by Pamela Ann
“Yes, I do mind, actually,” River stated frigidly, “a great deal.” Dark lethal eyes pinned me on the spot. They were chilling and unquestionably incensed.
My heart stopped dead in its tracks. I could scarcely breathe. “Wh-what are you doing here?” I stuttered, frantic as I gawked at him, perplexed and downright terrified of how this visit would play out.
“Is it true? That you’re…” he whispered in the faintest manner I almost didn’t hear him.
“Yes.” My throat ached, yet I couldn’t look away from him as those penetrating eyes held me captive, probing into me. Their formidable power speared deeply into my bones. I felt it slowly dismantling me. Piece by piece, it shattered my erected layers of protection, exposing me to his unfathomable ire.
He took a harsh breath, looking like an unmoving an exquisite statue, peering at me with condemnation. “Is it mine?”
His question made me realize Ari hadn’t told him the whole story. My question was, why hadn’t he? What was the point of telling him, anyway? Was this his last resort to try to coerce me into giving in to his demands?
Tough luck.
Bravely gazing back into his cold stark eyes, I felt my heart skip. His magnetizing beauty never failed to draw me in. This time, however, there were bigger things at play. And even though my tangible attraction toward the man remained unchanged, I implicitly grasped the window of opportunity presented before me. River’s presence here meant nothing. Just like his snake of a manager, he was looking out for himself. Rest assured, his golden coffers were safe from me. He could go back to playing house with Petra in New York.
Being reminded of how callously he had ejected me from his life almost three months ago brought repressed emotions to the surface.
The bastard should crawl back to where he had come from. “You really have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you? Newsflash bubba, I didn’t need you before, and I sure as fuck don’t need you now. We said our goodbyes a few months back. Let’s keep it at that. Now, if you please, for God’s sake, leave me the fuck alone!” There. Screaming in his damn face sure felt strangely therapeutic. I was about to slam the door on him when River forcefully blocked the door with his arm, rapidly shifting his weight as he bulldozed his way into my domain before successfully shutting the door with the swift kick of his right foot.
Aw, hell no!
“Which part of ‘leave me the fuck alone’ don’t you understand?” Using all my might, I shoved him against the door, ready to take him down. “Leave!”
His nostrils flared, and he silently fumed as his gaze remained on me.
“Who’s it then, Cara?” he delivered with such a menacing tone the hairs on the back of my neck rose. “Everett’s? One of those pussy varsity boys you liked to fuck around with? Justin Scott? There are tons of actors and musicians on that list, right? Who is he, huh? Who knocked you up?”
We were so engrossed we hardly heard the bell ringing. The second River noticed, the swine marched toward it, heatedly yanking it open like a fuming bull ready to tackle what came its way.
“Hi—I’m sorry. I think I’ve gotten the wrong villa.” It was DJ, picking me up for our adventurous excursion.
“Looking for Cara?” River pressed in a less friendly tone.
I could hear DJ clearing his throat, most likely intimated by River. Most men were. “Yeah … uh … We’re supposed to go snorkeling with my family … um … I apologize, but aren’t you River Ellis?”
“And you are…?”
“I’m DJ Cummings. I’m a friend of Cara’s.”
River shifted, any trace of cordiality gone in an instant. “Cara’s not available. Not today and not in the near future. Good day, man.” He didn’t give DJ a chance to respond; he just closed the door on him as if he hadn’t had the time to spare.
My ears turned red as I marched toward the door, ready to chase after DJ to apologize, but River stopped me by trapping me against the wood-paneled wall. I had nothing except my swimsuit on, but I felt as if I stood naked while his eyes feasted on me.
Again, tough luck.
“What the fuck was that?” I tried to shove his hard chest to no avail. The guy was immovable.
River wasn’t amused, either. The last time I saw him wear this foreboding expression was Sweden. “Was he the soon to be baby daddy?” he asked in a clipped, biting tone.
“No, but—”
“Good. Now back to the subject of this mystery man. Do you plan to tell me his name?” he ground out, his eyes relentlessly pinning me as if I was about to confess cold-blooded murder.
Raising my chin, I defiantly egged him on. “What’s it to you?”
“What a stupid question to ask me, Cara.”
Right. Why bother. “All right, then. Well, stay awhile, enjoy the view, and order in. I’m going snorkeling, but you better be gone when I get back.”
“You think I’m letting you go anywhere?” He shifted his stance, crowding me more, imprisoning me with his body. “You let him touch you … while you’re carrying another man’s child. Does he even know you’re pregnant?”
“I would never—”
“Then tell me the fucking truth, goddamn you!” His thundering voice echoed deafeningly. “It’s mine, isn’t it?” Using his right hand, he captured my face as his body caged me in, dominating me.
He was so close I could smell the mint on his breath. I tried to squirm and wiggle away to no avail. Pregnancy amplified my senses, and being enveloped by his warm sinew body made me all the more aware of him and his rather too close proximity.
When he roughly pressed his hard chest against my aching breasts, I hissed from the acute feeling it gave me. An overwhelming wave of nostalgia washed over me. The last time we were this close, he was balls deep inside me. Nostalgia topped with over-active pregnancy hormones—it was the perfect concoction for a disaster waiting to happen.
“Is the baby mine?” he reiterated, eyes fixated on me. “It is mine.”
I didn’t have the strength to answer him. Somehow, he found the answer in my guilt-ridden face.
“You evil bitch! You were never going to tell me!” His body vibrated from rage. He was so consumed by it he had to take a step back, eviscerating me with a cutting glare, easily signifying I was the bane of his existence. “You do this … after what we’ve been through? That baby deserves the world. How could you even think of taking my kid away from me?” His accusations couldn’t hide the pain-riddled words.
“That’s not true,” I weakly denied, beyond troubled as to how he perceived me. In his mind, I was a cruel monster, heartless and cunning. A person so vile—so unredeemable—he was repulsed to even breathe the same air with me.
“Quit with the fucking lies!” The roars kept getting louder. “I’m so sick of you!” The revulsion was much pronounced.
I sickened him. I already knew that. Still, it cut a fresh wound. My image was irreparable. Yet there was a flicker inside me willing to counteract his accusations. “It’s the truth. I came here to think—”
“Think? What do you mean by ‘think?’ What is there to think about?” Then his face fell, paling as he gazed at me with quizzical brows. “You’re not saying—” He paused, horrified. “You don’t mean—”
“I haven’t made a decision yet.”
He raked a hand through his disheveled hair before he began to charge toward where I stood motionless and had ever since he had arrived. But instead of approaching me, he diverted to pacing a few feet away. He appeared manic, confounded by my undecided state.
The pacing came to a screeching halt as he stopped right before me “You hate me this much, Cara? You hate me so much you’d murder my child? Our baby?” it was laced with enough sorrow to almost bring me to tears.
Our baby.
How could he want it when he couldn’t stand me? After all the insults, all the hurt, and all the bullshit he had put me through—it all paled compared to this.
One moment he wanted me; then he didn’t. Once he got
me hooked on him again, he dropped me faster than a receding mullet. Was he going to treat our baby this way, too? River might want it now, but this guy changed his mind faster than the speed of sound. He could hardly blame me for wanting to keep this until I was decided.
What was the point of all of this, anyway? Why did he have to jump the shark and interrogate me in such a way, as if he had every right to do so?
This was insane. I couldn’t do this with him. Things were happening too quickly.
I was already overwhelmed by all the decisions ahead of me. Whatever I chose, I knew I had to give something up. So much was at stake, and for the life of me, I was just desperate to have a moment to myself. Something that was mine. A quiet time to myself with the growing baby inside of me. Maybe I wanted to experience what it was like to live without the future breathing down my neck, without the pressure of having to make the decision. But to simply live in the moment and relish what pregnancy and motherhood would be like.
But with River here, achieving peace would be impossible. He’d challenge me at every turn. Not to mention, his domineering presence was too stifling. I couldn’t bear to withstand another second.
After all, he had just called me an evil bitch. Might as well use it for something.
“Enough! I can’t stand any of this shit anymore! I’ve had it, okay? Think whatever you like. I don’t care. Right now, I want to be alone. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. Go back to New York or to LA, anywhere but here, and I promise we’ll talk when I get back home, but right now—right this very moment, River, I need you to go. So please, just leave!” Rushing out of the living room and onto the wooden patio, I occupied the lounger I had slept on half an hour ago.
I sat ramrod straight, hands tightly wrapped around my stomach. Tensely staring out at the vast water, I felt more worthless than ever. Every time I fought with River, something died inside of me. I felt nothing, yet I felt it all. And it seemed, no matter how far we drifted apart, fate somehow found a way to bind us together. It was all a twisted joke.
There’s nothing more I detested in the world than begging someone, but at this point, I didn’t care what I’d have to do to make him disappear. The accusations, the spoken and the unspoken ones, were starkly reflected in those challenging eyes. The blatant condemnation and patent hatred were too severe to bear.
I was, without a doubt, a total shambles. Too petrified to even shed a tear. My life was unraveling at a frightening speed. but I was powerless to stop it. With River in play, the murky waters had just gotten treacherous.
Chapter 25
Cara
He moved stealthily, yet my senses detected it. It was the hair raising on the back of my neck that gave him away. Inaudibly, he sat right behind me, his energy corresponding with mine—dark and heavy with a lot of unanswerable questions looming ahead.
“I’m sorry for being a dick. This … rocked me, too. I’m still in shock and angry you kept this from me. I just wish I didn’t have to find out through Anton.”
Anton? What the fuck was he talking about? “What do you mean? Anton called you?” The little shit.
“We accidentally crossed paths. He was out working with his colleagues while grabbing some dinner in West Hollywood when I ran into him. I was having dinner with someone I wanted to collaborate with … I liked Anton—he’s pretty chill—so I came over to his table and said hello, but he acted all frosty. I figured he didn’t wanna deal with me after what happened between us, so I let it go and left his table then went out for a quick smoke before heading back in. He came out and gave me an earful. Guess he got carried away and said something about you going to be fine because he and Kells would help out. It was game over from there. He wasn’t going anywhere until he told me everything. I flew out three hours later … Here I am.”
Here he was, all thanks to my best friend Anton. Ari had kept his mouth shut. Anton, however, had cracked under pressure.
“Cara…”
I shuddered at the way he spoke my name.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here … with you.”
There was no point in arguing with him. He wouldn’t heed it, anyway. Might as well skip the subject and jump into the ones I could deal with. “Go book yourself another room.”
“You have a spare room. I’ll take that one.” River boldly countered. “You’re not pushing me aside. Not this time. It’s my baby, too. I’m fighting for my child.”
“What gives you the right to barge in my life after you kicked me to the side so you can play house with Petra? You used me!” The fuse was lit. There was no turning back now. “You needed me to give you a clear shot with Petra. All I had to do was reaffirm your sickening ideas about me. It was your plan all along.”
“Why are you making this about her?” he retorted. “Have you forgotten how you came back to me wearing another man’s ring?”
It wasn’t real. Why couldn’t he grasp that? How many times did I have to drill it into his stubborn skull? I drastically whipped my head to the side to face him. “It was a stupid joke!”
“Not to me, it wasn’t!” He blew a gasket. “You knew what you were doing! I was always this possessive guy when it came to you. You came home to me, knowing that shit would fuck me up, Cara! You were mine, but that didn’t stop you from sharing yourself with another man.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake! “I didn’t have sex with Everett!”
He righteously scoffed. “No, of course you didn’t! That didn’t stop you from doing other things, though, right?”
“I was single.” And drunk … very, very drunk.
My lame excuse didn’t defuse the raging fire igniting River.
“Are you going to keep hiding behind that excuse? You think I’m going to keep buying the shit you tell me? What do you take me for?” It was as if all boundaries were nonexistent. The intensity lighting his eyes was a blaze. The rage waged on. Outward. Forward. “Give it a break, Cara! You did all of it to spite me! Just like how this trip was hatched in the first place … all done to achieve one thing—to hurt me.”
Yes, I had. I was a jealous bitch, and I couldn’t handle the thought of him attending to Petra’s swollen ankle. The very thought of him sharing his body with Petra rankled the catty side of me. He knew … Of course he knew. River knew me better than I knew myself at times. Yet it didn’t stop him from flaunting his conquests.
“The stupid games.” He droned on, unabashed. “The nonstop fuckery … your indecisiveness … your unpredictable methods of always screwing with me—I thought I could take them, but in the end, I realized I wanted more. I deserved more. It’s what pushed me to want a stable relationship.”
Stable relationship. Right. According to him, I was too unstable to provide security. How could he have expected that from someone who’d had a ten million dollar penalty hanging over their head?
“Well, good for you,” I answered. I’d heard enough. Weary of this ongoing discussion from hell, I hastily got up. Then River unceremoniously grabbed the wrist closest to him, pulling me back down on my seat.
I was about to bring hell on him when he said, “I have something to say … Hear me out.” His despondent tone urged me to stay seated.
His grip remained secured around my wrist as he sought my face. Dark observant eyes flickered between mine, scrutinizing. “The contract—all of that—I did it … I did it to win you back. I wanted you back. I was blindsided, and after the break-up, I didn’t really do so good. Those six months were hell for me, and that’s putting it mildly. I could’ve gone living the way I did, but I saw you again, and well, I knew I just had to have you. The thought of living another day—well, I’d have gone crazy if I didn’t have you back in my arms,” he paused, eyes steadily holding mine, imploring. “I’m not going to apologize for my actions, even though I know it’s wrong. I loved you, and I’m not sorry for doing everything in my power to have you back, even if it was only temporary.”
He loved me.
Love
d. Past tense.
To be able to fall in love again, one had to fall out of love first. It took him three months to succeed by using me and by exploiting my crazy antics to achieve his goal, what he wanted all along—a real stable relationship with Petra.
“Good to know you wasted our time for nothing!” I’d have applauded him for his ingenuity had it not been at my own expense. Yet I’m the one he labeled cruel.
If I felt shitty before, I could hardly describe the worthlessness I felt after this revelation.
“I figured I cleared this between us.” He appeared unperturbed.
Instead, I was ready to claw his eyes out! A few days ago, I had great clarity on what I hoped to achieve whilst on vacation. After this conversation, I could hardly recall what I had eaten this morning, let alone remember what objectives I’d set out to accomplish once vacation mode was over. “Oh, how great! Now that your conscience is clear, you can go back to fucking Petra!” This was, hands down, indisputably, the worst vacation from hell.
“You kissed me … You kissed me back,” he randomly mentioned curiously. “That last night … in the gym.”
River disregarded my mention of his beloved. Instead, he chose to go down memory lane. “I’ve kissed a lot of frogs,” I haughtily retorted. “What’s your point?”
His weighty stare got heavier by the second. It would’ve consumed me—swallowed me whole—before spitting me back out had he not disconnected it from me. Glaring out at the ocean, his hand constricted around my wrist.
“You’re never going to change, are you, Cara?” he murmured somberly. The crease in his forehead deepened. “You’re going to hate me until you die?”
Well, that was peculiar. “I don’t hate you, River. I just don’t care enough to feel anything for you,” I clarified, hoping it would clear the cobwebs clogging his brain.
“I don’t believe you,” he stated succinctly.