of the spot had decided to sell it, Logan had used all the money he’d managed to save from his escorting work – along with a generous cash infusion from Sam for 20 percent of the business – to buy it. It had taken another three years of hard work and countless escort jobs to get enough money together to refurbish the place enough to get the doors open.

  He’d learned quickly that being a bartender and being a bar owner were two very different things and he’d been glad to have both Sam’s money and his expertise. The work was endless and the hours long, but the escorting had made it possible for him to sink more money into the place to get it to where it needed to be and it wouldn’t be too much longer before it was finally operating in the black. His friends often wondered at his simple dream, but it was his and he was okay with that.

  Savannah started gathering her dishes up, her food barely touched.

  “How was your date last night?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee. He watched her carefully and didn’t miss her hesitate as she started scraping her plate off over the garbage can. The long curtain of her hair was hiding her face from his view.

  “He was nice.” The brightness in her voice seemed forced.

  “You gonna see him again?”

  “Maybe.” She picked up her pace with cleaning off her dishes as well as the pan they’d used to make the eggs. She stuffed them in the dishwasher hurriedly and then rinsed her hands.

  Logan wanted to shout at her and demand she tell him why she was different. He wanted to know where along the way he had fucked up because he didn’t recognize this shell of a person in front of him. But he did nothing. He said nothing.

  “Bye, sleep good,” she said breezily as she grabbed her things and hurried out the door. He waited several seconds and then flung his half full coffee cup against the wall, brown liquid splattering all over the fading yellow paint that his mother had loved so much.

  ***

  Savannah paused when she thought she heard something shatter inside the house and every instinct told her to go back inside and fix the damage she had done to her brother. But she kept walking to her car which Shane had somehow managed to get back to her in the middle of the night. The keys had been on the usual hook inside the kitchen door. And since her brother hadn’t jumped all over the second she had walked into the room, she figured Shane had kept her secret from Logan.

  Bitter tears stung as she thought about her brother’s confused look this morning. She had felt his eyes on her all through breakfast, and the few times she had looked up she could see the hurt in them. It would be worse to see what would be in his eyes if he knew how messed up she really was.

  She climbed into her car and got on the road. As she got closer to school, she started to hope and pray that Robert wouldn’t escort his son into class today; maybe he’d just see him to the door and not come in like he had every other morning. The shame of how she had reacted to him last night burned through her. He’d even admitted to her that it was his first date since his wife had passed and she had gone off on him like a raving maniac. She only remembered flashes of his shocked expression and she had no idea what had happened after she’d taken off for the bathroom…after
she grabbed that knife.

  She realized suddenly that she didn’t even know if Robert had seen that part. If he had and he told the school’s principal, she’d be out of a job. It was a sobering thought, but maybe it was the way things should be – what if something one of her kids did set her off and she had a meltdown in front of a group of five year olds? No, she would never hurt them physically, but she could still cause them trauma.

  By the time she reached the parking lot, her hands were trembling. How had her life spun so far out of control? All through school she had kept things together. But she’d also hidden herself away from the world too. Lying to her brother had been a little easier when she didn’t have to look him in the eye. Envy could be ignored when she didn’t have to see people like Gabe and Riley - who were clearly meant to be together – every week at family dinner. Hope was nearly non-existent until she had felt Shane’s touch on her skin, his lips on hers, his body buried deep within her.

  Maybe if she’d just stayed away…A knock on her window startled her out of her reverie and she looked up to see one of the other teachers smiling and waving at her. Savannah sucked in a breath and forced herself out of the car. If she just kept moving, kept busy, she could do this.

  ***

  “I need a favor. Several, actually,” Shane said as he dropped down into the booth across from Gabe in the diner. Before Gabe could even respond, a menu dropped down in front of Shane and he looked up to see Nell, one of the diner’s owners, looking at him with accusing eyes. She was a larger woman with grey hair and a round face. Her arms were crossed in front of her and she was actually tapping one foot. Glancing at Gabe, he saw his friend smile and then pretend to read the menu – bastard ordered the same thing every time and didn’t need a fucking menu to do it. He turned his attention back to Nell.