"I want you to make me cum, Con, make me cum." Rubbing hard against her nerves she imagined his hot wet tongue running up and down her cleft.
"I'm gonna cum for you, Amber; I'm imagining you riding me, your sexy body rocking on me." She groaned again at his words and felt herself quicken, her orgasm pushing throughout her body. Her legs began to stiffen as she became harsher with herself pushing her fingers inside and out again using the moisture to rub herself.
Her breathing quickened and she could hear Connor breathing hard and whispering sweet nothing's into her ear. His moans were coming strong now and she felt the same, her core slick and wet. The orgasm came fast and she ushered his name at the ecstasy of endorphins that released through her blood. He came shortly after and their breaths entwined through the telephone.
Moments passed, both living in the post-orgasmic moment before Connor tapered his breathing and spoke out, “How do you feel now?”
Amber closed her eyes in delight as his husky tone ran a shiver down her spine. “Better,” she replied dryly and slumped more in her seat. She relented in just breaking into a bright smile as something finally felt complete in her. “You?”
“Finally managed to feed a hunger,” Connor commented and the silence settled again.
“Was that all you called for?” Amber probed the real manner of the call. Surely he didn’t just ring to make her pleasure herself.
“I’m also ringing because a certain girl I know has a birthday coming up,” Connor spoke, his tone still seductive, still pushing her to just want him now. “I see birthday sex in your future,” he teased her and groaned out. “It’s lonely here without you, Amber. No amount of work will fill the void you leave me with.”
“I should hope not,” Amber teased back lightly. “And well if I have birthday sex in my future does that mean a certain male in my life is making an appearance and leaving work behind?”
“Yes,” Connor spoke to her with a deep tone, “And I’ll be around until my train back Saturday.”
Amber sat up. “But I have work.” Her heart raced, Connor was going to be back and she wasn’t going to get to see him. The only day she had off was Tuesday and that was for the simple matter of not working on her birthday. “You’ll be here and I’ll miss it all.”
Connor chuckled at her, “Do you really think I haven’t sorted that all out?” he asked her as if it was a stupid assumption. “I’ve spoken to your work; you’re off after tomorrow for a week. I’ve got so much planned and you best believe I will be waking you up Tuesday morning.”
Amber went silent – World War Three was going to begin on her birthday and she was going to be the catalyst. Ethan was going to be here, Connor was going to be here. God, she hated the idea of her birthday now. How did she tell Connor about Ethan and Ethan about Connor? She couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to have to choose. She wanted to be selfish.
“Amber?” Connor pierced her thoughts, bringing her back to the matter at hand. “What’s wrong, baby? You went really quiet.”
“Nothing,” she lied to him, “I’m just trying to get my head around you actually being home for more than a few hours. Are you lying?” She didn’t want to come across as a bitch, but she couldn’t help it. He had barely spoken to her in a week. He’d been angered when she hadn’t responded to his comment about being together forever. She never expected him to tell her he was coming to spend near enough a week with her.
Connor chuckled. “No, Amber. My train back up to Leeds is at half six in the morning. I expect you to stay in bed until I’m there.”
“Clothes or no clothes?” she automatically purred down the phone at him. The groaning that she received back told her the answer, “I’ll make sure my pyjamas are in the washing machine then.” She chuckled as he laughed at her joke and she sighed with contentment. Maybe this is what she needs. "I'll see you soon then I guess," she padded over to the kitchen bare foot to look for some kind of food. She needed more than a bacon sandwich this morning.
"Yes, baby, you will and I can't wait to see you for your birthday." Feeling happy for the first time in days he sighed against the handset.
"Me too, Con, love you so much."
"I love you too babe, now have a good day and try not to miss me too much." Hearing noise in the background Amber immediately felt obliged to listen harder. "Listen, babe I've got to go, I love you."
She heard the line go dead and chucked her phone on the kitchen table as she rummaged through her fridge looking for something greasy to munch on.
***
The day consisted of Amber seeing Lucy and staying the night at her luxury apartment in Leeds. She hadn't heard again from Connor and she was so excited to see him. Curling up with Lucy in front of her fifty inch screen was just what she needed. Lucy lived in luxury compared to her.
"I thought you liked Ben and Jerry's, Amb?" Lucy asked her friend as she pulled out a tub from the freezer. Holding the two tubs of ice cream in each hand she gestured towards Amber with a decision. "What do you want biatch?" Smiling at her friend she pointed at the tub she wanted.
"Phish food please," Amber smiled at her as she tried her hardest to stick in a spoon and skipped into the living room.
"So," she said wrapping the blanket around her. "What's been happening, miss?" Rolling her eyes at Lucy she pitted her urge for gossip but still wanted to unravel her feelings to her. "Sit and listen, I've been all alone for the past few weeks and I've worked my arse off at work and not had any recognition as usual. I've been so ground down that I feel that I'm at such a weak point. Do you know what I mean? I miss the man in my life, and while he's running off doing his job in London, I'm stuck here in my falling down house." Sighing, she took a large spoonful of Ice cream and swallowed. Nodding profusely at her Lucy felt sorry for her best friend, like she couldn't help her in any way then what she was doing right now. She could see the sadness radiate off of her and she put a reassuring arm around her shoulders.
"It'll all be okay soon. Connor will be home and you can carry on like he was never away," She pulled Amber in for an awkward sideways hug and rubbed up and down her arm. "Are you going to tell me the truth yet?" Turning to look at her friend she cocked her eyebrow at how easy she could read her.
“Truth?” Amber asked, digging her spoon into the ice cream making sure she got most of the marshmallow part. “What truth?”
“What is going on with you, girl?!” Lucy exclaimed and shot up from her position so she could turn around a little and look at properly. “We’ve barely seen one another and when I do you’re the one voting to get drunk. You don’t look happy anymore, Amber, and I know damn well there is more to this than just Connor being in London. What the hell is going on?”
And just like that, Amber felt her life fall apart around her exactly like her house was, “Everything.”
Lucy registered the despair to Amber’s tone, and acted quickly, “Talk to me, Amber. Really talk to me. Leave nothing out. Is it Connor?”
Amber offered a slight nod; after all he was a massive problem. Taking a deep breath, Amber dropped her gaze to the ice cream and spoke, “I’ll be on the phone to him and he’ll be the man I love and then there will be noise in the background and the next thing I know he’s put the phone down on me and I’m left sitting there thinking the worse possible thoughts.”
“You think he’s cheating?” Lucy asked, her tone edgy and reluctant.
Amber took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, uttering the one word that really cracked the shell of her heart, “Yes.”
“And why do you think that?” Lucy pressed on unrelenting. She might be uncomfortable, but she needed Amber to open up and confront this.
“He barely speaks to me. He never Skype’s anymore. He won’t tell me who he’s with. He shuts the phone off when someone is around him,” Amber shook her head as she sat and looked at her life objectively. “Do you know how fucked up my entire life is?” She looked to Lucy wordlessly, her eye widening slightly,
“I am fawning over a man that picks me up and drops me as and when he pleases, and I am jealous that Ethan and his ex are now back together. When I’m with Ethan it’s like everything makes sense. I feel alive and without him I’m just numb. He makes me feel like I’m the object of his entire world and he knows me, he gets me, he loves me. He looks after me and I just want him for myself,” It was as the words left her mouth that horror hit home. “Am I in love with my best friend?” Amber asked Lucy, the tears streaming her face, running the contours of her natural face shape.
Lucy gave a sympathetic look. “I think you already know the answer to that one, Ambi.”
Chapter Seven
Walking into her house with filled shopping bags she dumped them all on her counter and dropped her keys on the table. Turning towards her living room window she sighed in unhappiness. She missed Connor. She missed his sense of humour, the way he could make her heart flutter unexpectedly and how he could make a situation uncomplicated. He was good when it came to phoning up companies and complaining about their staff or whatever. But is that what it all boiled down to? Just a few interesting features? Unlocking her iPhone, she flicked through their holiday pictures from Ibiza that he surprised her with last year. She supposed he was good at that, surprises. But standing here right now, in a cold empty house made her heart swell with pain. Feeling a sob at the back of her throat she threw her iPhone against the wall in anger. She didn't want to cry over this, over missing him. What was the point? Feeling the hot heavy tears escape she pulled a pillow from the sofa and sobbed into it for a few seconds before throwing it at the vase of flowers on the windowsill. Hearing the vase crash startled her but she needed to vent this anger. She didn't want to come home to an empty house, not like she used to with her parents. Endless days coming home on her own, from ages as small as seven, to do it for the rest of her life. She wanted a family, a husband. Ethan flooded her thoughts as she sat on her degrading sofa and put her face in her hands. Ethan. This situation was becoming apparent.
She loved Ethan. Of course she loved Ethan. He was there for her through the years she thought she would be alone. He held her hand in public; fixed her laces for her if they came undone and always bought her lunch. He treated her with utmost respect and she told him no. He told her no. The water was dripping from the windowsill in heavy droplets onto her laminate flooring. Staring at the water, it made her cry harder. She wanted them both, but sometimes she knew you couldn't always have what you wanted. Sniffing and feeling her body seize up from tears, she lay across the sofa. What if Connor wants to stay in London? Could she make that life change?
No.
Ethan.
Trying not to love him in a way she could only describe as inevitable proved the impossible. She had always found Ethan sexy, desirable, lustrous. His messy blonde hair always made her want to run her fingers through it, when he smiled and these little dimples appeared at the corners of his mouth, she always wanted to kiss them. Radiant blue eyes, filled with such love for everyone in his life. Yeah, he had a body any man would die for, but that's because he spent all of his Uni years working his arse off at the gym to even recover some muscle weight. When she had first met him, he was a skinny bloke, with some random girl on his arm. But she may have loved him even then.
Sighing, Amber stood from the sofa and breathed in shuddered breaths at her melt down. Picking up the soaked cushion she walked over to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Pulling out her dustpan and brush she cleaned up the mess that had acquired on her living room floor.
***
His hands were all over her body, touching her in areas she begged to be touched. His fingers played among her, making her weaker to him every second. Feeling his tongue entwine with hers she gave in and let him lick across her lips, touching her tongue with playful strokes. Kissing that sensitive part of her neck she groaned loudly under him. Her back arched at his touch, causing inexplicable desire to flow through her blood. Feeling his fingers at her core, she couldn't stop the orgasm that overwhelmed her, took over her body, seeping into her blood stream with amount-less energy. Fluttering his lips over her breast, she moaned again and felt his erection digging into her hips.
"It's meant to be us," he whispers seductively into her ear. "It was always us, Ambi."
Snapping awake Amber awoke to the TV on mute and Ethan napping in the corner. What just happened? She doesn't remember Ethan coming over, but she does remember the empty bottle of Jack Daniels on her coffee table.
Shit. Did she really drink over a litre? Feeling the pain course through her stomach she leapt to her feet and up the stairs to the bathroom to rid her body of excess alcohol. Wiping her mouth with a flannel she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Ethan was here, she drank a lot of JD, and she had a meltdown earlier today. Seems legitimate. Cocking her neck from side to side she felt a sense of satisfaction that Ethan was here.
She wanted to go sleep in his arms and feel her safety net that she craved so badly. Tiptoeing down the stairs, each stair creaking louder than the next. When she reached the bottom, she switched off the TV, moonlight illumined the room and she walked slowly over to Ethan. Wanting to feel his heat against her skin, she felt the need to love him and give him what he deserves. Shaking her head to rid her mind of still drunken thoughts she sat on the arm of the uncomfortable armchair that Ethan had found himself in and stroked his soft stubbly cheek. Leaning down gently, she kissed his forehead. Feeling some kind of bravery, probably from the Jack Daniels, she kissed the lips she longed for. Touching hers to his, he didn't awake, only stirred gently.
"I think I'm in love with you Ethan." Amber whispered as she moved some stray hair from his eyes. "And I can't stop it."
Slumping into the armchair, Amber could feel how far from sobriety she was. She should go back upstairs, but her eyes were stuck on Ethan. He really was the most beautiful man living, but then so was Connor. Covering her face in frustration, Amber hated herself for a moment. How the hell did she get into this mess? How did she allow her heart to deviate from one man’s love to another and back like love wasn’t some special, fragile gift?
And there was one thing she knew was going to happen. There was always going to be one broken heart at the end of this all. Well actually two because she knew when her decision was made her heart would ache over the man she didn’t choose.
There was no winning in this situation.
As that thought sobered her more than anything else, Amber got up and went to the kitchen. Just like before, she grabbed a fresh bottle of alcohol, sat at the exact same seat at the table and opened the bottle. Taking the first chug of alcohol she felt it burn on her taste buds and only realised herself that she’d grabbed the bottle of tequila. She already had a mouth dry from the earlier onslaught of finding sweet intoxication, but the tequila was harder, sharper and burnt far more in her chest.
She took another sip, settled the bottle onto the table and stared forward at the fridge before her. The one covered in photos that summed up the very best moments of her life. Spinning the bottle around in her hands, she knew that tomorrow was going to be horrendous at work. It was a Monday which killed the mood, but a hangover was not what she needed.
“One day,” she whispered and looked down at the lip to the bottle before her. “One day and a week off.”
“You’re talking to yourself again,” Ethan’s weary voice travelled at her from the doorway. “And drinking again,” he pointed as he moved into the room, taking the seat directly opposite her.
“I have issues I’m working on,” she told him, took a swig and handed him the bottle. She was actually pleased when he joined her and she remembered him doing the same when she hit the Jack Daniels earlier. “How did you wind up here?”
Ethan laughed. “Well, after your rambling on the phone and Lucy alerting me that you had left hers in a bit of a funk, I decided to take a stroll round here and there you were, sitting there with a bottle of Jack just staring off. Seriously what is with you la
tely, Amber?”
“Everything,” she gave the same response as she had Lucy. “I just feel like everything right now is a mess and I don’t know what decisions are right and which are wrong. I thought life was meant to get easier the older we got, Ethan? Right now, I’m really stuck between a rock and a hard place and I fucking hate it.” She took a deep breath. “I’m losing me.”
“No you’re not,” Ethan said as he leaned in towards her across the table. “You make the right decisions for you,” Ethan told her, his hands clasped on the table before him, his expression unreadable, his eyes just staring at her. “Everyone else doesn’t matter as long as you do what is right for yourself. It’s your happiness as well as everyone else, but right now, Ambs, you’re not happy. You’re fucking miserable.”
“Thanks,” she mumbled unhappily back at him even though she knew it was the truth.
“Hey,” he spoke up, changing his tone, “I didn’t mean it horribly. It’s the truth. You are living in a limbo right now between not knowing if you are coming or going with Connor. You’re clearly not happy with me dating Eva,” he watched her gawp at him and he laughed. “You hated Eva in Uni why would that change?”
“We’ve grown up,” she told him and took a swig from the bottle. “You can love whoever you wanna, Ethan.”
From the way her head was swimming, Amber knew the tequila was gripping with her veins, making her drunker than before. She was going to say something she didn’t want to and she knew she wouldn’t know until she couldn’t take it back. Maybe that broken heart would happen sooner rather than later.
Your Little Secret Page 7