by M. C. Vann
I grabbed the pen from the bag and removed the bow the sales woman had tied around the box. How can I give him this now?
What was going to happen between us?
Was it really over ... just like that?
The next few days passed by slowly. Every day without seeing Henry was always slow and every time I tried to reach out to him, he didn’t answer my calls nor my texts.
I wished there was some way I could make him see my point of view, but I had no way of communicating with him. Sometimes I feel he was too difficult. Too prideful and single-minded. He only wanted things his way and he couldn’t consider the alternatives.
Did I want that in a man? In a husband?
Lily and Adam eventually figured out something was going on between Henry and me. I didn’t know how, but I guessed my sulking and depressed mood gave it away. To cheer me up, Adam suggested we go out Friday night. Although I was reluctant to go, I thought maybe it would be good to get some fresh air and enjoy myself.
We met up with some of Adam’s friends at a club which I forgot the name of. The vibrant atmosphere still couldn’t lift my spirits, but it did take my mind off Henry for a little while. Having a few drinks of Sprite, casually talking with strangers, music blasting in our ears … it definitely made me forget.
I sat by the bar as Lily waved at me from the dance floor to join her. But I only smiled at her, encouraging her on. Since I was highly uncoordinated, I rather keep myself off the dance floor.
I watched the crowd and sipped on my Sprite until Dan walked over to sit next to me. He was a friend of Adam’s from work. The young gentleman didn’t look a day over thirty, so I assumed he was about twenty-seven. From the face, he seemed quite buzzed, but not to the point of no return yet.
“Hey, you’re Ally, right,” he greeted, opening his palm for a shake.
“Yes, and you must be Dan,” I smiled, taking a sip of my drink.
“Aren’t you lonely over here? Come on, let’s go show these people how to really dance,” he joked, directing my attention to the floor of rowdy and sweaty people.
“I can’t dance,” I confessed shyly and Dan laughed out loudly, going a little overboard, in my opinion. “Everyone can dance. Come on.” He encouraged me with a smile. Though it showcased his perfect white teeth, his couldn’t compare to one I’d seen before.
God, Ally! You’re not supposed to be thinking of him!
Suddenly, Dan leaned into my ear. The smell of liquor reeked off of him as he whispered in my ear, “Then shall we get out of here?”
I wanted to push him off, but before I could even start, I noticed a familiar pair of eyes observing me from across the room. Though it was dark and plumes of smoke surrounded the area, I could never obtain the same feeling from another stare.
Why was he here? Was it a coincidence?
“Come on,” Dan whispered in my ear once again. I quickly glanced over and used my arm to push him away. His eyes leered at me, clearly offended.
“Sorry, but I have to go.” I rose from the chair and began to walk in Henry’s direction, but noticed he was no longer there. My heart dropped, thinking he would leave without saying anything.
Where did he go?
My eyes darted toward the back entrance of the club and caught onto his dark figure walking out. I fought my way through the crowded dance floor to get to Henry, but I felt myself losing sight on him. My arms reached out to push the back door, casting it wide open. My head turned left and right in search of him in the dark alley. To the right was a dead end, so I quickly ran in the opposite direction.
As soon as I reached the sidewalk, my eyes spotted Henry right away. He was heading across the street to his car.
“Henry!” I yelled, but he didn’t care to look back. “Henry, wait!”
He pretended not to hear me as he unlocked his car and swiftly entered into the driver’s seat. I checked the street to make sure it was safe to cross before my adrenaline kicked in.
I needed to talk to him and I didn’t want him to misunderstand what just happened. I wasn’t going to let him leave me — not like this.
At that exact moment, Henry pressed on his gas, I irrationally jumped in front of his BMW. I held my breath in as I flung my arms out in front of me to block his way. His foot switched from the accelerator to the brakes just in time, thankfully. When I opened my eyes, I saw through the glass windshield the same pair of eyes. They were only more shocked. His hand tightened around the steering wheel, making his knuckles turn white. I could see Henry pondering whether he should get out to talk to me or not.
“We need to talk, Henry,” I demanded, trying to sound brave. “Now!”
He inhaled a deep breath before turning off the engine. He surrendered, and I suddenly felt triumphant and honestly, slightly relieved. Maybe he could be reasoned with.
Henry kept his posture calm as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. He didn’t approach me, nor did I need him to. If he came any closer, I wouldn’t be able to talk properly.
“Are you crazy? I could have killed you,” he warned.
“Why haven’t you called me back?” I demanded him, ignoring his question. There was no way he could kill me like that. Sure, he could have injured me badly, but not kill.
“I … I came to tell you goodbye,” he said, ignoring my question as well.
“Wait, what? Why? Why are you telling me goodbye?” I asked, my words stumbling. “Why are you doing this, Henry?”
“Do you really not know?”
How could I possibly know? Was my refusal really that hurtful?
“Henry ... Don’t misunderstand me,” I told him, approaching him carefully. “I didn’t reject you because of another guy. There’s nothing going on between Dan and me. He was just drunk and I was going to push him off, but then I saw you and—”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Ally,” he interrupted, slightly frightening me. “We don’t have anything to do with each other anymore.”
“You don’t mean that ...”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then why did you ask me to marry you less than a week ago?”
Again, he was rendered speechless. During these times, I’d like to know what went through his mind — his rationale.
“I have my reasons,” he replied. Always ambiguous and secretive, that was just Henry’s way. When will this end?
“Reasons? Come on, Henry. We’re better than this,” I said. “Can’t we at least try to make this work? Because I want to. I want to work through this. Marriage is a big deal for me. I only plan on doing it once. We don’t need to get married just yet. And I already promised you that I will never leave you. Isn’t that enough?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then what else do you want? You already have my heart,” I added desperately.
“I don’t just want your heart!” he shouted into the chilly, night air. The loudness of his voice caused me to flinch. Henry’s gaze focused on me intently, realizing that I was frightened. While his features softened, his remorseful eyes studied me, unsure of whether to reach out and touch me. “I want all of you. Every time you’re not near, I’m scared I might lose you. That something bad will happen to you and I won’t be there to protect you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“No ...”
“No?”
“You don’t want to get hurt,” I said. I reached down to fold my hands over his. “That’s why you’re pushing me away. That’s why you’re telling me goodbye. Isn’t it?”
Henry looked stunned and for a moment, I thought he was going to yell again. Instead, he pulled away from me, setting me free.
“I … I’m pushing you away because of you,” he confessed. His voice laced with emotion. “You’re the only one for me, Ally. I know it in my heart. You’re the only one who can heal me. And if I can’t have you, if you think that I’m not the one for you, then it’s better we discontinue this relations
hip … Goodbye, Ally.”
Henry took one last, longing glance at me before he climbed back into his car. I felt the urge to grab onto his arm and pull him back to me, confessing to him that he was the one for me.
But I didn’t. I didn’t move at all. I didn’t say anything. He was right — I wasn’t even sure of it. I knew I liked Henry, but to marry him ... I hadn’t even thought of it much.
The engine of the car spurred to life, and I watched him drive away, disappearing from my sight, once again.
I stood on the side of the curb, completely defeated. The little triumphant victory I felt earlier swept away with the wind now. There was no way to make Henry understand how big of a step marriage was for me.
Not having the slightest desire to return inside to the club, I texted Lily and Adam I wasn’t feeling well and headed home first. I didn’t want to be in such a lively atmosphere when my heart heaved with so many burdens.
Henry’s words replayed in my head over again like a broken record. No matter how many times I recalled them, they were still confusing to me.
As I entered the empty and dark apartment, I leaned against the door and gave up the strength in my legs. Tears started welling in eyes after it hit me. Henry and I … were done.
We were over.
—————
Two months had passed since I last saw Henry downtown. Now that it was November, winter was almost upon us. The two months only made me realize how much I actually missed him. Even if it was just for a day, I still missed him. Maybe it was a mistake that I chose to let him go instead of going after him that night outside the club … and the night he proposed.
Things have fallen apart since then.
Business was slow and I heard rumors from the girls that Nancy could be closing down the shop. I’d have to find another job if this was true. I didn’t confront Nancy about it yet. It would be awkward and quite sad since she always worked so hard.
My sister’s relationship was on the rocks. When I visited them on the weekends, she would tell me again and again that she and Rick were getting a divorce. I didn’t know what to tell her or what to do if they went through with the separation. All I could think about was Eason and Alexis and how much it would hurt them.
And from my visits with Chris, the idea of him being released on parole gradually slipped away from my fingertips. He mentioned something to do with delayed paperwork and the fact that the courts were reviewing his case once again. Even though I was disappointed, I knew Chris would get out eventually. He would. I’d make sure of it.
As my shift neared its end, a customer walked through the door. Just when I turned around to greet them, I immediately noticed it was Nana. She wore a tan trench coat and a green paisley scarf with a pair of brown loafers. It was sort of unfamiliar seeing her wear something other than her usual white apron and dress.
“Nana, how are you?” I asked as she approached. She opened her arms to give me a hug.
“I’m doing just fine, my dear. But I would be better if you visited more often.” She gave me a meek smile. “How about you? How are you?”
“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Did you need help with something?”
“Yes, anything would be fine. It’s for Henry’s house. It needs more life in there,” she told me. I nodded, understanding what she meant, and started walking toward the back to get a vase until she spoke again, “Except tulips.”
“Do you not like tulips, Nana?” I asked, spinning around.
“I’m allergic to them.”
“I see.”
After I had picked some calla lilies and ferns from the cold storage room, I walked to the front counter to arrange them in a vase.
“Have you heard from Henry lately?” I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.
“Yes, he actually called me the other day. He hasn’t been home for two months, so he calls here and there to check up on me.”
“Where is he now?”
“California.”
“Oh.” I was a little disappointed, hoping Nana would have given me different news. What did I want to hear? That Henry was miserable. That he missed me just as much as I missed him.
Ally, you’re so selfish.
The entire time, he was never home or at the office. I must have really hurt him.
“Have you eaten, Nana?” I asked her as I gave her a discount for the flowers. “My shift’s almost over and I’d love to catch up.”
“Sure, dear.”
At least being with Nana, I felt a little closer to Henry.
On Thanksgiving weekend, I went over to Eve’s for dinner like I always did each year. Rick’s parents were visiting other relatives in Wisconsin, so they didn’t join us this year. It was a quiet dinner. I tried to make conversation with everyone, but it died out after a few replies.
There was suddenly a knock at the front door. Rick quickly offered to answer it while the rest of us continued eating.
“What are you thankful for, Alexis?” I asked the sullen girl sitting next to me. She looked a little down, being the more intuitive child between the two. Eason, who sat across from his mother, was busy texting his friends with his phone from underneath the table.
“Umm…” She paused and thought. “I’m thankful for my parents.”
“Why’s that?”
Eve’s ears perked up at her daughter’s reply.
“Because they take care of me and they made me who I am. Without them, I wouldn’t be here. And—”
Her reply was cut short when we heard a few yells coming from the front door. Eve ordered us to stay put while she went to check out the disturbance. Unable to stay still, I followed her.
As I entered the hallway near the front door, I saw Rick on the floor and Eve in conversation with five built men in the living room.
“What’s going on here?” Eve asked.
“I think you should be asking your husband that question,” one of the men replied back sternly. He was the only tall one of the group.
“Rick, who are they?” Eve demanded from her husband.
“Honey, it’s nothing,” Rick replied, getting back on his feet slowly. “I’ve got it under control.”
“I don’t think you do,” she said with a sense of nervousness in her voice. “Who the hell are you and what do you want with my family?”
“Look, here’s the deal. Your husband here has been borrowing money from me and he hasn’t paid up,” the same man said. He must have been the leader of the group. With tattoos and pierced ears, he seemed to be bad news. “I’m a reasonable man. Just pay up half of the bill and I’ll come back for the rest.”
“How much is it?”
“Fifty grand.”
“What?” Eve gasped. “Rick! You owe them fifty grand…”
Rick nodded as Eve was too breathless to continue.
“Enough talk,” the leader interrupted. “More pay, alright?”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, sir. But we don’t have that kind of money,” Eve pleaded.
“Look, I’m only going to say this once,” he threatened, using two fingers to signal something to his friends. “Give me the money … or I kill him.”
Eve trembled in fear as the relentless leader took a step closer to her. He looked at her with a perverse — and might I add — disgusting desire.
“Or … we could take you in exchange,” he added. His loathsome tone sent chills down my spine.
I couldn’t take it anymore, seeing this scene happening in front of me as I stood in the hallway. “Get out of here!” All of the eyes in the room darted toward me, and I suddenly felt courageous — or stupid. I swallowed down my timidity and forcefully grabbed the house phone. “Get out or I’m calling the cops.”
It was silent. No one said a thing until a mocking laugh erupted in the room, coming from the tatted man.
He set my sister free and turned to face me. “You think the cops are going to stop us? Aren’t y
ou an innocent one?”
His eyes watched me closely, and I challenged him, never leaving his gaze.
What was I doing? This man could easily crush me with the lift of a finger. For all I knew, he could have a gun.
A nasty smile crept onto his lips as he reached up to cup my chin.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I growled.
He chuckled cunningly. “You think I’m scared of you? You got another thing coming, little lady ... Fellas, let’s go.”
I thought they were going to leave peacefully, but I was wrong. He signaled to his friends again as he walked out the door. When they started for Rick, I knew what these guys were going to do and the things they were capable of.
“No, you can’t take him!” Eve yelled, trying to step in. She threw herself at one of the men, but there were too many of them. Another guy restrained her as they walked out the door.
I watched the familiar situation in shock.
I won’t let this happen again.
I dropped the phone to the floor and grabbed a nearby vase, smashing it right on the back of the man’s head who was detaining Eve. The force caused him to fall to the ground. It wasn’t enough to knock him unconscious but enough for him to start bleeding. I watched in horror as he slowly got up to his large feet. His hand went to the back of his head as he sensed the injury. Once he realized he was bleeding, his eyes darkened as they settled on me. Unable to move, he seized my arm hard and raised his bloody right hand as if to strike me. I screwed my eyes shut and prepared myself for the impact.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
His hand came down across my face so brutally hard that it caused my legs to give out. My cheek throbbed with excruciating pain. The strike of his palm forced me down so quickly, my forehead smashed into the corner of a drawer. Wincing in pain, I felt my forehead and noticed that it was wet. My hand slowly pulled away, making the bloody pads of my trembling fingers visible.
“Stop it!” I heard Eve scream.
I looked up in the direction of her voice and saw the buff man advancing toward Eason. My heart quickened as I shot up from the ground. Though I was feeling short of breath and light-headed, I wouldn’t let him hurt the children, over my dead body. I charged toward Eason and protected the frightened boy with my body. The fierce man stopped and eyed me with an impassive look.