by Yessi Smith
Damn, it was like Kryptonite.
And all over again I cursed myself for screwing it up with him, because I really wish I had stayed to find out where that morning would have taken us.
“Decent.” He nodded, but his body language said his words were an understatement. His forearms were flexed, his hands in tight fists, goose bumps dotting his tatted arms.
“What next?” I asked, my voice sounding aroused to my own ears.
His gaze darkened and flickered to my lips before he glanced to the piano. “Let’s try it again and lay down a starter track.”
“Sounds good.” I tried to calm my feverish body as he set up everything in the booth then joined me again.
The intro track clicked the beginning of the music, and I stepped up to the microphone, breathing deep, centering myself.
And if I’d thought it would be less powerful the second time around, I was sorely mistaken. The music added another layer that tore through me, demanding everything I had to give. Cardinal’s voice was every bit as alluring, every bit as sexy and arousing, so that by the time we finished, sweat trickled down my temple, desire pooling in my belly.
I glanced to Cardinal, desperate to find out if I was the only one affected in such a visceral way. But he simply raised his hand to his lips in a silence gesture and moved to the sound booth again.
When he returned, his expression was tight. “So, I’m not one to be overly optimistic, but I don’t know how we could improve on that take. We need some background harmonies that we can lay down this afternoon, but why don’t we break for lunch for a while?” His gaze flickered to my eyes then away.
Disappointment and pride battled throughout my body. Pride, because we had accomplished a perfect track first time. Basically, like seeing a unicorn in the wild. But disappointment, because apparently, I was the only one affected by the charge in the air. I couldn’t ignore it, even though I was going to try my damnedest. “Sounds good.”
“Great.” He rubbed his hands together then slipped his earphones on and left.
Sighing, I walked into the sound booth and lifted my purse. A piece of paper tumbled out from the slouchy angle of my bag, and I leaned down to pick it up.
Meet me outside?
I grimaced at the paper then bit my lip. Tucking it inside my purse, I walked down the hall and to the front of the building.
Hands sweaty, I pushed open the front door and glanced first to the left then the right.
No one.
Frowning again, I lifted the paper from my purse and re-read the words just as a car pulled up to the curb.
My heart started to palpitate.
Cardinal leaned across the console and flicked the handle. The door to the Tesla swung open. He didn’t say a word, but the gesture was more than enough of an invitation. After sliding into the leather seat, I shut the door and clenched my purse on my lap.
“So, do I dare ask or just roll with it?” I asked, turning to him and regarding the way his aviators highlighted his chiseled cheekbones.
“Roll with it. Because I don’t have a damn clue,” he answered with his usual frank honestly.
I nodded once, relaxing slightly. “I can work with that.”
“Good. So… Chick-fil-A?” he asked, turning to glance at me before focusing back on the road.
“I’ll probably swell from the salt, but I don’t care. I love their chicken strips.” I groaned slightly, my stomach rumbling in greedy anticipation.
If he’d heard, he didn’t comment.
As we drove to the restaurant, I took the moment to study him further.
His shoulders were broader than I remembered, more rounded with muscular bulk than before. My fingers itched with the knowledge that they’d touched that skin, worshipped it.
I clenched my bag to keep my body in line.
His scent filled the car, calling to me. Everything about him reminded me of what I’d walked away from, even if it had only been one night.
It had been enough.
I’d known I was making a huge mistake.
And I’d done it anyway.
Regret was a merciless bitch.
As we pulled up to the drive-through, Cardinal ordered for us, asking for my preferences when necessary, then proceeded to reach behind his chair. I bit back a giggle as he put on a hat with a scraggly-looking wig attached to the back, reminiscent of a mullet.
Combined with the glasses, he was almost disguised.
Almost.
“You got any more props back there?” I asked, my mind immediately going somewhere dirty, but it was too late to take the words back. Maybe he’d take them innocently, as I’d originally intended before my baser instincts had taken over my thinking.
“Jealous of the mullet?” he teased as we pulled up to the first window.
“Insanely,” I replied dryly. I leaned far against my window so that I wasn’t in plain sight. Normally, people didn’t recognize me as quickly when I was dressed more casual and missing the stage make-up and hair.
“Sometimes it’s just nice to blend in,” he murmured quietly as he pulled up to the first window to pay.
I understood far too well.
The window attendant took Cardinal’s shiny black card and frowned slightly, glancing to him then back to the card before sliding it through the machine. When he handed it back with the receipt, he studied Cardinal once again, as if trying to match the notable black card with someone noteworthy but coming up blank.
Cardinal pulled forward, and I stifled a giggle. “Looks like your plan worked.”
“Today.” He shrugged. “It’s the mullet. Throws them off.” He said a quick thank you to the next window attendant as he grabbed the bags of food and drinks. Soon we were pulling away from the drive-through and heading south.
The scent of fried chicken and waffle fries made my stomach ache in hunger. It had been forever since I’d actually eaten fast food. Too much pressure always taunted me to maintain the body, keep the image up. It sucked being under the lens all the time.
Odd as it sounded, fame wasn’t what it was cracked up to be.
“So… why did you do it?”
I blinked then frowned as I turned to him. My mind spinning, it took me a moment to figure out what he was referring to. When it hit me, my face heated and my heart beat a painful and uncomfortable rhythm. Breathing deep, I twisted in my seat to face him more fully. So much needed to be said, but this was probably my one chance to be honest, to make things as right as I could get them. I didn’t want to screw it up.
“I was a selfish bitch,” I answered, the words cutting deep in their honestly. Cardinal arched an eyebrow and glanced to me, appreciation in his expression. Apparently, he hadn’t expected such cut-and-dry honesty.
I continued. “I was also scared. The deep belief that I wasn’t enough made the decision easy, because where I wasn’t enough… you were.” I shrugged. “And while it looks like karma didn’t bite me in the ass, just know that it did come around and snapped me good and hard.” I shook my head then turned to look out the front windshield of the car. “And you don’t need to believe me, but that’s the truth. If I could change things, I would. But I can’t, so… yeah.” I shrugged. “For what it’s worth…” I breathed the next words. “…I’m sorry.”
The silence was thick till the sound of his blinker echoed loudly, obnoxiously, as he turned into the studio parking garage. The shadow of the cement structure hid the sunlight, and I shivered, waiting for his response.
He slipped into a reserved slot and killed the electric engine but didn’t move.
My hands were balled into fists as I waited for him to move, to say something.
This was my one shot at redemption, in more ways than one.
I needed it.
Craved it.
And, of course, it would all hinge on the one person who, no matter how much I apologized, had every reason to hate me.
Saying sorry would never be enough.
Chapter Five
Cardinal
Jaya’s gaze was killing me. It was clear she’d owned up to her betrayal… but was that enough? Pretty words from pretty people didn’t mean jack shit. I lived in Hollywood; I knew the game and wasn’t fooled.
But my gut told me that Jaya wasn’t playing. And damn if honestly wasn’t my Achilles heel.
Her soulful eyes radiated regret, hesitation, and recrimination. The music business ate souls for breakfast, and more than once, I’d hoped Jaya would be one of the casualties. But now… I just saw her. Human, imperfect, and prone to failure, she was no different than me.
And I’d been putting myself on a pedestal.
Damn, self-examination sucked.
She shifted restlessly, and the paper bag of food crinkled, the sound oddly loud in the middle of our silence.
“I guess…” I started.
Her gaze flickered to me then down, her shoulders caving slightly as if expecting a verbal blow.
I leaned back, shying away from her response, hating that she’d expect it from me, then continued. “I guess there are worse things, Jaya.” I grabbed the fast food sack resting on the floor in front of her, my arm brushing her leg and sending shivers up my back. I slipped from the car and walked toward the studio back entrance.
Listening, I waited for the sound of her footsteps. When I didn’t hear them, I glanced over my shoulder. Jaya’s head was tilted slightly in the illuminated car, then she shook her head as if confused. Grabbing the drinks and her purse, she slipped from the car and cautiously approached me.
I unlocked the door, and she followed me inside. “Why does it feel like there’s more to the conversation?”
I smiled, amused at her anxiety. “Because you want me to punish you. Then you can feel better about yourself, feel like you’ve paid your debt.” I pushed open a conference room door and set the food down on the wood table. “Let me tell you something.” I turned and waited till I had her full attention.
She regarded me tentatively, wrapping her arms around her body and waiting.
“Letting something go is more about me than you. I refuse to let this haunt me or hurt me. I won’t take it upon myself to punish you for a stupid choice you made. Yes, it affected me. Yes, it pissed me off. Yes, it was wrong. But you know what? Me getting even only starts a war I don’t want to fight. So, you’re free. I’m not going to hold it over your head, which I’ve learned is the key to it all… because if you really believe me, you’ll let it go too, move on and learn from it. If you don’t believe me, then you’ll continue to punish yourself, and you’ll do a hell of a lot better than I could ever do. Either way, I win.” I gave a tight smile, arched a brow, and then turned back to the table.
“Okay…” Jaya replied, her tone as confused as her expression.
I glanced to her, handing over the chicken strips. “Can we be done now?” I asked with an irritated tone.
Jaya nodded once then took a hesitant step forward.
I watched her approach, questioned her motives as she set the fast food box on the table. Her face blushed prettily, and I froze while I watched the swirling color.
Warm hands rested on my shoulders as she reached up on her tiptoes and placed a soft, innocent kiss to my cheek then backed away.
My body caught fire, as if she had stroked me rather than innocently kissed my face. Averting her eyes, she almost scrambled back and picked up her food. “For what it’s worth, thank you.”
She picked at her chicken strip and took a small bite, flickering her eyes to and then away from me.
“You’re welcome,” I replied, still controlling my strange response. Since when did a peck on the cheek turn me on so violently? I fumbled with my headphones on my neck, needing the solace they offered, but I warred within myself because putting them on meant shutting her out.
And I didn’t want to do that.
“It’s okay.” Jaya’s gaze was studying me, and I narrowed my eyes in confusion at her words.
She swallowed the bite she’d just taken and gestured to my headphones. “Wear them. I get it.”
I sighed, hating my weakness, yet knowing fighting it didn’t make me stronger; it just made me frustrated and unable to deal. After I slipped them on, I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the quiet settle over me like a warm blanket, eliminating the distractions, the noise. Alone with my thoughts, I wondered, not for the first time, if maybe the reason I needed to silence the world was because my mind was so damn loud.
After I finished my sandwich, I slipped my headphones off. “You ready for round two?” I asked Jaya, my eyes lingering on her plump lips as she licked a crumb.
I hardened painfully at the sight then glanced away.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Leading the way, I glanced around to see if Max was back. I hadn’t seen him since earlier, and usually he was more hands-on with the higher-profile clients. Not so today, and I guessed it was because he had ulterior motives.
Best friend my ass.
I sat down at the soundboard and set the playback through the system’s speakers so that Jaya and I could hear the main vocal track we’d recorded. As the music started, my fingers twitched with the piano track, itching to play along. It was the perfect complement to the already beautiful song. As Jaya’s voice entered, a slow smoldering heat built through me, and I closed my eyes, absorbing the loveliness of her voice. As my voice laced with hers, it was a symphony of harmony that I knew would set the music world on its ass when it went public. I had a sense about those things, and my gut was rarely wrong.
As the song ended, I focused back on the computer screen and set up the final tracks that we’d use for background vocals and additional harmonies. “You ready?”
I glanced back to Jaya, but she wasn’t watching me; she was standing with her eyes closed, still absorbing the music that had faded earlier.
She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling, drawing my attention to the swell of her breasts that my body remembered with perfect clarity. “Is it wrong that I feel like it’s already perfect? Is that being full of myself? That song, Cardinal… I mean, I brought in the words, but you gave it life.” She shook her head infinitesimally.
“It’s perfect now, but why stop at perfect?” I flashed a grin and walked into the studio.
Jaya followed, and the playback sounded. When the chorus started, she harmonized with her primary track, adding a high descant that was piercing in its purity. I lowered my harmony in contrast, giving a bolder sound to the already building music of the song. As the melody continued, my gaze kept straying to Jaya, watching her sing.
It was as erotic as hell, watching her body move to the music, giving herself entirely to the tune… the song I’d helped her create. As my voice wound with hers, it was like making love. The give, the take, the movement that drove a deeper need to find release, to climax, only to land back in the arms of the one who held you.
And I wondered if maybe that was the problem.
Why I’d been so angry at her for so long.
I’d never actually let go.
Just like with music, in my gut, I knew. I knew that it would have worked. Like the song we’d just created, it would have been perfect.
And she’d walked away.
The final notes filtered through the computer, and I made a decision.
She wasn’t going to walk away this time.
I slipped into the sound booth and ended the track then locked the door to the hall so that no one could interrupt.
As I passed the computer, I played back the composition on a loop through the speakers, and with a heartbeat to match the pounding bass, I walked back into the studio where Jaya waited.
Praying that history wouldn’t repeat itself.
For once.
Chapter Six
Jaya
It was in the way he walked.
Assertive, confident, and just a touch hesitant.
I knew something had shifted. As the music played back,
softly yet building, my body reacted the same way, as if the song was leading me. Cardinal’s low-slung jeans hugged his body and drew my attention as he approached me. Biting his lip ring, he paused just a few steps before me then reached out. He grasped my hand and slowly laced his fingertips through mine before tugging me toward him.
It was all the encouragement I needed.
Immediately, my hands went to his hair, tugging on the dark roots, losing myself in the thick texture as his lips found mine. His lip ring was cool against my fevered skin, and I pressed into the long length of his body, remembering everything as if it was yesterday. His palms molded to my body. All the while our song played, the music acting like the perfect backdrop to some Hollywood love scene.
My fingers traced the rim of his jeans before teasing down lower to feel the hard length that stretched his fly. He hissed as he pulled away from the kiss, and I met his gaze. Icy blue eyes were feverish in the way they darted from my lips to my eyes and back before he bit out a groan and punished me with a searing kiss as he pressed into my hand.
The warmth of his hands on my ass burned as he peeled back my sweatshirt and tossed it to the ground. In return, I slid my hands up, teasing with my fingers along his waistline before lifting his shirt. The ripples of his abs were like a drug for my touch as I traced over each ridge greedily before breaking the kiss just long enough to remove his shirt.
His hands were everywhere, tugging, cupping, smoothing along my skin, and my messy bun came undone as he lifted my shirt over my head, impatiently removing the barriers between us. He lifted his knee between my legs, stroking me, and my body shuddered, needing the release I knew he could give.
The music was like the words I didn’t know how to speak as it encircled and enveloped me.
Push away, when I should have never let go.
Making it right, fighting the fight.
Love is worth it.
The music faded when Cardinal flicked the hook on my bra, his warm mouth consuming me. Color exploded around my vision, and I caught my breath, my heartbeat pounding a fierce rhythm. Hand shaking with impatient desperation, I unlatched his belt and slid his jeans down his hips, my fingers tracing the V of his lower abs till I was able to torture him with my touch, just like he was torturing me.