“Why don’t you give me your number, and we’ll firm up the details when you’re not in a rush.” Kai pulled out her phone.
They exchanged numbers, and Sarah headed to class, tossing the last of her iced coffee. The stuff must have been part rocket fuel, because her heart fluttered in her chest.
Chapter 11
Two weeks since Eden had flipped out at The Grind, and she still wasn’t able to show her face. Hadn’t even allowed herself to walk by it for fear Quinn would spot her. She knew she was being ridiculous and totally blowing any remaining shot with him, but something—pride or stupidity or the way her stomach twisted whenever she thought about being locked in the bathroom—kept her away.
Her blood test had checked out, so the doctor had been willing to prescribe another month of muscle relaxers but refused to switch her medication or add a sleeping pill, no matter how much she’d pleaded.
“Sometimes my mind is just going a million miles an hour, and it keeps me awake,” Eden had said.
“Have you tried stress reduction techniques?” the doctor had asked. “Meditation can be very effective.”
At first, mixing the medication with herbs had been enough, and when that stopped working, she asked for a slug of Paige’s secret stash of vodka.
“First one isn’t free,” she’d said, handing her the bottle.
Even as she drank, Eden admonished herself for mixing the two. She didn’t dream that night but woke with a pounding headache, promising herself she’d never do it again.
But the past three nights she’d hardly slept at all—each dream more terrifying than the last—and she’d made a decision. Sanctioned or not, she was going to use magic.
She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it before. She’d just been so convinced that a new life would change everything. And then she got a new life, but it turned out she was still the same person living it.
Eden considered asking Carolyn for help but thought better of it. No way she’d do a spell for Eden—even a simple one—without asking questions. And those questions would lead to answers that Eden didn’t want to give. No one knew about what happened, and she intended to keep it that way.
Plus, the spell for pleasant dreams was a simple one, according to the internet. Carolyn had warned them about the accuracy of such spells. But its core was a protection spell, and those were basic enough that even her pledge book had one.
She might not be able to practice unsanctioned magic, but there was no rule about having someone else practice magic on her. So she’d hopped on a bus and was headed to a magic shop in Emeryville, the next town over. It meant blowing off her last class, but if it worked would be well worth playing catch up.
“Welcome to Gaia’s Moon,” a woman said as Eden stepped inside the shop.
“Thanks.” Eden looked around. The store was filled with crystals and incense and what looked like toy wands.
“Is there something I can help you with today?” The woman wore a tie-dyed dress and a crown of flowers. She was as un-Carolyn a person as Eden could imagine.
“I hope so,” Eden said. “I need something for bad dreams. Bad, bad dreams.”
“Of course.” The woman smiled. “I have just the thing.”
She reached for a tall pillar candle and set it on the counter. It was blue, with a slim wrapper that read Sweet Dreams.
Eden waited a moment, sure that the woman was going to get something else—some herbs or a potion—but when she just looked at her expectantly, Eden said, “I probably wasn’t clear. I meant I need a spell for bad dreams.”
“A spell?” She looked confused.
“Right. And I can’t be the one that performs it. But I’ll pay you to do it.”
“I’m sorry honey, but I don’t do spells.” She looked at Eden as if she were a child.
“But this is a magic shop.”
“We’re in Massachusetts,” she said. “And Salem isn’t the only place with tourists.”
“Tourists?”
“Well, yes,” she said. “Just a few miles from here is a site of great power, rumored to have been used by Wiccans even older than those crucified in Salem.”
“Actually, the girls killed in Salem weren’t witches. They suffered from ergot poisoning,” Eden said. “It’s a pretty widely accepted fact.”
“Sweetie.” The woman leaned her elbows on the glass case. “If you’re so sure witches don’t exist, why did you come here looking for a spell?”
Eden ground her teeth the whole ride home.
Eden stood outside Carolyn’s study, working up her courage.
She knocked tentatively, and Carolyn invited her in.
“What is it?” She barely glanced up from her papers.
Now that she was here, Eden’s mouth went dry, unsure what to say.
“I’m having trouble,” she said finally. “I-I think I need your help.”
She had Carolyn’s attention now.
“Sit. I’ll do whatever I can.”
“I have...nightmares. Bad ones. I haven’t slept a full night in days.” Eden couldn’t bring herself to admit what might come next. If she started a fire—
“How long has this been going on?” Carolyn folded her hands on her desk.
“Off and on since I was a kid. But they’re definitely on and getting worse.”
“Any thoughts on why?” Carolyn asked.
Who cares why? Just fix it.
“Not really,” Eden said.
“It sounds like your unconscious mind might be trying to send you a message. What happened around the time these nightmares began?” Carolyn leaned forward expectantly.
Part of Eden wanted to come clean, but the other part wanted to hang onto this new version of herself. Her nightmares hadn’t changed, but so much else had. If she told the whole story, the next look Carolyn gave her would be sympathetic. God, did Eden hate that word—it actually included the word pathetic in it.
“An accident,” Eden said. “A house fire. I dream I’m being burned alive.”
It was mostly true.
“This happened when you were six, and you’re still having nightmares about it?”
“Yes.” Eden fiddled with a paperweight on the desk. “And yes, my parents took me to therapy. It’s ‘integrated’ or whatever. I just need something to help me sleep through the night. Please.”
“I can see you’re exhausted, so I will give you something,” Carolyn said. “But Eden, a trauma that’s been integrated does not cause regular, persistent nightmares. There’s some part of this incident that you’re rejecting.”
“I reject all of it,” Eden said, incredulous. “And so would you.”
She thought about telling her the truth out of spite.
“I’m not saying that what you describe wasn’t traumatic or even that you might wish it had never happened. But we are who we are because of our pasts. Sometimes the best we can do is accept what’s happened to us and move on.”
It was all Eden could do not to laugh in her face. She’d been trying to move on for years. For now she’d settle for sleep.
Carolyn must have taken her silence as agreement, and she assured Eden she would make her a charm by evening.
Eden thanked her and left, even more resolute in her decision never to tell Carolyn about the boogeyman.
Sarah had definitely warmed to the idea of being a witch. The more she researched, the more she felt that there wasn’t anything un-Christian about it. And her own experience told her that magic made her feel more connected with God, not less. Carolyn explained that the universe was both masculine and feminine, but many organized religions had long ago shunned the Goddess—not because she was evil but because female power scared the men in charge of those religions.
Once she’d decided she wasn’t going to hell for it, Sarah had thrown herself into practice, much to Eden’s delight. They practiced all the time—sometimes even hiding things from each other just so the other one would have to use a spell to find it.
/> “Not funny,” Eden had said last week, when she realized Sarah had hidden all of her pants.
When she’d finally found them, stacked neatly in the back of the pantry, she’d said, “Okay, a little funny. But now I’m late, for which you will pay.”
They’d laughed, though Sarah fully expected retaliation.
She was getting worried about Eden. She just didn’t seem like herself the past few days. She was kind of grouchy and seemed exhausted—probably because she tossed and turned so much in her sleep.
Twice Sarah had woken because Eden was moaning, but she didn’t want to make her feel guilty, so she never said anything. She’d even kept quiet when she’d gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found her candle left burning—she’d just blown it out and gone back to bed. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but where was the line between being a good friend and a busybody?
“Hey.”
Sarah turned to see Kai, and her face brightened. She had some time between a class and a guest lecture, so she’d texted to see if Kai wanted to meet up for coffee.
Sarah smiled. “Glad you could make it.”
“Me too,” Kai said. “You are one busy lady.”
“I know. It’s crazy.” They started toward the beverage cart. “My mother warned me not to load up on classes my first semester, but I just thought she wanted me to have more time to date.”
“Really?” Kai looked impressed. “My mom is okay with it, I guess, but my dad? He definitely doesn’t approve.”
“What can I get you?” asked the girl running the cart.
They placed their orders, and Sarah paid. They’d gotten coffee a couple of times and took turns treating each other. It made Sarah feel like a real adult.
Drinks in hand, they ambled across the quad.
It was nice having a social life outside of Coventry House—even if she didn’t have much time for it. Eden was her best friend, but Kai was...Kai.
Things were progressing nicely with Jacob, if Hannah did say so herself. In the past two weeks they’d shared a coffee between classes, and again he’d complimented her mature writing style. Then he’d told her to stop by his office hours—whether to discuss an assignment or just to talk. So far she’d gone twice, and just yesterday he’d mentioned a poetry reading happening in Emeryville.
When Hannah mentioned that she’d love to go but didn’t have a car, he’d offered her a ride.
Which was how she found herself in an eclectic coffee house doing her best to pay attention to the poets when the only thing she could focus on was Jacob’s leg brushing against hers.
When the reading ended, she hoped he would ask if she wanted to go somewhere else for a drink—she’d brought her fake ID just in case—but to her disappointment, they headed straight back to Somerland.
“Where can I drop you?” he asked.
“Coventry House,” she replied. “Do you know it?”
“Up on the hill, right?” When she nodded, he said, “I forgot something in my office. Would you mind if we stopped there on the way? It will only take a second.”
Hannah didn’t mind, in fact relished the idea of getting him alone, after hours, where no one could see. She knew it was taboo, but she also knew there was nothing wrong with it. They were both adults. And she was already getting As on her assignments. It wasn’t like she had to hook up with him to pass. She had to hook up with him because every nerve ending in her body demanded it.
Their footsteps echoed in the darkened hallway as they made their way to Jacob’s office. He fumbled with his keys, and Hannah wondered if he was as nervous as she was. He definitely had more to lose if they got caught doing what she hoped they would be doing.
Jacob went to his desk and fished out a phone charger then made his way back to the door. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” Hannah replied but didn’t move.
He was standing so close she felt the warmth of his breath.
“Hannah...” He touched her hair. “We can’t.”
She searched his green eyes. “Why not?”
“Because I’m your professor. And you deserve someone your own age.”
“I don’t want someone my own age.” She laid a hand on his arm. “I want you.”
“You are beautiful and talented, and someone is going to be so lucky to call you his.” His eyes told her he meant it. “But it can’t be me.” He looked down and gave a slight shake of his head. “Even if I wanted to be that person, I can’t.”
“No one has to know. I won’t tell anyone; I promise.”
“I trust you.” He finally met her gaze. “I do. It’s just... I’m getting out of a really intense relationship. And I’m still pretty messed up about it. I can’t be there for you the way you’d need me to be.”
“You don’t know that,” Hannah said quietly. “You don’t know what I need. But you should probably ask me.”
The expression on his face bordered on tortured when he asked, “What do you need, Hannah?”
Her breath caught, and she laid a hand on his cheek. “Just this.” She leaned in, brushed her lips against his, and murmured, “Just this.”
His arms encircled her, and she pressed herself deeper into his embrace. Her kiss had been tentative, but his response wasn’t. His hands roamed her body, and he pressed her against the wall, pushing the door shut with his foot.
She tugged at his shirt and pulled it over his head then put a hand to his well-muscled chest. His heartbeat raced beneath her palm.
“You are so beautiful.” Jacob cupped her face with his hands. He looked at her with such wonder and awe that she didn’t just hear his words; she felt them.
He kissed her, and they sank to the love seat, a tangle of bodies and clothes being discarded.
Chapter 12
Four days. Four days of actual sleep—no nightmares, no fires, just sleep.
Eden held the charm Carolyn had made for her, turning it over in her hand. It was simple enough—a dark blue bag filled with herbs and wrapped with multi-colored twine. Simple maybe, but a freaking miracle as far as Eden was concerned.
She still found herself reaching for her notebook every morning. Eden was considering a ritual to burn the thing. She yawned and stretched. It was her turn to get the coffee.
Eden came back to find Sarah still asleep and thought it a good time to get some practice and maybe a touch of retaliation in.
She opened the box of tiny, white feathers she’d been given for practice and, while she sipped her coffee, one by one levitated them over to Sarah. She ended up making quite the pile—a dozen or so on her nose alone.
Floating them was now easy, but the control to stack them perfectly took more skill. Eden was getting bored and wanted Sarah to wake up already so she floated the top feather from the stack and tickled Sarah’s nose.
At first there was no reaction. Then Sarah’s nose twitched. Eden took the feather and tickled her ear, causing Sarah to slap her hand against it sleepily.
“What the—?” Sarah woke with a start, white fluff raining down on her. She sat up, feathers stuck to her face and a few sticking out of her mouth.
“Very funny.” She spit them out.
“That’ll teach you to hide my pants.” Eden grinned. “Coffee’s getting cold.”
Sarah brushed off the last of the feathers and reached for her mug.
“What’s on your agenda for this fine Saturday?” Eden asked.
“Nothing fun.” Sarah frowned. “I can’t even practice magic—I’ve got a test and a paper due on Monday. You?”
“I’ve got a shift at the shelter,” Eden said. “After that I’m supposed to help Rebecca. But that’s looking iffy.”
“Anyone who makes a person like you feel less charitable should take a long look at themselves,” Sarah said with a slight shake of her head.
“That’s what I’m saying.” Eden tried not to smile at the feathers still stuck in Sarah’s hair.
Volunteering at the animal shelter wasn’t all dog w
alking. It was also cage cleaning, something Eden found much less fun. She had just finished scrubbing the floor of the last one when she heard an orientation lecture let out, the cement walls echoing with voices. One of them stood out from the others, and she froze.
No, no, no.
“Eden!”
She turned, suddenly very aware of her stained shirt and grimy jeans.
“Hi Quinn.” She forced a smile.
Her hair was in a tight bun, she didn’t have an ounce of makeup on, and she was wearing giant, yellow, rubber gloves. She was pretty sure she’d never looked more unattractive in her life.
“Hey,” he said, grinning.
He smelled like heaven, and she smelled like pee. Eden set down the filthy scrub brush she was holding.
“I’m glad I ran into you,” she said. I just wish it wasn’t here. “I’ve been meaning to apologize. I was pretty rude the other night.”
“You weren’t rude,” Quinn replied. “You seemed scared.”
“Claustrophobia.” Eden stripped off her gloves. “It’s stupid and irrational and just one of my many quirks.”
He smiled. “One of many, huh? Are you trying to scare me off?”
“I was kind of thinking I already did.”
He gave a slight shake of his head. “Not even a little.”
Eden’s insides melted.
“You have a high tolerance for crazy.” She tucked an unruly lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m not sure if that should scare me or not.”
“What I have is an appreciation for people who care,” Quinn said. “The last time I saw you, you were reading a book on how to stop climate change.”
He remembered what book she was reading?
“And you walk shelter dogs in your spare time. I’ve passed this shelter a hundred times—even felt bad thinking about the animals in here—and never once did it occur to me to do anything about it until I met you.”
“I just do what I can.” Eden felt shy under his gaze. “It’s really not much.”
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