She plopped down on the bed, grinning up at me. My entire chest warmed with just that look. She was so much her mother’s daughter. I was sure both had me wrapped around their pinky fingers.
“Which book is it tonight?”
“Where the Wild Things Are!” she shouted.
I plucked the book from her white wooden bookshelf and brought it with me to her bed, climbing in. She cozied up to me and I began reading, only for her to take over halfway through the story. She read for as long as she could, but eventually fell asleep against my chest. I waited until she was deep in sleep to ease out of the bed and pull the sheets and blanket up to cover her. I knew there was a good chance that somehow throughout the night that blanket would end up on the floor and the sheets would become all twisted up due to my little girl’s sleeping style.
I gave her one last look, before turning off the light and shutting the door. Checking on Kyle, I found him fast asleep in his bed. I started to make my way down to the kitchen but got the urge to head to the bedroom. When I opened the door, I found Patience staring at a piece of paper. She looked up at me and my heart squeezed. The tears in her eyes ripped at my soul.
“Kyle made this.” She turned the paper to me.
I could see his drawn images of Thiers, Kennedy, and himself, playing in a park. It had been a week since the funeral and Patience had barely mentioned her father. I hadn’t brought it up much either, not out of fear but something else stopped me.
“Did you know my father and yours went on annual fishing trips?”
I squinted, easing fully into the room and shutting the door behind me. “Yes.”
She gave a humorless laugh. “I didn’t. He wanted to be an astronaut all the way up through high school. Did you know that?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Me either. Not until the funeral, at least. He and Wilhelmina really were just friends. She’s actually married. I didn’t know that either.”
“Patience—”
“I didn’t know him.” She pushed out a frustrated breath and slammed Kyle’s picture on the dresser. “How could I be this upset over someone I didn’t even know?” Her voice broke on a sob.
My legs carried me to her before my mind even registered the movement. “Patience,” I consoled, going to wrap my arms around her.
“No,” she stated, moving back and away from me. “I’m fine. I’m fine,” she reiterated, heading toward the bathroom door and shutting it behind her.
I watched, wanting to go to her, but my anger kept me rooted in place.
“You’re angry.”
My jaw tightened. Against my better judgment I turned to see Emma standing in the middle of our bedroom, same long white nightgown and all.
“I’m not.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’re pissed at Thiers.”
“Not for dying.”
“No, not for dying,” she agreed, moving closer. “You’re angry for her.” She nodded to the bathroom door. “She’s hurt. And you’re pissed for her.”
“He should’ve been a better father.”
“Who says he wasn’t a great father?”
“I do.”
“Maybe you don’t see the whole picture.”
“What whole picture?”
“Let me show you.” She moved closer, placing her hand in the middle of my forehead.
Everything went dark.
****
When I opened my eyes, I found myself standing in a hospital hallway.
“Is she going to be okay?”
I turned and got the surprise of my life when I saw a frantic looking Thiers pressed up against a doctor, begging for answers. I squinted. It was Thiers but he looked around thirty years younger.
“Is she going to be okay, Doctor? The baby?” he demanded.
“What is this?” I asked out loud.
“This is the day your wife was born,” Emma responded, coming up next to me. Without touching me, I felt pushed to follow Emma as Theirs moved down the hall, following the doctor.
He entered a room and there I saw a woman who looked like she could pass for Patience, lying on the bed, belly swollen with child.
“You have to protect her, Daryl.” Daryl was Thiers’ actual name. “You’re all she’s going to have.”
“Jeanette, stop talking like that. You were meant to be this little girl’s mother.” His voice was panic-stricken.
“Name her Patience,” Jeanette continued. “That’s the name I decided on.”
“No. No. No. No,” Thiers kept repeating over and over again, denying the inevitable.
“She died. Poor thing.”
I looked to Emma. “I knew she died in childbirth. Why’re you showing this to me.”
“There’s more.” Another touch to my forehead and we were now in what I recognized as Thiers’ home. The same one he’d raised Patience in. We were at the doorway of a nursery.
“I’m so sorry,” Thiers cried, standing over a crib.
I glanced down and my heart stopped. Stepping closer, I saw a baby girl in the crib. She couldn’t have been more than a few days old.
“Don’t get too close,” Emma warned, grabbing me by the arm. “Observe from a distance.”
I stepped back just as an older black woman entered the nursery.
“Ms. Ryan, thank you for coming.” Thiers stood, wiping his eyes.
“You’re so welcome. When Jeanette contacted me a few weeks ago to help her nanny I had no idea it would end like this.” The woman shook her head just as cries from the crib began. She picked the baby up. “This little one is hungry.” She patted her back and bounced a little with the baby in her arms. “You want to feed her bottle to her?” Ms. Ryan asked Thiers.
He looked at the bottle in her free hand and started to reach for it but then hesitated. “No, you go on ahead. I-I’ve got some work to do.” He rushed out of the room.
My eyes trailed him as he hurried down the stairs.
“He loved her so much, but the pain of losing his wife…”
My jaw flexed. “That’s why he treated her as he did.” It was a pitiful reason. Patience lost a mother the same day he’d lost a wife.
“Not the only reason.”
Again a palm to my forehead and we were standing in a new location within the blink of an eye. I looked around.
“Buona Sera,” I uttered. We were in the middle of the dining area of the restaurant. “This feels familiar.”
“It should,” Emma spoke over my shoulder, pointing me toward the door as Patience walked in. She was wearing the exact outfit she had on that first night I spent with her. I followed her steps and sure enough, she stopped at the table that held her father and myself. The whole scene played out as I remembered it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her from the moment she arrived. Something happened the first time our eyes clashed. A warning. A signal. Love. I don’t know but it was there from the first instant.
“You two were so cute,” Emma gushed. “Oh, pay attention. Not to Patience,” she insisted as I watched Patience as she headed in the direction of the restroom. “To Thiers.” Emma turned my head back to the table.
Thiers and I had both risen. The younger version of me looked down at the wallet I’d dug out of my pocket. But from my present angle I watched as Thiers’ eyes grew wide as he stared out the window. I pivoted my gaze out the window and saw a man standing in front of a dark Lincoln. It looked similar to my town car but wasn’t mine. The man shifted, putting his hand in his pocket, moving his jacket aside just enough that I could make out the butt of a nine millimeter. Abruptly, Thiers turned to my younger self, asking if I could tell Patience that he had to leave. He didn’t wait for my response. Instead, he threw a couple of bills on the table and made a beeline for the door.
“What was that?” I asked Emma.
“That was Thiers keeping his daughter away from the ugly part of his life.”
I turned to her.
“Thiers had secrets. He wasn’t successful in business on good merit alo
ne. He dabbled in the underworld. More than dabbled, honestly. But he never wanted Patience to be a part of it. He did his best to keep them separated. So, what to you looked like neglect was his form of protection.”
By the time Emma finished, we were in front of Thiers’ gravesite. His headstone hadn’t been put in yet but it had been marked.
“What was he into?” I questioned, my gaze fixed on the grave.
“All types of things. Gambling, money laundering, weapons sales here and there. As you’d imagine, that involved some pretty unsavory people. People who had no qualms about going after someone’s child if they were crossed.”
“My father–”
“No. Robert had nothing to do with that part of Thiers’ life. Though he knew about it.”
“He kept her away from his business, but that night my father and I went to his home for dinner…”
“That was my doing,” Emma stated with pride.
I looked up from the gravesite to her.
“Thiers’ never had business dealings in his home. But, I just so happen to have worked a little bit of my magic and put the idea in his head to have Patience there.”
“Why?”
“For you, silly. You two were always destined. I made sure to get the ball rolling.”
“She was only fourteen.”
Emma rolled her dark brown eyes. “Duh! I wasn’t trying to set you two up that night. I wanted you to meet. You couldn’t help yourself from noticing her even then.”
“I wasn’t lusting over a teenager.”
Emma made a clicking sound through her teeth. “Not quite, but your eyes kept traveling to her throughout the dinner. You were intrigued.”
“She looked like she wanted to escape,” I stated, remembering how uncomfortable she appeared at that table. Uncomfortable and alone while everyone chatted around her.
“She would’ve preferred reading alone in her room…except when she laid eyes on you. Her soul knew even before she could understand it. Yours too. The soul always knows. So, nine years later I put the idea in Thiers’ head again and let nature take its course.”
“It took its course all right.”
“And if you would’ve just gotten out of your own way, this could’ve been wrapped up sooner.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You two could’ve been happy together a long time ago if it wasn’t for your fears. In that way, you’re similar to Patience’s father.” She nodded to the gravesite. “His fear kept him from having a relationship with his own daughter. And yours…well, it kept you from being happy for the last six years.”
I turned from her, not admitting anything. Fear wasn’t something I readily conceded.
“We’re here now,” I said.
“Yeah, but there’s still more in store for you two to get to where you need to be.”
I peered over at Emma, her mouth clamped shut. I knew she wasn’t going to spill anymore so I chose not to ask. Again, I turned my attention back to the grave.
“I’m ready.”
“Ready for what?” Emma prodded.
“To love my wife the way she deserves.”
****
I blinked my eyes open to find myself standing in the middle of my bedroom. Emma was gone. I headed to the closed bathroom door where I heard the shower running. Turning the knob, I opened it, entering the room. Through the warm steam from the shower I made out the silhouette of my wife’s naked body as she stood under the pelting spray of the overhead shower. A deep, overriding urge to protect her moved through my center when I saw her shoulders shaking as her hands covered her face.
My hands moved to unbutton my shirt before ripping it off me. Next, I pulled down the suit pants I still had on from the day, stripping all the way down to my briefs. I moved to the shower, pushing the sliding glass door open and stepping inside. Patience’s head remained low, shoulders sagging under the weight of her grief. I reached for them, turning her to me, pulling her into my arms. She came willingly, sagging against my chest, continuing to release her tears and cries for the father that loved her deeply, but she never got to know.
My anger at Thiers had dissolved and all that remained was the desire…no, the need to get right what he’d failed.
I pulled Patience tightly into my embrace, wrapping my arms around her soaking wet body and let her let go. I dug my fingers into her long strands as they ran down her back, now dripping with water, holding her face to me. Time dissolved. The need to be anywhere but right where I was fell away. As much as I hated her tears, I hated the mere thought of anyone but myself being there to witness them. So, I let her release the weight of her mourning onto my chest and held my wife until the tears stopped. Then, I dried her off, carried her to bed, and pulled her on top of me to sleep, my arms shielding her from anymore pain.
Chapter Twenty
Patience
“Are you sure you need to go to work today?”
I turned from the sink to see a frowning Aaron hovering over me. He’d been like this for the last three days, since he found me crying in the shower.
“I’m fine,” I repeated for the umpteenth time that morning. After taking a few days off work, I was ready to get back to it. Sure, I was still saddened by the loss of my father, mostly the loss of what could’ve been, of the relationship we’d only just begun building, but that was life. I had children to take care of, a job to get back to, and an extremely demanding and busy husband.
“You said you were fine four days ago.”
I pushed out a deep breath. “Aaron.”
His eyes squinted. “You know there’s a whole story behind the way you say my name.” His voice deepened. He moved in closer, our bodies just barely touching.
I shuddered at the way his eyes darkened just slightly.
“When you say it with a little hilt at the end, I can tell you’re preparing to ask me a question you know I won’t like. When you say it on a sigh as air escapes your lungs, you want me to make you come until you can’t see straight. And when you call my name in the middle of the night while sleeping–”
“I don’t call out your name while I’m asleep.”
“You do…just as you did last night.” He ran his pointer finger over my cheek and moving down to outline my jaw. “When you say my name with panic, as you did last night, you want me to protect you.”
I lowered my gaze to the floor, needing to avoid his eye contact. I’d had one of those dreams the night before. The one of me being chased but I refused to tell him that. I needed to leave the past where it belonged.
He lifted my face with his hand. “What’re you running from, sweetness?” Though he used the term of endearment, gone was the sensual Aaron, replaced by the dark, brooding Aaron that would rip anyone or anything apart that got in his way. The expression on his face was enough to scare a man ten times his size.
“Nothing,” I lied.
His eyes darkened, not in that sexy way, but in a way that warned of danger.
I had to turn away when he silently observed me too long. Thankfully, I was spared anymore of his inquisition when the children came stampeding back into the kitchen after having retrieved their book bags from their rooms.
Aaron took a step back, but just barely. I turned my attention on Kyle and Kennedy, ensuring their school uniforms were on neatly. I could still feel his attention on me.
“Daddy, we’re getting our Halloween costumes today!” Kennedy cheered.
Aaron finally moved his gaze from me to our daughter. “I remember,” he affirmed.
“Yeah, I’m gonna be Spiderman!” Kyle shouted, right before he started his imitation of Spiderman, shooting imaginary webbing from his wrists. “Diego’s going to be Aquaman,” Kyle continued, obviously excited.
We had plans to go Halloween shopping with Michelle and Diego after work that day.
“That sounds fun,” Aaron commented. “And what about you, munchkin?” he asked, picking Kennedy up.
She giggled as
she always did when he used that nickname. “I don’t know yet,” she stated, tapping her chin.
“You’ll have to send Daddy a picture so I can approve of your choice.”
“Mommy will do it,” she agreed for me.
I rolled my eyes. As if I didn’t have a say in the matter. I’d only been picking out their Halloween attire since their first Halloween at nine months old.
After a round of kisses and getting the kids settled into the car, Aaron pulled me by the arm, giving me a stern look.
“Our conversation isn’t over.”
I went to reply by telling him it was most definitely over but he already had my lips surrendered to his by the time the retort formed in my head.
He watched and waited to get in his own vehicle until the children and I were pulling off.
It was a busy day at work. We’d gotten a ton of new books that needed to be catalogued and then put away on the shelves. I also busied myself in making preparation for the library’s Halloween celebration that was to be hosted there. It was only the beginning of October but the sooner we planned these things out the better.
By the time I looked up, it was three o’clock and time for me to head over to the school to pick up the twins and Diego. I was picking up all three since we were waiting until five when Michelle got off to go shopping. I was grateful to have the hours that I could work while the children were at school and be there to pick them up afterwards. Since it was still pretty warm out, I opted to take the children to the Williamsport City Park to burn off some extra energy while we waited.
I watched as Kyle and Kennedy laughed and ran after the bubbles being blown by their older cousin. I stopped and bought them two soft pretzels to split between the four of us, since those things were huge. About an hour and a half into our waiting, I really needed to use the restroom. Glancing around, I spotted the women’s bathroom. Not wanting to leave the children unsupervised, I waved for Daniel to come over and asked if he could keep an eye on them while I went to relieve myself. He agreed and I went.
Once I pushed the heavy door open, I was surprised yet extremely grateful of how clean the park’s overseers kept the bathroom. Though, there was only one stall to use at a time. I entered the stall and covered the seat with one of the toilet seat covers. Just as I squatted to do my business, I heard a knocking on the door.
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