by Poppet
Crossing the room in bold strides, I nod, “Yes Ellie, think about it. Who has had your back all these years? Who's been the one standing guard at Pravus to make sure the only person who gets to you is the only person I can't deny access to. Arelstin is your physical protector but your soul belongs under my watch, inside my circuit where no one can hurt you. I made you a promise a long time ago and I've kept it. He didn't! He used you!”
“And you haven't?” she snarls, baring two long mature viper teeth.
Wild with rage I slap her. “Don't insult me.”
She whirls into the center of the domed cavern, her panic now evident in the rise and fall of her breasts, holding a hand to her cheek.
It takes a lot to bruise her and I'm the only one guilty of it.
Why do you push me so far, so hard, so relentlessly? Succumb and end this conflict between us.
“Then why hurt me?” she demands in a shaking voice.
Pausing in my tracking I offer the woman my sarcastic smirk, “As your spiritual guide my job isn't to stroke your ego and cosset your pride. I'm here to show you what you have to see and sometimes that means employing the hard way. Life sucks Ellie, and if truth be told all humans learn fastest through emotional pain. You're half human, pain is just as effective on you. I confuse you because you refuse to open your eyes and see who I am. I'm the one aspect of you that you simply refuse to acknowledge. You have to learn to love me and respect me if you ever want to know peace, or any kind of happiness. Me, Ellie. You are fated to love me or remain forever incomplete. Your denial serves neither of us.”
“But you're a demon!”
Arrogance infuses the jet fuel currently constituting my blood, “That I am. Proudly superior, and proudly Demon.” Refusing to let her escape again I blast into her aura, impaling my talons through the bones of her wrist, locking her to me, leering down into the tearful face of the only female I'd kill for, “Your father wasn't an idiot. He knew exactly what he was doing and yet you obstinately refuse to acknowledge wisdom even when it's been dutifully by your side from the moment you were born.”
“Don't you dare bring my father into this!” she yells up at me, her pale face morphing into the strained rose of emotional duress.
It strikes me as infinitely funny. It cracks the violence that was consuming me a second ago, leaving me smiling at the one and only Ellindt Casting. She doesn't even know she has a last name. There's so very much she doesn't know. Venix has raised her ignorant and Arelstin simply continued the voided education by leaving her their victim of misguided trust.
“Come here,” I order, yanking her by the claw hooked between her radial and ulna bones to the settee closest to us. Thrusting her onto the chair I slam the ethereal lock on her, leaving me free to grab another drink. “Listen up blossom, it's time your eyes were opened as to who I am and why I get first dibs on you.”
Pompously swaggering to the bar I pour a large flute of Pyrolic, igniting the spirit with my breath and watching the flames lazily begin their hypnotic cresting around the lip of the crystal.
Inhaling, closing my eyes for a second to gather myself, calming the red rage and replacing my iris light with blue, the hue of tranquility, I face her, sidetracked instantly with the way her skirt rides up her thighs, her chest still heaving and swaying her breasts in an invisible breeze of turbulent emotion.
“Ellindt, your father was a full blown angel. Seth did what his twin didn't do. Your uncle Dravid kept his spawn purebloods and because of it they're all a little strange.” Belatedly I realize I didn't pour the lady a drink and know she could use one as much as I, so turn back, talking to her with my shoulders facing her. “Seth made a human pregnant with all four of you in turn. She loved you, died a loyal wife, leaving him free to return to universal affairs of which you are still abhorrently ignorant. Your lack of questioning and curiosity has been the bane of my existence.”
Walking back to her, her eyes apprehensively glint wildfire and her legs draw in tighter to her body, lurching as far from me as she can get on her side of the chair within the spiritual lock. Taking the crystal goblet, she manages to look dignified when she sneers, “I know my own history, Zarak. Spare me the pandering to your pathetic ego. I don't need you.”
With the drink resting precariously on her knee in her free hand, I bend over the diminutive sweetheart, crowding her into shrinking against the backrest, “Oh but you do.”
We're so close I am stroked with every exhalation from her plump lips.
“Back off, Zarak.”
“Or what? Why do I have dominion over you? Why do I have the power to restrain and discipline you? Arelstin doesn't, but I do. Ask yourself why.”
“Fuck knows.”
Seating myself next to her, deliberately putting my hand on her thigh and giving the supple appendage a squeeze, knowing I'm royally pissing her off with the familiarity, I wrestle the smile off my mouth as I watch her. “Why did your father choose a human mother for his spawn? If you can answer that you'll know why I have the power and why you are mine before all others.”
Fiddling with her drink, staring at the flames gliding across its surface, she mumbles, “Why?”
Because as an angel you had no loophole for mistakes, for forgiveness or growth, to know the full realm of existence both spiritually and physically. But by being half human your father offered you the world, a death option if you wanted it, an afterlife without the responsibilities an angel has or the chain of command holding all angels locked in subservient captivity.
You are free. Your father made sure his children were free. He gave you free will because you are half human, no angel has free will but you four do. That's why. Despite all the lies your uncle fed you, you are spirit, soul, body. I am daemon, your spirit's guide manifested by your grandfather to protect you, but the one who you run to is an angel. He doesn't care about your spirit, or your soul, or your freedom. He caged your mind and that's far worse than anything I've ever done to you. It's the dichotomy of spirit and matter, which one matters? Precisely. Nothing matters when it comes to the heart which is why you make choices blindfolded, over and over. Seithe willingly chose to be angel, he denied his spirit and he believed his own lies, cutting himself off from his full potential. He thought the halo completed him, how very blind he was.
I have authority because I am the groom (the beginning of your spirit) and you are the bride (the piece of me I need returned), you will always return to me because you can't help it, it's the way you're made. I am your guiding spirit and that is why you have to submit completely to my authority, giving me all of you with nothing held in reserve. You crawled to me, subconsciously you know. Without me you are incomplete and cannot reach peace.
Saying none of it, I have to wait for her to come to the conclusions herself or she still won't be mentally free, and that's where it matters.
Sighing, I down the fire in the glass, looking back at my darling. Sidestepping the issue I opt for compromise. “What do you want Ellie?”
Glistening eyes swivel to expose her anguished stare, “You know what.”
“I'm not going to read your mind. I don't like that vampyres and neuri have that ability. I prefer you to tell me your thoughts, I won't rape your mind for my own gain.”
“Douglas.” She says it in such a soft whisper I have to lean closer to hear.
“You still love him?”
She nods in answer.
“What if he's married?” I debate.
“I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.”
Chucking the second crystal glass so it smashes in a sprinkle of diamond shards above the hearth, I twist to face her. “You choose to be mortal?”
“I don't know what I choose, Zarak. All I know is no one will ever be Doug. No one, not ever. Not you, not Arelstin, no one.”
Grasping her chin I force her to look directly at me. “If I set you free I will honor this request on two conditions. Promise me Ellie.”
“What?”
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��You will not tell Arelstin where you are going. Do not resurface - and make zero contact with any of the supernaturals - except me. I'm supposed to keep you incarcerated until Arelstin has his pawns all ready for the big showdown. I need to know you're safe, the only way to keep you safe was to hold you here. But... I love you, and I want you to be happy. I'm willing to trust you and take the risk. Promise me?”
“You're kidding, right?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I do not kid when it comes to you.”
“Then you have my word on that.”
“Ellie, you can't ignore your spirit any longer. I am forced to show you time and again to recognize it, acknowledge it, know it means far more than the physical because it's always been eternal.”
She nods, but argues, “We have no spirit, just a soul.”
“Believing that was your first mistake.” Lifting her chin, stroking the gentle depression in the cleft with my thumb, I look into her tumultuous eyes, “We're good together, baby. We calm the storm in each other when we regroup. That's why I hurt you. You ignore me, it hurts and I return it, showing you that by hurting me you are hurting yourself. You force my hand. I will never go away, I will remind you forcefully when I have to that you need me, and I... need you.”
“You are really setting me free to go back to Dougie?”
Releasing her, irritated, I stretch my legs and stare straight ahead. “That's what I said. I have fuck all reason to lie to you or play you.” Glancing back at the slender sex bomb, I leave her with the last honesty I intend to ever hand over on a silver platter. “Arelstin only has power in the physical. He's incapable of true love because despite appearances he doesn't have autonomy. He answers to people higher up the food chain. I'm completely free, Ellie. My only true authority is Arsayalalyur. That's why no matter what I will always prevail over Arelstin. Remember that the next time you choose to run to someone for protection, love, advice.”
She sits forward, her eyes turning back to blue, “Why are you doing this?”
“Jesus fucking christ woman! Stop being so damn impaired! We are one, if I hurt you I'm only going to end up hurting myself. Until you acknowledge and respect me, and fucking learn to love me the way I love you, you will never ever be truly happy! I'm doing this because there is nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy... because. I. Love. You. Don't you get it?”
We are one. We only feel whole when we're together. If I hurt you I only end up hurting myself. And if you die you and I merge, if I die you will cease to exist. We are one unit, and you just can't see it. You are wearing a crimson casket of flesh, when that withers what's left? Me. That's what. I am your eternal essence, and I am greater – with more power to wield over your destiny and eternity than any other. I will guide you, hold you, cherish you, long after your meatsuit expires. I am your light, I put you in the darkest dark so you will look for me, seek me out, and finally recognize what I mean to you... and you disappoint me maiden, over and over again. Whenever you leave me your eyes are blue, I return your innocence to you and yet you fail to recognize that fact.
That's why I have first dibs, Ellie. We need each other, but you need me more than I need you, because no matter what your choices through life and death you can't undo me, but I can inflict horrific anguish on you when you make bad decisions that hurt your infinite self. We belong together and denying me doesn't change a damn thing. You need me....
I need you.
I am you and you are me.
Spirit is eternal, and I am your spirit. You can't kill me, maim me, or detach from me. I take care of you and you completely reject me. Until you recognize the part of yourself that you deny exists, you will continue to run to users like Arelstin and then wonder why your heart hurts. When I'm inside you we're both home. Resent me, curse me, but you can't escape me... ever.
Douglas is a sojourn, if he makes you happy I'll permit it, but know this, only we will last forever.
You and me, Blossom. You are my flower and I am your stem holding you to the light.
“What's the other condition?” She's sitting forward, her beautiful crystal eyes open to me in rare trust.
“You...” This is awkward. I'm using emotional blackmail, sinking to their level. Clearing my throat I reach out and hold her knee again, “You love me, Ellie. The way you did with Arelstin. Just once. Show me what I'm missing.”
Her eyes narrow and her pupils contract to such a pinhead they almost vanish. “Seriously? You're a fucking asshole.”
“Take it or leave it.” How badly do you want Douglas? This is a test of commitment babes.
She slumps back, staring hopelessly at the rock ceiling covered in mirror. Those mirrors reflect hearts and souls, nightmares and salvation.
“Right now? You won't let me go until I do this?”
I don't need to answer, I know my expression speaks for me.
“Then I'm going to need another drink,” she says.
This time I give her a heartfelt smile, getting up to refresh her flute. Pyrolic will set her innards sizzling and put her in the right frame of mind, a slave to her body, needing release. But it'd better be more than sex or the deal's off.
Note: There will only be essential recaps from this point. If you haven't read Arelstin's Lair then please page to the end of the book to read it before continuing.
Chapter 5
Ellindt:
The heat of the Pyrolic wallows inside me, spreading laziness in its wake. Staring unfocused ahead at the dividing burgundy curtain to another room, trying to find the despondence and courage to do this, strong arms slip around me, pulling me flush to his hard body, the gentle soft kiss in my neck... it undoes me.
I don't know how to handle him being romantic and thoughtful. I can't hate him when he's being kind and loving, and I need to hate him.
Grief strips my corneas with tears and a sob belches out of me. “Please Zarak, don't make me do this.”
“What are you so afraid of?” murmurs intimately in my ear. “Are you examining your motives and finding them lacking?”
“Just stop. I can't... take... more.”
He rocks me, just holding me, loaning strength and silent support even though he's the bastard forcing me to sell my soul for love, for freedom.
As I said earlier, he makes me his all access whore, and I don't see this as being any different. Except he wants me to bare my heart and it's been hurt enough. I can't trust him with it. I could go through the motions, numb, but this, this is raw and weeping. It's cutting open the main vein to bleed for his ego.
Bastard.
Comforting hands stroke up and down my arms while he presses tender kisses into my temple, “Don't cry, blossom. It's a simple act of trust. You know me better than anyone, if we can't be vulnerable with each other there's no way we can be with anyone else either.”
“I don't love you. I can't be vulnerable with you because we just... we... just don't go there!” Pulling out of his relaxed hold I round on him, pushing into his chest angrily, “You're a sick twisted–”
“What? I'm what Ellie? I made love to you, what does that tell you? Is that the action of a prick wanting nothing more than a hot condom? No, it's the act of me baring my soul to you. Return the favor, just once, and I give you my oath that I'll never ask for it again.”
He steps too close, washing my senses in demonic warmth, with his invincible power. No one can say no to the demons. No one ever has. Why do they have this hold on us? Why do I always feel like a puppet in a tragedy and this is the master always behind the scenes pulling my strings.
“Your face speaks languages very few comprehend, but I know you girl. I know you better than you know yourself. This is the one thing you've always been afraid of. When you chose Arelstin you thought you were choosing the lesser of two evils. He's physical so you built a lust relationship with him because he's your physical guardian. But I'm the one holding your heart, Ellie. I'll never crush it. Never.”
Staring obstinately at his chest instead of i
nto those all seeing eyes, I struggle to quell the knot of fear mushrooming within me. “What do you mean? I'm no good at reading between the lines.”
Sensitive strength cups my chin, prompting me to lift it with deceptive insistence, “It means you might just learn something about yourself tonight. Something you don't want to face. Something you don't want to accept.”
Swallowing over the nugget of pain in my throat, even though I haven't seen him in seven years, this is betrayal. I've never given my heart to anyone else, not once. I've had relationships but they were purely sexual and convenient. He's asking me to slice open my secrets, revealing a wound I've never healed. I've shut it away because it's just too raw, it's festered into an entity that I have needed to hide deep inside me because it's the one thing that could break me. Facing that loss and heartache will ruin me.
“Shhh, I'm not completely unreasonable. It's not a door that you can just open and shut without help, without love and understanding. I'm here baby, let me help you, trust me enough to at least let me try?”
His eyes are so blue, a shade I've never witnessed on him. It's the exact shade of a Belgrade spring morning, just after first light, when there's not a cloud in the sky and the day looks like the first one the world has ever seen. Perfect, unblemished, unmarred.
He's got no scars. He's never been hurt. He has no idea what this is, he has no clue how deep the abyss is that he's asking me to open to his sordid curiosity. And then? How do I put myself back together? I almost didn't the last time.
Unable to find the words, I'm between a rock and hard place while he bombards me with pressure. “You've never seen my home, you've never seen me. Let me calm your worries Ellie, let me hold you until the fear passes.”
No! It's screaming through my head, making me nauseous. Just the suggestion is vile. This is hideous and repulsive on a soul deep level.
I thought he had hurt me before, inflicting so much pain, breaking my bones, burning me, whipping me, but this... this will make all of that put together look mild. He truly means to destroy me so throughly that the only Ellie I'll find left behind are the fractured prisms of my hopes and dreams scattered on the mirrors, broken into shards too sharp to touch, too shattered to piece back together.