He watched me from across the table, his brows pushing together in concentration. “I agree that perfect relationships don’t exist. Every relationship takes work, and you have to constantly be willing to analyze, change, adapt, and grow or it won’t be successful. But I do believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. Someone who knows how to make a person happy—not only knows it—but tries hard every day to make it happen.”
I considered his words. It was nice to know a guy like Cade existed, and believed in romantic daydreams. I hadn’t seen it often in real life, though, and was suspicious of a relationship ever working for me.
Our server brought our drinks and food, and we both started to eat.
“Maybe relationships are successful for some people,” I said, “they just haven’t been for me.”
He considered that. “Maybe you haven’t found the right person.”
I nodded in agreement as I ate. “A valid point. I’m not sure there is a person for me, though. I love who I am, but it took me a long time to get to this place. My history forced me to evolve. We all have a past, but mine made me intolerant of assholes, and helped me learn that I give zero fucks what people think about me. I speak my mind, and I’m difficult to deal with for people who can’t handle the truth.”
He shook his head. “I disagree. I know your type.”
I narrowed my eyes. I hated being stuffed into any stereotype. “And what type is that?” I asked, ready for a fight.
“The kind of woman I’ve always respected and admired. You’re strong, confident, opinionated, blunt, and when you want something, you make it happen. There’s nothing I respect more.”
I pursed my lips, shifting my eyes to my plate instead of him. “I wasn’t always that way,” I mumbled.
He looked like he wanted to ask another question, but held it back. I was fine with that since I didn’t want to go into detail about my dating history. It would just make me stabby and ruin the rest of the night. “Did you grow up around here?” I asked, moving the topic away from relationships.
Cade nodded. “Not far. A town about an hour away. What about you?”
“I grew up in Texas.”
“Texas?” he said, his eyebrows going up in surprise. “You don’t have an accent.”
“I’ve worked hard not to.”
He took a drink of his soda. “You didn’t like having one?”
“Not really. I don’t like attention being drawn to me, and a southern accent in a city that’s not in the south is a great way to stand out.”
He chuckled.
“What?” I asked, my fork halfway to my lips.
“If your concern is attention, your accent is the least of your worries.” His eyes dipped down slightly to my chest, and then moved back up. I blushed. I knew some people found me attractive. Occasionally I even looked in the mirror and thought it about myself. But that kind of self-praise was rare for me. The girl who’d been told she wasn’t pretty for far too long was the one I always saw staring back at me.
“It’s hard to believe,” I said, shifting my food around on the plate with my fork.
He looked shocked. “That you’re beautiful?”
I sputtered an agreement, not meeting his eyes. “Yeah…that.”
Silence hung for a few seconds before I heard him say, “Look at me.” His voice was a command. He sounded pissed, and my eyes snapped up to his. “When we walked in here, every person in the room turned their heads.” He motioned to a table across from us. “The guy over there has been steadily ignoring his date since you sat down. I think his date probably hates you.”
I made a face, dismissing his comments. “They probably think I look weird or something.”
“No,” he said. “They think you’re hot. That’s all. And you are. End of story.”
My heart swelled up hearing Cade, a man I thought was pretty damn hot himself, tell me in no uncertain terms that he thought I was attractive, and everyone else did too. It was a stark contrast to how I’d spent most of my life. When every time I’d walked in the room and noticed people noticing me, I’d wondered if it was because my clothes looked unflattering, or something was off with my makeup or hair. Not once did I ever consider it was because they thought I was pretty. Since coming to college, I’d been told I was attractive. But it was still inconceivable that people might actually find me beautiful.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice soft. I met his eyes for a few seconds before looking back down at the table.
“You’re welcome. It’s the truth.”
Nothing made me more uncomfortable than talking about my own body image issues, so I went back to answering Cade’s accent question. “I didn’t live in Texas my whole life, so the accent didn’t catch on as much as it did with my friends who were born there. It was easy for me to shake once I moved to Colorado for college.”
“That makes sense,” he said. “Do you have siblings?”
I nodded. “A sister. She’s quite a bit older than me. She’s a doctor in Kentucky.”
“A doctor?” He sounded surprised. “And you’re going to be a therapist. I bet your parents are very proud of you both.”
I lifted a shoulder. “They seem to be. She’s so far away that I don’t see her much.”
“Is she married? Have kids?”
I shook my head. “No. She was really focused on school. Syd reminds me a lot of her, actually. It’s why I was so vocal about Syd having a life outside of being a lawyer. Spending so much time on degrees, and so little time experiencing life is one of the things my sister says she regrets.”
“Are you two close?” he asked as I took a drink of my water.
“No. She was leaving for college when I was just hitting my teen years. We talk every once in a while, but we don’t have a lot in common. I think the older you get, the more your friends become like family. They know you better than anyone, and you choose them. You can be your true self with your friends, and not have to worry about judgment or backlash.”
“You don’t get that with your family?”
I paused, thinking about it before answering. “I think you can get it with family…to a degree. Your parents raised you to be a certain way, and will always have an idea of who they want you to be based on that. Your siblings will have similar opinions. They may accept the person you’ve become, but it will always be difficult for them to reconcile that with the person they hoped you’d be, and the choices they wished you’d made. I’m close with my family and I love them. I keep in touch, but they don’t know me like they did when I was younger. And they’re not with me every day to see the person I’ve become—I’m not certain they even care. But I love them. They’ve been really supportive of my dreams, and I appreciate them more than I can say. With friends though, you choose the people who accept you, challenge you, and want to be a part of your evolution. They’re the people who you never have to censor yourself with. I was lucky to find Syd. She’s pretty much my female soul mate, and I’m enormously fortunate to have her in my life. True, loyal, honest friends who would never say a bad word about you and defend you to the death…those are the relationships that matter most to me.”
He was listening intently, and I was suddenly self-conscious. I’d gone into way more detail with that answer than I’d intended, and more detail than I usually would under any other circumstance. It was like he had a magic “Brynn info” wand, and was pointing it directly at me. I wanted to get the attention off of my life and personal philosophies. “Tell me about your family,” I said, putting my fork down and pushing my dish away. I ate my usual half of a plate, and I’d have them box up the rest.
“I have one sister.”
“Does she live near here?”
“An hour away, with my parents,” Cade said, putting his own fork down. “She’s younger than me.”
“Are you close?” I asked, curious if his opinions on friends and family were similar to mine.
“Very. She’s the best person I’ve ever known,
and I’d do anything for her.”
I tilted my head to the side. So…not the same philosophy I subscribed to. “You seem really protective of her.”
He nodded. “I am.”
“What about your parents? Are you close to them as well?”
He nodded again. “We have a different relationship than most parents and kids, but I think that makes us stronger. They’ve always treated me like an adult, and encouraged me to be independent, speak my mind, and have opinions.”
“That’s definitely not the standard for parenting theories.” I knew. I studied them in psych classes.
“They knew me well growing up, and have made an effort to continue knowing me as I’ve changed during adulthood. They’re proud of the person I am, and support me. That means a lot.” He paused, smiling as he thought. “Their parenting style is probably part of the reason I’m going into law. I like to argue, and I’m pretty vocal about my perspective.”
I smiled at that. “No wonder we get along.”
Cade was about to say something else when the server came over and offered us a dessert menu. Cade tilted his head toward the menu. “Choose something. They’re known for their dessert. They serve gourmet s’mores.”
“Ah,” I said, nodding. “That’s probably one of the reasons I haven’t heard of this place before tonight.”
He gave me a disbelieving look. “You don’t like chocolate?”
I shook my head. “I love chocolate, but I don’t do desserts.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why?”
I gave him a look that said he might be an idiot. “Because I’m a girl, and I’m supposed to look a certain way, and even talking about sugar makes me gain weight.”
He leaned forward, putting his forearms on the table. “Does your appearance matter that much to you?”
I considered the question. It wasn’t that my appearance mattered; it was that I used it as a tool. “No. I think everyone is beautiful, and would never judge someone on their appearance. But I’ve been judged for mine in a lot of different ways. This is the way I’m most comfortable. If it means I have to give up something I enjoy, then that’s what I have to do.”
Cade’s gaze fell, his look disapproving. “You can’t deprive yourself in one place, and not expect it to come out in another, Brynn.”
I couldn’t argue with that. I was a psych student. I knew all about deprivation, and that giving up one thing and trading it for a different obsession wasn’t a healthy way to deal with issues. But I still tried my best to stay away from sugar and carbs. “Sugar is as addictive as cocaine. People even go through withdrawals when they give it up.”
“I know about the studies,” Cade said. “But having a dessert once a week isn’t going to make you addicted, or change the size of your clothes.”
“It might,” I said, pushing the issue. It made me feel better to believe it, even if the logic wasn’t exactly sound.
The server came back and Cade ordered a mint s’more. Then she brought the check and Cade paid it.
“Come on,” Cade said.
I gave him a confused look. “Where are we going? Don’t you want your dessert?”
“They’ll bring it to me.”
He stood and held out his hand. I took it, the spark between us still arcing when we touched. I was starting to wonder if it would ever go away. Maybe it would after we finally got naked, but for now, it was sticking around. We walked out the back of the cabin to a patio area. It was enclosed with glass from the floor to the ceiling, and overlooked a lake that shined like a mirror, the bright moon glinting off its surface.
Cade motioned to two chairs in a quiet corner that looked like they reclined. I followed him and sat in the chair beside him, still holding his hand. We leaned back, looking up at the sky. A shooting star flashed above us, streams of light trailing it. I gasped, pointing. “A shooting star!”
“Did you make a wish?” Cade asked.
“Always.” Shooting stars were one of my favorite things. Anytime I saw one, I felt like they were a sign of good things to come. I hadn’t seen one in a while, so seeing one tonight gave me a sense of validation and made me feel like I was on the right track.
The glass enclosed porch was surprisingly warm with the heaters around, and it was a perfect space to look at the stars and enjoy the peace of being away from the city, the noise, and the light pollution. The porch was also fairly deserted. Other than a couple on the other end of the patio, we were alone. It would be a perfect place for making-out.
“Do you know much about constellations?” Cade asked.
I tilted my head to the side to see him better. “Anytime I look at the sky, I always find the Big Dipper, Little Dipper, and Orion’s Belt. But those are the only ones I know. I love looking at the stars though. Summer is my favorite because I can stretch out in the back yard and do nothing but stare at the sky. It’s peaceful.”
Cade met my gaze, his eyes dark in the night, the feeling of need between us seemed to be growing…at least for me.
We were interrupted by the server delivering Cade’s dessert. It was a s’more, super-sized. The graham crackers were normal, but the marshmallow looked like half a bag of mini marshmallows had mated and formed one giant mallow. The marshmallow had been dipped in chocolate, and was sandwiched between chocolate mints. It looked amazing, and I really wished I had the metabolism to justify the treat. I kind of resented that Cade did. Syd told me he did some sort of weight lifting workout, and looked lovely without a shirt. I had no doubt. I was jealous I couldn’t eat like him. Hormones made it so much easier for guys to maintain their weight.
“That looks mouthwatering,” I said.
“Are you sure you don’t want a bite?” Cade asked, holding it out to me.
My eyes shifted from the treat, to Cade. “Not of the s’more,” I said, my tone suggestive.
His lips stretched slow and seductively. It was all I could do not to jump on him right there. His smile faded as he ate, and he seemed to be thinking.
“You have some marshmallow on your lip.”
He ran his tongue over the silky skin like a caress, licking the spun sugar and chocolate off his mouth. I couldn’t stop thinking about having that same tongue all over me instead.
“How about we get out of here and go somewhere more private?” I suggested. Getting naked and seeing Cade’s gym results in person had been my original plan for the evening. Now I was even more interested in making it happen.
Cade finished off his dessert, and reached his hand out to me. I put my hand in his, thinking his thought process was running along the same sexy lines as mine. But instead he leaned back against the chair, tilting his head toward me. “Know what I think?”
I shifted my head in his direction, wondering what the hold-up was. This was not question asking time. This was take your clothes off time. “No…what?”
“I think you replaced sugar, with sex.”
I stared at him, totally dumbfounded. That was exactly what I’d done, but no one other than Syd had ever called me on it before. I’d never let anyone else get that close. It irked me to no end that I’d given so much away, and this guy I barely knew had figured it out. It impressed me as well.
I’d been an emotional eater growing up, and had been overweight for most of my life. When I’d decided to get healthy, I’d cut out all the things I loved because I saw no other way to do it than going cold turkey. Food was tied to both emotions and sex in my brain. It had been easy to switch the two. Anytime I needed to deal with an emotional issue, instead of reaching for a treat, I now reached for an orgasm. Right or wrong, it was my way of coping, and I was fine with it. But I didn’t like that Cade had so easily seen through me. I liked to think I was more complex than that. There was no point in denying his observation, so I said, “You’re right. I switched one addiction for another.”
He shifted his head back and looked at the stars, thinking. After a few minutes he said, “I’d like nothing more than to see you without tho
se clothes, but it’s not going to happen…tonight.”
My eyes widened and I did my best not to sputter. “It’s not?”
He pulled his bottom lip back with his teeth and shook his head.
“Why?” I asked, part pissed, part deflated. I’d been waiting months for this! Months!
“Because you’re using sex as a way to deflect dealing with other issues, and I’m not going to enable that. I want you, Brynn. I think you want me too. And if we want each other as much as I think we both do, we’re going to do this my way.”
Anger and frustration roared inside me. “You’re a lawyer, Counselor. Not a psych major.”
His eyebrows went up. “But you’re a psych major, and you know I’m right.”
I did my best not to growl. It took a lot of restraint, and my question still came out snarly, “What exactly is your way?”
His lips curved. “Dating. We’re actually going to date. Like two normal people getting to know each other with a natural progression of things that will eventually end in bed…or somewhere more interesting.”
“Dating,” I said the word, distaste lacing my tone.
He nodded.
“Without hooking up?”
He nodded again. “Not anytime soon.”
“I told you, I don’t do relationships.”
“I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m asking for us to date. Repeatedly.”
“Not exclusively?”
“Not yet.”
I lifted a brow, disbelieving. “Unless I’m reading the two of us completely wrong, we have a shit-ton of chemistry. I’m pretty sure you feel it too.”
“I do.”
“And you think you can hold out and not have sex?”
He took a deep breath. “I’m going to try.”
My lips curved slowly. “I’m going to take that as a challenge.”
He nodded once in ascent. “Then we have a deal?”
I nodded back and held out my hand to shake on it. I let my hand linger in his, then trailed my fingers up his arm, to his chest. I moved closer and leaned down, our mouths within kissing distance. My own heart was racing, and I could see the veins in Cade’s neck pulsing. I lifted my index finger, running it lightly over his lips before putting it in my own mouth and pulling it out slowly, sucking and licking it clean. “You had a little chocolate,” I said by way of explanation. “And, Counselor,” I whispered, my lips close to his ear, breath hot on his neck, “we have a deal.”
Chasing Brynn (A Tempting Novel Book 2) Page 10