by Erin Noelle
I raised my eyebrows at her last comment and she looked over at me in the passenger seat and laughed, “Yeah, I picked up on it pretty quickly. I thought “You’re So Vain” was a nice touch, totally unexpected but completely appropriate.
“Anyways, so we left the party, you and Dylan seemed to part on good terms, and you and Ash didn’t say another word to one another. Right after we got back to the house, you, me, and Jess got ready for bed and went to sleep,” she continued. “Now this is where it gets a little sketchy for me because the next thing I remember is waking up at 11:00 this morning in an empty bed. Jess was in the shower getting ready for work and you were nowhere to be found. I checked in the living room, thinking maybe you had gotten uncomfortable with all of us in the bed, and moved to the couch . . . but noooo. I looked in the kitchen, the bathroom, even Meg’s room, but you weren’t in any of those places. I knew you couldn’t have gone far since your purse and phone were on the kitchen counter, but after about thirty minutes I started doubting my ‘she-went-for-a-walk’ theory. Before I went into complete freak out mode, Jess convinced me to let her peek into Ash’s room just to make sure you weren’t in there, which of course, I knew you wouldn’t be . . .
“So you can imagine my surprise when she told me that you were cozily sleeping, wrapped in Ash’s arms.” She pulled her car into the parking space at our place but neither of us moved. “What the fuck, Sam? The one thing I had told myself last night was that I wasn’t going to let you sleep with anyone. I know that you feel inexperienced compared to everyone else, I know that you feel like you need to hurry up and do everything, but there are other virgins in college. I didn’t want it to happen your first night out . . . not like that . . . not with someone like him!” She was yelling at me at this point while pounding her fists on the steering wheel.
“Evie, wait,” I cut her off mid-rant. “I didn’t have sex with Ash.”
“You didn’t?” she asked, confusion covering her face.
“Uh. No. Give me a little credit, My God, E. I mean, I do have a little self-respect.” I said. I tried to lighten the conversation, “I may be a little desperate and over-eager but I’m at least going to require a good dinner before I spread my legs for someone and I would prefer that he hadn’t been with someone else in the previous 24 hours, neither of which Ash fulfilled.”
Evie’s shoulders dropped as she exhaled a huge sigh. “Oh, thank God. Do you have any idea of the guilt I’ve been living with for the past few hours? Thinking that I had failed in my best friend responsibilities? I mean I went to the point of getting in bed with you at 3:00 in the morning, thinking we were all going to sleep . . . only to find you in the bed of some self-proclaimed man-whore the next day!” her voice escalated again. “If you didn’t fuck him, what did you do? What happened exactly?”
“Can we please go to our room to finish this conversation?” I asked, hoping a break from talking and the fresh air would calm her down a bit. She nodded and we grabbed our bags and headed upstairs.
As soon as the door closed, Evie turned to me and grabbed me in a tight hug. “I’m sorry I was upset with you. I’m sorry I assumed that you would do that. I know you are upset right now, so tell me what happened. Tell me everything and we will work through this.”
This was why I loved Evie. She was the best thing in my life, and I knew that she would always give me advice that was in my best interest. She was my life-cheerleader. Evie had saved my sanity on more than one occasion and I couldn’t live without her.
I gave her the full rundown of what had happened, beginning with the nickname conversation in the kitchen to the most explosive, soul-capturing kiss in the history of the world to sleeping in cloud nine to being given the pink slip in the morning.
“So this afternoon when we woke up, it was like waking up in heaven, Evie. Our arms and legs were tangled together, his masculine scent all around me, I could feel his erection on my back . . . it was seriously like a scene from one of our books. I was afraid to move, afraid to break the moment. And as most things that seem too good to be true, it was.
When we woke up, Ash told me that we couldn’t see each other or anything, that last night was it. He acknowledged that there was some unexplainable fascination between the two of us, different from just a physical attraction, but I needed this time of, oh what did he call it? Oh, my time of changing from a girl to a woman, or some bull shit. He said that I was better without him and that he would just hurt me or hold me back. So basically he was letting me go because it was the best thing for me. And then he called me his butterfly, his Psyche . . . whatever the hell he meant by that. Honestly, I was too caught up in the fantasy of the whole thing, I didn’t want to ruin it by asking. It was like my one little night of fairy-tale.”
I released a defeated sigh as I laid down on the couch with my head in Evie’s lap and my feet dangling off the side. “So now I don’t know what to think. Part of me feels like it’s fucking absurd to believe that two days after moving here, I met my soul mate, who just so happened to be the first male I was introduced to, oh and he’s a man-whore that doesn’t want to give up other pussy but wants to call me cool names like Butterfly and Psyche.” I looked up at her and said as seriously as possible. “By the way, Psyche and Butterfly are both way fucking cooler names than Sam. You could’ve done much better.” I couldn’t keep my face straight through the last word, I started cracking up. Evie stood up laughing too, causing me to roll off the couch and hit the floor with a thud. This just made me laugh harder.
“Come on Butterfly,” she said mockingly as she stood with her hands stretched out to me to help pull me up. “Get your wings out and fly our asses to the store. We need to stock up on food and drinks. Tonight we are having a Magic Mike and banana split party; watching Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer’s asses prance around while eating ice cream is the perfect distraction for you. Right now, you need to let your mind rest, stop thinking about it—about Ash, about Dylan, about everything.
Evie was right, I needed to stop over thinking it, over analyzing it. Ever since I had left Ash’s room, I had been replaying different moments of our time in his bed. I needed to let it go, at least for now.
“Sounds like a plan, but don’t think I’ve forgotten that you owe me breakfast and the score in the book whore challenge is now 1–0.” I joked, trying to pull myself out of my funk.
“Whatever, last night was just a practice round for you . . . I was too worried about watching over you, making sure you didn’t act like a fool or have too much to drink,” she argued.
I just shook my head and laughed; I wasn’t giving up this victory.
Evie had also been right about Magic Mike and the ice cream, it was exactly what I needed to forget about everything else. Exhausted by the events of the last week, I went to sleep easily when the movie ended, with visions of men in black pants and ties dancing in my head.
The following day, Monday, was our last free day before classes were to begin. It was raining outside so Evie and I both decided to stay in our room to recharge before our schedules became insanely hectic. I was way behind on my reading so I decided to have a rainy-day-read-a-polooza. Following Evie’s lead, I downloaded Taking Chances and the recommended play list and immersed myself in the lives of Harper, Brandon, and Chase. I loved listening to the playlists suggested by the authors when reading their book. To me it’s like the background music to a movie, it provides another sensory layer to the story. It’s amazing how the right music can enhance a good book, it heightens the intensity levels at those crucial moments.
About an hour in, I clearly understood why Evie wanted me to read this book. I could completely relate to Harper—starting college naïve and inexperienced, being attracted to more than one guy, trying to figure out who she was. The story captivated me from the beginning; I couldn’t put it down. Just as I was really falling in love with the characters, when I had decided how I wanted the story to end, the book took an unforeseen turn, a twist that was gut-wrenc
hing, heart-breaking, and tear-inducing. I then spent the next three and a half hours crying, for most of the second half of the book, as the author slowly put my broken heart back together again.
When I got to the end of the book, I was completely overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally, and I broke down. I cried and I cried and I cried some more.
I cried in sadness, and I cried with joy. I cried for unwanted goodbyes, and I cried for unexpected hellos. I cried for all the things that could’ve been, and I cried for the beauty of what actually was. I cried for Harper and Brandon and Chase, and I cried for me.
At some point in my melt down, Evie had joined me on my small bed and held me while I sobbed. This cry was not about Ash and Dylan; the events of the previous night were just the proverbial straw, and break me it did. This cry was eighteen years in the making, a release long overdue.
When I woke up a couple of hours later, I felt much better. My body had desperately needed the rest. I found Evie lounging on the couch watching Magic Mike again.
“This movie really makes everything better,” she said as I sat down next to her. “At least for a couple of hours.”
“Thank you for everything, Evie.” I whispered. I curled up against her and she put her arm around my shoulders. “I couldn’t do this without you; I would’ve given up long ago if it wasn’t for you.”
“I know, sweet Sam girl,” she said. “But you are worth fighting for, I’ll never let you give up. I love you too much.”
“I love you too, Evie.”
The next morning was the first day of classes and I woke up with my stomach knotted with nerves. Thankfully, Evie would also be in two of my three classes that day, so we could figure most everything out together. After dressing in a black cotton maxi dress and matching flip flops, I looked at my phone to check the time. I had two text messages waiting for me.
Ash (2:32 AM): Can’t stop thinking of you butterfly.
Dylan (8:27 AM): Have a great first day of classes! Hope to see you again soon beautiful
Well, shit. That wasn’t what I expected to start the day. First, it was strike one against Dylan with the use of “beautiful.” I needed to let him know that I wasn’t a fan of the pet name thing, but it was very thoughtful of him to text this morning. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would hear from him again, but when I read the message I realized the sense of relief and delight that I felt that he wanted to see me again.
Reading Ash’s text, sent a completely different set of emotions through me—confusion, anxiety, hope, and pure lust. How did his number get in my phone? Why did he text me when he clearly told me that we could not have a relationship of any kind—neither friendly nor romantically? Why did a person that I knew practically nothing about make me lose control of my brain and body at the mere thought of him?
I only responded to Dylan’s text.
Me (9:35 AM): Thanks, you too. Sounds good
Then I grabbed my backpack and went to meet Evie for breakfast. She was ready and waiting for me in the kitchen. She had set us out some fresh pineapple and yogurt. As we ate, I told her about both text messages and she told me not to think too much about either of them. She was right. I needed to spend much less time thinking about boys and more time on my studies. My scholarships had strict GPA requirements, so I could not allow anything or anyone to interfere with my grades.
“I was thinking about our book whore competition last night and I agree to acknowledge your win from Saturday,” Evie said as we walked to our first class.
“You agree to acknowledge my win?” I asked.
“Yeah, like I said, I didn’t allow myself to really meet anyone this time so that I could stay close to you, so it wasn’t really fair. But next time, you may need to find your own way home,” she teased waggling her eyebrows.
“I didn’t ask you to do that. I don’t need a babysitter,” I tried to be serious with her but couldn’t help the laughter that escaped at her ridiculous faces.
“Okay, whatever, it’s over and you won,” she conceded. “But anyways, I was thinking about it and I thought about our teacher/professor group . . . There’s no better place to find a professor than in the classroom, so for these BB’s we need to be on the lookout at all times. They don’t have specific nights dedicated to them. Sound good?”
My brain had been so full of Ash and Dylan that I hadn’t even thought about trying to meet anyone else and I couldn’t imagine throwing another guy in the mix. However, I also knew that the point of the contest was for us to meet new people from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. It was hard for me to say what I liked and or didn’t like unless I tried it out. So I nodded at Evie’s suggestion in agreement. I highly doubted I’d have a professor that would be seduction-worthy anyways.
Before I knew it, it was early afternoon and Evie and I were walking back to our apartment having completed our first day of college. We were both giddy with a feeling of accomplishment, which was ridiculous, but our good moods were evident nonetheless. Since neither of us were procrastinators when it came to school work, we finished our homework right when we got back. We spent the rest of the evening gossiping about people we had met during the day and discussing the next day’s schedule. After our early dinner of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, we each went into our rooms to have some alone time. This was yet another thing that made Evie and I so compatible, she and I both understood the importance of personal time and space.
I could hear Evie in her room skyping with someone, it sounded like her friend Corinne but I wasn’t sure. She stayed in touch with several of her friends from high school through the multiple social networking sites. I knew so much about all of them through Evie’s stories throughout the years that I felt like I knew them personally, but I had only met a few of them a handful of times at her house. They were an important part of her life and I knew she was worried about losing contact with them when they all went their separate ways to college. I, on the other hand, had limited contact with anyone I went to school with. I was friendly enough with several girls I met during my time at St. Helen’s, but since I wasn’t able to do anything outside of school, it was hard for me to develop the strong friendships that others did.
I then spent some time tuning my guitar and looking up new music on iTunes. It never ceased to amaze me how quickly time flew by when I was searching and sampling music. The buzzing of my cell phone broke my spell. I quickly snatched it off of my desk, nervous to see who the message was from.
Dylan (7:55 PM): How was your day? Good I hope
I breathed a sigh of relief. As much as my heart yearned for it to be Ash, I knew it was best if he didn’t contact me again. I didn’t respond to his text this morning hoping it would discourage him from any future messages or calls. I didn’t understand why he sent the message in the first place, it seemed quite contradictory to what he had said he wanted.
Me (8:01 PM): It was good—nothing too crazy. A day of syllabi and introductions . . . and a lot of walking! How about you?
Dylan (8:08 PM): Pretty much the same. I had to work this afternoon, just getting home.
Me (8:12 PM): Work?
Dylan (8:12PM): Yeah, you know that thing that most people have to do to make money to pay their bills?
Me (8:13 PM): Ha, ha funny guy. I’m familiar with the concept. Where do you work?
Dylan (8:15 PM): I work at a publishing outfit a few afternoons a week, trying to get my foot in the door for after graduation.
Me (8:16 PM): So with school and work when are you going to have time to spend with me?
I wondered if the text was too bold but before I had time to regret it, my phone vibrated again.
Dylan (8:17 PM): I will always make sure there’s time for you.
Me (8:18 PM): Good answer
Dylan (8:20 PM): It’s the truth. You gonna be at J&N’s this Saturday?”
Me (8:21 PM): ? not sure?
Dylan (8:23 PM): They have ppl over almost every Sat, would love to see you there again
/> Me (8:26 PM): I’ll let you know, will talk to Evie. Going to shower now and do some reading before bed, have a good night
Dylan (8:30 PM): Cool, you too. No more texts about you showering though, sweet dreams
Unable to withhold my excitement over mine and Dylan’s back and forth texts, I squealed as I ran across the living area to Evie’s bedroom. “Evie,” I yelled. “Guess who I just talked to, or texted with, or whatever you call it.”
“Who?” she asked, looking up from her e-reader. She had already showered, as was evident by her wet black hair pulled into a tight bun, and she was propped up in her bed by the extra twenty pillows she had brought from home. Okay, maybe it wasn’t twenty, but it was at least like eight or nine king-sized pillows. When we were younger, I had always thought she looked like a porcelain Asian doll sitting in a cloud when she would surround herself with the white downy-soft pillows on her bed, but now she looked more like the angel that she truly was. Evie had always been my guardian angel. I couldn’t help but smile brightly when I saw her.