“Lucky, where the hell have you been? I was worried sick! I called and called you!”
I realized on the bus into the city that I had forgotten my phone that was plugged in upstairs.
“Umm…” A hug was the last thing I had been expecting. “I’m sorry, Janine. I forgot my phone. My grandmother is sick and she needed me to bring her some tea they didn’t have at the place she’s living.”
Janine was still hugging me.
“I thought I could be back before you knew I was gone,” I admitted. She let me go then and held me at arm’s length, studying my face.
“Lucky, you can’t just leave without telling me. If Mia hadn’t noticed you were gone…” she trailed off. Mia! Of course she had told on me, the little rat.
“I’m sorry. I just…she said she needed it….” It sounded lame. Even to me. “And Janine? I’m really sorry, but I borrowed…I took…five dollars for the bus and train. I’ll pay you back. I promise.”
She shook her head.
“I can’t have you running around the city, spending hours on the bus or subway…”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“So the next time you want to go see your grandmother, or if she needs anything, you tell me and I’ll drive you.”
“Wait…what?”
“And you can do the dishes for the rest of the week and the laundry to pay back the bus fare. Okay?”
“I…okay. Of course. Thank you.” I was staring at her. It’s not like no one else had been nice to me since I left home. But no one except Janine really seemed to understand what I was going through with my grandma. And they certainly never offered to drive me to see her. Except Ryan, and he was family.
“You’re welcome. And you don’t need to steal, Lucky. If you need something, just ask. Now go upstairs and get to bed,” she told me. “You must be exhausted.” She smiled and rubbed my arm.
I walked upstairs feeling kind of numb. I had expected the absolute worst from Janine. But she wasn’t mad. And she understood how important it was for me to be there for my grandmother. I opened the door to my room and stepped inside. There was a reading lamp on the night table that had been bare when I left the house earlier. There was also a book. I stepped over to see what it was. There was a note on top:
I thought you might like this. I used to sneak these into my room when I was your age.
—Janine
It was a copy of The Shining by Stephen King.
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
Getting Along
Mia and Janine were making pancakes when I came downstairs the next day. Mia was telling Janine about some Kardashian or another—seriously, what was her obsession with the stupid Kardashians?—and Isabelle was reading at the table.
“Thought you could use a sleep in,” Janine called out. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes, please.” I accepted a steaming plate of pancakes and nodded my thanks at Isabelle when she slid the syrup toward me. “Thanks for the book! I started it last night. My grandma loves Stephen King.”
She smiled at me and showed Mia how to flip the pancakes into the air without letting them fall on the floor. Mia tried and promptly lost one. I rolled my eyes but Janine patted her on the back.
“Don’t worry. We’ve got lots of batter and the floor needed to be washed today anyway.”
The pancakes were delicious, and the sweet, earthy taste of maple syrup reminded me of being at home with my grandparents.
“What are you smiling about, Lucky?” Janine called out, scraping a bit of batter off the floor where Mia had dripped it.
“Maple butter.”
“What’s maple butter?” Isabelle asked, peeking over the top of her book.
“It’s amazing. It’s like a thicker version of…well, maple syrup and butter.”
“For waffles?” Mia asked, interested despite herself.
“No. Well, I guess. But we used to make bannock and put it on that.” My mouth watered just thinking about it.
“What’s bannock?” Mia asked.
“It’s a kind of bread…we’re Cree. My grandparents and I. We’d make that and put maple butter or strawberry jam on it. My grandpa and I could eat a whole batch of bannock in one day.” I laughed.
“Maybe you could teach us,” Janine said. “Mia loves to cook, don’t you, Mia?” Mia shrugged.
“I’m not sure I’d like Indian food,” she sniffed.
So, homophobic and racist.
“I’d try it,” Isabelle said. I smiled at her.
“I’ll make some later, if you want,” I told Janine and Isabelle, ignoring Mia. “After I do the dishes, of course.”
“Of course.” Janine smiled. “Do I need to pick anything up?”
“Nah. You’ve probably got everything I need.”
I stood up and took my plate to the sink.
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
Belonging
The more I decided to try to get along with everyone and not be so…testy, the more Janine tried to make my room feel like a place where I belonged. After the lamp and the book, she hung a poster of Alan Rickman reading a book on one wall and David Tennant standing in front of the TARDIS on another. How she knew I was both a Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan, I had no idea. But now, instead of staring at the ceiling at night, I could look at the Doctor and remember watching episodes with Grandpa, while Grandma sat with us, reading a book. She never did understand our Doctor Who obsession.
Janine knocked on my door.
“I found this for you at a garage sale,” she said, pulling a bookcase into the room. “Where do you want it?”
“Uh, over there, I guess.” I pointed at the wall under the Alan Rickman poster.
“Yes! Perfect.” She put it down and stood back, then adjusted it to the right a little. “Now you just need a good reading chair,” she said.
“You don’t have to buy me things,” I told her. She looked at me kindly.
“It’s my job to make this a home for you, Lucky. And that means giving you a room that’s yours. A place you can go to get away from everyone and feel comfortable.”
“Why? I’m going to go back home when my grandmother is better,” I said, wishing it were true and terrified that it wasn’t. “Or I’ll be sent to another home as soon as I start getting comfortable here.”
“I don’t want you to go to another home, Lucky. You’re welcome here as long as you need a place to stay. I promise you that.”
“You say that now,” I told her. “But as soon as I get into trouble, you’ll have Cynthia and her Prius here before I have time to pack my stuff.”
“You’ve had some pretty crappy homes, haven’t you?” Janine asked, tilting her head.
“You could say that,” I admitted. “Some of them were nice, but they sent me away anyway.”
“I won’t send you away, Lucky,” Janine said gently. “You can trust me.”
I nodded at her. “Thanks,” I said, meaning it but not daring to really believe her.
“I thought you might like to visit your grandma today,” Janine said.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I have to go into the city to pick something up anyway.”
“Okay. Thanks!”
“Get ready, and we can go as soon as you’d like.”
I nodded my thanks and wondered if Janine would lend me the money to buy Grandma some Oreos.
Double Stuf or it doesn’t count.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
For Sale
Grandma emptied the bag of Oreos I had brought her into her cookie jar. I had been ready for the worst, but she was back to her old self today.
“Everyone has been coming by and depleting my supplies,” she told me. “It’s made me pretty popular around here. Especially with the residents who are on a low sugar diet.”
“Grandma! You’re not giving cookies to diabetics or anything, are you?”
“I don’t know everyone’s medical history! But come to think of it, I should probably be asking them before I let them eat my Oreos. And maybe regular stuf instead of double from now on.”
I laughed.
“Okay, Grandma.”
She picked up a deck of cards and shuffled them. She had promised to teach me to play poker.
“I need to talk to you about something,” she said. “You better sit down.”
“Okay. What is it?”
She took my hands.
“You know I love you—”
“Grandma, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m scared too, sometimes,” she admitted. “I’m scared because I know that my good days are going to get fewer and farther between. There may very well come a time when I won’t recognize you.” Her eyes welled up, but she swallowed hard and kept going. “I’m not ever going to be able to go home, Lucky. And I’m so sorry for that. Because it means you can’t go home either. Maybe someday your mother will clean herself up and be the mother you deserve. But for now, you’re in a safe place. And it’ll have to be home.”
I was gripping her hands in mine and willing all of this to be a dream. But she was right. I knew she was right. And I owed it to her to listen.
“I still have more good days than bad.” She smiled. “So I have to make decisions for myself and for you before that changes. The director here helped me find a good lawyer to help outline the kind of care I want. I don’t want you to have to make those decisions, Lucky. She also helped me put the house on the market.”
“What?” I gasped. “No!”
“Yes.” She touched my face gently. “It’s time, Lucky.”
“But it’s our home,” I told her, forcing back tears.
“It was. And we had a wonderful life there with your grandfather. But it’s time to let someone else make a life there.”
“Okay.” I nodded. She was right. We weren’t ever going home again.
“I’m putting the money from the house into an account for you so you can go to university. And I’m updating my will to make sure your mother can’t touch it.” She smiled sadly.
I opened my mouth but then just nodded as she kissed my cheek.
“It’s what your grandfather would want. And it’s what I want.”
“Can I go back and get anything else we need before they sell it?” I asked.
She smiled. “Of course, you can. And bring me the photo albums out of the closet, if you would. They’re on the top shelf.”
I promised I would, and then I let her deal the cards, trying to focus on learning the intricacies of poker and not on the fact that someone else would be living in our house.
Janine knocked on the door an hour later.
“Hi, Mrs. Robinson,” she said, smiling and holding out her hand. “I’m Janine. Lucky’s foster mom.” Grandma stood and pulled her into a hug.
“Thank you for taking care of my Lucky girl,” Grandma told her.
“It’s my pleasure. Lucky is an amazing girl.”
“Yes, she is.”
They made small talk while I gathered my things and then kissed Grandma good-bye.
“I’ll see you soon, Grandma,” I told her.
We walked into the hall and I followed Janine, zombie-like, to the parking lot. I got into the car automatically, put on my seat belt, and waited for Janine to get in and take me back. She got in, then turned to me with an odd look on her face.
“Lucky, are you okay?” she asked.
And that was all it took. I burst into tears. Noisy sobs that came from so deep inside that my whole body was shaking.
God, I hated to cry.
Janine unhooked my seat belt and pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back while I wet the shoulder of her sweater with tears and snot. She didn’t tell me that everything was going to be okay. She didn’t try to do that thing adults do where they try to fix all your problems. Janine just let me cry and held me until I was ready to go home.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
A New Life
Mia pushed past me in the kitchen, nearly making me drop my cereal bowl.
“Watch it,” I told her.
“God, Lucky…don’t you have any clothes that fit? Or do you just like showing off your tits?” she asked, sneering at my sweater. I didn’t really feel like explaining to her that my grandmother made it for me and it was one of the few things I had from home. At least until Ryan could find the time to take me this week to pick up more stuff. I thought briefly about hitting her, but that wasn’t really me either. I chose to ignore her instead.
“Are all Indians deaf or just you? Or maybe you’re stupid? Is that it?” she taunted.
I clenched my fists but didn’t make a move toward her.
“Go ahead,” she said. “Give it your best shot. I’ve fought girls more savage than you, Pocahontas.”
I took a step toward her just as Isabelle walked in.
“Go get ready for school, Mia,” she told her. Mia looked at her, then at me, then shrugged.
“She’s not worth it anyway.” She walked out, hitting me hard with her shoulder as she passed.
“I could have taken her,” I told Isabelle.
“Probably. But she doesn’t fight so she can win.”
“Then why fight?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I think it’s so she can feel something.”
“What do you mean?”
Isabelle took a banana and sat down, peeling it thoughtfully and methodically before she answered.
“Mia and her family were in a car accident. Mia was the only survivor. She doesn’t talk about it, but she feels guilty.”
“For what?”
“For being the one to live.”
I thought about that. I could almost understand. And if I’m being honest, as horrible as she was, I felt bad for her. I went up to my room and sat on my bed, looking around at the things Janine kept bringing in and leaving. A box of books she said she had bought at the secondhand bookstore but that somehow included the brand-new Adam Silvera book. And the piles of comics she somehow “found.” I had even found a pile of new clothes in one of my dresser drawers alongside the few things I had finally broken down and unpacked. Slowly, this place was becoming home. And like it or not, that made Mia family.
I looked through the pile of comics that were my absolute favorites and pulled out my pride and joy—the brand-new Captain Marvel. She kind of looked a little like Mia. I walked down the hall to Mia’s room and slid it under her door. I listened and heard her walk over and pick it up. She’d either fling open the door and throw it in my face or check it out. I waited and didn’t get hit by a flying comic, so I assumed she was going to read it.
Hey, it was a start.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
Happy Birthday
Grandma was sitting behind me in my room, brushing my hair. I always loved when she brushed it. Janine had gotten her a day pass and driven her all the way here so she could help me celebrate my birthday. As she helped me get ready, Ryan and Thomas and Lucy were all downstairs, helping Janine and Isabelle get lunch ready.
“I like your room,” Grandma said. “It’s really…you.” I grinned as she pinned part of my hair back.
“I know. Janine is always finding cool stuff. Like that rug. And I brought your throw pillow for my bed. It made a big difference bringing some stuff from home,” I told her. She nodded. She had felt the same way when Ryan and I had brought some more things from the house for her room.
“You have a wonderful home here, Lucky.”
“I know.” I did too. Even Mia had lightened up on me lately. She had left Captain Marvel outside my door, so I chose another comic I thought she’d like and slid it under her door.
She hadn’t said anything to me but she did keep reading them. I was shocked that the Kardashian-loving Mia really loved to read.
The doorbell rang just as Grandma and I came down.
“Lucky, could you get that?” Janine called out.
“Sure.” I opened the door, calling over my shoulder for my grandmother to head to the kitchen. I stopped mid-sentence, then screamed.
“OHMYGOD!”
I threw myself at Jake and Charlie, who were standing on the front porch, clutching gift bags and grinning widely. We were quickly tangled in a three-way hug when Ryan cleared his throat behind me.
“Well? Aren’t you going to invite them in?” he asked, smiling happily.
“You did this?” I asked Ryan, feeling a familiar little flutter when Jake smiled at me.
“Of course.”
I untangled myself and led the boys in.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Ryan, planting a quick kiss on his cheek before heading through the living room where Mia was hanging streamers.
“She’s coming!” Mia yelled out. There was a commotion in the kitchen. I led Grandma in and was greeted by every single thing Janine had ever made that I loved. Fried chicken and baked potatoes. Corn on the cob. Green bean casserole. All the best comfort foods.
And a plate of bannock with a little bowl of what looked like maple butter.
“Bannock?” I asked, looking at Grandma. She shook her head.
“I made it from memory…from watching you. I hope I got it right,” Mia said.
Well that was a shock.
“Thanks, Mia.”
“I helped make dinner,” Lucy yelled, throwing herself at me. I hugged her hard. “And I made you something.” She held out a package, heavy with scotch tape. I opened it carefully. It was a picture frame.
“Thank you!”
“I didn’t have a picture to put in it,” she admitted.
“We can take one right now,” Janine said, holding up her phone.
We all crowded together in front of the table while she set the timer and ran over.
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