by Erin Noelle
It took me several minutes to come down from my trip into sensual outer space. Mason continued working his way up my body, rubbing and kissing me, until he reached my face. He hesitated to kiss me, I had never kissed him on the mouth after he went down on me, but for some reason, at that moment, tasting myself on Mason’s mouth seemed like the most natural thing to do. I released the headboard and grabbed the back of his head while rising up to meet his mouth halfway. That was the sexiest kiss I had ever experienced and by the sounds that came from Mason, I think he felt the same. I felt his cock jerk on my stomach and my body instinctively pushed against him. We groaned into each other’s mouth, we were both struggling against the carnal need that was fighting to be fulfilled.
“Scarlett, you have no idea . . . I’m trying . . .” he whispered. I cut him off by putting my index finger over his lips to shh him. I used my other hand to reach between our bodies and push down on the elastic band of his pants. He lifted his body so that I could rid him of his last piece of clothing.
When he lowered himself back on top of me, his erection was pressed against my clit and pubic bone. The pressure on my nub alone was enough to drive me crazy with lust. He kissed me softer and slower than he had earlier. I appreciated that he was trying to be gentle and tender, but my body was hungry and desperate.
“More. I need more,” I panted, wiggling my body against his.
Mason’s body stilled and he lifted up so that we were no longer touching. I whimpered at the loss of contact. He locked his eyes on mine. “Scarlett, you said you didn’t want to. Please don’t . . . I can’t say no to you.” He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “I want it to mean something for you. You need to love the person you’re with the first time, make it special. Look, I am hopelessly in love with you, but I know that you love Ash . . . and sometimes that’s just the way things work out. But I don’t just want to fuck you, I want to make love to you. Like I’ve never done with anyone else.” He lowered his eyes at his confession.
I was shocked to hear Mason say that he was in love with me, but I selfishly wouldn’t give that moment back for anything—the first time a guy said he loves me. It made me feel comforted and wanted and alive. I knew that I loved Ash, but I was so angry at him. And I was so angry at Evie for dying and leaving me alone. Mason’s touch was the only thing that made me feel better, and damn it, I deserved to feel better. So I did the most selfish thing I could do, I lied.
I cupped Mason’s face in my hands and forced him to look at me as I said the words. “I love you, Rat. I love you so much and I want you to make love to me right now.”
“I love you, Rat. I love you so much and I want you to make love to me right now.”
The words that had just tumbled from my mouth echoed loudly through my head. Still cupping his face in my hands just centimeters from my own, I looked in Mason’s hooded eyes to gauge his reaction to my deceitful declaration of love. I feared that he would question my intent or sincerity, but instead his gray orbs lit up and sparkled down at me.
“Say it again,” he whispered, a smile playing at the edge of his mouth.
I took a deep breath and made the final decision to see this thing through. Lying flat on my back with his beautifully massive frame hovering over me, I felt safe, protected, and cherished in his presence. But most importantly, I didn’t feel alone. I couldn’t do alone.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“And what else?” He leaned down to lightly kiss my lips, but made sure to simultaneously lower the weight of his hips so that his erection was once again pressed against my clit. My hips naturally lifted up to his to increase the friction and I moaned softly into his mouth.
“Make love to me Mason. I need you inside me,” I panted.
“My pleasure, Angel,” he drawled and blanketed himself over me.
I had thought that the sexual interactions Mason and I had shared before were passionate, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity that followed those three words. At first, he kissed me ever so delicately and purposefully, taking his sweet time assaulting my mouth and tongue with his own. My hands ran through his barely-there dark hair and grabbed the back of his neck. I pulled down on him, indicating that I wanted him to increase the force, but instead he withdrew from my mouth and shook his head at me.
Mason’s eyes twinkled mischievously, “Slow down, Angel. We aren’t in any rush.” He ran his nose across my jaw bone to my ear at a devastatingly sluggish pace, all the while making slow, deliberate circles with his hips against mine causing the buzzing ache between my legs to continue to build. When he finally reached my ear, he bit down on the lobe and I groaned with pleasure. He continued his pecking and nipping down my neck and sternum until he had shimmied himself down the bed to be eye level with my breasts. His hard cock was no longer in contact with my body and I sighed at the absence; however, Mason quickly rerouted my thoughts as he drew one of my nipples between his teeth and pinched the other at the same time. I squealed at the initial flash of pain but immensely enjoyed the warm, moist tongue that followed, kissing and sucking the discomfort away. He spent equal amount of time on each heavy breast and the anticipation building inside of me was reaching a dangerous level. I wiggled against him and I could feel him laugh against my sensitive flesh.
He slowly continued his tantalizing treatment by trailing kisses down my stomach toward the throbbing that I needed him so badly to address. Not quickly enough he had made his way down my body and was snuggled nice and securely between my legs. I could feel his warm breath on my inner thighs and again, I instinctively lifted my hips up to him, wanting him to abate the ache that was getting more powerful by the second.
His mouth barely brushed against my sex and I groaned aloud. He pulled back slightly and looked up at me through his heavy lids. “You like that, Angel? You want more?”
“Please Mase. Don’t tease me,” I begged him. “I need you. All of you.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the please or the I need you that he couldn’t resist, but moments later his lips crashed on my mound with such force that my hands flew straight to the back of his head. “Oh God,” I muttered. He skillfully used a combination of his mouth and fingers to tempt and torment my already aroused and wet core. I had a strong grip on the back of his head, as I shamelessly grinded against his face. I could feel the wave building, gradually at first, but soon at a rolling-out-of-control speed straight to the fire that burned deep inside me.
“I fucking love the way you taste . . . like my own slice of heaven.” I melted at his words as he continued to unknowingly bury my sorrows in his touch. Mason grabbed a hold of my hip bones as I bucked out of control, spreading my juices on his hand and face, until my body relaxed into a purely euphoric state.
Kissing his way back up my thin frame, my body quickly came back to life and by the time his lips had reached mine, I was humming in anticipation yet again. Mason’s gray eyes sparkled down at me, full of love and affection, and for a brief moment I felt a twinge of guilt. But when he leaned down and kissed me thoroughly on the mouth, and all negative thoughts were replaced with my overwhelming need to feel wanted and loved.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Mason asked as he raised up a bit to look deep into my eyes.
“More than anything,” I replied, nipping at his bottom lip. “Make love to me, Mason.”
He leaned over to his night stand and grabbed a condom out of the top drawer. He skillfully tore it open with his teeth and sheathed himself in seconds. He lowered himself back down on top of me, locking his eyes on mine again.
“I know this is going to be uncomfortable at first. Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?” Mason instructed me. I nodded my head and reached up to cup his face. I was nervous, so fucking nervous, but I needed it. There was no way I was backing out.
Nestled between my legs, I could feel the tip of his erection pressing against my slick opening. He slowly tried to work his way inside me, and I could feel my skin str
etching to make room for him. It was uncomfortable but not excruciating pain like I had expected. Mason stopped moving to check on me and after reassuring him I was fine, he continued to try and work his full length inside me. The further he went, the more it hurt—burning, ripping, stretching. I wrapped my arms around his back and buried my head in his shoulder, biting down gingerly. I needed the physical pain. I needed it take away all of the other pain
“Mason, please, just get it over with,” I pleaded.
“Are you sure?” he asked unsure.
I nodded my head against his body. “Yes, I need you completely inside me now.”
He pulled out the little ways that he had managed to maneuver and looked at me with adoration. “I love you, Scarlett.” As he kissed me hard and possessively, devouring every inch of my mouth, and without warning, slammed deep inside my body.
I would’ve screamed loudly had his mouth not been covering mine, so instead I dug my fingernails into his back. He pulled back slightly and pounded inside me again.
“Oh shit, Scarlett,” he cried out. “You feel so fucking incredible.” He continued the strokes in and out and after a little while the pain had decreased quite a bit, and an aching pleasure took its place.
“Oh God . . .” I breathed, arching my back to be closer to him while my hands continued to grasp his broad back. I couldn’t get close enough to him, I had to make sure he didn’t pull away from me . . . make sure he didn’t reject me. I needed him to make me somewhat whole again after the last two days had shattered me into pieces. “Please Mason . . .” I begged. “Don’t stop.”
“Not a chance,” he grumbled, without breaking the rhythm of his powerful thrusts. “I’m close Angel.”
We were both silent from that point on, only the sounds of our bodies hitting one another could be heard until I felt his big strong body tighten up and pound into me with three long, hard, final strokes. He went limp on top of me and buried his face in my neck. We laid like that for a while before he rolled off of me onto his side. He quickly discarded the condom and rejoined me on the bed. Pulling me up against his body, his big arms completely enveloped me and I snuggled sleepily to his chest.
“My Angel . . .” was the last thing I remembered him saying before I passed out from full body exhaustion.
It was still dark outside when I woke up and I could hear the rain pounding relentlessly on the window. Mason was asleep on his back and I was curled up next to him, using the nook between his chest and arm as my pillow. I moved my legs to reposition myself and the soreness that I felt between them caused me to freeze. The events from the previous day flooded my memory. The funeral. Evie’s parents. The tattoo. Ash. The blonde. Mason. Me. I love you. Sex. Oh shit, what did I do?
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping, praying, that it was all a bad dream. I wanted to go back seventy two hours and redo every moment of it. I slowly opened my eyes and moved the lower half of my body again. There was no denying the tenderness from where Mason’s body had been.
I had asked him to make love to me; I had even told him I loved him so that he would without reservation. I was angry and hurt by Ash. I had felt lonely, desolate, abandoned. Mason’s touch, like always, made me feel coveted and cherished. I loved that he craved me; I needed him to love me.
I was an awful person. I was so much worse than Ash. I lied to Mason just so I wouldn’t be alone. I was afraid I would be alone forever. My relationship with my family was estranged. The guy I thought I was in love with was fucking other girls. And my best friend, the person I had spent nearly every day of my life with for over ten years, was dead. Mason was all I had left and because of my selfish behavior, I had ruined that too.
Mason making love to me was wonderful. He had been so gentle, so patient. He had made sure that I was taken care of in every way and was only interested in giving me the perfect first time. However, despite the physical and emotional fullness that I felt during those intimate moments, I had never felt emptier than when I woke up and had to face what I had done.
I started to have a mini-panic attack. My stomach knotted with anxiety, my mouth dried up, and my breathing became labored. I needed to get out of there, fast. I couldn’t deal with all of it at once. I managed to climb out of bed without waking Mason, thankful that he was such a heavy sleeper. My clothes were still in a wet pile on the bathroom floor so I put on a pair of Mason’s boxers and t-shirt that I found in the dryer. I grabbed my purse and keys that had been disposed of on the bar, and quietly let myself out the front door. It was still pouring rain and by the time I reached my car, I was a freezing wet mess once again.
I went straight to my room to change clothes and grab a few things. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was too much of a coward to stay at Mason’s and face him. I couldn’t stay another night in that place without Evie, and I sure the hell wasn’t calling Ash. After a hot shower, I threw on the first articles of clean clothing that I came across. I had desperately needed to do laundry and planned on catching up as soon as finals were over. I ended up in a pair cut off jean shorts and a Rice University hooded sweatshirt. I repacked my overnight back since the previous things in it had all gotten wet. I grabbed my acoustic guitar, threw on my boots because I couldn’t drive in wet flip flops, and headed out the door once again.
Once in the car, I plugged my ipod in and prepared myself for a long drive, I just wasn’t exactly sure where yet. The one thing I did know was that I needed to get as far away from Houston as possible, and I didn’t have any plans of returning. Ever.
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
It was the Friday before the fall semester was to begin and I was headed east on I-10 toward Houston. It had been exactly a year prior that Evie and I had made this exact journey, excited and eager to begin our new lives. We had both envisioned four years together to experience college and all of the life-changing moments that came with it. From there we had assumed we would get good jobs, find loving husbands, have beautiful little babies, and of course, live happily-ever-after. But Evie’s death had changed everything.
An old Red Hot Chili Peppers song came on the radio and I paused my trip down memory lane to turn it up and sing along. It was one of Evie’s favorite songs, she always wanted me to play this song so she could sing it off-key and at an obnoxiously high volume. I smiled and felt the familiar tugging at my heart that I had come accustomed to when I thought about my best friend. It had taken me quite some time to get to the point of recalling old memories of Evie and not crying, and some days I still got a little teary-eyed when I thought about her, but for the most part, remembering our moments together filled me with love and gratitude.
I began to feel jittery and nervous when I passed the sign indicating that Houston was only seventy-one miles in front of me. In knew that in less than two hours, I would be in my new place with Tessa, my new roommate. We hadn’t met in person before, but we had talked on the phone a few times and Skyped once so that we would recognize each other. She seemed to be a sweet girl; she had come across as pretty quiet and very focused on her pre-med studies. Quiet and studious was exactly what I needed; the decision to get another roommate was a difficult one for me and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be all buddy-buddy with whomever it was. At first it had felt like I would be replacing Evie; I was so afraid of forgetting her if I moved on with my life. Eventually, with my therapist, I worked through these issues and realized that I would never forget Evie; that was impossible. The best way for me to honor her memory was to keep on living, doing things that she and I liked to do to together, listening to her favorite music, cooking her favorite foods.
When I had driven out of town on that life-changing night last December, I really had no idea where I was going. I just drove and drove and drove. The sun came up and I continued to drive. The sun went down and I was still driving. Finally, after I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I pulled off at a motel on the highway. I had no idea where I was. I was completely lost in every facet of my life—physically, menta
lly, and emotionally.
I checked into a room and fell asleep within thirty seconds of laying down. I didn’t even bother taking my shoes off or getting under the covers. The next morning when I woke up, I realized that I needed to first figure out where the hell I was and then I needed to come up with some sort of plan. I wasn’t going to live in Evie’s car like a vagabond across Texas. I turned my phone on for the first time since I had left in hopes that the GPS on it would give me an indication of where I was. I wasn’t prepared for the thirty voicemails and fifty something text messages that waited for me. When I had fled Ash’s house, Meg had called Jess who had called Evie’s parents who had called my parents. All of them had left messages trying to locate me and making sure that I was okay. Well, I had assumed that Ash’s messages were similar to the others because I refused to listen to them and deleted them before I changed my mind.
On top of those worried about my mental state due to the death of my best friend and me walking in on Ash having sex, was Mason calling wondering why I had left without saying anything. I listened to his messages because I felt that I at least owed that to him. I deserved to hear the hurt and heartbreak in his voice because I had selfishly deceived him, knowing that it would cause him pain. In his first voicemail, he sounded confused and understanding, but by the fifth one, he was downright pissed. I couldn’t blame him for feeling betrayed and hating me. I hated me for what I did.
Once I learned that I was right outside of Lubbock, I started calling everyone back to let them know that I was okay. My parents seemed bothered by the whole ordeal and told me to stop acting like a child and to return home immediately. Evie’s parents were more concerned about my entire well-being, but I assured them that I had just had a minor freak out and would be returning home later that day. I texted Meg and Jess to let them know that I was okay, but that I needed some time to myself. I sent Mason a text that simply said “I’m sorry,” but I never got a response. I had nothing to say to Ash.