by Erin Noelle
“Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding. Find out what you already know and you will see the way to fly.”
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull
The End
Continue to follow Scarlett, Ash, Mason, & Max in
Euphoria (Book 3 )
Scene Two: Roger Rabbit
Performed by Sleeping With Sirens
Released June 25, 2012
Copyright 2012 Rise Records
All at Once
Performed by The Fray
Released September 13, 2005
Copyright 2005 Sony Music Entertainment
Blurred Lines
Performed by Robin Thicke (featuring T. I. & Pharrell)
Released March 26, 2013
Copyright 2013 Star Trak, LLC
Heart Shaped Wreckage
Performed by SMASH Cast (Katherine McPhee & Jeremy Jordan)
Released May 21, 2013
Copyright 2013 NBC Studios LLC
For Carly Simon—I bet you think this book is about you
CHRISTMAS NIGHT
REMINDER—MUMFORD & SONS
LIPS OF AN ANGEL—HINDER
ASH
Frustrated. That summed up my mood in one word. I was frustrated with Scarlett for bailing on our Christmas dinner, really frustrated with my sister for standing up for her, and extremely fucking frustrated with Mason for being such a stupid ass to get himself in this mess. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he did it on purpose just to see if she would come running to him. Which of course she did. Fucking always. I’m not a violent person, but I really wanted to beat the shit out of someone that night. It was a good thing that he was in a different state ‘cause if he had been close, I may have finished the job for him.
The frustration was eating me from the inside out as I sat alone in my house after the awkward holiday dinner with my family. My mom hadn’t said much except that she understood why Scarlett left. Will commented that the situation was jacked up, which led to Crys getting mad at him and telling him he was an insensitive ass. He shut up shortly after that. Oscar and Evan were oblivious to it all—they ate as quickly as possible so that they could get back to playing the Xbox. I sat silently eating the food that she and I had prepared the night before, trying not to think of the reminder fuck I had given her at the kitchen sink. Obviously it wasn’t a reminder enough.
I decided I needed to do something beside lie in bed alone thinking about what could possibly be happening in Florida. The frustration was quickly turning into anger and I needed to cool off. I got up and threw on some jeans and a long sleeved Henley, ran my fingers through my hair, and slipped my feet in some flip flops. Grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone, I called Nicholas as I headed out to my car.
Five minutes later I was pulling up to his house, and it appeared I wasn’t the only person looking for a place to hang out for the evening. The driveway and street were packed with cars and the music was flowing from the house. The scene reminded of the many Saturday nights that I had spent there—drinking, playing the guitar, and hooking up with random girls. It also reminded me of the first night I met Scarlett. Fuck, I couldn’t escape thinking about her. I shook my head at my pathetic self as I walked up to the front door. I needed a drink . . . or twelve.
As I made my way through the living room to the kitchen, I spotted Nicholas and Jess standing at the island and headed in their direction. We exchanged hugs and wished each other Merry Christmas before Jess asked where Scarlett was. I knew it was coming, but I really just didn’t want to talk about it.
“Something came up,” I answered vaguely. “Now where’s the whiskey? I need a shot stat.”
Jess raised her eyebrows at me and was about to say something else, but Nicholas whispered something in her ear and she closed her mouth. He gave me a knowing look and I made a mental note to thank him later.
“The liquor’s at the bar and the beer’s in the fridge dude. Help yourself. It’s good seeing you here; we’ve missed you coming around,” he replied.
“Thanks man.”
“You gonna play tonight for us?”
I hadn’t really thought about it, but now that he mentioned it, it sounded like a great idea. Music was always a good prescription for the soul.
“Yeah, I think I will. Let me get my buzz on and I’ll grab your guitar.”
Three shots and two beers later, I was sitting on the back deck, acoustic in hand with most of the house guests sitting around me. I loved winter nights in Houston. It never got that cold, the air had just enough chill in it to make you feel alive. Couples were cuddled up watching the flame inside the chimenea and a flicker of jealousy shot through me. Scarlett should have been there with me, not sitting next to Mason’s hospital bed taking care of him.
I took a long gulp of my beer and settled the guitar in my lap. I went through my usual favorites, a little Jack Johnson, Ben Harper, and such, before taking requests from people. After a couple of more songs, a familiar-looking blonde girl that had been trying to catch my eye all night asked me to play Lips of an Angel. Not thinking much about it, I began playing the popular Hinder song, but by the time I finished the end of the first chorus I thought I was going to be sick. It wasn’t that the song’s lyrics really applied to my life or situation exactly, it was just the subject matter of cheating and the fact that I kept having to saying the word Angel. Knowing that’s what Rat called Scarlett, I could totally picture him singing it to her and I suddenly despised the song that I had never given a second thought to. As soon as I spat out the last verse, I abruptly rose to my feet, setting the guitar in my chair, and claimed I needed a drink break.
I walked back in the house to escape everyone for a minute, especially Blondie who had kept inching closer to me throughout the song, and I poured another shot. Throwing the glass back, the warm liquid tingled my throat and chest as it settled in my gut. After repeating the motion two more times, I heard the back door open and close and I assumed Jess had come in to ask me what my problem was and where Scarlett was exactly. I closed my eyes and grabbed the counter to steady myself in the somewhat blurry room. However, the hands that wrapped themselves around my waist from behind and the voice that whispered in my ear didn’t belong to Jess.
“My lips are soft as an angel’s . . . especially when they’re wrapped around your cock. Don’t you remember, Ash?”
Oh fuck.
STUBBORN LOVE—THE LUMINEERS
I TRY—MACY GRAY
MASON
Her voice was the first thing I remembered hearing as I pulled through the fogginess that weighed heavy on me physically and mentally. I could hear the determination in every word and the resolve in each strum of the guitar as she sang to me about keeping me alive and not allowing me to escape. She still loved me. I knew she still fucking loved me. I slowly opened my groggy lids and focused on the beautiful image that sat next to my bed, completely oblivious to where we were or why we were there. All I cared about was that Scarlett was sitting next to me.
As she finished the song, she opened her dampened brown eyes and looked down at me. The look of relief and sheer joy that spread across her face when she saw me staring back at her filled me with a happiness that I hadn’t felt in a long time . . . since the day she had walked back into Empty’s after being gone for eight months.
“Am I in heaven now, Angel?”
My voice was raspy and strained but my words were clear. She reached out and brushed the pad of her thumb across my cheek, and even though I loved the feel of her skin on mine, I hated the pity in her eyes.
“Mase, baby, what have you done?” She whispered as the tears began steadily rolling down her cheeks.
I grabbed the wrist of her lingering hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing her fingertips. She quickly stood up, placing the guitar in the chair she had been sitting in, and crawled into the bed next to me. It wasn’t until that moment that I wondered why
the fuck I was in a hospital bed. Looking around, I realized that I wasn’t just in a hospital bed, I was in an actual hospital with all kinds of wires and tubes and shit hooked up to me.
Weakly, I pulled her close to my body, and she cautiously cuddled up to me with her head on my chest. Unable to resist, I lowered my face to her hair, inhaling deeply, and gently kissing the top of her head. The longer I was awake, the more my body began to throb with pain, but I didn’t dare say a word about being uncomfortable. I would’ve laid on burning coals if it meant I could have Scarlett in bed with me. Neither of us said a word for several minutes. I wasn’t sure what in the hell she was thinking, I knew whatever I had done had upset her, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember anything past getting ready for a Christmas Eve party.
“Scarlett?” I croaked. “Can you tell me where in the hell I am and how in the fuck I got here?”
She twisted her body so that she was looking up at me, and I desperately tried not to wince, but gauging from her reaction, I failed miserably.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said as she attempted to gingerly move away from me, but I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my body.
“Shh. Don’t you dare go anywhere and don’t apologize either. I need you next to me.”
She relaxed back against me but kept her eyes locked on mine. “You really don’t remember what happened?”
I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying again to recall the events that had led me to being there. I knew it must’ve been serious if Scarlett was sitting at my bedside playing music asking me to fight for my life, but I really had no idea.
“You overdosed, Mason. On Christmas Eve night at some party here in Miami. I’m not sure what all you were on, but from the contents of your hotel room, I have a pretty good idea.” Her voice quickly changed from caring and concerned to disappointed laced with disgust. I groaned as her words cut into me, I was ashamed and embarrassed.
Just as I was about to apologize and ask her why and how she had gotten there, the door to my private room flew open and my older brother, Marcus, came barging in with a nurse hot on his trail.
“You stupid, selfish, fucking little prick!” he roared. “What in God’s name are you doing? Have you lost your fucking mind? You finally get a shot . . . a chance to make a name for yourself . . . to get your sorry ass out of Houston . . . and this is what you do?!”
He looked down at Scarlett who was still lying in the bed with me. “And what the fuck is she doing here? Hasn’t she done enough?”
“Shut the fuck up Marcus! Don’t talk to her like that!” I glared at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The nurse finally broke in, “Gentleman, you are going to have to keep your voices down. There are other patients in this hospital that are trying to rest and this language will not be tolerated,” she said sternly. Turning to look at Scarlett, “And you need to get out of that bed young lady; this isn’t a hotel. You should’ve come to get someone as soon as he woke up.”
I continued to hold Scarlett close to me, despite her attempts to wiggle out of my arms. I didn’t want either my brother or Nazi nurse to intimidate her, and the last thing I wanted was her away from me. And if the scene wasn’t chaotic enough with Marcus standing at the foot of the bed with steam coming out of his ears, the nurse looking back and forth between all of us with a massive scowl on her face, and me having to borderline wrestle Scarlett to keep her in the bed, the door opened and yet another person joined the party.
Walking through the doorway, Smiley, my manager Jag’s girlfriend, took a few steps into the room and then stopped as everyone’s attention turned to her.
“Hullo, I umm, just dropped by to see how Rat was feeling,” she said in a thick British accent as she tucked a long strand of dark brown hair behind her ear. She looked around my brother’s large frame and made eye contact with me as a huge smile lit up her face. “Oh good, you’re awake. I’m so happy to see you’re doing better.”
Scarlett’s body tensed next to me at the sight of a young, very attractive girl coming to check on me, which made me happy. Like I said, she still loved me. Marcus smirked thinking that some hook-up of mine had stopped by, which he assumed would cause an issue with the girl in my arms. And the nurse rolled her eyes and sighed aloud.
“Hey, thanks for coming by,” I greeted her. “Yeah, I just got up a bit ago; you’ve made it just in time for the celebration. I hope you brought a twelve pack.”
Rolling her eyes playfully, she walked up to the bed and patted my calf. “Jag will be thrilled to hear that not only are you alive, but you haven’t lost your cheeky arse attitude either.” Stretching her hand out toward Scarlett, she introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Smiley, Jag’s girlfriend and unofficial tour bus mother.”
Relaxing, no longer seeing her as a threat, Scarlett returned the smile and the handshake and said, “Scarlett and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I understand we have you to thank for finding Mase the other night. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude.”
“Not necessary. I’m just glad that we got him to the hospital before anything serious happened. We all care about each other quite a bit, we’re like a family. ” She turned her dazzling smile and outstretched hand toward Marcus. “Speaking of family, the resemblance is undeniable. You must be Rat’s brother. It’s very nice to meet you as well.”
Before he could respond, Nazi nurse had decided that was enough pleasantries and interrupted the introductions. “I’m going to get the doctor for an evaluation. You will all need to leave the room when he gets here.” She turned her nose up at all of us and marched out the door.
The moments of silence that filled the room after was moderately awkward, and then everyone tried to speak at once.
“I’m gonna grab a cup of coffee.”
“I need to go to the ladies room.”
“I’m going to call Jag and give him an update.”
“I’m ready to get back to the bus.”
After my comment, the three of them all turned and looked at me like I had grown a second head. “What?” I asked. “I need to get back to the guys, we leave for Europe soon.”
Smiley cocked her head and said sweetly, “Rat, the tour is over for you babe. You’ve got to go back to Texas and get help. I’m sorry.”
“Are you serious?!” I asked, raising my voice. I was so pissed. What did they mean I couldn’t finish the tour? I was fucking fine. I had a bad night; it wouldn’t happen again. What the fuck?
Not fazed by my yelling in the least, her smile never wavering, she nodded her head. “I’m afraid so. We can’t take you in your physical or psychological state overseas. Despite the health issues, you are a tabloid story waiting to happen. We can’t take that risk.”
Not wanting to believe the words that had just left her mouth, I screamed at her, “Get the fuck out of my room! Now! You don’t know what the fuck you are talking about! Who do you think you are, you uppity British bitch?! Get Jag on the phone. Now.”
The smile finally drained from her face as she did an about-face and walked out of the room without saying another word. Good, I was tired of her happy ass face all the time anyway and that stupid ass nickname. Marcus shook his head at me and mumbled something under his breath before following her. Fuck him too. Fuck everybody. Now that Scarlett was back in my arms, I didn’t need their shit.
Just then, the doctor entered the room and Scarlett quickly crawled out of the bed, straightening her clothes as she stood up. Walking toward the door, she looked back at me right before she left and said, “It’s gonna be okay, Mase. I promise.”
SCARLETT
My back hit the wall in the hallway outside Mase’s hospital room and I slowly slid down until my butt met the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms, trying to pull myself together. Completely drowning in a flood of emotions, I could hardly think straight. First and foremost, I was relieved that he was awake and appeared to be physically okay
. I knew he was a long way from being fine, but at least he was going to be around for us to work on that. After relief, I couldn’t say what I felt more—frustration that he had been so reckless and selfish in his decision-making and actions, guilt knowing that I had been one of the main factors for leading him to this point, exasperation that he actually thought he could go back on tour without getting any help and with the way he had spoken to Smiley, comfort by the way his arms felt around me, and love—I’d always love him. Even if I knew we couldn’t be together in a romantic sort of way, he would always own a piece of my heart.
A few minutes after I sat down, I heard footsteps approach me followed by someone joining me on the floor. I looked up to see Smiley sitting to my right, an understanding look on her face.
“You doing okay, sweetie?” she asked.
I was so exhausted I didn’t even care that she called me sweetie. It actually felt kind of nice. I shrugged. “I guess. I’m just . . .” My voice trailed off.
She reached over and pulled me into a hug, patting my hair. For some reason, it didn’t feel strange at all. Typically, I wouldn’t be too keen on letting a stranger hold me and comfort me, but it was exactly what I needed at that moment. Neither of us said anything, we just sat there on the floor hugging. Hospitals make people do weird shit.
“I see you two have met,” Cruz’s voice pulled us from our embrace. I looked up at him standing over us with a smirk on his face, a tray of coffees in his hand.
“Hey you. Join us and give me one of those,” I said tugging on his pant leg.
Careful not to spill the hot liquid, he knelt down next to us and passed us each a cup. Smiley looked down at the drink and made a funny face.