by Poppet
Through hot wet blurs I unearth the glass fish that make up the wind chime he and I share. I gave him a matching one from the bottles we used on our first date.
I've never stopped loving you. Why did you stop calling me mentally? Your heart grew cold, your texts petered out, you abandoned me to live the pain of isolation alone. I've never loved another the way I loved you... still love you.
Swallowing the knob of pain lodged in my throat, sniffing, I almost laugh with bitterness. I knew exactly how Phoebe felt when Seithe died. I lost my twin brother but she lost her soulmate. She had the closure of knowing he's dead, not spending his nights burrowing his nose in someone else's cleavage to inhale their perfume, holding someone else at night, spooning on dismal mornings, waking up by making love on Sundays, kissing and stroking each other to awareness.
It kills me to think of it. That's why I buried him in this coffin, it was simply too painful to imagine who he turned to when he shut me out. Someone took him away and I want to gouge her eyes out for destroying the only lifeline of hope I clung to.
Zarak runs his hand down my back, silently offering support. “Do not feed fear. Starve it.”
Nodding, I withdraw the red McLeod kilt, lovingly caressing it, lifting it and smelling Doug.
It fractures the fissure in my heart wider apart and I miss him instantly to the depths of the cosmos and the breadth of the universe.
I live for you! I need you!
Resolve solidifying my actions I put it on, fumbling nervously with the pin at the bottom until Zarak kneels in front of me, forcing it out of my pinching clasp, securing it for me.
He pats my thigh, giving me a 'go on, you got this' smile.
Standing in front of the mirror, I love the red on me. Tartan was made to be worn with love and pride, and I feel both in this kilt. My hips are mature and fill it out perfectly now, much better than the slender hips of the teenager I was when it was bestowed on me as an oath.
I will never forget it, ever. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and never ever let go. Glaring at Zarak I vividly recall how he and Arelstin forced me to leave Douglas,
“Forgive me.”
He hangs his head, staring at the floor.
Glancing back at the looking glass, I panic. This is too much. How dare I just show up expecting him to honor his proposal of marriage when I've all but vanished from his life for seven long years. In human terms that's a long time.
Snatching it off, I wave my hand, redressing in plain jeans.
Be humble before your king and beseech him for forgiveness. I have carried his love safely in my heart, but a king needs a companion to stand tall and proud. He will always be my Highland liege, the keeper of my heart, but I'm sure I've been replaced in his by now.
Swallowing heavily, lifting the kilt again, I wipe my tears away with his parting gift. I've lived a lifetime in this forced distance, and yet my life was paused where it mattered.
Please please please be happy to see me.
Zarak folds a strong arm around me, “Let's go. Procrastinating will only weaken your courage.”
*
Aisyx:
For appearance sake we have to drive to the mall. I get a stupid dumbass thrill opening and closing her car door for her, and the whole way here she gaped around like a tourist.
Parking behind Pionirski Park I dive out of the vehicle to open her door for her, standing, waiting like a chauffeur.
“For why we must this do?”
“It is your sworn duty as a female on this planet to ravage the funds on a mastercard. You cannot call yourself woman until you have shopped. It's late afternoon, after this we can go out for dinner, or … something ... because you deserve to see Pravus, and dance inside my arms, and try the Pravus Potion, and to walk in the park when the lights are up and the moon is out...”
Giggling at her confounded expression I help her out of the seat, wrapping my arm around her waist. “Have no fear sweetheart, I won't leave you, not even in the change-rooms.”
Reaching the busy road running past Belgrade's most comprehensive mall, she keeps looking around while we wait for the traffic light to turn green so we can cross.
“Aisyx?”
“Yes my angel?”
“For why man speak shirt?”
Following her line of sight, some poser is mumbling away with his cool shades on, for all intents and purposes looking like he's talking to the collar of his shirt.
Suits, they're all the same.
“He's probably just talking on his phone,”
“What be phone?”
“A device we use to contact friends and family, we talk to them using the phone.” And don't you dare hide mine, I need it.
“Why not talk mind mind?”
“Because not everyone is as telepathic as you my sweetheart.”
Finally getting to cross I guide her away, noticing three more suits on the other sidewalk. Some bigwig must be shopping today. These dudes look like they all come from the same agency. They have security detail stamped into their underwear.
“Strange see man talking shirt. Too many speak sleeve.”
Warning starts to prickle in my nape and my phone starts buzzing in my pocket.
Releasing her to get it out, I answer the call, “Hello?”
The homeless man on the sidewalk steps forward and shoves her into a car I assumed was merely driving past on the main road.
“We've been made–”
Dropping my phone, I run, elbowing some asshole in the head when he makes a grab for me, “Hey!”
Realizing they're after me too I dive for my phone, rolling into oncoming rush hour traffic, and vanish.
On the sodden lawn at home, nerves shaking the bejezus out of me, I put the phone back to my ear, “They've got Nada.”
“Who's got Nada?” demands Zauran.
“I don't know! Some fucking suit and a homeless guy! They were after me too.”
“Aisyx, where are you? When the hell did this happen?”
“I just rolled home, and it happened as you phoned. In fact this is your fault because you fucking distracted me!”
“Arelstin has Phoebe and he was the one hunting Nada, they exchanged blood! Was it him? Aisyx think hard before you answer... Was. It. Him?”
“What do you mean we've been made?” I snarl back, standing, going into stealth mode and running indoors below eye level from the wall and street. “Are we under surveillance? What the fuck man?”
….. Aisyx will be available to you on the 31st of December 2012 via Smashwords and Amazon.
Disclaimer: The content of Aisyx may appear differently on publication as this is an unedited version of the novel created by the author Poppet.