by Oliver, Lucy
Ali dropped onto a chair, putting her hands across her face and groaned. “I can’t lose them,” she said, her voice breaking. “Not both of them, damn, damn, this ocean. I hate living here; I hate Steve’s job. I hate storms.”
Glancing at Ali’s mother, Carly saw her white face and shaking shoulders and leaning forward, put an arm around Ali herself, drawing the girl close.
“It’s going to be all right, they’ll be back, I promise,” she said.
“You can’t promise anything! You almost died out there yourself, those undertows … ” She collapsed weeping.
“I know the lifeboat is sound and that the Sea Harvester has a brilliant skipper and an excellent crew. They’ll get back, I know they will.”
“It’s all right for you, it’s not your husband out there.”
“My brother and Daniel both are.”
“There’s nothing between you and Daniel, you’re just playing with him because you’re pissed off that he didn’t get injured like you did, it was an accident, Carly. There is a limit to the amount of time he should have to keep apologising. Yes, you lost your career and the use of your leg, but you’re still alive. You didn’t die, not like my husband might, like my brother might. What else matters? Daniel saved you that day, risked himself to keep you afloat, he could have let you go, but he didn’t, and you have never thanked him for that.”
“That’s enough, Ali,” her mother said.
Carly swallowed and straightened, her arm still around the shaking woman. It was true that Daniel had rescued her that day, fought the waves to keep her alive until the lifeboat reached them. His judgement had been in error, but when things went wrong, he’d never let her go.
Ali cried out, doubling up.
“What is it?” he mother said, putting a hand on her back.
Ali groaned again and Carly jumped to her feet. “We’d better get her to hospital,” she said.
“No, I’m not going. Not until I know he’s safe,” Ali said.
Carly looked at Ali’s mother; she’d hunched her shoulders, staring at her daughter in terror. Of course, she fainted at the sight of blood, she’d be no good at taking Ali into hospital, she might crash the car on the way. She didn’t want to leave the lifeboat station herself, but she wasn’t doing anything helpful and Daniel wouldn’t like his sister being taken off alone in an ambulance.
“I’ll take her in, labour takes ages,” she said. “Ring me the moment you hear anything.”
“I’m not going!” Ali said.
Carly leant down. “Yes, you are. What will your husband say if you put your child at risk? Don’t be so stupid.”
“I hate you too.”
“Yes, I expect you do, but you’ll both be alive and apart from that, I couldn’t care less.” Putting her arm under the other girl’s arm, she pulled her upright and looked at Luke.
“Help us to my car, please.”
• • •
“Should it happen this fast?” Carly said, looking at where Ali lay on the hospital bed, moaning. They’d been whisked straight into the delivery rooms when they arrived, much to her surprise, with the nurse tutting at their lack of a bag.
The midwife dried her hands. “First babies don’t always take ages, that’s why a surprising number are born in cars,” she said.
“I have to go. Will she be all right?”
“You can’t leave her, not on her own, she’s frightened. Where’s her husband?”
Carly looked at where Ali clutched the rail with a white-knuckled hand. “He’s trapped at sea on a sinking fishing boat. We’re waiting for news from the lifeboat crew.”
The midwife drew a sharp breath. “You can’t leave her, I’m sorry, but there’s no way she should be left alone. What about her mother?”
“She faints at the sight of blood and is a twenty minute trip away through the storm.” Carly shivered, remembering the terrifying drive with trees blocking the roads and street lamps out. The electricity and phone lines were down, she had no means of contacting anyone. What was happening back in Haven Bay? Were they safe?
Rain crashed against the window and she stared out at the trees bent double, tips close to the ground, the sky behind them the strange yellow of a storm. Ali screamed again and she turned back. This wasn’t something she was good at, she knew nothing about babies or pregnant women. She’d have been better at the lifeboat station, she understood the sea.
Ali moaned, reaching a hand out, face pale and drenched in tears and sweat.
“Help me,” she said. “Carly, help me, the pain … ” She screamed, arching her back.
Carly grabbed her hand, held it tight. “Can’t you give her something?” she said, looking at the midwife.
“Only gas and air.” She unwound the tube. “It’s too late, she’s fully dilated, I think she’s been in early labour for a while, but the shock kept it hidden.”
Ali snatched the offered mouthpiece and bit down, groaning with a sound Carly had only ever heard from animals. This was nothing like they showed on the TV; perhaps it was a good thing she was single, there was no way she wanted to do this.
“Sit up, Alison,” the midwife said.
“Don’t touch me! Take your hands off me, I’m not moving,” Ali shouted.
“Yes, you will.” The midwife’s lips twitched.
“Leave her alone,” Carly said. “She doesn’t want to move.”
“Baby will come quicker if she does. Now, after this next contraction.”
Ali shrieked, doubling over, gulping at the mouthpiece. The midwife settled her back down and wedged a cushion behind her. “I’m Jane,” she said, “and your baby is about to be born. Now with this next contraction, I want you to push.”
“I don’t want a baby,” Ali screamed, digging her nails into Carly’s hand and drawing blood. “I can’t do this!”
“That was a great push, now try another one.”
“Can’t you hear me, I don’t want a baby!” she shrieked again, sweat dripping down her forehead, cords standing out in her neck.
“It’s a bit late to change your mind now,” Jane said.
“You’re doing brilliantly,” Carly said, desperately squeezing her hand. She glanced down the bed, then looked quickly away. How on earth had she ended up in a hospital delivery room? At least Ali was calming down now, focusing.
Ali drew in a shuddering breath and moaned low in her throat. “What if Steve dies, Carly? I can’t lose him, he can’t be dead.” She gasped and gave a low scream. “I want him here, I don’t want to be alone. I’m so scared.”
“Steve will come back, of course he will, along with Liam and Daniel and Mick. They’ll be safe, they’re all trained, they know what they’re doing. I bet they’re at the life station now, sipping hot tea, before someone drives Steve up here.”
Ali squeezed her fingers, throwing her head back and screaming again, even louder and longer than before, her legs shuddering, body convulsing.
“Well done, we’ve got the head. One last push,” Jane said.
Ali took a deep breath and groaned again, teeth clamped around the gas mouthpiece, then fell back against the pillows, shaking, as the lamb-like cry of a newborn filled the room.
“It’s a little girl,” Jane said. “A lovely little girl.”
Cutting the cord, she wrapped the baby in a blanket and placed her on Ali’s stomach. Carly stared down at the tiny, open dark blue eyes, the miniature fists waving in the air. Loosening Ali’s grip, she touched the soft cheek and smiled. “She’s gorgeous,” she said.
Catching her breath, Ali stared, eyes wide and mouth trembling; she swallowed and sniffed. “A girl,” she said, softly.
“Yes, you did so well,” Jane said.
Ali snorted, lying back against the pillows, eyes ringed with exhaustion. �
��I was terrible, especially to you, Carly, I don’t hate you. I’m sorry, the pain was so bad, it started at home, but I ignored it. I was so worried about Steve. I didn’t mean what I said.”
Carly pressed her lips together. “I think some of what you said had a point, actually,” she said. Reaching down, she touched the baby again, now she could see why it was worth it, so beautiful. What would Daniel’s child look like?
“I must find a working phone,” she said.
“Please don’t,” Ali said, her voice hoarse. “Give me half an hour with my daughter, before I find out. Let me have this time.”
“It will be good news, I’m sure.”
“I don’t think it will be, I don’t get that feeling.” She hugged the child close.
• • •
Daniel clung to the sides of his narrow seat, harness tightening across his chest as another wave crashed across the lifeboat, throwing him backwards against the hard plastic. No matter how many times he did this, it always took him back to the day he had knelt in the back of another lifeboat, Carly on a stretcher beside him, her body twitching, eyes closed, blood pouring across the floor. Now he was racing to save her brother and Steve. The lifeboat jerked again, the engines roaring, pushing through the powerful waves.
Only at times like this could you really appreciate the power of the sea. If Mick made a mistake during a storm like this, they would all die. Looking at the man’s hands gripping the wheel, his gaze intent and focused, Daniel nodded. If anyone would get those fishermen safely back home it would be Mick. He had Daniel’s desperate desire to rescue those caught in the water’s icy grip.
The craft plunged again; his spine cracked back against the seat and teeth bit down on his tongue, filling his mouth with blood. At least Carly was safe in the boathouse; hopefully she was anyway, and not doing something stupid like trying to walk home. He sat upright; there hadn’t been time to tell Ali about what had happened, his family would only be aware that he’d gone out, and not returned.
He groaned as a powerful wave threw the boat sideways and for a moment, all he could see through the window was swirling water. Had they gone under? No, the boat drove back up to the surface, engines screaming.
“All right, Daniel?” Mick called.
He nodded, good job he didn’t get seasick, although Ian looked pale. How long now until they reached the fishing trawler? He glanced at the closed hatch at the back of the life boat, soon they would have to go out there to get the men in.
Turning back, he saw Ian wave and lean forward to speak.
“Thanks for taking my lad’s place, I wouldn’t want him out in this. The skipper’s right, this isn’t a night for two from one family.”
Daniel nodded — Ian, an experienced lifeboat man, was white, his jaw clenched tight. There was chance that they might not make it through this one, but as long as they knew the fishing trawler had men on board, they had to try. That was what lifeboat crews did, right from the days of dragging heavy, open wooden rowing boats to the shore. They were made up from men and women of the sea, who knew the fear of drowning and who would risk their own lives to save another’s. And men like Duncan sat on committees and denied these people a decent lifeboat.
His fist clenched as the boat plunged again, thick white spray streaming past the window. Ian grabbed hold of his seat and Daniel smiled. He didn’t really care what happened today to him, he’d lost both his place on the team and Carly, there wasn’t much left for him to lose, apart from his life. And at the moment, he didn’t care much about that. Shaking his head, he swallowed — he mustn’t let that depression take hold again, it had been so hard to fight before. Without it, he might not have got involved with Imogen.
Tightening his harness, he stared back out the window again at the waves towering above them. Strangely, he felt better out here then he did in the pub or at home, it felt like he was doing something. He couldn’t save him and Carly, clearly that was over, but he could save her brother and Steve from the grip of the cruel sea. It would help stop the guilt he felt over what happened, he’d be able to move on, knowing at he’d rescued someone, at least.
The engine sound changed, slowing down, and peering through the window, he moistened his lips. A dark shape bounced on the waves in front of them. It was a life raft, and it was empty. He sat upright, narrowing his eyes to stare into the darkness of the sea. Mick brought the boat around in a circle, stopping the engine as a shape flashed through one of the windows. Undoing his harness and standing up, Daniel looked through. A few metres away, the Harvester floated, half its deck underwater and the cockpit roof ripped off. What the heck had happened? And where were the crew?
• • •
Carly stretched out on the hospital chair, the baby heavy and warm in her arms. Looking down, she stroked the tiny head, marvelling at the scrunched up eyes. Truly, it had been amazing; she’d feared she would faint or recoil in horror, but the whole experience had been so much better then she’d expected. Smiling, she hugged the child — Daniel’s niece — tight. Ali was asleep on the bed, having had a shower and been helped into a clean nightdress, she’d attempted to feed the child, but the baby had dozed back off and the midwife said not to worry. While Ali rested, the midwife had shown Carly how to change a nappy; it hadn’t been that difficult actually, once she got it the right way round.
Looking down at the baby again, she watched the tiny eyes flicker open, there was so much more to life than racing in a dinghy — at the end of the day, it didn’t really mean so much. Daniel had the medals she’d wanted so badly, and he certainly wasn’t happy. Maybe they wouldn’t have made her happy.
She’d wanted to win to prove to her mother and the rest of Haven Bay that she was worth something. When your only parent was the foul-mouthed town drunk, you got shunned as well. No-one had ever thought either her or Liam would amount to anything. However, even as she’d pushed herself in training, she’d known in her heart that it would make no difference to her mother, who’d never be proud of her. The woman couldn’t even stick around long enough to see her discharged from hospital. Why had she bothered trying to please someone who only loved alcohol? Getting a gold medal wouldn’t have changed anything, it wouldn’t alter the years of neglect she and Liam had suffered.
And the rest of the town didn’t care about medals either: by allowing herself to help and be helped, Haven Bay had accepted her, and they appreciated the effort she was putting in to raise money for the life boat station — if you ignored people like Duncan, anyway.
She would continue to go out in the dinghy to beat her fear, maybe even test for the Paralympics. But she would do it because she enjoyed it and wanted to, rather than due to a burning desire to prove herself.
“You look comfortable there,” Ali said, from the bed.
Carly jumped. “I didn’t realise you were awake.”
“I was watching you, leaving you time to bond, and having a rest.” She grinned. “I’m so glad you were here, I’d have hated to go through that alone.”
“I think I’d hate to go through it at all. Was it as bad as it looked?”
Ali looked at the baby. “It was all right, served a purpose, but next time I’m getting here in time for an epidural.”
“At least you’re saying there might be a next time.” Carly stood up, she needed to know what was happening back in Haven Bay.
“Will you and Daniel have a baby, do you think?” Ali said.
Carly started; he hadn’t told her they’d split up. Swallowing, she hugged the child tight. Suddenly the accident seemed so immaterial, there was so much else in life that she could do. Maybe even have a baby herself one day, but to do that she’d have to sort things out with Daniel because he was the only person she could ever imagine herself having a child with.
Would he ever want her back though? Now she’d broken it off three times with him? He ha
d his pride and wouldn’t accept being messed around with. She’d have to make him understand, too, that the accident hadn’t all been his fault, or his guilt would destroy them both again as effectively as her anger.
She must find a way to phone first though, to reassure herself that he was safe. He must be, surely? With Mick as coxswain, the boat was in good hands.
“Ali?” she said, “do you want me to put her in the crib? I need to go out for a minute. We have to know what happening.”
“Give her to me.” Wincing, Ali sat up and took the child, cradling her close. Carly stroked the baby’s head one last time and shuffled out the room.
The public phones were out of order still, but standing outside in the lashing rain, she got a single bar of signal on her mobile and, with her hands shaking, dialled the life-station. Luke answered quickly.
“It’s me, Carly. What’s happening?” she said. “Are they all right?”
He didn’t answer.
“Luke?”
Even through the crackling of the signal, she heard his shuddering breath and knew immediately that something terrible had happened.
• • •
Clutching the handrail, Daniel staggered up the harbour steps, cursing as wet seaweed slid under his boots. Sweat and water had frozen in his hair; layers of ice crusted his waterproof jacket, tears stung his eyes. Behind, came the heavy tread of boots as Liam hauled himself up, sniffing, no doubt blaming himself in the same way Daniel did. At least the crew had been rescued, they found them clinging to the wreckage. They’d been so close to a successful trip, then the lifeboat, driven by the high winds, plunged again, throwing Mick against the rail and over into the violently turmoiling ocean. He wore a harness, but the two boats had swung together, crushing his chest between them.
Stopping, Daniel took a deep breath. They’d fought for him all the way back, continual CPR, each knowing, but not wanting to admit, that they were working on a dead man. The doctors had taken him off first and vanished with him in an ambulance, but their eyes, sad and concerned, told him all he needed to know. Now he had to tell Carly that the man who acted as a father to her had died in front of him, that once again he’d failed her.