by Doyle, Jen
He lifted her just enough for her to wrap her legs and arms around him—as if she weren’t 5’9”. He was as hard as a rock against her. She had no idea how he could walk, much less carry her through the house, but as long as he wasn’t complaining, she wasn’t about to.
She used her knees to bring herself in closer, running both hands up the back of his neck and into his hair. It was her turn to use her tongue. To lap up every bit of that honey even though there appeared to be an unending supply.
“Stay,” he muttered to the dogs, kicking the door shut behind him, and then setting her on her feet beside the bed. Where he reverently undressed her, pulled the sheets and blanket back, and then scooped her up and lay her down. “Do you know how often I’ve thought about you in my bed?”
His words ran through her and she grabbed his hand, not wanting to be apart from him for even just a second. She tugged him down over her even though he’d only so far managed to take off his own shoes and socks.
“How I would just close my eyes and picture you here, so vivid that it was like you lying next to me?”
Karen pulled at Tuck’s shirt, trembling when she felt him, skin to skin.
“Even before I met you again, I would think of you sometimes. Think of what you felt like as you took me inside you. Remember the way you tightened around me as you came.”
Oh, God, she was about to combust. Could he not get undressed more quickly? She shoved at his jeans and pushed those boxer briefs over his hips. Put her mouth to his neck and sucked at his skin as he took his sweet time putting on the condom. She’d tell him later that she was on the pill. She didn’t have time for the whole I-am-totally-clean-and-would-you-like-to-see-my-test-results? discussion right now.
The second he was done she made it clear she wanted to flip him—and was more than pleasantly surprised he didn’t fight it. Instead he just smiled as she swung her leg over his hips. He hissed as she slid up his body, dragging herself up his length, trembling as she made him groan.
She leaned down and over him, kissing him again and again, drowning in the perfection of it all. He wrapped her hair around his hand, watching what she was sure was rapture come over her face when she took him inside her. Then he let go of her hair and took hold of her hands instead as she began to move and, yes, tighten around him. She tried to keep her eyes open; tried to stay focused on him in the same way he was focused on her.
But she couldn’t. Everything felt too good. It had never been like this before—not without her putting in a whole lot of effort, at least. She never just let herself go entirely, reveling in the sensations running through her, trusting someone other than herself to take her where she wanted to go. Wanting to take him there, too. It was a whole new experience for her and she was already too far gone. “That’s right,” he murmured, throwing her a little off balance as he brought their hands up and to her thighs.
Yes, off balance. That’s exactly what it was. The thought almost made her laugh except she was already so breathless and delirious that it was mostly just her gasping for air. Gasping Tuck’s name.
He let go of her, which would have made her sad if she didn’t feel so damn freaking good thanks to him thrusting up into her. His hand slid along her skin, so big he could both grip her thigh and strum her clit at the same time. But it wasn’t until his other hand cupped the back of her neck—until he brought her down to him and kissed her again—that she felt her body take flight. That all of the buzzing turned into a roar before taking full possession of everything she’d ever known and setting it on fire in one big burst of light.
When she finally came down, she felt boneless. Breathless. Utterly depleted and limp. There was just enough strength to turn her head and see him drifting back to consciousness himself, an equally drained yet thoroughly satisfied expression on his face.
“Damn,” he murmured, returning her lazy smile. Then he turned on his side, pulled her back against him, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep.
* * *
She woke him up twice during the night, and Tuck had absolutely no problem with that. The first time was the same as before—she pulled him over her, urging him to go harder and faster and it felt so damn right he wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t a dream.
The second time was, well, not that. In fact, he couldn’t quite tell if she was crying. He thought she might be, but she refused to let him see her closely enough to be sure. Instead, she kept her head on his chest and her eyes infuriatingly down so he couldn’t see them as she murmured something incomprehensible about it being Tuesday. So he stared at the ceiling instead. Just as he began to drift back off to sleep, she spoke.
“My dad was a cop.”
Was.
Well, shit.
Since she still wouldn’t look at him, he took her hand and brought it up to his lips. After giving her a gentle kiss, he threaded his fingers through hers and brought their hands down to his chest. “How did he die?”
She didn’t answer right away, and now he knew she was crying because he could feel the heat of a tear as it fell to his chest and slid along his skin. “He was shot in the head. A ‘domestic dispute,’ they called it. It was another five months until my mom... Until they took him off life support.” Before Tuck could figure out how to respond to that, she added, “Sometimes I think it would have been better if my mom died when he did. She still hasn’t fully recovered.”
And things began to get a little clearer. “How old were you?”
She sniffled. Her voice caught a little bit. “Eleven.” Her fingers tightened around his. “It’s the kids. Those are the ones I can’t take. I know how their lives are going to change.”
Yep. Approaching crystal status. “The night I pulled you over?”
Pulling away from him, she sat up, taking the sheet with her as she hunched over. “My first patient was twenty-six. Her baby’s two. She won’t make it to Christmas.”
Now Tuck sat up, his arm going around her shoulders.
“My second patient has three kids. Twins who are seniors in high school and a college sophomore. His tumor is too advanced to get him into a clinical trial. He asked if I could keep him alive long enough to see them all off to college.”
Jesus. Tuck was guessing the answer was no. “Karen...”
“My last patient of the day was three. They flew in from Miami to see me. I was their last resort.”
She began to tremble; her hands shook so hard she clasped them together. “I want to fall in love. I love the idea of having kids. But I can’t...” She turned into him. “If I lost my husband... Or if one of my kids...” Her voice trailed off as her body gave way to gut-wrenching sobs. Tuck couldn’t do anything but hold her through them.
He couldn’t say the thought had never occurred to him. Inspiration wasn’t exactly the high crime capital of the world, but they did have their share of issues, with, yes, domestic disputes being among the trickiest to deal with.
“I’m not strong enough,” she murmured once she’d cried herself out. “I’m just not strong enough.”
He tightened his arms around her. “Where’s your mom now?” It was the one missing piece of the puzzle.
And sure enough, she pulled away from him and sat forward as she rubbed her eyes. “In a long-term care facility. She had herself committed the day I turned eighteen. I... I don’t see her much. My visits upset her.”
Now it was Tuck closing his eyes. His entire life sounded like a fairy tale right now. His mom had been sick for almost as long as Tuck could remember and his father worked round the clock, but there had still been room left over for him and his brothers. So clearly the opposite experience from what she’d had—so clearly what she couldn’t see her way to.
Not that he could blame her. If that was all she knew? Especially since she didn’t exactly spend her days playing with puppies. And it seemed
like other than Zach and Ryan, her only other pastime was work. Not much there in terms of distractions. No wonder she kept herself in her own carefully contained world.
One she wasn’t comfortable talking about, which was clear as she very deliberately wiped all traces of tears from her eyes and turned to him with a meager attempt at a smile. Unfortunately, the subject she chose to divert his attention with was: “What about you? What are your parents like?”
Right.
So, well... “My mom had MS.”
Karen’s eyes widened. She clearly caught on to the past tense part as well. “Multiple Sclerosis?”
He nodded, reaching for her hand again and having no intention of letting go. “She had some good days but a lot of bad ones, and I pretty much raised my brothers because my dad had to work three jobs.”
Yes, there was a sob story aspect to his life as well, but there was a lot more to it and he wasn’t about to bring her down further. Not figuratively, at least. He lay back down, pulling Karen to him. She rolled onto her stomach and rested her head on his chest. “She came down with pneumonia and was in and out of the hospital for a month. He didn’t leave her side for that entire time. They were high school sweethearts and the day she died I was sure we’d lose my dad, too. He sat in the living room and stared at her empty chair for three straight weeks.”
Karen’s hand went to her mouth. “Is he... What happened?”
Bringing his free hand behind his head, Tuck stared up at the ceiling and smiled. “Day one of week four he went to Vegas. Played a five-dollar slot machine and hit it big. Won $842,000 and change.”
Now Karen sat up straight. She didn’t even bother to pull the sheet up to cover her breasts. “If you’re lying to me I’ll hurt you.”
“It gets better.” Now Tuck sat up straight, resting back against the headboard. He found this part fairly difficult to talk about, but for Karen, he’d do it. “He went to see a psychic the next day and the woman said she was channeling my mom. Mom told her that within three more days, he’d meet a stripper named Starr and they’d eventually get married and once they did my mom would be able to rest in peace.”
A giggle rose up through Karen. Tuck could see her actually try to keep it down. “That’s...”
“Ridiculous. I know. But he met a stripper named Starr on day three, and they got married a month later. They went to Reno on their honeymoon.”
The giggle won out and Karen leaned forward to get a pillow, with which she proceeded to laughingly hit him in the head. Tuck held up his hand even as he ducked out of the way. “God’s honest truth. He played the twenty-dollar slots that time and won two million dollars.” He grabbed on to the pillow so that she couldn’t hit him with it again. “Starr’s forty-three and I was definitely suspicious at first, but she’s good to him and he deserves that and if my only issue is that he talks about sex much more than any father should with his kid, then I’m okay with it.”
Karen finally released the hold on the pillow and let him pull it away from her.
“Although I do have to warn you, when my dad finds out you’re a doctor, I can guarantee the first thing he’ll ask is if you can get him Viagra off book.”
This time when she cried, the tears were from laughter and although he knew what he’d said hadn’t come close to healing her, once they’d settled back down again and she was lying against him, he did have one last thing to add. “I’m sorry you lost your dad, and I’m sorry you lost your mom like that, too. But there’s a column of steel that runs up your spine and every time you meet someone new, you just add them to the weight you carry on your shoulders. We all see it, even if you don’t.”
As he spoke, he drew his hand up her back, hoping that for at least this one night, he could ease a little of that burden.
She didn’t answer right away, and he was afraid that maybe it had been the complete wrong thing to say, even as she tightened her grasp on his waist. Except then she dropped her hand down and let her fingers trail up and down the length of his shaft, sending shivers through him.
“If we ever get married,” she said, “and I die before you do, I’m giving you fair warning that if any psychic tells you she’s channeling me and I’m okay with you marrying a stripper—or having anyone other than me stripping for you, for that matter—she’s lying.”
Well, there was a concept he wouldn’t mind pursuing. “Is stripping something you might want to explore a little bit? Because I’d be more than happy to burn every single one of those white coats after you take them off.”
Her hand came back up to his waist. “Nope.”
He laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, drifting off into a sweet, deep sleep.
Chapter Thirteen
Karen woke up before Tuck the next morning and she felt glorious. She’d had a spectacular dream that involved him doing wonderful things to her body after he’d, yes, burned up all of her white coats. She decided not to think about any bigger white-coats-are-your-identity-and-so-what-the-hell-did-that-mean symbolism, and then proceeded to work off all of her post-dream horniness with the man lying next to her in bed.
She had the day off, and he called in sick to work, and they spent the bulk of the next eight hours in bed.
“It’s the sex check!” she had said at one point, possibly with a little too much glee. She held her arms straight out in front of her, wrists together. “Now you have to arrest me.”
He’d laughed, all the while refusing to use his “department issued cuffs” on her. Whatever. So she’d gotten creative, deciding she’d arrest him except she was a cruel prison warden who pinned her prisoners to the walls with their belts.
“That’s not even close to one of my fantasies,” he had muttered, but he’d let her belt his wrists to his headboard and then have her way with him.
To her complete surprise, and for possibly for the first time in her personal history, she’d been so wrapped up in what she was doing to him she almost forgot she could get off on it, too. If it hadn’t been for him growling at her to let him inside her now, she would’ve just used her hands and her mouth and gotten her pleasure from watching him.
She wasn’t going to think about the meaning behind that, either.
All too soon it was late afternoon, which meant it was time for her to leave. As she always did on her days off, she’d called in to check on her patients, and there was a surgery she’d need to prep for beginning around 7:30 a.m.
She didn’t want to go. That was also an entirely new experience. It wasn’t like she’d never had to leave a man’s apartment before, but because of the way she’d approached sex up until now, it had never been too difficult. If she spent the night at someone’s house, she’d be out before they woke up. Occasionally a guy would spend the night at her place, but they’d usually leave at the first available moment and she’d never encouraged them to stay. Her preference, to be honest, had always been in a hotel room because that one was the easiest.
Then there’d been that first night with Tuck, and all he’d had to do was climb out of the back seat and walk over to his car. Of course, even then she’d been reluctant to let him go. Maybe that should have told her something.
Now she was lingering, and she really needed to say goodbye, but she couldn’t get up from the floor where she was playing tug-of-war with the dogs and their rope toy.
She thought she’d been happy. Perfectly content. But this felt like she was overflowing. Like laughter was bubbling up through her even though there was nothing in particular to laugh about.
That was when she made her first mistake. “How would you feel about coming home with me?” Because of the way they were sitting—her back to his front—she could feel him tense immediately.
Okay, so maybe things weren’t quite as perfect as they felt. She started to move away only to have him clamp his arms around her and pul
l her back against him. “I would love to. Just as long as you’re sure that’s not too much too soon.”
Well, that was better. She left the toy to the dogs and turned to face him. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and she loved the feel of all that rough stubble. She ran her hand up his jaw.
An evil smile appeared on his face. “I mean, you have that whole man diet. I wouldn’t want you to get sick if you ate too fast.”
Her hands flew to her face. She may have actually gasped. “Oh, my God. Who told you?”
Laughing, he pulled his hands from her face and tugged her up against him. “Honestly, Karen, I think that might be worth getting committed.” But then his laughter faded away. And his voice grew quiet. “I really don’t want to overwhelm you, but I would love to. I need to leave pretty early, though, so as long you don’t mind a 6:00 a.m. alarm.”
She shook her head. “If we make it 5:30, we could start the day off in my favorite way.”
His eyes lit up as he pulled her up to straddle his legs, and some making out ensued. But within half an hour, his dogs were at his neighbor’s house, and he was following her to Ames in his truck.
The closer she got, the more nervous she got, thinking about the difference between their places. She knew plenty of men with nice houses, but his had been a shock. She hadn’t quite expected there to be any hills, for one, and she definitely hadn’t expected to see that view, which was something her father would’ve loved. Their house growing up had been smaller and the view hadn’t been nearly as good, but she used to sit on the porch with her parents while her dad played guitar and her mother knitted, and Karen would read her Archie comics and her books. Maybe one day she’d bring her mother to Tuck’s, and although there wouldn’t be any conversation—her mom didn’t really talk much—maybe she’d take some comfort from just sitting and watching the sun rise and set.