by Rin Chupeco
I glared at him.
He remained unruffled. “If you and your mother are wrong, then so what?”
“You act like the fate of the world doesn’t rest on this being right.”
“We have had the worst already happen, did we not? You will be forgiven. Both Haidee and Odessa will be forgiven by your family, even though they act like they will not. It is not your fault if you are wrong. I have been wrong many times, and sometimes it isn’t my fault, either. Right now, we are alive. We might not be tomorrow, or the day after that. We be doing nothing wrong to take risks, to fight for the moments worth having.” He stood up, stretching. “The Liangzhu and I will be moving around camp, to comfort their fears and tell them that change is sometimes good. See? I, too, am a positive man.”
“Much as he gets on my nerves at times,” Lisette said, after he’d gone, “he’s right.”
“You’re not the one with the undead mother.”
“Arjun Revenantson. Got a nice ring to it.”
“Screw you, Lisette.”
She chuckled. “Haidee might object.”
The mood was somber. Most were still wary of the dark and so remained in their tents, with a few nearby caves repurposed for shelter to accommodate everyone else. The restrictions against the cannibals had eased on Odessa’s orders, including more rations of food and water. If they were to be the key to finding this temple, then they would need their strength, even though having to rely on them irked me.
Odessa was staring out at the sea, her face wistful. I wondered if it reminded her of the home she’d lost.
“I’m sorry about my siblings,” I began.
She turned to look at me, shook her head. “They’re mourning Faraji. There’s nothing to be sorry for. I would have done the same in their place.”
We fell into a comfortable silence. A few clouds marred the starlit sky, dark and foreboding, an indication it might start raining again before long.
“They sacrificed goddesses,” Odessa finally said, “because it was easier than protecting the land. Easier than watching over the seas, the forests. With every death, the world was renewed again—with few repercussions for them. They were complacent, and then they were greedy.”
I agreed. Hadn’t Haidee talked about the mechanical marvels lost since the Breaking? She’d talked about the difficulties of purifying the air within the Golden City without poisoning their citizens, about rationing the water provided by their aquifers. What had the people of the past been able to build without those restrictions, knowing they could spread as much poison as they wanted? Knowing that the death of one goddess was all they needed to start over, without ever paying the price themselves?
Very few of those past achievements had survived. Most of those people hadn’t survived, either.
“Then let’s make sure the next time’s gonna be different,” I said, wanting to hope, so much that I was aching from it. “Our turn now.”
She smiled at me. “Thank you. I’m glad Haidee has you.” She cupped her hands, and a plant grew out of the sand before us, eventually depositing a heavy, spine-covered fruit into her hands. “I’m going to give this to Lan. She hasn’t eaten much today.”
I found Haidee talking with the lordling, Vanya, when I returned. Her back was toward me, but I could see the earnestness on the boy’s face, the infatuation that he couldn’t completely hide, and my stomach worked itself up in knots.
I knew that he and Haidee had a shared history. I hadn’t known that her mother had arranged an engagement between them in her absence. I was confident enough in Haidee’s love for me, but I had to hesitate. If by some miracle we were successful, Haidee could return to her old life in the Golden City, and all the luxuries afforded to her there—including a devoted fiancé. I couldn’t offer her any of that.
My first instinct was to linger. The second instinct soon overrode the first; I shouldn’t be listening in, if I claimed to trust her. I turned to leave, only to find Lisette blocking my path, a huge grin on her face.
She grabbed my shirt and dragged me behind a nearby dune, shushed me when I made an indignant sound. “You’re too noisy. We won’t be able to hear what they’re saying.”
“This isn’t any of our business,” I hissed back.
“You’ve always been so noble, Arjun, but I don’t trust that man. I still think he’s an agent for his father. Better to apologize to your girl later than be betrayed and not see it coming, don’t you think? He might be convincing her to turn on us.”
I scowled. “Haidee wouldn’t do that.”
“Shush. They’ll hear you if you try to leave now.”
“—can’t believe this,” Vanya was saying. The dolt had finally discarded his woolen coat in favor of an undershirt and a thin cloak. “You’re the queen of the Golden City! A goddess! Why are you choosing to remain here with these desert people, in these . . .” And here he scrunched up his nose in horror. “You can be afforded more protection in the Citadel! The galla can’t get to you there! There isn’t even any plumbing here!”
“Why protest now? This never concerned you before.”
The lordling wilted. “I may not be able to return to the city, but now that I’ve taken better stock of the conditions here, I’m worried for your safety. It’s obvious how some of these clans don’t want us around. I can hear them muttering when they think no one else hears. I don’t want to be caught in the middle of a mutiny.”
“That’s my problem to deal with. And there are more things to life than good plumbing, milord. I’ve crawled through air vents and hammered out pipes as a mechanika. I rode halfway around the world in a rig I modified myself! Don’t you see? I don’t have to be in the Golden City to be a goddess! The citizens there aren’t my only subjects!”
“But don’t you want to return when this is over?”
“I . . . don’t know. The more I learn about the world outside, the less inclined I am to remain inside the gilded cage Mother built for me.”
“Would it be so bad?” Vanya persisted. “You don’t have to be outside the city to rule over the people beyond it. You’d have the backing of the whole council, and all the influence and power they can muster. Out here you have nothing but scarce resources, a few dozen men and women for security, and barely a tenth of the authority your mother wields. I want to find this temple and the secrets of Brighthenge, but I’m also thinking about what happens after.”
“Are you asking me to return to honor the engagement Mother made with you and your father? Do you think returning to the Golden City will make me change my mind?”
Vanya’s lips thinned. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t want it. I . . . Haidee, from almost the moment I first laid eyes on you, it was like someone had cast a spell over me. The city needs you more than you think they do. You have to convince Her Holiness to see things your way. I’d hoped that in time, you’d come to feel the same way for me that I feel for—”
“No, Vanya.” Haidee cut him off, though her voice was unexpectedly gentle, even sad. “I’m sorry. I won’t ever feel the same way. I’ll always be grateful that you chose to disobey your father, but you cannot use that as a weapon to make me honor an engagement I didn’t want.”
The boy shook his head. “I came here because my father was in the wrong, and I believed you when you said you wanted to save Aeon. I would never use this against you. I only wish . . . But it’s Arjun that’s keeping you here, isn’t it?”
“He’s one of the reasons, yes.” Haidee’s expression had gone very soft, a smile on her lips, and my heartbeat quickened. “I love him. But even if I’d never met him, I would have rejected the engagement. I want to choose my own partner, on my own terms. I won’t allow Mother to control my life any longer. If you still wish to go, I can arrange to bring you safely back to the Golden City.”
Vanya laughed then, bitter. “I burned all my bridges when I made my decision, Your Holiness. I left a letter to my father explaining exactly what I thought of him—words I’d nev
er had the guts to say to his face. Whatever your decision about the engagement, I have no plans to return.”
“What a load of crock,” Lisette said, very loudly.
Haidee gasped, and Vanya rose to his feet, alarmed. Lisette strode forward, and I groaned. “You’re an unmitigated liar,” the girl began heatedly, showing no embarrassment at all that she’d been eavesdropping.
“I said nothing untrue,” the boy protested.
“You claimed to have cut all your ties to your father, took steps to ensure you would no longer be welcomed back. And yet here you are, enticing Lady Haidee with the possibility of returning so you can rule by her side. Who do you intend to fool? You’re either a spy for your father, or—”
“How dare you insinuate that I would do something so dastard—”
“—you’ve gotten cold feet, overwhelmed by what you’ve done, so you’re talking Lady Haidee into returning so you can get back into your father’s good graces—because that is the only scenario in which he could welcome you back.”
“I will not stand here and allow myself to be insulted by an unprincipled nomad who’s never known responsibility for anything bigger than herself,” Vanya said stiffly. “If you’ll excuse me, Lady Haidee.”
“You’re going to have to apologize to him,” Haidee said once the boy was out of earshot.
“Me?” Lisette looked surprised. “It was a statement of fact, Your Holiness. He does not have the temperament to be out here in the desert. The sooner he returns home, the less of a liability he becomes for us. We got everything we needed from him.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I groaned. “Of course he doesn’t have the temperament; he’s been sheltered and pampered his whole life. I’ll be the last one to admit it to his face, but he had some gumption, defecting. Of course, it was only after his father called him worthless, but . . .”
“Why are you of all people taking his side?” Lisette accused. “Isn’t he your rival?”
“Vanya would only be a rival if I reciprocated his feelings,” Haidee said. “You really must apologize, Lisette. It takes courage to defy everyone and everything you’ve known, to do the right thing like he has.”
Lisette threw up her hands. “Fine,” she grumbled, stalking away. “Although I don’t see why I turned out to be the villain in all this.”
“Should I be angry at you for listening in on us?” Haidee asked me.
I cleared my throat, prepared to blame everything on Lisette. “I was against it, but she was persistent about her suspicions.”
“And do you always go along with everything she suspects?”
I abandoned that plan. “No,” I admitted. “It’s just easy for her to rile me up whenever you’re involved.”
“Are you saying you don’t trust me?” But she was smiling.
“We haven’t had the chance to be alone much these days, what with everything else, so I wasn’t very happy to learn he was trying to wheedle you back.”
“He’s feeling panicked. So was I, on the way to Brighthenge. It always feels intimidating to defy a parent. He’ll get over it. And we’re alone now, aren’t we?”
“What?”
“I said, we’re alone now.” She took a step toward me. Her smile grew wider. “Wasn’t that what you wanted?”
The skies chose that moment to open up. Haidee gasped as water rained down on us—a full-out storm instead of a light shower.
“Better find somewhere dry,” I said gruffly. I could see the others retreating back into their tents or the caves appropriated for their use, leaving only the few scouts on duty.
She tugged harder at my arm. “My tent’s all the way on the other side of camp. I know a place no one else is using. We can wait out the rain there.”
I let her lead me to a large, roomy cave, dry and equipped with the bare essentials: a woven blanket, covered pails of clean water, small sticks for fire. “Look at that,” Haidee whispered as she pointed into the distance, her voice awed.
A thunderstorm loomed over the horizon; far enough away not to be worrisome, but near enough that we could bear witness to its fury. Lightning crackled and zigzagged through the air, and I could see Fire patterns spiraling out from it, arching up, dazzling, into the night sky. I could only imagine what Haidee must be seeing. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
“Yeah,” I echoed, staring at her, at the way the light was flickering across her face, casting a soft, pretty glow. Her hair moved against the air in shades of pink and gold.
She turned to me and smiled again, and I couldn’t resist.
I missed her. Missed the way her mouth felt against mine, the way her body curled into mine like we belonged. Missed the choked breathy sounds she made when I dared to do more, missed her hands fisting in my hair when I drew her down. She was a safe shore to steer for after Faraji’s death, and being here with her reminded me that this sadness, too, could pass. The ground was hard against my back, but she was warm and inviting above me, and that was all that mattered.
“I’ve been thinking about this,” she whispered against my neck, “ever since the village.”
“Are you sure?” I owed her so much more than this. She deserved more than a rickety bed among ruins then, and she deserved more than a cave in the middle of nowhere now. She deserved more than just a promise to love her always. But she’d left her glittering city for me, because there was nothing good enough for her there, either.
Maybe she saw something worthier in me instead. The realization humbled me.
She lifted her head to look down at me, a glorious picture. The sporadic flashes of lightning cast her in an ethereal light—surely Inanna or one of her ancestors had been worshipped in the past as a deity of beauty, too.
“I’ve always been sure,” she said, and leaned down to kiss me again.
Afterward, she curled against me, idle fingers tracing a path down my chest, grazing my stomach. The rain was falling harder, but the cave was warm enough that our bed of discarded clothes and our body heat gave us all the comfort we needed. “Do you think they’re going to wonder where we are?” she asked.
“Not if they know what’s good for them,” I rumbled, and she laughed. “Most are scared enough of the night as it is, and the Salt Sea’s return has shaken them. They’ll probably search for us after the rain lets up.”
“Good.” She threw an arm over my waist. “I wish we could stay here forever.”
I wished that, too. Wished the goddesses could stop Aeon from spinning again, wished they could stop the hours and the days so we could have all the time in the world. I could almost believe that I could spend the remainder of my days here, with nothing but Haidee and the rest of my life to cherish her.
You will die for her one day, Jesmyn’s ghost had told me.
But first, you must die, my mother’s shade had agreed.
Fingers brushed against my mouth. “You’re frowning,” Haidee said. “I don’t like that. What are you thinking about?”
I smiled, and caught her hand. “Nothing at all.”
There was the sound of rain slapping rhythmically against stone. Thunder roared somewhere overhead. Here in this moment, it was easy to believe nothing else mattered but us.
Chapter Eighteen
Lan and the Forgotten Shrine
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE so happy to see so much water again; it stunned me how calm the Salt Sea was when compared to the raging ocean that surrounded Aranth. Though everyone was dismantling the campsite, eager to be off as soon as was possible, I saw several clan members, including Tamera, pausing in their work to watch the waters, awed.
But there were far too many changes. Far too many things that could go wrong simply because the world we’d known was no longer the world we saw. And it was making me nervous.
The Salt Sea was not as impressive as its name implied. It was gray and brackish, no more than half a dozen feet deep at the first three or four hundred paces, and Tamera’s scouts had found nothing living within those boun
daries. But it was water, and out here in the sunlands that meant life.
Janella had returned, as she’d promised, with several Devoted to accompany us. There would be four dozen or so jeeps in total. The bulk of Asteria’s followers, including the goddess herself, were to remain behind at their camp near the Golden City, while several soldiers handpicked by Asteria had come along with the Devoted, ostensibly for backup should the galla swarm strike again. Arjun and Janella were our only Firesmokers capable of blue flames, and one of them had to stay behind to shore up defenses.
Our alliance was fragile; the clan leaders were still suspicious of Asteria and her soldiers. I was wary, too, because she had placed Janella in charge of accompanying Salla and the other clans back to Asteria’s camp. I found no reason to trust the girl, was dismayed my liege would persist in this. The other girl knew of my dislike and kept her distance.
There was no guarantee that we would ever find this strange temple, having nothing to rely on but Vanya’s interpretation of the passages, the Hellmakers’ dubious knowledge of the area, and Haidee’s unshakable will. The cannibals’ presence still put the other clans on edge, though for the moment the Saiga clan were on their best behavior. Odessa had gone so far as to give the gate-users among them back their abilities, and their response had embarrassed her. Every Hellmaker had fallen to their knees before her, chanting exaltations. They appeared genuine; being provided for was obviously a novelty to them, and one they relished.
The rains had finally let up, giving way to what seemed like another long bout of sun. Charley, who was polishing one of the rigs, looked up and gasped. I did the same, and spotted a bridge of color lancing across the clearing sky, the view so unexpected that many others stopped and stared and pointed, their amazement greater than it had been at even their first glimpse of sunrise.
Mother Salla was unperturbed, a rare smile on her face. “A rainbow,” she explained. “Sometimes they come as a storm clears.”