“So, big high class lawyer - Pete’s Eats not fancy enough for you anymore?” Shane almost smiled at the name of the diner – it never failed to amuse him that the place was named after Nell’s husband, a huge tattoo wearing, ex-military guy who did all the cooking in a little white chef hat that was too small for his big, bald head. Nell was clearly in charge of everything when it came to the diner and the way she was looking at him now, he figured he had some fancy footwork to do before she got her big ass husband to thrown him out the front door.
“I’m not a lawyer yet and it hasn’t been that long since I was in last-”
“Three months,” she cut in.
God love this woman, he thought, as he stood and wrapped his arms around her thick frame. She stood stiffly, testament to the fact that she was actually a little angry with him, and then he felt her let out a little huff and hug him back.
“Sorry Nell, things have been busy,” he said.
She nodded against and then released him. “Okay, what are you going to have today? Besides the cherry pie,” she said as she pulled out her order pad.
“Just the pie – I’ve got a class in a bit.” She jotted it down.
“I’ll have the-” Gabe started, but she snatched the menu from him.
“Oh shut it Gabe. I know what you’re having and why you think you can fake read this menu while I’m standing right in front of you, I’ll never know. Thank God you’re pretty,” she laughed as she shook her head at him and then took Shane’s menu and moved on to the next table. Gabe covered his smile until she was gone.
“Name it,” Gabe said to him.
“What?”
“The favors, they’re yours.” Typical Gabe; unquestioning and loyal to a fault.
Shane felt a longing come over him and he realized he actually missed his best friend which was incredibly stupid since Shane was the one pulling away. He shook off the morose feeling.
“I need the name of your therapist.”
Gabe whipped out his phone and a few seconds later Shane heard his own phone ding.
“Done,” Gabe said.
“I also need you to teach someone some basic self-defense stuff.” Gabe leaned back against his seat and Shane knew his mind was turning. His friend had probably thought Shane was asking for the therapist for himself, but he also knew that Shane was fully capable of taking care of himself and didn’t need self-defense training.
“Who?” Gabe asked.
“Well, that’s the third favor. I need you to keep this from Logan. It’s Savannah.”
Gabe instantly tensed and sat forward. He was in full protective mode now and Shane could see his uber alpha male coming out.
“Tell me,” Gabe ordered.
“Gabe, my last favor is that you not ask a lot of questions.” Gabe wasn’t liking that one bit, but before he could respond, Shane said, “It’s not my story to tell.” Gabe snapped his mouth shut and then finally nodded.
Shane knew he wasn’t getting away scot-free when Gabe asked, “What’s your relationship with her?”
“There’s no relationship. I’m just helping her work through a few things. I’ll get her to a place where she can talk to Logan, but I need a little time.” Gabe looked like he wanted to argue the point but he didn’t.
“Have her meet me at the gym tomorrow night at seven.” Shane was saved from having to say anything else because their food arrived. It was the first time he actually had to force Nell’s famous cherry pie down.
***
Savannah wrung her hands as she waited for the door to open. She knew this was a mistake – there was no way she would be able to go through with this. She would tell him what a bad idea this was and go. But when the door swung open and he smiled in greeting, she knew she was a big fat liar. He was wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt and his hair was damp, probably from showering.
“Hey,” he said, swinging the door open to let her in.
Walk away Savannah. Walk away. She told the voice in her head to shove it and entered the apartment. From the outside, his apartment actually looked more like a warehouse, but it had clearly been renovated into modern, spacious living units. It was an open floor plan with very contemporary fixtures and his décor was masculine but welcoming. The hardwood floor gleamed where the fading sunlight hit it through the floor to ceiling windows. There were actually windows on all three sides of his corner unit so he had a nearly 365 degree view of the city and the water. To her right was a narrow set of spiral stairs leading up to what looked like a bedroom loft. Beyond the stairs was a huge kitchen with cherry cabinets and stainless steel appliances. Directly in front of her was a spacious seating area with plush, oversized brown furniture and a flat screen TV in the corner.
It was very warm and inviting, but what surprised her more than anything were the pictures. Dozens of them all over the bookshelves and side tables and hanging in various sized frames on the walls. They weren’t fancy pieces of art or professionally taken photos – they were pictures of his friends. Shane and Gabe at what looked like the finish line of a race, Gabe and Riley with huge smiles as they mugged for the camera, even a picture of her and Logan from when they were younger. Distracted, she moved closer to the table along the back of the sofa and picked up a picture of a young man she didn’t recognize. He was handsome with an effervescent smile – the mirror image of Shane’s smile on the few occasions she’d seem him truly let loose and be himself.
“My brother, Michael,” he said from behind her. She remembered her brother telling her about Michael’s death when she was younger and her heart had broken for Shane.
“How old was he in this?” she asked.
“Eighteen – that’s his senior picture. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Water please,” she said absent-mindedly as her nerves started to pick up again. He returned a moment later with the water and a beer for himself.
She turned to face him and saw that he was holding the water out to her. He looked so young and so old at the same time. She wondered what had done that to him. As a girl, she hadn’t been attuned enough to recognize how life could beat you down so she couldn’t be sure if he had always been like this, alive but not living; in the present but not in the moment. He looked how she felt – broken and lost.
Before she could second guess herself, she moved passed his outstretched arm, ignored the water and pulled his head down so she could seal her mouth over his. He was caught off guard for a second and stiffened against her, but then he was kissing her back, his lips opening against hers and drawing her tongue into his mouth. Both his hands were full, so he ended up resting the two different bottles against her sides as he leaned into her and took over the kiss.
His mouth was hard, ruthless as it plundered hers and she felt her body responding instantly. Everything this man did to her set her on fire. When she drew back just a little to try and draw in some much needed oxygen, he was following her, refusing to let her go. She felt his arms close around her back, the bottles thumping together and then coming to rest against her lower back as he claimed her mouth again. Fear lanced through her at the feel of his arms tightening like steel bands, but she forced it away and focused on him instead. His lips were both hard and soft at the same time and his tongue worshipped every part of her mouth. She could hear his harsh breathing and felt the muscles in his neck tighten and she realized that he was just as affected as she was. He finally released her mouth and then dropped his arms, seemingly confused by how they’d ended up around her in the first place.
“Sorry, I just had to do that in case…” she mumbled as her body howled at the loss of his warmth.
“In case what?”
She shrugged and took a few steps back so she wouldn’t be tempted to reach for him again.
“In case I backed out? Or is that what you were thinking of doing?” he asked, suddenly angry.
“I don’t want to be like the others. I don’t want to use-” she stopped quickly when he jerked away from her.
“Goddamn it Savannah!” he yelled as he spun around and went back to the kitchen. He slammed the two bottles down on the counter and then gripped the edges of the black granite hard. She’d never seen him this angry before and fear skittered up her spine. She didn’t even realize she was edging towards the door until he softly said, “Please don’t go.” If he’d yelled it, she would have been out of there in a heartbeat, but he’d said it so quietly, so desperately that she swore she could actually feel the words on her skin the same as a caress. She remained perfectly still and watched while he took several deep breaths to get himself under control.
“Did you ever think I might need this?” he asked, his eyes still on the bottles sitting on the counter in front of him. “Did you ever think that maybe I was using you?”
“But you’re not,” she responded, completely confused. “I was the one that lied…”
“I don’t care about how you got me to that hotel room. I’m glad you chose me.” That shut her up. He stood up and walked towards her, no longer angry, just quiet…eerily so. “Why does it have to be that word? Using? Why can’t it be needing? You needed me. That’s it. You. Needed. Me.” He stopped in front of her, but didn’t touch her.
“You needed me to hear you a long time ago and I didn’t and I’m going to regret that forever.” She started shaking her head, but he stopped her by framing her cheek with his hand and holding her still. Her breath hitched when he ran his thumb over her lips. “Those women – they don’t need me – they’d take whatever guy walked through their door. That’s why they pay for it – so that it isn’t about needing. That’s not what this is; that’s not who you are.”
He dropped his hand and suddenly moved passed her and opened his apartment door. “I can’t do this if you only see me the way those women do. I don’t want to be just any guy to you. I can’t give you love or be your happily ever after, but I’m not going to play the whore for you like I do all the other women in my life, so if that’s what you want then yeah, you should go.”
Tears burned in her eyes as she walked up to him and then carefully pushed the door closed.
“Shane,” she began but he cut her off.
“And Savannah, I swear to God, if I hear you tell me you’re sorry one more time, I’m going to fucking lose it.”
“You will never just be ‘any guy’ to me. I want you – the you that no one else gets to see. The you that’s kind and loyal and strong-” She couldn’t finish her thought because his mouth was on hers again. This kiss was softer, searching. And when his arms closed around her this time, the only fear she felt was knowing that she wouldn’t be able to keep her promise to not to fall in love with him because she was already more than halfway there.
Chapter 7
Shane had kissed her to prevent her from saying anything else to describe him because all the words she used were built on a lie. Like everyone else in his life, she’d believed in the façade he had created. She couldn’t know that for every time she thought he was strong, he’d been weak a dozen times more. Yes, he was loyal to his friends, but his dead brother was proof that he was capable of failing even those he was closest to.
He didn’t want her to know any of that because then she wouldn’t look at him the way she did – she wouldn’t soften and melt under him every time he kissed her; she wouldn’t get that bright color in her cheeks whenever he looked at her. Her eyes wouldn’t flare up with desire around him - they’d burn him with condemnation.
He took another sip of her lips and then drew back and noticed his arms were around her once again. Damn, how did she manage to sap whatever control he had? He was glad she hadn’t freaked out at his hold, but he was going to have to come up with a game plan for how to keep his desire under wraps if and when they ever got passed the kissing stage.
“Are you hungry? I was thinking we could order some Chinese and watch a movie.” She was flushed from his kiss and a little dazed, but she nodded so he took her hand and led her to the couch. He retrieved their drinks from the kitchen and then dropped down next to her. He made sure their thighs were lined up and she was pressed against him. She shifted a little bit so she could draw her legs up under her, but didn’t try to move away from him. He pulled up the menu for the Chinese place on his phone so she could pick what she wanted and then got a movie started.
***
“Tell me about your brother.”
Shane heard and felt her voice at the same time. At some point after they’d eaten and well into the movie, she had fallen asleep and had ended up curled against him, her head on his shoulder. Her lips were just inches from his neck and he felt her soft breath caress him. Her hand had come to rest on his chest. The movie had ended a good twenty minutes earlier, but he’d been reluctant to wake her so he had just sat there and enjoyed how her warm body fit perfectly against his. He told himself that the position they were in was too comfortable and would send out all the wrong signals, but he couldn’t force himself to change it, so at some point he had let his arm curl around her, the tips of his fingers playing with her sleek hair.
“What do you want to know?” he responded.
“Were you guys close as kids?”
“Very. Gabe too – he lived down the street from us and he and Michael were in the same class. They let me hang out with them even though they were three years older.”
“What kinds of things did you guys do?”
Shane felt her fingers start to drum against his chest softly and he was suddenly glad he was wearing jeans because his dick started to harden.
“Typical boy stuff – sports, video games; our dad took us out on his boat fishing. Our big thing was basketball though. We met every Saturday morning like clockwork to play – even after Gabe moved to a different neighborhood, he figured out how to use the bus to get back to our house to play. We kept doing it up until Michael died. Logan joined in too after he met Michael and Gabe in school.” Her fingers stopped their movement for a second at her brother’s name, but then she seemed to relax further into him and her fingers started repeating a small, circular motion in the middle of his chest.
“How did your brother die?” she asked carefully.
It was an emotional line that he knew he shouldn’t cross, but he couldn’t stop himself from answering.
“He killed himself.”
She let out a gasp and then lifted her eyes from where they’d been watching her fingers draw on him.
“Shane,” she began but he gently covered her lips with one of his fingers from his free hand. He didn’t want to hear her apology because everyone did that as soon as he told them his brother was dead. As if their apology could somehow make up for the agony and guilt he felt every time he thought of his big brother, his hero. He should have glossed over the truth with her like he usually did with everyone else and just say he overdosed, but for some reason the lies wouldn’t fall out of his mouth as seamlessly when he was around her. She seemed to get his message about the unspoken apology because she nodded slightly and then dropped her head back down on his chest.
“He was a drug addict – heroin mostly, but he’d do whatever he could get his hands on.” He felt her stiffen against him but she didn’t look at him or try to speak. “It started when he was sixteen – pot mostly, then some cocaine here and there. By the time he graduated from high school, he was a full blown addict.”
“Did your parents know?”
He started to shake his head and then realized she wouldn’t be able to see it so he said, “No – he was able to keep his grades up and was good about keeping up with appearances and that was all they cared about.”
“But you knew,” she observed.
“Not at first, but then I started to figure it out because he started acting different – more agitated and paranoid.”
“Did Gabe or Logan know?”
“I think Logan may have suspected something towards the end, but Gabe had no idea – Michael had pulled back from Gabe a lot and Gabe was so bus
y with dealing with his mom’s bullshit that he didn’t see what was happening.”
“She’s an addict too, right?” Savannah asked.
“Yeah.” He realized the word probably came out more sharply than he had intended, but his body was starting to burn from Savannah’s innocent caresses. The pressure of her fingers had increased somewhat and his body was demanding more.
“Why did he do it?” she asked quietly, clearly unaware of the effect she was having on him.
“The drugs or the suicide?” he asked.
“Both I guess.”
“It started off the same way it does for most; he fell into the wrong crowd and got caught up in all of it. But he kept doing it because of the pressure he was under from our parents. They had his life all planned out – school, career, marriage.”
“And he didn’t want the same things,” she stated.
“He wasn’t sure what he wanted in terms of career and school. But he knew that the one thing he did want, they would never be okay with.”
She was silent for a long time before saying, “He was gay, wasn’t he?”
“Yeah, he was. He tried to tell our parents when he was seventeen or so. He was trying to feel them out I guess. Anyway, it didn’t go well and that’s when his drug use blew up. I told him I didn’t care if he was gay – he was still my big brother – but I guess it wasn’t enough. I’d find him sometimes, when he was high. He even blurted out to me once that he was in love with Gabe.”
She inhaled sharply, but kept quiet. He felt her hand drift to his side as if she was trying to draw him closer to her. He needed to finish this because it was getting way too intense.
“He knew Gabe was straight so he never told him. He finally told my parents just after he started his second semester, but they flipped out and disowned him on the spot. Told him they would take everything away. He wouldn’t even be allowed to see me anymore.” He felt her fingers bite into his sides but he pushed on.
Shane's Fall (The Escort Series Book 2) Page 6