by Sandi Lynn
I stared into his eyes as he sat there and spoke. It was as if he read my mind. I gave him a small smile. A smile that didn’t indicate anything in particular. Just a smile to acknowledge that I was listening.
“Me too,” he said as he got up from his seat. “It was nice to meet you, Paisley. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” He walked out of the room.
Chapter 8
Ben
Wow. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect to have to stand in front of a group of people and discuss my personal life, and I didn’t expect to meet someone around my age that had suffered the same loss. I didn’t know how I felt. Would I go back? Probably not. As I climbed into my truck, I saw Paisley walk across the dark parking lot. The street lights that worked were dim, but half of them weren’t lit up. Before I pulled out, I waited to make sure she got into her car safely.
When I pulled up the driveway to my home, my phone rang. It was Finn.
“Hey, Finn. What’s up?”
“I’m on my way over.”
“What? I thought you and Olivia were at a wine tasting event.”
“We were. I mean, I was. She’s still there. I told her you called and were really down and needed to talk. So if she ever brings it up, you were.”
“Bro, I hate when you use me as an excuse.”
“I know, Ben, and I’m sorry. I really need to talk to you.”
“Fine. I just got home.”
“I know. I’m walking in now.”
I turned around and Finn walked through the door. Shaking my head, I asked him how long he’d been here.
“Just a few minutes, actually,” he replied. “Where were you?”
I pulled two beers from the fridge and handed him a bottle. “I just went and grabbed something to eat.” I wasn’t about to tell him that I sat for the last hour in a support group for widowers.
“Where’s the food?” he asked.
“I ate it on the way home. It was just a burger. Now stop with the questions and tell me why you left your girlfriend at a wine tasting party to come over here.”
We both took a seat at the table. “I’m really nervous about proposing to Olivia. I mean legit scared. What if I fuck it up? I want this to be perfect. What if she says no?”
“First of all, she isn’t going to say no. Olivia loves you. Second of all, it’s normal to be nervous. I was very nervous when I proposed to Amy.”
“Really? Because I remember you being all cool and calm when you talked about it.”
“I’m good at hiding things.” I smiled. “Don’t overthink it, Finn. It should be natural. Where were you thinking about proposing?”
“I was going to do it at her apartment when I picked her up for dinner. I’m going to buy a big bouquet of roses and have the ring box sitting in between the flowers, so when I give them to her, she’ll see the box and then I’d ask her to marry me.”
“That’s very romantic. She’ll love it.”
“You think?”
“I know. Now stop being a pussy and get a grip.” I smiled.
“Hey, I want you to know that I feel really bad for talking about this with you. Considering…”
“Don’t feel bad. It’s your time to be happy and to create a magical life and future with Olivia. I’m okay, Finn. You and the parents need to stop worrying about me.”
“Like you said before, you’re good at hiding things.”
I gave him a small smile as I got up from the table. “Go back to Olivia. Tell her I’m fine and I told you to go back.”
“Thanks, bro,” Finn said as he hugged me.
“No problem. Go on; get out of here.”
Finn left, and I grabbed the remote and sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, I received a text message from Brady.
“Dude, Linda and I just had the best sex ever!”
“That’s great, Brady.”
“It was drunk sex, but it was still great.”
“That’s great, Brady.”
He didn’t respond and I was happy. I didn’t want or need to know about his sex life. I missed sex. I missed it a lot, but I would never go out and have a one-night stand with someone. To me, sex was just as equally an emotional act as well as physical. I missed that closeness. I missed Amy.
The next morning, I went for a run. As tired as I was, I knew the fresh air would wake me up. Sleeping wasn’t on my side last night. I kept tossing and turning and couldn’t stop thinking about Paisley Logan. She was definitely a pretty girl. In fact, she was beautiful. She looked to be about five feet, six inches with an athletic body. Her light brown hair with a subtle touch of blonde complemented her green eyes. She appeared to be okay on the outside, but when I looked into her eyes, I saw the same emptiness inside her that I had. I turned up the volume on my music as I ran. I was running from something and running to nowhere.
Chapter 9
Paisley
I climbed out of bed, grabbed my phone from my nightstand, and scrolled through my emails. Romeo was already sitting by his food bowl in the kitchen when I walked in.
“Good morning, Romeo,” I said as I opened up a can of Fancy Feast and dumped it in his bowl.
As I popped a k-cup in the Keurig, I suddenly remembered it was Halloween and I was expected to be over at my parents’ house at around five o’clock. My phone beeped with a text message from Keaton.
“You up?”
“Yeah.”
“Unlock the door. I’m outside.”
I opened the door and he stood there with a smile on his face.
“Good morning, sis.”
“What are you doing here so early?” I asked.
“You’re going surfing with me today. Grab your stuff and let’s go,” he replied as he walked inside.
“Not today, Keaton. I have things to do.”
“What could you possibly have to do? It’s Halloween.”
“Coffee?” I asked as I walked to the kitchen.
“Sure. One cup before we go.”
“I’m not going.”
“Why not, Paisley? We haven’t been surfing together in a long time and I miss our fun. Besides, I can tell the parents that we went today, and they’ll get off your back about not leaving the house and doing things. It’s a beautiful day out.” He smiled.
Romeo walked up and rubbed against his leg. “What’s up, Romeo?” He bent down and picked him up. “Come on, Paisley. We won’t be gone for that long and whatever it is you claim you have to do, you can do it when you get back.”
If I didn’t go, he would hound me. That was what he did. He hounded people until he got his way.
“Don’t you have a website to design or something?” I asked.
“I don’t work on the weekends. You know that.”
“Fine. I’ll go.”
“Yes! Thanks, sis. Is your surfboard still in the garage? I’ll load it in my truck.”
“Yeah. It’s out there. I’ll go get ready, but we better not be gone long.”
“We won’t. I promise. Did you hear that, Romeo? She said yes.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled as I went and got ready.
Keaton wasn’t kidding when he said it was a beautiful day. We grabbed our surfboards and as we were heading down the beach, we stopped and waited for the joggers to pass by. I looked up and was shocked at who I saw. He stopped and looked at me.
“Hi, Paisley.”
“Ben. Hi.”
“You surf?” he asked, out of breath.
“Yeah. You run?”
“Yeah. Every day.”
We stood there awkwardly in silence and I prayed that Keaton didn’t say anything.
“Well, it was good seeing you. Happy Halloween.” He smiled.
“Good to see you too. Enjoy your run. Happy Halloween.”
As Keaton and I headed down towards the water, he wouldn’t stop staring at me.
“Are you going to tell me what just happened and who that good-looking guy was?”
Shit. I had no intention of eve
r telling him where I went last night. I could have lied and said he was someone from the paper, but I didn’t.
“Get in the water and I’ll tell you.”
We put the surfboards in the water and climbed on. As we paddled our way out, I told him about last night.
“Instead of going straight home last night after dinner, I stopped in at that support group.”
“Way to go, sis. And?”
“Ben, the man we just saw, was there. It was his first time attending the meeting and his wife passed away about a year ago too.”
“Wow. He looks around your age. How crazy is that?”
“I know.”
“Did you talk?”
“Just a few words. I just wanted to get out of there and go home.”
“Okay, I’m going to say something I normally don’t say, but he’s hot, Paisley.”
I smiled. “I know. I’m not blind.”
“So are you going to go back to the meetings?” he asked.
“No. I went, I saw, I conquered, and I don’t need to go back. Do me a favor and please, I mean please, don’t tell anyone in the family about this. I mean it, Keaton.”
“I won’t. Get ready, sis; here comes a wave.”
“Wow, look at you,” I yelled. “Hot surfer boy on the loose!”
He laughed and lost his balance. After we finished surfing, we headed back to the truck.
“Remember, don’t say anything to the family about what I did last night.”
“My lips are sealed.”
Romeo jumped on my desk and sat down on the edge while I took out the pale pink stationery and pen.
My dearest husband,
What a week it’s been. Kenny added another column to Dear Paisley. He wants me to answer questions about sex. Try to contain your laughter up there. How am I going to write about sex? I mean, I know about sex and what’s good and what’s not – at least I did when I was with you. I’m not sure if I can do this. I went to a support group for widows last night, out of curiosity. It was weird sitting there and listening to people talk about their grief. I could relate, though, and in some way, it was comforting. Keaton dragged me to the beach to go surfing with him this morning. I will admit that I had a good time. It felt good to hit the waves. I got caught in a rip tide and went under. For a few moments, I didn’t try to swim back up because being pulled under and the feeling of drowning, wasn’t any different than how I felt above the water. I miss you. Happy Halloween, darling. I wish you were here to save me from having to celebrate with my family tonight. Never forget how much I love you.
Love forever,
Paisley
I folded the letter, sealed it in the matching envelope and put it neatly in the drawer. I sighed as I looked over at Romeo. He was staring at me with his bright blue eyes. As I placed my hand on his head and started to pet him, he purred.
“Happy Halloween, Paisley. Where’s your costume?” my mom asked as I walked through the door.
“I’m wearing it. See? I’m a widow.”
The frown on her face told me that she didn’t think I was funny.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” she said as she turned around and stirred the spaghetti sauce on the stove. “Your sisters and brother are in the living room.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Do you need any help?”
“No. Everything is done. The table is set and as soon as I pull the bread out of the oven, we can eat before the little trick or treaters start to come by.”
I grabbed the bowl of spaghetti off the counter and set it on the table in the dining room.
“Hey, Paisley,” Charlotte and the gang said.
“Hey,” I said with a small smile as I kissed each family member, including soon-to-be members, on the cheek. “Dinner’s ready.”
They all got up and we took our seats at the table. As we were passing around the bowl of spaghetti, Piper decided to ask me a question.
“So, are you going to tell us about Ben?” She smiled.
“Piper!” Keaton shouted.
“Thanks a lot, Keaton!” I said as I slapped him.
“What? I accidentally slipped and said something to Mom. She must have told everyone else.”
“Now, Paisley. Why on earth wouldn’t you tell us about your support group and Ben?”
“First of all, Mother, it isn’t my support group, and second of all, there’s nothing to tell about Ben.”
“Sure, there isn’t,” Charlotte said.
I rolled my eyes and slapped Keaton again with my napkin. “See, this is why I didn’t want you saying anything!”
“It’s Mom’s fault. Yell at her.”
“Stop it, both of you. If Paisley says there’s nothing to tell, then there’s nothing to tell. I think you all need to drop the subject right now and leave Paisley alone,” my dad interrupted. “If there’s anything at all to tell, then she’ll tell us when she’s ready. Now I suggest you all get eating before the kids start coming around.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled.
He nodded as he winked and continued eating his dinner.
As soon as the little voices of trick or treaters were heard, Charlotte and Ryan stood on the porch and passed out candy. I went to the back and lit up a cigarette. As I stood out there, trying to escape the badgering of my family, my dad walked outside and stood next to me with his hands in his pockets.
“Ben, eh? So what happened to his wife?”
“Cancer,” I said as I took a puff of my cigarette and then looked at it.
“How long were they married?”
“Five years.”
“That’s a shame. Young guy?”
“Around my age.”
“Wow. So sad. You two must have been the youngest in the group.”
“We were.”
“Weird.”
“I know,” I said as I took one last puff and put out my cigarette.
He put his arm around me. “Let’s go get some dessert and you can tell me all about this sex column I heard you’re going to be writing.”
Damn you, Keaton, I thought to myself.
Chapter 10
Ben
I couldn’t believe that I saw Paisley at the beach, and I couldn’t believe that she surfed. The rest of my run consisted of her being on my mind. Not just because she was a beautiful woman and she looked amazing in a wet suit, but because she had also lost a spouse at such a young age. I invited my parents over for Halloween. Amy and I always stayed home and passed out candy and my parents always came over. My mom said that she would like me to come over this year, but I insisted they still come to my house. I didn’t want to change just because Amy wasn’t here anymore. I actually just wanted to be alone and sit on my porch and watch the kids dressed in their cute and scary costumes pass by, but if I were to tell my mom that, she would just argue with me about it.
The doorbell rang and when I answered it, my mom and dad were standing there, holding up plastic bags with smiles on their faces.
“I brought all the ingredients to make my famous chili,” my mom said as she walked in.
“Hello, son.”
“Hi, Dad.” I leaned over and gave my mom a kiss. “Hi, Mom.”
“I brought some extra bags of candy in case you didn’t buy enough,” my mom said.
“I have enough candy, Mom. But thank you.”
She made her way into the kitchen and my dad asked if he could take a look at the table I was working on.
“This is really nice, son. What are you going to do with it once it’s finished?”
“Thanks. There’s a lady from San Francisco who’s buying it.”
“How many chairs? Six?”
“Yep. I have four of them done already. I told her that I’d be done with the set in about a month and that I’d give her a call and set up delivery.”
He stood there, nodding his head. “Beautiful. If you need someone to go with you, give me a call.”
I patted him on the back. “Thanks, Dad.”
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We walked back into the house, and when I walked into my bedroom, I found my mom staring at my closet.
“What are you doing, Mom?”
She turned around and looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “It’s been almost a year, Ben. You need to do something with Amy’s things.”
I could feel a tear rise in my eye. “I will, Mom. When I’m ready.”
“I’ll help you. Just call me and I’ll be right over.”
“Thanks for the offer. But when I clean out her things, I want to do it alone.”
“This should’ve been done a long time ago. Why prolong your agony, Ben?”
“Come on. Isn’t the chili ready yet?” I asked as I put my arm around her and led her out of my room.
After we ate dinner, I stepped onto the porch, sat down, and passed out candy to the kids. It was a good thing my mom brought those extra bags because it seemed like there were way more kids than last year. It was already nine o’clock and there didn’t seem to be any more kids on the street. Just as I was getting up to go inside, Finn’s car pulled up and he and Olivia got out.
“Hey, bro.” I smiled as he walked up to me and we hugged.
“I said yes!” Olivia exclaimed as she held up her hand.
“That’s great. Congratulations.” I smiled as I hugged her tight.
“Are Mom and Dad inside?”
“Yep. They’re going to be thrilled.”
I opened the door and let them go in first. My parents had no idea that Finn was going to propose to Olivia tonight. I could hear my mom scream from the kitchen, and when I walked in, they were all hugging.
“Ben, did you hear? Your brother is getting married.”
“I did, Mom. I already congratulated both of them.” I smiled.
We sat around the living room for the next couple of hours and talked. My mom and Olivia started talking about wedding stuff while we men discussed sports.