by Tonya Clark
“Kevin, here is my problem. This track and the one down in Texas are going to be at the same time. So, like I told Steve down there, as soon as you have a possible date, I need to know. The other one will have to be set around the first date set.”
Silence stretches on the other end of the line. Kevin was my father’s second in command up here in Washington. He has worked for our company as foreman for as long as I can remember.
“Cameron, how are you doing?”
The question catches me off guard for a moment but before I can answer him, Jacob comes into the room, signing to me that he is going to Tyler’s. It is Monday, he has tutoring today, I sign for him to wait.
“Kevin, I have to go, Jacob just walked in and I need to talk with him. Please let me know of a date as soon as you can, please.”
“All right!” You can hear the frustration in his voice that I didn’t answer his question. “I’ll call you when I have some more information. Cameron, if you need anything, please let know.”
“Thanks, Kevin, I’ll talk to you later.”
After I end the call, I bring my attention back to my brother.
“You have tutoring tonight. You already missed last week,” I sign.
Jacob shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve got it, I don’t need it anymore.”
“Maybe it’s time we think about you going back to school.”
“That would make you happy, wouldn’t it?” he fires back at me.
Here we go again with the attitude. “Why would you say that? You go over to Tyler’s every day now as soon as he gets out of school, maybe you need to be back in school. We agreed on a couple weeks.”
“I’m not ready.”
“Fine, then you need to continue with tutoring.”
“For me or you?!”
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch my brother as much as I want to right now. “You’re stepping on dangerous grounds. You have no reason to talk about Ms. Edwards like that.”
We stare at each other for what seems like an hour. My brother stands almost at my height, we are eye-to-eye. Without saying another word, he turns and starts for the front door. I grab his arm before he makes it too far, turning him back to me.
“You aren’t leaving today,” I sign.
“You can’t tell me what to do. You are just my brother, not my dad.”
“What is wrong with you? Why are you mad at me?”
Emotions run through his eyes. One thing about the deaf, their faces and eyes are very expressive. He wants to say something, I can see him debating with himself.
The lights began to flash through the house and the doorbell sounds. “That will be Ms. Edwards.”
Jacob doesn’t make a move to answer it. I don’t know what to do anymore. It takes everything I have in me not to throw my hands up and tell him to do whatever he wants to do. I walk over and open the door.
“Hi.”
“Hello.” She comes in past me and looks over at Jacob. “Hello, Jacob, are you ready?” she signs to him.
Jacob walks over to the two of us. “You can tutor Cameron today since that’s what you would both prefer. I’m leaving.”
Before I can respond, he runs out of the house and to his car.
“Jayden, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.’”
“Cameron, he’s hurting and right now he probably thinks I’m taking you away from him as well.”
“How can you be taking me away from him? He hasn’t said more than a dozen words to me since I’ve been home.”
“You need to start putting your foot down, Cameron, you are letting him walk all over you.”
“He is seventeen-years-old, Jayden. You don’t put your foot down like he is five.”
What did she want me to do, ground him? Like he said, I’m his brother, not his father.
“Cameron, he is still a kid who needs guidance. He is walking all over you and you are allowing him to. He needs parenting.”
“Well, they’re dead!” I shout.
Jayden flinches and takes a step back. Her shock quickly changes to anger.
“Then that means you need to step up, Cameron. You yelling and taking your anger out on me isn’t going to work. I’m just trying to help.”
“I don’t recall asking for your help, Ms. Edwards.”
“Really, Cameron, back to last names? Maybe you’re right. If you are going to act like a teenager, how does anyone expect you to raise one?”
“Who the hell made you an expert? I don’t think you have any right to tell me what and what not to do with Jacob. It is absolutely none of your business.”
I know I am lashing out at the wrong person. I just can’t seem to stop. She is here and I am pissed, she became the target, which isn’t fair and I know it. I am getting ready to apologize but am stopped by the hellion in front of me.
“You, sir, are a jackass. Just because you are angry over the situation and frustrated, it doesn’t mean you can turn it onto me. No need to worry about me interfering any longer, I’m done wasting my time with the two of you.”
She turns and leaves me standing there staring after her. I know I should stop her, but I don’t move, I just let her go. Maybe this is for the best. I need to concentrate on the business, Jacob, and I still have all the legal affairs. I don’t have time for more stress. Whatever we have is causing more problems between Jacob and me, and I definitely don’t need all of that right now.
I do see the hurt in her eyes behind all of the anger. My chest tightens, my anger completely disappears, and I realize she is right. I am being an ass and she doesn’t deserve that.
My phone rings back in the office. I pick it up and see Mr. Colter, Tyler’s father’s name up on the screen. My chest jumps, is something wrong with Jacob? I know he left here mad and was driving.
“Hello, Mr. Colter,” I answer, and hear the insecurity in my own voice.
“Hello, Cameron, please call me David.”
“Is everything alright?”
“Jacob is here and safe. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to alarm you with my call.”
I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart down.
“Cameron, if I’m stepping over lines with what I’m about to say, please feel free to tell me.”
His timing couldn’t be worse. I have a very strong feeling this is another person giving me their advice on what I need to do with Jacob. This is his best friend’s father, though. I need to take a deep breath and listen.
“What’s on your mind, sir?” I hope the edge isn’t coming through my voice.
Join the party, I think to myself.
“At first Tyler would come home after coming by and would be concerned because Jacob wouldn’t talk to him. Now he is here every day.”
“I know, I’m sorry…”
“Cameron,” David stops me, “We don’t mind Jacob being here, he is always welcome. That came out wrong, I’m sorry. We are just catching small conversations, he is angry. Basically, the reason I’m calling is I was wondering if you needed any help or advice. I know you’re a grown man, but right now you have a lot to take care of. It’s hard for parents to handle teenagers, let alone an older brother who has to take care of everything and a teenager because of the loss of their parents.”
I don’t know what to say. Part of me wants to yell some more and tell him I have everything under control. Another part of me wants to beg the man to tell me what to do about Jacob.
“Cameron, are you still there?”
I have a tight grip on my phone, my other hand fisted.
“Cameron?”
“Sorry, yes, I’m here. I appreciate your concern and your offer, sir. I think for now I’ve got it. Today I mentioned maybe it was time for Jacob to go back to school. He became mad, saying he wasn’t ready.”
I’m not going to add the part about Jayden.
“I agree with you, Cameron, I think it’s time Jacob starts gett
ing back to what he normally does. School I think is a good idea.”
David is going to give me his advice it seems regardless of wanting it or not.
“He says he isn’t ready yet.”
“I know you just said you were good on handling everything, but I feel I need to give you a little advice, use it as you want. Jacob is going to test you. Do the opposite of what you say. Get mad, even yell and tell you he hates you. You need to remember to hold your ground. Don’t give in to him all of the time because of what’s happened, he will walk all over you if you keep giving into him.”
Everyone today seems to have their opinion on what I need to do with Jacob. Jayden and now David Colter. Someone is pushing me and wanting to see how far I can be pushed. I really don’t need all of this right now. I already question myself on if I am doing anything right, all of this is almost showing me I’m not.
“David, I appreciate the call. I will keep all of what you said in mind.”
“Just remember, we are here if you need anything.”
“Thank you.” I quickly end the call before I lose the last of my reserve and tell the man off. I am close to blowing up.
Sitting back in my father’s chair, I look around. My eyes land on a picture of my mother my father had on his desk. She always knew how to handle us boys. We never questioned her. I think my brother and I were more afraid of what she would do if we screwed up than our father. She never raised her voice or a hand at us, but she had a look that we knew when we did wrong. I could almost see her giving it to me now. Disappointed in the way I am handling everything. I need to get out of this house. I have no idea where I think I need to go, but I can’t be here.
Chapter 12
Jayden
“This was a great idea, Jayden, my toes needed some attention.”
All week I have done nothing but think of Cameron. Thursday, I didn’t even attempt to go by the house for Jacob’s tutoring. I am done with all of that. As the weekend came around, I was finding it harder to not text Cameron. So instead, I texted Charliee, asking if she wanted to hang out and go get pedicures.
“I’m just surprised you were able to pull yourself away from your hunk of a boyfriend. I feel honored to have a little time with you,” I tease her.
I have no room to talk, a certain good-looking guy has been taking up a lot of my time until this week as well.
“I know and I’m sorry, but you can only blame yourself. You were the one always telling me I needed to find a guy,” Charliee defends herself.
“Well, I’m rethinking it all now. I didn’t realize it would take you away from me like this.”
“Maybe it’s time for you to find someone and we can double date.”
Find someone? If only I knew if I had or not. Wait, what am I thinking? Cameron hasn’t tried to get a hold of me since Monday night, I think it’s safe to say I don’t have a ‘someone.’ This is why I should stick with my rules of no relationships.
“All right, Jayden, what’s going on? Are you seeing someone and not telling me about it?”
No, I’m not seeing someone. I’m having sex with someone, but not seeing them, I think to myself.
“Come on, Jayden. You followed me into the shower literally to get the story about Travis. Who is this guy you haven’t told me about?”
Smiling, I think back to the day I found out she had gone to see the firefighter who pulled her out from the bombing. She had gone to the station and he asked her out the next day. I did follow her into the shower to get the details. She wasn’t giving any information up and was trying to hide from me with taking a shower. That wasn’t going to stop me from getting the details, I followed her in.
I shrug my shoulders. “There really isn’t much to tell yet. I’m not sure if there is anything even starting. Honestly, he infuriates me more than anything.”
“So, I’m guessing you like this guy?”
Like Cameron? Right now, I’m not liking him very much. Maybe I just need to forget about him, and all of the great sex, and go back to my original dating rules. Or maybe just stay away from men altogether for a little while.
“I haven’t said anything because I’m not sure if there is anything to tell.” I can tell Charliee is trying to read me. It is hard keeping things from her. She can read me like no one else can.
“So, what do you have planned after our toes?” This is why she is my best friend. She knows when to not push me. I know it is killing her to not know who it is, or what is going on, but she knows me well enough to know I am needing more time.
Today has been much needed time with Charliee. I even got her to go shopping after our toes and lunch, and she hates shopping. I had hoped to get Cameron off my mind, but now that I am home again, alone; all I can seem to think about is him. This is crazy. Why am I sitting around on a Saturday night, alone, thinking about someone who obviously doesn’t think about or want me? When did I become one of those girls?
I should be out tonight, but Charliee didn’t want to go out. She will probably spend the evening texting Travis at work. I have a very strong feeling my best friend is done with her going out days. I saw the look in her eyes today when we talked about Travis. She is in love. I can’t blame her, Travis seems like a great guy. I think what convinced me about how much she means to him was today when she told me he was learning sign language. Charliee reads lips better than anyone. I only learned to sign after meeting her because I was fascinated with the language, not because we had a hard time communicating.
Travis is learning her world. There aren’t many men out there like him. I’m glad Charliee found him. She, if anyone, deserves a guy like him.
Who am I kidding, I really have no want or desire to go out anywhere tonight either. What I want is to be with Cameron. Dammit, I’m one of those girls. I’ve actually fallen for a guy. Problem is, that guy doesn’t want me.
Chapter 13
Cameron
This last past week has been hell. First the incident with Jayden. Wednesday, Steve called and informed me that once again we had vandalism on the track. This time, though, the group was caught. So hopefully this will be the last time. Unfortunately, the damage is large and will be expensive to repair and add time to the completion date as well. Now it is setting final inspection back, which, right now, I don’t need. The two tracks are already too close together with dates only a couple weeks apart. Now with it being pushed back it puts the inspection down there at about the same time as the track here in Washington.
Yesterday, Kevin called and one of our workers who was working on the roof fell and had to be taken to the hospital. He dislocated his knee and had some stitches on his forehead. To top it all off, this morning I told Jacob he was going back to school on Monday. He didn’t respond at all, but that saying, “if looks could kill,” yep, I would have been shoved six feet down. He just walked up to his room and I haven’t seen him since.
I’ve had about two hours of sleep each night. Every time I lay in my bed and shut my eyes, I see Jayden spread out on my bed, naked, begging me with her eyes to take her. I have no idea how many times I’ve started to call and text her, apologizing for everything that happened Monday, but never did.
Maybe it is a good thing to keep things this way. Do I really need any more obstacles in my life right now?
Jacob’s door slams upstairs, now is the time to prepare for the next round of fun. Last night after he went to bed, I went up and took his car keys. I am done with this anger shit he has been dealing out to me. He isn’t leaving to go to Tyler’s again until we talk.
“My keys?” Jacob signs the second he comes off the stairs.
I don’t respond. Strange, earlier when I thought about all of this, I had plenty to say. Now, I can’t figure out where to start.
“Where are my keys?” he asks again.
“I have them.”
“You had no right to come in my room and take them.”
“We need to talk.”
>
“I have nothing to say.”
“Jacob, you need to tell me why, since I’ve been home, you’ve acted like you don’t want me here.”
Instead of answering, he begins to look around. I pull the keys out of my pocket and hold them up until he notices them.
“You want them, then talk. What have I done that has pissed you off so much? I know it’s not the whole Ms. Edwards thing, you weren’t talking to me before that.”
He stands there glaring at me. Tears are in his eyes, which almost causes me to lose it altogether. He is fighting something.
“Jacob, talk to me.”
“You weren’t here!” he signs it with so much anger, I almost feel like each word punches me in the chest. I wasn’t here? What is he saying?
“Wasn’t here for what?” I sign back.
Complete silence fills the room. He isn’t answering me.
“Jacob, what wasn’t I here for?” I try again.
“When they died.” His motions are flat, and tears fall from his eyes.
I feel like someone has their hands around my throat and bricks are sitting on my chest. Is he blaming me for our parents dying?
“How would I have stopped that?”
“You can go back to Texas.” He grabs for his keys, but I pull them back. Then it clicks.
“Jacob, I got here as fast as I could. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you found out.”
When I moved to Texas a few years ago, Jacob said he was going with me. Of course, our parents would never have let that happen. I knew he wasn’t happy I moved away, but I would have never guessed in the time I was gone, he was mad at me for going. We texted every day. We did talk about him coming down after graduation next year, but he never gave me any clue he was that mad that I moved away.
“Why do you think I’m going back to Texas?” Does he honestly think I am going back to Texas and leaving him here?
“None of your stuff is here,” he signs.
No, it isn’t. I haven’t brought my stuff up. I knew I had to go to Texas for the final inspection of the track. At that time, I was going to talk to Steve about becoming one of my partners and taking over the Texas side of our business. I was going to fly down and then drive my stuff back. Did Jacob honestly think I was going to leave him here?