by Ryan Michele
“You want it.”
“I don’t want anything from you.” We stood there toe-to-toe, and I was not backing down.
“Not what you said a few minutes ago.” I wanted to slap that smug look right off his face.
“Maybe we should get out of here.” Kinsley’s arm rested on my shoulder. I didn’t move despite knowing that she was right, but my feet not allowing my body to move.
“So you are thinking about the deal.” Deke smirked.
“Hell no I’m not.”
“Okay, I think the show’s over.” Kinsley squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I came here for fun and I’m damn well gonna have it. Ace! I need another.” Turning my back to Deke, I sat back at the bar staring as Ace poured yet another.
“How many have you had?”
“Kins, don’t worry about it.”
“Vann, your slurring your words.”
“I am not.” I did notice a slight slur but it wasn’t enough for me to forget.
“Yeah. I think you should call it a night.”
“Kins. I’m not leaving yet.” Slamming back another drink, I completely ignored Deke. I scanned the crowd looking for the hottest guy I could find. Over in the corner stood a very handsome man, broad shoulders, muscles protruding underneath the tight navy Henley shirt he had on. The hint of a tattoo coming out of his sleeve made him even hotter.
His face was nice with a slight scruff across his chin. His baseball hat turned backwards hid his hair, but I thought I could see a hint of brown poking out. As he made eye contact with me showing interest, I smiled at him.
“I’ve got somewhere to be.” I said getting up out of the chair.
“Where are you going?” Deke’s voice boomed.
“None of your damn business.” Fuck him, like I had to explain myself to him.
“My dick in you less than ten minutes ago says it’s my business.” I felt his anger coming off of him in waves, but dismissed it.
“I’m sure your dick will find a new home very soon.” I smiled sweetly.
“Wait” Kinsley’s concern made me stop and turn to her.
“What Kins?”
“Where are you going?” Her question coming off a bit guarded.
“See that hunk of a man over there?” Pointing the direction of the man across the bar.
“Yeah.”
“I’m going to him.” I smiled.
“You really think that’s a good idea?”
Where the hell did the real Kinsley go? Normally she would be all for this. “Yep, better than the one I had a while ago.”
Grabbing my arm, Kinsley’s words were almost a plea. “Please don’t. You’ve had a lot to drink. It won’t end well.”
“It’ll be fine. I’m a big girl. Just ask Deke.” I pointed to Deke and strode away from them all. I needed some air.
What the hell was she playing? Watching her walk over to Marc, I wanted to punch him already, and she hadn’t even made it to him yet. Vann was mine; she’d been mine from the beginning. I’d be damned if she even tried to get with anyone else.
She got away from me once, and I let her go. I had to. It was too much dealing with my parents, Jaxson, and Vann at the same time. I figured if Vann wanted to leave with her mom, then fine. I’d forget she even existed. But deep in my soul, it had always been her and would forever be her.
I wished she didn’t have this hold on me. I wished I could have let it go by now, but seeing her, being with her again, made every single feeling I’d ever had for her rush back. Even if I could never give her everything she needed, I needed her.
“Wait!” Kinsley’s voice stopped me.
“What?” I clipped off.
“You sure you want to go after her? Or should you just let her go?” Her hand on her hip and the curtness in her tone suggested she was not very happy with me.
I smiled. “She’s mine, Kinsley. She’s been mine since we were kids.”
“Then why were you a dick to her?” Kinsley huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Normally, I wouldn’t mind taking a look, but she didn’t appeal to me.
I stared at her not really knowing what to say. I didn’t know why I suggested fucking her out of my system. I just wanted to be with her, and it was all I knew. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll talk to her.”
“Yeah. You better.”
Not wanting to hear any more from her, I stalked behind Vann. Marc smiled as she walked toward him. Grabbing Vann from behind, I pulled her to my chest, talking in her ear. “You’re not going over there with him.”
Vann began tugging, trying to escape my arms. I saw Marc approach out of the corner of my eye and glared at him. Fucker better turn around and keep going. I turned Vann in my arms ignoring the murderous glare she gave me. I crushed her lips to mine reveling in the taste of her. Vann did not participate in the kiss at first, so it was like I was kissing a mannequin, but pulling her closer, I swept my tongue across her bottom lip and felt her body unwind.
Vann began kissing me back, giving me everything she had. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I pulled her as tightly to me as I could. I could taste the tequila on her tongue, and it was better with Vann’s taste mixed in. She could be her own brand.
Vann pulled away panting softly. “I can’t do this.” Wiggling out of my arms, she ran to Kinsley, leaving me standing there like an idiot. I charged after her, but when I got to them, Kinsley held up her arm stopping me. To my surprise I stopped, maybe from her boldness.
“That’s enough, Deke. She’s done. I’m taking her home.” Kinsley tucked Vann under her arm so I couldn’t see her face.
“I just want to talk to her.”
“Not tonight. She’s had too much to drink, and she’s done.” Kinsley started walking her toward the door.
My anger rose. “I don’t need you to tell me I can’t talk to her.”
Kinsley’s face grew furious. “The hell you don’t. You’re the asshole who wanted to use her as a fuck buddy, so if I were you, I’d figure out how to fix that first. Vann is not that way. You should know that better than anyone.” Kinsley and Sawyer guided Vann out of the bar, and I watched as they swung through the doors.
“Guess you fucked up that one,” Z said, his hand clamping down on my shoulder.
“Fuck off.”
“What did you say to her?”
“None of your business,” I growled, taking off toward my office.
Z laughed, calling out, “Good luck getting yourself out of that one.”
Plopping down on my chair, I looked at the mess all over the floor. There were papers, pens, and everything else. My mind raced as I remembered Vann spread out for me to feast on my desk. She was the sweetest woman I’d ever tasted.
My God, the way she moved with me was amazing. I felt each time she spasmed and watching her come was amazing. The way her face flushed and body convulsed. I wanted, no needed, more of her.
Damnit.
“Where the hell have you been?” My mom yelled as I walked in the door.
“I was at Vann’s.” I’d pulled myself together before coming into the house knowing my mom would be pissed I left the house.
“All you do is hang out with that girl.”
“Don’t need to worry about that anymore, Ma. She left.”
“Isn’t it amazing how people leave you? Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with you that everyone has to leave, and I have to suffer for it.”
I’d gotten used to my mom’s ramblings about my brother’s death being my fault. She’d told me many times that it should have been me and not him. At this point, I’d agree with her. I knew better than to respond to her, as that’d only make it worse.
“First, you kill Jaxson, and now Vann left you. Must be your karma. It’s a bitch, isn’t it? All this is your fault. If you wouldn’t have let him swim that day, he would still be here and everything wouldn’t be falling apart!”
Turning to go to my room,
I needed to get away from my mom. Lately, the words she spat at me had been getting worse and worse. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle.
Shutting my door, I fell face first onto my bed. Reaching in, I grabbed the key strapped around my neck. As I rubbed it, the tears free fell from my eyes, and I wished I could disappear forever.
Reaching underneath my shirt, I grabbed the key and pulled it out. For some reason, I didn’t want Vann to see it, which was why I wouldn’t let her take off my shirt. I’d held this key for so long it’d become part of me. I wondered, though, if she would even remember it. She left it behind … just like me. I thought we would pair well together.
My head hurt—pounding and throbbing pain surged through it. Rolling over in my bed, I pulled the blankets over my head. The light made it unbearable. I must have forgotten to close the blinds before bed. Last night’s events came rushing back like a tidal wave. All the drinking, dancing, Deke getting pissed, fucking Deke on his desk …
“Rise and shine, sunshine!” Groaning at Kinsley’s voice, I wished she would disappear.
“Time to get up, Vann, you’ve slept the whole day away.” Sawyer’s voice of reason rang through.
“What time is it?” I choked out.
“Four.”
“God …” I needed more sleep.
“Here, I brought coffee.” Sawyer handed me the steaming cup as I sat up in bed.
I pulled the covers off, blinked repeatedly, and grabbed the mug. “Thanks Saw.”
“All right, spill it,” Kinsley said, jumping on my bed next to me.
“Damnit,” I growled, almost spilling my coffee.
“You’re fine. Spill.”
Sawyer crawled up next to me and lay down, while Kinsley laid on the edge of the bed. “Look girls. I had a moment of weakness. I got caught up in the moment and screwed Deke.”
“Obviously. But what happened? And how was he?” I stared at Kinsley not wanting to answer, but did anyway.
“The sex was amazing. It’s what happened after that tore me up.” Blowing out a deep breath and taking a sip of my coffee, I continued, “He said he wanted to keep fucking to work me out of his system, just like you’d overheard at the bar. I blew up.”
“You sure were drinking tequila like water.”
“Kins, I know you tried to stop me. Thanks.”
“It is what it is. We got ya home safe, that’s all that matters, but we gotta talk about this.” Kinsley’s voice took on a deep level of concern.
“What?” I asked, thinking it was about Deke.
“You kinda drank a lot last night … like your mom does.” She whispered the last part, but it didn’t stop the shock that roared through my body.
“What? You think I’m an alcoholic like my mother?” I argued, staring at Kinsley and trying desperately to make heads or tails out of what she was saying.
“No. I’m not saying that. It’s just … you need to be careful so you don’t end up that way.” Sawyer’s calm voice was soothing.
“I’m not an alcoholic,” I said adamantly.
“We don’t think you are. We just want you to be careful.” Sawyer grabbed my arm and gently rubbed it. I knew they meant well.
“So, how big of an ass did I look like?” I must have been a huge one to garner all this talk.
“Well, I only saw from a distance as I couldn’t help but dance with that hot ass cowboy.” Sawyer’s big smile cut across her face. “Anyway, from where I saw, it just looked like you two were talking. You stomped off, and then Deke grabbed you and kissed you. And let me tell you, that was a hot kiss.”
“I actually don’t remember much after the kiss,” I said.
“You pretty much broke after that,” Kinsley said, rolling on her back.
“What do you mean broke?” I asked.
“Crying … a lot of crying.”
“In front of everyone?” I gasped, embarrassed.
“No, I shielded your face. No one saw anything. The real waterworks didn’t start until we got home,” Kinsley added.
Breathing out a sigh, I said, “Well, at least I didn’t make an ass of myself crying over a guy.”
“I knew it was coming soon, the way you were pounding the drinks.” I stared at Kinsley as I took a sip of my coffee.
“So, what are you going to do?” Sawyer asked.
“Didn’t you ask me that same question back when I first got here?” I smirked.
“Sure did. Now it’s a bit different.”
“I can’t believe I slept with him.” I grabbed my head with the hand not holding the mug. “I mean, I do believe it … but I was thinking it was more than sex. But obviously not to him. I’m just not built like that.”
“We know. I told him as much.”
“What did you say to him, Kinsley?” I asked with a touch of anger in my voice.
“I just told him that he fucked up, and you are not the type of girl to be anyone’s fuck buddy. I also told him that he should have already known that.” Kinsley threw her arm over her eyes. “I also tried to stop him from coming after you and Marc. He proceeded to tell me that you were his, and then left without another word to me.”
“I’m not his. I will not be his the way he wants.” I could hear the touch of venom in my tone.
“We know. The way he went about his was fucked up.”
“No shit. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. This was not what I had in mind when I came back here.” I tried biting back the tears that were attempting to escape.
Kinsley put her hand on my leg. “You knew it wouldn’t be all roses and butterflies with him.”
“I know, Kins. I just didn’t expect this …”
I could tell Sawyer was done with this conversation. “Come on. Get your ass up and let’s get something to eat.”
That night, thoughts of Deke kept me from any semblance of a good night’s sleep.
“Would you come out of there?” I heard Sawyer yell through the door. “You’ve been locked in there for three days. Come on!”
Little did Sawyer know, I got tons of writing done these last three days. My characters had taken my mind off all the thoughts that wanted to ramble through my brain. It may just be some of my best work so far.
Opening the door, I asked, “What’s up?”
Barging through the door, Sawyer plopped on the bed. “What is going on? We haven’t seen you for days.”
“I’ve been writing. And you did see me for a few minutes when I came out for food, so don’t be so dramatic.” Not that it was too long; I tried my hardest to make myself scarce.
“You’re hiding,” Sawyer accused.
“Nah. Been writing, trying to get this story to flow.” And trying not to let Deke invade every waking moment of my thoughts.
“And hiding from what happened with Deke.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I cut her off from further discussion. I thought I’d done a pretty good job focusing on my writing, but maybe not so much.
“Too bad. You can’t hide out in here. Z’s come by asking to talk to you, but I’ve batted him off. And your cell’s been ringing like crazy.”
“Sorry, I should have turned it off,” I said, joining her on the bed. “What did Z need?”
“He wouldn’t tell me, but we did hang out for a bit.” The gleam in her eyes was seriously telling.
“You have a thing for Z?”
Saw blushed. “Why would you say that?”
“Don’t play coy with me.” I should have known it wasn’t one-sided.
“I’ve known him for years, but he’s never paid me any attention, unlike every other woman in this town.” Saw rolled her eyes and hung her head.
“Then what was that ‘dancing with the cowboy at the bar’ thing the other night.”
“Havin’ fun.” Her coyness was adorable.
“You ever make a move on Z?”
Sawyer laughed. “Are you serious?”
I looked at her dumbfounded. “Yeah.”
“Good for you. You shouldn’t wait. One day, if he hasn’t already, he’ll notice.”
“Right. Whatever. Anyway … Deke. What are you gonna do? You can’t say cooped up in here for the rest of your life.”
“You act like I’m a hermit or something. I’ve been writing. I haven’t been crying my eyes out or anything like that.” At least, not for the most part.
“So you coming out today?”
“I’m thinkin’ about it.”
“Seriously Vann?”
“Look Saw, I’ve been in love with Deke since I was a kid. You don’t just switch that off, there’s too much history.”
“It’s been five years,” she whispered.
“Yep, and for five years, he’s all I’ve thought about. He’s all I’ve wanted, even if I was with someone else. Which is why none of them lasted long.”
“Sorry.” Saw stared down at her hands.
“All right, so what do you want to do today?” I asked, needing to break the Deke tension in the room.
“I thought you were going to write.”
“Nope. Let’s go shop.”
Smiling, Sawyer laughed. “Now you’re talking. Meet you downstairs in ten.”
“You got it.”
Grabbing my cell, I had several missed calls: Grams, Z, and tons from Deke. I couldn’t help the giddiness that washed over me in seeing the amount of times Deke called. I could still feel his lips and touch every time I closed my eyes. I couldn’t help myself from wanting him. God help me.
“You ready?” Saw’s voice made me jump.
“Shit. You scared me. Yeah.”
“Let’s get something to eat first. We’ll hit up Ludy’s for a burger.”
“Sure.” I wasn’t going to tell her that I really didn’t feel like eating, and hadn’t for the past few days, but I’d try.
Pulling into the diner, the paint was worn and the sign that read ‘Ludy’s’ was quite faded, but this place did have the best burgers in town. We found a corner booth, and I began to prepare myself for Sawyer. After ordering, it didn’t take long for her to begin.