by Hayden, Nick
“I might call it pity, but you would misunderstand me. I know you abhor pity more than anything else. But I do not look down on you. I do not consider myself superior. But I do see your weakness, and I want to cover over it. In children’s stories, a dragon can only be injured in the chink in his armor. Pity is that chink, and you hate it. You rage and yell. You make yourself hard and cold. But I want to do what I can to protect you. I need to.
“It’s not about saving you from a knife or a blast of magic. It’s about giving you security, a sense of trust, a person on which to release all your blows. There is no secret motivation. I have no deep psychological guilt. If anything, I have a fault. I want to protect those who most need it. It is an instinct, a belief. Maybe a religion. Who would protect you if not me? Everyone needs someone, Calea. Everyone. I have chosen to be that person, whether you want me or not. Because...I can’t leave you to yourself. Hate me for it if you need to. I will be everything no one else is for you. I wouldn’t change it. I can’t.”
I am exhausted. I have rarely spoken so many words to anyone. I fear I have failed to explain, or perhaps enraged her. She will not allow me to call her weak. She doesn’t understand. Everyone is weak. Everyone.
She says nothing. I hope she has not heard. I have said what I needed to say. If she did not hear, all the better. Her breath is soft, but she lives. For a while, she lives. And I have shown her, the best way I know, what she is worth.
I wait for morning.
I wake suddenly. It is still dark. A hand is around my arm, squeezing gently. The hand contracts again. It is desperate, but it is weak. “Bron?”
I am fully roused.
“Stay with me.” Her voice is a fierce whisper, begging. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to.”
“I’m here.”
She swallows, a drawn-out act. “Look at them. The stars. They’re beautiful. I don’t want to go into darkness.”
I look up. In the depth of the Well, there is no light, and the sky is brilliant with jewels. I have never seen so many. It is almost like looking upon a city from a distance, a city larger than Thyrion, larger than any even in stories.
“What are we?” Calea manages. “So little, so useless.”
I grasp her hand. She needs strength, not words. She will argue words.
She lapses back into silence.
I am out of actions, out of steps, out of time. If I could will her to live, if I could grant her my life, I would. It is an ache in my soul. So little, so useless. The despair in those words move me. I want to lift her to her feet, make her stand--but I can’t.
The steps that led us here were miraculous, but they were false.
The fact is she will be dead by morning. I have done everything possible. There is no regret, no second-guessing. But I still refuse to accept these facts until hope is gone. I refuse to give in. There is nothing left but another miracle.
“Be strong, Calea,” I say. “Stay with me.”
From a distance comes the reply. “I can’t. I’m so afraid. The stars are fading.”
“I’ll be strong for you. Do you understand? I’ll be strong for you. Just hang on. Let me be strong for you.”
“Help me, Bron. Please help me.”
Tears begin to fall down my face. I am willing her to live, physically trembling with a desire to save her which I cannot put into words. I pull her up, into my arms, and hold her tight. She is cold. I want her to feel warmth. I want her to know she is not alone. I want her to hang on, to hold out, until....
“I’m here, Calea. I won’t leave. I’m here. You’ll be all right.” Empty words, but I believe them. I am not deceiving her; if anything, I deceive myself. “It’ll be all right.”
Her body warms as the hours pass. My eyes are heavy, my entire body pulling me down to sleep. She is already asleep, her breathing easy. When she passes, it will be in ease, in a dream. I set her down and lay beside her, almost delirious in my extreme fatigue. I pass into sleep effortlessly.
Chapter 10 - The Sky is Blue
Blue. I stare into it. It’s deep, and for a long time I need nothing else but to be immersed in color. It is immensely deep, incredibly brilliant, and filled with such a complexity of beauty that I dare not look elsewhere unless I wish to break the spell. It’s the sky. I know it’s the sky, but if it’s the sky, it means I am alive, and I desperately wish to be alive.
It takes courage to look elsewhere, and it takes me a long time to gather it. The world is built of particles and equations; life is easily stripped to the essentials; but in the blue, all that is swept aside into something else, something I can’t quite quantify, something I don’t want to quantify. I don’t want the moment to pass. The past hovers over me, ready to pounce, but if I don’t look...
I turn my head. He is there, next to me. He is dead. That’s my first thought. And my first emotion is relief. It is fleeting, but it’s there. I don’t want to deal with what he means. But the immediate second emotion is guilt. No one should suffer for me. I don’t deserve it.
And then I see his chest rise. He is alive, and that brings different emotions. I let them play out, returning my gaze to the sky. The wonder is gone, but it retains some of its beauty. I let the emotions have their way, unwilling to beat them down as I normally would. That world has passed away. At least for the moment.
I sit up. I am crippled again, incapacitated. Half a woman.
I look up. I can see three of the spokes, each broken along its length. The city is crippled, incapacitated.
Bron stirs. He sees me and sits. I have never seen a look of shock upon his face, but it is there now. Before he bothers me with the question, I assure him: “There’s an explanation.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The Well always gave life. Vegetation grows most verdantly about the wells. Something of that must still remain, some remnant, drifting away.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“There may be another explanation. But there is an explanation. There is always an explanation. You did not save me.”
“I didn’t think I did. I just...don’t believe it.”
I heard what he confessed in the deep dark night. I do not know what to do with it. But he needs me. It is cruel to beat him down like this. And it isn’t true. “You brought me here,” I say after a moment. “So, I guess you helped save me, in some way.”
He shrugs. “It’s my job.”
“It was your job.”
He nods. “I’ll return you to the Tower. They’ll need your help.”
The suggestion is hollow. It repels me, and I know that something has changed. “I don’t want to stay here.” The Wheel is broken. Jalseion is maimed. I’m ashamed to appear before them, without magic, without my limbs, like a beggar in a corner. “I want to go to Thyrion.”
There are many objections he could give. They’re occurring to me as I wait for his answer. I don’t care. I don’t want to stay here. There’s nothing for me. In Thyrion, I can find answers. I can find justice. I can find magic. That’s as far as I’m looking.
He finally speaks. “How will you get there?”
“You’ll take me.”
“I can do that.”
He makes to stand, but he does not. “In a bit,” he says. “I think...I think I am very tired.”
I laugh. “I can’t imagine why. Well, rest if you need to, you weak little man. I’m not going anywhere.”
Not without him. For now, at least.
END of THE SELECT’S BODYGUARD
About the Author
Nick Hayden is a Jalseian by nature, a man with more ideas than time. Most of these apply to fiction in some way or another.
Sometimes Nick really loves to write. Sometimes, he prefers to dream about writing. Most times, he enjoys reading things he’s already written.
Without a doubt, he has to write. He truly believes that fiction is a lie that tells the truth. That is why he writes, and that is why he loves fiction.
He te
nds to read books published before his birth, though he is always willing to make exceptions. He tends to write speculative fiction, though he is always willing to make exceptions.
Nick is married to his lovely wife Natasha. He is father to his wonderful children Fyodor (no, we are not Russian) and Serenity (for all you browncoats out there).
If you enjoy his work here, visit his personal website, www.worksofnick.com. His fantasy novel, The Unremarkable Squire, was published Summer 2013.
Table of Contents
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Other Books in the Series
Chapter 1 - While the City Bleeds
Chapter 2 - While the City Sleeps
Chapter 3 - The Ruined Tower
Chapter 4 - The Ruined Girl
Chapter 5 - The Journey In
Chapter 6 - The Journey Out
Chapter 7 - Discoveries in the Lab
Chapter 8 - Revelations in the Lab
Chapter 9 - Rock Bottom
Chapter 10 - The Sky is Blue
About the Author