“Tough day, huh?” Jay handed Bryan a chicken sandwich.
“I guess.” He unwrapped the sandwich, took a bite and set it aside.
Archie sniffed the chicken. Jay pushed the dog’s nose away, ordering her to leave it.
With Bright Star eyeing them, they all sat in silence for a time.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jay finally said. “Maybe we could talk your Aunt Paige into letting you stay here for the summer. I can sure use you on trail rides and helping with the horses.” He’d seen how conflicted Paige had been when the mediator had made her decision and as she saw Bryan’s reaction. Maybe now she’d recognize the need to give the boy a little more time before taking him to Seattle.
“She won’t change her mind.” Bryan’s sullen tone matched his sour expression.
“We could ask her.”
“Wouldn’t make any difference.”
Jay took off his hat and leaned his head back against the stall wall. He admitted Paige could be stubborn. And determined. But he didn’t think she wanted to intentionally hurt Bryan. Even if Jay thought what Paige was doing was wrong, she believed it was right.
Maybe she was doing exactly what God had in mind for Bryan. Jay couldn’t be the judge. He’d have to accept it. Even if he wished down deep in his soul that the answer was different. That Bryan stayed here in Bear Lake.
And that Paige did, too.
Jay had had trouble keeping his faith in the Lord when Annie and their unborn son had died. He’d struggled hard. In time he’d come to realize that while he’d never understand why God had taken them from him, the Lord knew and understood his pain.
Jay would have to have faith again that whatever happened, the Lord’s guiding hand was with him.
* * *
In her room after dinner, Paige asked the Lord to help her reach out to Bryan, to make him understand she wasn’t the enemy. The boy had skipped dinner. And when later he still hadn’t come in the house, Jay went out to check on him.
Jay had made it abundantly clear Bryan wouldn’t want to talk to her tonight. Maybe not ever.
As she searched for answers in the Bible, she found many passages about God’s love for His children. Was her love for Bryan as righteous as God’s love? Or had her decision to be Bryan’s guardian been the selfish act of a willful woman? A woman whose need for love had blinded her to a child’s needs.
The bitter, condemning truth rang in her ears. You have no right to take Bryan away from all he loves.
Her chin trembled. Bryan was a child of light and day, of forests and canyons, of God’s earth. She could not transplant him to a foreign place of sidewalks and high-rises and expect him to thrive.
Bowing her head, she made the only decision she could. The one the Lord would want her to make.
Paige strained to hear Bryan return to the house, his footsteps in the hallway. Should she go out the barn to look for him?
When at last she heard him pass her door, she sighed with relief. But he made no effort to stop to talk with her. Tomorrow would be soon enough to tell him she’d changed her mind; he could stay with Jay and Grandpa. Bryan’s happiness was more important than hers.
Drained of hope, she fell into an exhausted sleep with tears edging down her cheeks and the Bible still in her lap.
She dreamed that Jesus showed the many rooms in His Father’s house. Oddly, they all looked like rooms in a rustic hotel with paintings of mountains on the pinewood walls and table lamps made out of deer antlers.
Heavy footsteps startled her awake. Then she heard Jay’s voice. “Bryan’s taken Bright Star. They’re both gone.”
Grandpa mumbled a response at the same time Paige struggled to her feet, trying to shake the dream from her mind. Bryan gone? How could that be? She had thought there would be time to talk.
With no thought that she was wearing only a nightgown and her feet were bare, she yanked the sewing room door open. She hurried down the hallway to Bryan’s room and switched on the light. The lump of blankets on the bed gave her a brief shot of relief until she realized the lump wasn’t Bryan. Beneath the blankets there was nothing but a pillow.
Thinking, praying, that it was a childish prank, a way to punish her, she whirled around. Looked in the closet. Peered under the bed. He couldn’t be gone! He was just a child. Yes, he’d threatened to run away. She hadn’t believed he actually would. Not when it came right down to it; she had been sure he’d come with her to Seattle.
But this was no joke.
Her decision had come too late.
She raced to the kitchen where she heard Jay and Grandpa talking. She found them in the mudroom standing by the gun cabinet, Grandpa in his flannel pajamas, Jay dressed in old jeans and an unbuttoned shirt, both his clothes and his hair wet from the rain.
Her eyes widened with fear and horror when she saw the lock on the cabinet door hanging open. “What’s going on? Where’s Bryan?”
The weathered lines of Grandpa’s aging face seemed to have collapsed downward. “He’s gone. He took a hunting rifle with him and some ammo.”
The accusation in Jay’s eyes burned her with its intensity. “I was afraid he’d make good on his threat. It started to rain around four o’clock. I woke up and went to check that the stable was shut up tight. He’d locked Archie in the tack room and took Bright Star.”
“How long has he been gone?” Her knees trembled. Grasping the doorjamb, she steadied herself. Guilt burrowed its way deep inside her. This was her fault. If only she’d told him her decision when he’d come in to bed.
Jay hefted a rifle from the cabinet and worked the mechanism. “I have no idea when he left. I sent him inside earlier. Figured he’d go to bed.”
“I heard him come in,” Paige said.
“I did, too,” Grandpa agreed.
“He’s not here now. I looked. He’d piled up his blankets and pillow to make it look like he was sleeping.”
“See if he took any food with him,” Jay ordered. “Henry, check the camping and fishing gear. He might’ve taken that along, too.”
Frantically, Paige jerked open the cabinets. A nearly full jar of peanut butter was gone. The box of granola bars was missing. A loaf of bread. Cans of soup. In the refrigerator the shelf where the milk was stored was empty.
“He’s taken enough food to last a day or two,” Paige reported.
Grandpa returned to the kitchen. His pale face made him look like he’d aged ten years in the past half hour.
“The boy’s got his fishing gear with him and a bedroll. He’s planning to stay out there a while.”
Jay hooked his hand around the back of his neck. “He’s planning to live off the land.”
“He can’t do that,” Paige cried. “He’s just a little boy. And the weather...you have to go after him. Bring him home.”
“I will.” The rifle still in his hand, Jay shut the gun cabinet door. “I can’t track him in the dark. I’ll leave at first light.”
“That’ll give him too much of a lead. You won’t be able to catch him,” she protested.
“Don’t worry. I’ll find him.”
But how long would Bryan be out there on his own? This was her fault. She had to do something.
“I’m going with you,” she said.
Glaring at her, Jay said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Jay will find him for us,” Grandpa said.
“That may well be,” Paige said. “But Bryan is so upset, I’m not sure he’ll come back with Jay unless he knows for sure, hears it with his own ears, that I’m not going to make him move to Seattle.”
Jay’s mouth gaped open. Grandpa cleared his throat.
Before they could say anything, she left them standing there and rushed back to the sewing room. She could barely draw a breath. Her chest felt like it
was about to explode. She would never have a chance to form a small but loving family with Bryan.
He didn’t want her.
She should have known she couldn’t force someone to love her. No matter how good an aunt she tried to be.
Or a daughter.
Only her self-absorption with her own desires had made her believe otherwise.
Chapter Fourteen
With the sun just peeping through the clouds over the eastern mountains, Jay tightened the cinch on Thunder Boy’s saddle, then hefted saddle bags filled with trail mix and emergency rations into place.
He turned to see Paige struggling to saddle Peaches. He grimaced. Fool woman!
“Once I pick up Bryan’s trail, I’m going to be traveling fast,” he told her. “You won’t be able to keep up.”
“I’ll keep up.” Wearing Henry’s floppy hat and a poncho over her jacket, she righted the saddle. She grappled under the horse to find the cinch. Henry had loaned her some gloves, too. She’d need them before this was over.
“It may take all day to catch up with him. You’ve never ridden more than two hours at a time. If you fall back, I’ll have to leave you on your own,” he threatened.
Henry helped her settle her saddlebags on the horse and snugged a bedroll wrapped in oil cloth down tight.
“Don’t you worry about me. I won’t slow you down.”
Of course she would. And he couldn’t leave on her own, not with mountain lions and bears prowling the area. She’d be defenseless.
“I know you feel this is your fault—”
“It is my fault. I’m going to make it right.”
Even if it kills me.
Jay tied his bedroll to the back of his saddle. No telling how long they’d be out in the weather. He could feel the temperature dropping already. It wasn’t unheard of to get snow in the higher elevations in late May or even early June.
He slid his rifle into its scabbard.
If Bryan hadn’t been so cocky about living off the land, if he hadn’t been as determined and as stubborn as his aunt, Jay wouldn’t be going off after him into what could be turning into a serious storm. He could’ve stayed home, sat by the fire.
Enjoyed Paige’s company.
Ha! That was a laugh. He’d blown that possibility when he had asked to be Bryan’s guardian.
Henry helped boost Paige into the saddle.
Mounting Thunder Boy, Jay adjusted his rain slicker to cover himself as best he could. “Stay inside the corral. I’m going to take a look, see if I can spot Bryan’s trail.” The rain that had been falling wasn’t going to help. In low spots Bright Star’s hoofprints were likely to be washed out.
“If you leave without me, I’ll just follow you,” Paige warned.
Yeah, Jay didn’t doubt that for a minute. She didn’t have the good sense of a spider to get in out of the rain. Plenty of spunk, though.
He opened the corral gate and walked Thunder Boy out. He kept his eyes on the ground. He figured Bryan was most likely heading to the lake where they’d taken the fishermen on Saturday. There’d been a lot of fish caught. Easy pickings is what Bryan would think.
Man, that felt like a thousand years ago.
But maybe Bryan would think that was too obvious. That Jay would find him too easily. He could just as well have taken a different trail to throw Jay off. The kid was foolish to travel at night. Despite the boy’s familiarity with all the trails in the area, in the dark it would be easy to get lost.
He patrolled the edge of the trail leading up the hill. Finally he spotted Bright Star’s hoofprints. He could tell from the small cutout in the horse’s left rear shoe.
He waved to Paige. “If you’re coming, let’s get a move on.”
Once out of the corral gate, she heeled the horse up to a trot. She bounced like a rubber ball in the seat. At that pace, it was going to be a long day for her.
As she approached Jay, he turned his horse along the trail. He kept his eye on the ground as she came up behind him.
“We can go faster than this, can’t we?” she asked.
“We could, but I might lose the trail.”
Close in to the main house, several trails took off in various directions. Most weren’t used much. But Bryan and he had ridden them all.
“Too bad Bryan doesn’t have a cell phone,” Paige said. “We could track his GPS.”
“You’ve been watching too many big city police shows. In these mountains there’s no cell coverage unless you have a satellite phone.”
“I don’t like crime shows. I watch PBS and Discovery.”
“Ever see a show about Native Americans tracking their game?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You won’t need to. Just watch me.”
He heard an unladylike snort and smiled. At times he couldn’t help but be amused by her determination when toughness was required. All five-feet-nothing-much of her could bristle like a mama bear protecting her cub.
The higher they went, the harder the rain fell. Visibility dropped to almost zero. They were inside the rain cloud itself.
He glanced behind him. “You still with me?”
“I’m here.” Peaches plodded along following Thunder Boy, which is what she liked to do. Paige was hunkered inside her poncho as far as she could go.
“You can still go back. You could follow the trail home.”
“Keep moving, cowboy,” she said, her testy voice making it clear she wasn’t going to quit. “Bryan’s all alone. He could be scared or hurt. I can stick it out as long as you can.”
She probably would, just to prove a point, he realized.
He came to a rocky section of the trail. Thunder Boy picked his way gingerly along the uneven path.
Behind him, he heard Peaches slip on a rock, followed by a cry of alarm. He turned in his saddle. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just dandy.” She gripped the saddle horn with two hands.
Brave girl!
* * *
Paige decided this was the stupidest thing she’d ever done. She could barely see Jay ahead of her through the mist and rain. Peaches kept losing her footing on the slick rocks. On the edge of terror, Paige was sure both she and the horse would slide off the trail and down the hill at any moment.
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!
But what else could she do? She couldn’t passively just wait for Jay to bring Bryan home. Because she’d been so wrapped up in herself and what she needed, he’d run away. She hadn’t been thinking about him. She hadn’t listened to his pleas. She’d been deaf to what he needed.
Exactly like her own mother.
Tears filmed her eyes, making it even harder to see through the mist. She wiped them away with the back of her gloved hand.
She vowed that she would never again ignore a child’s cry for help. Not with Bryan. Not with any child if she was ever blessed enough to have one of her own.
To her surprise, Jay reined his horse off the trail and under a stand of fir trees.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, following him. “Have you lost Bryan’s trail?”
“Nope.” He dismounted. “The horses need a rest. So do you.”
“I can keep going.”
“Fine. But you’ll have to walk. The horses come first.”
He was right, of course. She pulled her feet from the stirrups to dismount and slid to the ground. When she landed, she couldn’t prevent the groan that escaped. Her legs felt like she’d been doing splits for hours and they were stuck in that unnatural position.
“Walk around. That’ll loosen your muscles.” Jay led the horses to a spot where they could munch on some spring grass.
The layers of overlapping branches above Paige protected her from some of the rain. Still there
was a steady drip, drip as drops ran off the tips of the tree branches, plopping onto the ground and on her head.
Jay handed her a granola bar and a steaming cup of coffee he’d poured from his thermos.
The coffee was almost hot enough to burn her tongue, but it felt wonderful as the liquid warmed her from the inside out.
“How far ahead of us do you think Bryan is?” she asked.
“Hard to tell. Bright Star’s hoofprints have collected a lot of rainwater.”
“Do you suppose he’s smart enough to find some shelter to get in out of the rain?”
Jay looked off up the trail. “I don’t know. Not many natural caves around here. A few rock overhangs. I taught him how to make a lean-to out of his poncho. That won’t give him much shelter, but it would keep some of the rain off him and be a windbreak of sorts.”
“If he stays out in this, he could catch pneumonia.”
Jay took the empty cup from her and poured himself some coffee. “I’d say he’s about as stubborn as his aunt is. He won’t quit ’til he has to.”
She twisted her lips into a frustrated grimace. She’d always thought of her determination as an asset, not a liability. She’d hate to think some of the same genes she carried were now putting her nephew at risk.
“Think you’re ready to ride?” he asked.
“If Bryan can keep going, so can I.”
She found her muscles weren’t quite as willing to get back on the horse as her stubborn streak was. But Jay boosted her up. She grabbed the reins and the saddle horn.
“Let’s ride,” she said with more bravado than she felt.
* * *
Jay kept a close eye on the trail. He thought they were catching up with the boy. He’d seen one spot where Bryan had pulled off the trail to take a break. The poor kid had to be exhausted. Jay couldn’t be sure when Bryan had sneaked his horse out of the stable—probably before it had started to rain. But he was confident Bryan hadn’t gotten much sleep.
There was no sign that Bryan had turned off to the lake where they’d taken the fishermen. That worried Jay. The kid could be headed deep into the wilderness. Unlike some hiking trails in the national park, there were no shelters for hikers to get out of the weather on the route Bryan had chosen.
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