by Gray, Sophia
The Council was on their way now. I felt a pang of nervousness. I was going to see my mother again. It was a horrid and yet strangely exciting thought. She had hated me my entire life. I had never known why, until Galahad had told me. She resented me because my father had stayed behind and fought the vampire rebels to protect his unborn child; he had died for me, and my mother couldn’t forgive me for that.
I wondered how she would feel about me now. I was no longer the timid girl she had left behind. I was a vampire now, strong and fast and mean. I was a killer, and I wouldn’t let her intimidate me any longer. If she tried to assert her authority, I would lash out. I didn’t even care if I hurt her. She had hurt me enough times. It would only be fair.
It was only when I stopped myself from shaking, stood up, and slumped down on my straw mattress that I realised I was misdirecting my rage. It was Galahad and that awful woman that I was angry with, not my mother. As horrible as she was, this wasn’t her fault. It was his. He was a liar. He’d used me for my body and then discarded me like a piece of dirt. He didn’t love me. He never had.
I could almost feel Isadora’s sword against my neck as I envisioned her, the cold steel pressing lightly yet dangerously against my skin. I could see the smirk on her face, and the feel the fear I had felt as she’d held my life in her hands. I had thought I was going to die then. I had thought that the leader of the rebel vampires had come to kill me, the daughter of Benjamin, the man who’d defeated and killer her leader.
I wished she had killed me, I thought childishly, and then realised how silly I was being. I didn’t really wish I was dead, but the pain of being alive right now was difficult to endure.
The term broken hearted had never really meant much to me. I just thought it was something that people said to express sorrow or regret. No one had ever told me that it would feel like my heart had literally broken. My chest ached and when it stopped for a moment, I would remember it all over again and it would ache worse.
How had he not told me that he was married, that he was the one who had bonded with Isadora?
She had taken her sword from my neck and smiled, staring at Galahad with a strange look in her eye. “This one is a bit jumpy,” she’d said.
Galahad had looked awkward, more awkward that I had never seen him look, and then to my horror he’d knelt in front of the woman who had just threatened to kill me and kissed her hand. “My lady,” he’d said. “My wife.”
My entire body had gone numb then, and I’d prayed that I’d misheard. His wife? I’d thought. But that’s ludicrous. He’s in love with me. After a brief and awkward silence, during which Isadora didn’t take her eyes off me for a moment, Galahad had stood and faced me. “I’m sorry, Zoey,” he’d said. “I should have told you.”
I hadn’t said anything, just waited for him to lead the way through the cave. When he’d shown me my room I’d shut my self in. He’d tried to stay, but I’d hissed at him and bared my teeth, and even though he was much stronger than me, he’d backed away and left the room.
Fresh tears stung my eyes as I remembered it. Suddenly his reluctance the first time we’d made love made sense. I’d never known the reason for his initial shyness, but now it was very clear; he hadn’t wanted to cheat on his wife, the vampire-woman he was bonded to.
“Then why did he?” I said into the near-darkness of my small room. A tiny candle flickered in the corner, casting pale shadows on the grey walls.
I didn’t have to be here anymore, I thought. I had accomplished my mission. I had trained to be a proper vampire and I had delivered the key to the Council of the Undead, but where else was I supposed to go? I debated going back home to see Ben, but decided that it wouldn’t be fair. I was a killer. The police were probably hunting me down. Ben had enough problems with his father and everything without me showing up on his doorstep.
Plus there was the risk that I may go into a blood frenzy and murder him by accident. I had no desire to kill Ben, he had been my best and only friend when I was growing up, but when under the effects of a blood frenzy I had little control over what I did. I’d killed a girl, and for what? Because she bullied me? She had been a disgusting person, but she hadn’t deserved to die.
I found myself remembering a book that Ben had once loaned me. The Knight and the Maiden, it was called. I remembered the first time I had read it how much I’d wanted to step out of my life and into the book. I’d actually closed my eyes and wished for it to happen. Of course it hadn’t, but now I realised that it didn’t have to; I was living in a fantasy now. It had been a wonderful fantasy before, when all my life had been was hunting and making love to Galahad, but now it was a dark one, full of betrayal and self-doubt.
Had he just used me for my body? The thought kept recurring. I couldn’t get rid of it. It made me sick to think it, but the more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed. He had a wife, a bond-partner, so he wasn’t allowed to take other woman, but he had with me. Why would he do that? Why would he break vampire law for me? It must’ve been for sexual urges. It must’ve been. I couldn’t imagine him doing it for love, and then I cursed myself. Of course he didn’t do it for love; he had never loved me, only his wife.
I tensed up as I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. They came slowly and then stopped and started to walk back, and then changed their mind and continued towards my door. My vampire-hearing picked them up perfectly, along with Galahad’s heavy breathing and the fast beating of his heart. Something was making him nervous, I realised; his heart never beat that fast, not even on a hunt.
He knocked lightly on my door. “Zoey,” he said, his voice oddly distant. “Zoey, can I come in?”
Part of me wanted to scream at him, to tell him to go away, but another part wanted to confront him. It was my old self and my vampire self, I reflected. My old, timid self wanted to hide away in this room forever and never face him, but my new, strong self wanted to face him as soon as possible. I decided to follow my vampire self; never again would I be the timid girl I once was.
I was in my underwear, so I crossed the room and put on a robe that had been left in the room for me. I thought about slipping on my clothes, which were strewn across the floor, but they were dirty and sweaty, filling the room with a sour scent.
“Come in,” I said. I was startled by the strength and coldness in my voice.
He opened the door as I reclined on my mattress, not wanting him to think that I cared about him being here enough to stand and greet him. He stared down at me with love in his eyes. No, I thought, not love. He never loved me. “Zoey,” he said, his gaze fixed on my bloody hands. “Why did you do that to yourself?”
“Don’t act like you care,” I said, not caring how childish I sounded. “Why don’t you go and check on Isadora’s hands? I’m sure your wife needs your attention more than I do, the lovely, precious woman that she is.”
He bristled and scratched his beard. It had grown out, and despite everything the wildness of it still attracted me. I suppressed those feelings. I wouldn’t allow myself to once again fall under his spell. He had betrayed me. I couldn’t forget that. He had betrayed me. He had betrayed me. He had betrayed me. He was silent. “What’s wrong?” I said. “Your beloved wife can take care of herself?”
“I don’t love her,” he said. He stared at me for a long while, clearly waiting for a response. I wouldn’t give him one. “I don’t love her.”
“Why are we here?” I said, ignoring what he’d said. “Why is the Council gathering?”
His lips trembled and for a second I thought that he was going to cry. I had to fight an urge to reach out to him. I hoped that he wouldn’t cry; if he did it would make being angry at him much more difficult. “Two reasons: the first is that we must gather and recite the Rites of the Council to properly secure our place.”
“What’s the second?” I said.
He turned away and stared lamely at the wall. He ran his fingers up and down it for a long time, and his furious heartbeat fil
led the room. “Galahad, what is the second?” I said.
He turned and stared at me intensely. “You must bond, marry with another vampire.”
I felt like a sledgehammer had smashed my skull in. My entire head throbbed with an indescribable sensation, and my mouth dried up instantly. Wasn’t it enough that he’d lied to me about his marriage, now he wanted to throw me into one too? “No,” I said. “I will not. Why the hell should I?”
He reached out to place his hands upon my shoulder, but I pulled away from him, finding the thought of him touching me repulsive. He looked hurt, but I didn’t care. “Zoey,” he said. “You must understand. You are Benjamin’s heir, his only offspring. If you do not marry someone from the Council, you may be under danger.”
“Danger from whom?” I said. “The rebel vampires are defeated, except for the one that you’re sleeping with, of course.”
He clenched his jaw and flicker of anger passed across his face. “I’m not sleeping with her,” he said.
“But you have?”
“Of course I have,” he said, gritting his teeth. I could tell that he was becoming angry, but I didn’t care. “I had to to make our bonding official in the eyes of the Council, but I took no pleasure in it. It wasn’t like us.” He reached out for me, but again I pulled away from his touch.
“Yeah, we must’ve been pretty special,” I said. “Especially since you want your buddies to have a turn.”
“Zoey,” he said, clenching his fists. “Don’t say horrible things. I love you. Those months we spent together weren’t a lie. Why the hell would I do that?”
I wanted to say because of the sex, but I was afraid that it would sound arrogant. He smiled, as if reading my thoughts, and slumped down on the floor next to my bed. Suddenly all the anger drained out of him. “I am an old vampire,” he said. “I can control my urges. I wouldn’t have used you for that, knowing how it was going to turn out. Only love had the power to blind me like that. Only love, Zoey.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I turned away from him to hide them. “Now we can’t be together,” I said. “You’re selling me like an animal.”
“I have a way to make it work,” he said. His deep voice was thick with sadness, and when I looked at him I saw that his eyes were bloodshot.
“How’s that?” I said.
Despite myself, I still wanted him. If what he said was true, if he and Isadora were not a real couple and had only been together once, then I thought I could find it in myself to forgive him. But it all hinged on what he said next, I thought. If he offered to leave her for me, or to run away with me or something like that, then I would undoubtedly accept. I didn’t know how I’d react to anything else.
“It’s simple,” he said. “When the Council arrives we’ll get you and Tyrak married. You’ll have to bed him once, of course, but after that we can go off together and travel and everything will be as it was.”
My mouth fell open in astonishment. Had I just heard him right? You’ll have to bed him once, of course. Did he think that that was okay? Did he think that I wouldn’t mind jumping into bed with any random person? I was disgusted by the casual way he’d said it, too. He’d it like it was no big deal, like I should do it without question. This was the man I loved, and he was telling me that I had to sleep with someone else. What the hell was he thinking?
I jumped to my feet, my blood rising. I felt like attacking him, like tearing at him until he was nothing more than a pile of bones and blood, but anger hadn’t completely clouded my judgement; and I knew how futile an attack on Galahad would be. “Get out!” I roared at him, a high-pitched, animalistic roar that resounded around the room. “Now!”
He rolled to his feet and stared at me, dumbfounded. “What? What have I done wrong?”
That only angered me more. “Get out! Get out you horrible animal!”
He stared at me, hurt plain on his face, and then exited the room. I collapsed as soon as he’d left, curling into a ball and sobbing into my robe. How had I been so wrong about him? How could he care so little about me?
#
Johnny handed me the crossbow. I remembered fondly the first time I’d ever handled one. It had been heavy then, and Johnny had laughed when I nearly dropped it. Now it was light and I could manoeuvre it with ease. “Get the deer,” he said. “Get it in the heart.”
I nodded grimly and stalked through the greenery, making as little noise as possible. As quiet as I was, Johnny was a ghost, and was silent as he slid up next to me. The deer was just ahead, standing in the afternoon sunlight next to a tree.
I took careful aim. I felt something in me tingle as I stared at the animal. I was going to kill it, I knew, and the thought made me happy, and hungry. Fondly I remembered killing my father, how his hands had struck out at me uselessly, and how his dead eyes had stared up at me.
Was I monster? I smiled at the thought. So what if I was? Monster was just the word cowards branded the courageous with. If killing my abusive father made me a monster, then so be it. And if I took a little pleasure from the killing, if I sometimes liked to close my eyes and relive the moment, was that so bad? I didn’t think that it was.
I imagined what it would be like to meet my old self as my finger hovered over the crossbow trigger. I’d hate him, I realised. I’d hate how cowardly and submissive he was. I’d want to attack him just to get a rise out of him, to make him fight back. He’d been a pathetic coward. I couldn’t blame him too much though; he was yet to meet Johnny.
The old soldier was an amazing man. He was the father I had never had, and I loved him like one. He loved me too, I think, as a father, and we’d easily slipped into our teacher-student relationship. “Pull the trigger,” he said.
I pulled it. The bolt thrummed through the air and punctured the animal with a thud in the chest. It squealed out, shuddered, and then slumped down in the grass. “Nice shot,” Johnny said, walking over to the animal. “Let’s skin it and have it for supper tonight.”
I nodded and drew my knife, and followed him over to the animal. “So, how long until we get to the Council?” I said as I set to work. My hands were bloody in seconds. I already have my father’s blood on my hands, so what harm is a little deer blood? I thought, smiling.
“Not long,” Johnny said without looking up.
I sighed. We’d already been travelling for months. “What are you sighing about?” he said. “I know it’s a drag, but those vamps can move a hell of a lot faster than we can. But don’t worry. We’re making good time.”
“Yeah, I know Johnny,” I said. “I know.”
“You looking forward to seeing your girl?” he said.
I winced. I’d told him not to call Zoey my girl before, but he never listened. Was I looking forward to seeing her? I wasn’t so sure anymore. I definitely loved her; I knew that much, but the more I thought about it the more I realised that she had probably forgotten all about me by now. Perhaps it would be better to live with the hope of her love rather than the disappointment of her rejection. “Sort of,” I said.
“Why only sort of?”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s get this deer done. I’m starving.”
Johnny nodded. “Fair enough.”
We ate the deer over a fire as the stars gazed down. “Johnny,” I said.
“Hmm?” he said, his mouth full of deer.
“Why do you hunt vampires?”
He stopped and took the food from his mouth. I’d never asked him before, and I wasn’t sure if he’d want to tell me. He placed the deer-leg on the ground and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Why have you waited so long to ask?” he said. His voice didn’t sound angry, just curious.
“I wanted to wait until you told me yourself, but it’s been months and months now and you haven’t. . .” I shrugged. “. . . so I’m asking.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “When I was in the army we were posted in Vietnam. Our platoon was charged with patrolling a small area of marshland for enem
y soldiers. It was boring, simple work, and we never saw any action. I was just a junior officer and naïve and full of silly ideas. I wanted a fight.
“One day me and some of the boys went out looking for trouble. We left the base in the dead of the night. We knew that just beyond our patrol area was an enemy base, so we headed in that direction. We were all so excited; it makes me embarrassed to think of it now.
“When we go to the base, all of the enemy soldiers were dead. But not only that. Their bodies had been eaten and cut up and their bones had been discarded. We’d turned and ran then, like any soldiers would, but this woman had come out and blocked our way.
“The boys laughed when she pulled out her sword. Shiny black it was, with a pale green diamond set in the hilt. The diamond didn’t glisten, but glowed, which I found odd. She came at us then, her eyes wild and her breasts falling and rising quickly. She bared her teeth, and they were like no teeth I had ever seen before: sharp and long like a saber-tooth tiger.”