Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  ***

  Jesse’s truck’s headlights flashed on Katy and their eyes met. He jumped out of the truck, almost before it was turned off. As he ran up to her, he pulled her into his arms.

  “How long have you been out here?” He frantically rubbed her arms.

  “I just walked outside, got here about ten minutes ago.” She pushed up on her tippy toes and gave him a kiss. “Where have you been?”

  “I went out for a few drinks with old friends,” he lied and felt sick to his stomach.

  Katy frowned. He knew his breath didn’t smell of alcohol but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the door of his parents’ house.

  “Nicky asleep?”

  They walked into the hallway of his parents’ house. “On his Papa’s chest. Apparently, your mom hogged him all day.”

  They both took off their coats. Jesse was about to apologize for his mom when Katy’s mouth was on his, kissing him passionately. He wasn’t expecting it, but he didn’t stop her. He leaned down, his lips on hers, their tongues swirling together. He was surprised when he felt her hands on the zipper of his jeans. Reaching down, he touched her hand and broke the kiss. Jesse looked into her eyes in the dark hallway.

  “I’m ready,” she said with raised eyebrows.

  She was ready. Ready for what? Oh! She was ready for him, for them to…He pulled her chin up to look at him. “We need to talk first,” Jesse said, and Katy bit her lip as he took her hand. He smiled and his finger pulled her lip down. “No need for that.”

  They sat down on the couch facing each other. His fingers lightly brushed her cheek then he held her hand and smiled. “I love you, and more than anything I want to be with you, but not until you’re 100% ready.”

  Katy started to speak, but he put his finger to her lips to silence her. “I’m not asking for you to be over Nick, I don’t think you ever will be, but I want you to be in love with me.”

  She nodded and whispered, “I do love you and it scares me.”

  Jesse smiled and ran his thumb down her cheek. “Good, I’m glad it scares you because it scares the shit out of me, too. I’ve never been in love before.”

  They both laughed and exchanged another kiss. Jesse didn’t linger. “If we’re in this together, then there’s no more keeping things from each other. I want to know what you’re thinking. Why you’re scared. We have to talk more.”

  Katy nodded as he kept talking, “I’m not just Nick’s best friend who moved in to help you out anymore. I’m your best friend, too.” He kissed her neck. “And soon to be your lover. So no secrets, okay?”

  She trembled under his lips and nodded as she muttered, “No secrets.”

  Jesse grinned and kissed her hard and fast, then stood up quickly. He took her hand and she stumbled behind him. Instead of leading her upstairs though, he walked them out to his truck. Katy looked at him, confusion on her face.

  “Our first time isn’t going to be at my parents’ house,” he said with a laugh. He kissed her as he started to back out of the driveway and wished he could tell her his secret.

  ***

  Jesse pulled up in front of a hotel and ran inside to get a room. Katy fidgeted in the truck feeling like a virgin all over again. She tried to calm her nerves by focusing on her breathing when she realized she’d left her bag in the Yukon. The bag had a chemise she had planned on wearing and, more importantly, condoms.

  Jesse got back in the truck and stole a quick kiss. “Room 305,” he said and tried to hide a smile as he drove his truck to park.

  “The condoms are back in my Yukon.” Katy frowned, having let him down again.

  He parked the truck and leaned over releasing the glove box. A few condoms fell onto her lap and he grinned. “I know what I’m responsible for.”

  Katy nodded but didn’t feel any less nervous. They made their way to the room. Jesse held her shaking hand. He opened the door and let her walk in first. It wasn’t anything fancy. A king bed in the middle of the room with a floral bedspread, beige curtains, and a painting of a flower on the wall to match the bedding. The door closed behind them and Katy jumped, startled by the noise.

  Jesse watched her and knew not to get his hopes up. He sat on the edge of the bed holding his hand out to her. She took his hand and he pulled her on his leg.

  “Why are you so afraid?”

  Katy didn’t say anything. He touched her cheek, making her look at him.

  “No secrets, remember?”

  Katy swallowed and blinked back tears. “I feel like I’m cheating on Nick.”

  Jesse hadn’t seen that coming but he could understand her concern. He rubbed her back trying to figure out how to address her previous statement.

  “Do you think Nick would want you happy?”

  She nodded, biting her lip.

  “Do you think this would make you happy?”

  They both knew each of them needed this. He felt her relax ever so slightly as she leaned over and kissed him. As the kiss got stronger, he laid back on the bed, pulling her on top of him. Katy moved to straddle him, pressing her hips down against his growing bulge.

  She sat up, pulled off her shirt, and threw it on the floor. Jesse lay beneath her taking in all of her beauty. He ran his hands over her taut stomach and unbuttoned her jeans, slowly moving her zipper down. He looked into her eyes for permission and she smiled back at him, giving a slight nod. In one quick motion, he flipped her onto her back.

  Katy giggled as he did this. Jesse stood above her and pulled off his shirt. Then he tugged her jeans down and let them join the pile of discarded clothing. His eyes moved up and down her body, taking in the gorgeous site in front of him as he rubbed her foot. Slowly, he kissed down her leg. When he got to her thighs, she tensed up again.

  “You okay?”

  She closed her eyes and muttered, “Yes, just nervous.”

  “Want me to go on?”

  She opened her eyes and laughed, almost shouting, “Yes!”

  He grinned and lifted his eyebrows quickly. “We’ll start off slow,” he said as he hooked her panties in his fingers and tugged them off.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Christmas music filled the air as Katy and Abby stood outside the dressing rooms waiting for Nora and Alayna. The holiday dance was this coming weekend and neither of the teens had a dress yet. Abby’s girls loved shopping with their aunt. There wasn’t much age difference between Katy and their mother, but in their minds, Katy was the fashionista. Katy had leaned on Abby during her pregnancy, trusting her judgment on all things baby related. In exchange, Katy was the cool aunt her nieces went to for anything that wasn’t mom-appropriate.

  “How are things with Nora?” Katy asked while she held two potential dresses for Alayna. It’d been a few weeks since Nora had stayed the night and things had gotten ugly when she’d try to talk to Abby about it.

  Abby sighed. “I don’t know. She swears to me that she’s not having sex but condoms keep going missing.”

  Katy raised an eyebrow. “Whose condoms?”

  Abby smiled. “What? I’m a grown woman. I can have sex if I want.”

  Katy’s mouth dropped. She wasn’t expecting those words to come out Abby’s mouth. “But...WHO?”

  Abby was the first Garrity wife to lose her husband to the FDNY. She and Katy had become closer after Nick’s death, but had never discussed their widowed sex lives.

  Shrugging, she answered, “You don’t know him.” She laughed at Katy’s shocked expression. “Honey, you will have sex again. It’s okay to move on. It took me awhile to be okay with it but you can. You have to.” She touched Katy’s arm and gave her a reassuring smile.

  Katy bit her lip, afraid she was going to give away that she’d already started having sex again. Once Katy and Jesse got the awkwardness aired out between them, she let her guard down and the sex was more than amazing. He could be soft and easy with her or wild and passionate; he always let her set the pace. He also had this thing he d
id with his tongue when she least expected it that made her toes curl every time.

  Their relationship had blossomed emotionally as well. She took Jesse’s words of “no secrets” to heart and spent an entire evening telling him how much she missed Nick, how she still loved her husband, but also him at the same time. She even told him that she was afraid that by saying that, it would mean everything about Nick would disappear. She also admitted every single thing she loved about Jesse from his crazy bedhead when he woke up to the gentle way he caressed her cheek when she cried.

  Abby read Katy all too well. She smirked as she made an accusation. “I take it you’ve already moved on.”

  Katy blushed and retorted, “I won’t ask you details, if you don’t ask me.”

  With raised eyebrows, Abby stuck out her hand to shake Katy’s. “Deal, it’d just better not be Jesse or anyone else at Engine 58.”

  That was the other thing, while things were great inside the four walls of their house, they still hadn’t told anyone. Jesse had informed her about “the rule.” How she was supposed to be untouchable to any crew member of Engine 58 just because she was a widow. She thought it was ridiculous but figured they’d cross that bridge when the time was right.

  Katy changed the subject. “How about Alayna? How’s she doing?”

  Abby smiled proudly. “She’s wonderful. Made the honor roll, taking piano lessons, and she’s even seeing someone.”

  Alayna, Abby and Ryan’s youngest daughter, had been a happy little girl until her grandmother got sick. She’d been a baby when her father passed away, but when Lisa got breast cancer, it all caught up to her. She became quiet and withdrawn. She’d barely speak to Abby, much less anyone else. This time two years ago, they had been on a shopping trip much like today, and Katy gave Alayna her undivided attention helping her find a dress. It only took that moment of love for Alayna to come back to them and Abby was forever grateful.

  The girls emerged from the dressing room. Nora wore a long, black cocktail dress with a slit to her hip and her breasts spilling out of the top while Alayna was in a more conservative floor-length silver dress with rhinestones lining the bodice as it fluffed out around her hips. Katy tried to stifle her laughter, knowing what was about to come.

  “Nora Loralie Garrity, you march right back into that dressing room and think again before wearing that in front of your mother!”

  Nora stomped her feet and grumbled, then turned around to change. Katy and Alayna shared a look, then burst into laughter. Abby’s face was red and Katy could only imagine how high her blood pressure was. Katy put her arm around her sister-in-law’s shoulders and spun Abby around to look at her other daughter.

  “Calm down, Ab, and look at this ravishing daughter of yours.” Alayna beamed at Katy’s compliment. “I wonder where she got her exquisite taste in fashion.”

  “Do you like it, Mom?”

  Abby nodded. “You look great, honey.”

  “Can I get it?”

  Abby nodded and Alayna shrieked, “Thank you!”

  She gave her mom a big hug. “Billy will love it!”

  Alayna passed her sister on her way back to change. Nora was in her sweater and jeans. She grabbed Katy’s hand and pulled her away from her mom. Katy glanced over her shoulder at Abby to let her know they’d be back.

  Finally, two stores later, Nora spoke. “My mom is so dumb.”

  “Don’t say that about your mom,” Katy protested.

  “She wouldn’t even look at the dress! Mackenzie Dyer is wearing a two piece dress that is basically a bikini top.”

  “Nora, I wouldn’t even let you wear that dress.”

  Nora quieted again. Katy watched her mindlessly shuffle dresses along the rack. Nora stopped and looked at her with tears in her eyes. Katy reached over to her, wrapping her arms around her into a big hug.

  “No one’s even asked me to the dance,” Nora confessed and squeezed her aunt tightly while she sobbed. “It’s because I’m the only virgin in our school.”

  Katy rubbed her back and ran one hand over her niece’s hair as the teen cried into her chest. She felt awful for Nora, but didn’t know what to say. Nora pulled back and wiped her eyes. “Maybe I’ll just do it and get it over with it.”

  “No!” Katy shouted, tilting her niece’s face to look at her. “Don’t even think about that!”

  “Is everything alright?” the salesclerk flippantly asked.

  “No,” Katy said with a death look. Clamping on to Nora’s hand, she walked the two of them out of the store. She wound through a group of senior citizens who were mall walking and found an empty bench.

  Katy looked around to see if anyone could hear her then lowered her voice. “First off, high school sex is awful. The guy doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Nora giggled at this statement so Katy continued.

  “Seriously, no clue. Second, your first time shouldn’t be because you’re trying to impress others. You should do it because you share a special connection to him.” Nora nodded, her eyes wide with curiosity. Katy’s face started to turn pink, she didn’t normally share details of her sex life with anyone other than Tiffany, especially not her nieces but this was a special circumstance.

  “When I first met your Uncle Nick, we were crazy attracted to each other, but we didn’t do it the first night. He wanted us to wait until we were both for sure we were head over heels in love with each other. I’m so glad he did, because if he hadn’t, it could’ve just been a one-night stand and I would have never seen him again. I wouldn’t have had Nicky or become part of your family, so in the long run, waiting is more than worth it.”

  Nora hugged her again. “Thank you, Katy.” Katy held her tightly, she wouldn’t trade this family she had now for anything in the world.

  ***

  Katy stirred the pot on the stove as Jesse slid his hands around her waist. She grinned and tilted her head to the left as Jesse moved his lips along her neck. He started nibbling her ear and she let out a delighted purr of approval.

  “Forget dinner, I just want you.”

  “Geez, you act like you haven’t gotten any in a year,” she teased and ground her backside against his growing bulge.

  “Ha ha, very funny.”

  He let go of her and grabbed a beer from the fridge. “How was shopping?”

  Katy turned to him, ignoring his question and asked, “Do you remember your first time?”

  “Shopping?” Jesse asked with confusion on his face.

  “No. I mean sex. The first time you had sex.”

  Jesse shook his head. “My first time? Hell, Kate, that was over fifteen years ago.”

  Katy frowned, which Jesse hated to see her do. “Okay, let me think about it...I was fourteen, she was sixteen. It was after football practice in the locker room I think.”

  “What was her name?”

  “Her name? Umm...Janet. No, Janie...shit, I don’t know. Why are you asking?”

  “Nora.”

  He nodded and walked back over to Katy at the stove. Setting his beer down, he spun her around to face him. “You have a good heart but you don’t need to worry about her so much. Abby has things under control, I’m sure.”

  Katy pulled away from him. “Don’t worry? One, Nora’s my niece so it is my responsibility to worry about her. Two, Abby doesn’t have things under control. Nora won’t talk to her about it, I’m the only one she trusts!”

  “Whoa!” Jesse held up his hands trying to show he was neutral. “I didn’t mean anything by it, just that you have Nicky, your job, and your research to worry about...and me, too.”

  Katy turned her back to him trying to end the conversation. Jesse didn’t give up though. He moved behind her and put his hands on her waist again, but she shook him off. He sighed and grabbed his beer off the table, taking a long swig.

  Katy fought back tears and mumbled, “Leave if you want.”

  Jesse stopped, confused by her statement. “What?”

  “I said leave if you want.”
/>   He walked over to her, knowing better than to touch her again. “Why would I want to leave?”

  “Your comment about Abby. She’s a widow, raising kids, just like me. You think she can handle it on her own, so why can’t I?”

  Jesse reached out to touch her but stopped himself. “Kate, that’s not what I meant. Sure, you can do this on your own. You’re a strong woman and a wonderful mother.”

  Tears overflowed her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. It was breaking Jesse’s heart to stand there while she cried. He pulled her into his arms and whispered quietly, “But I want to do it with you. I’m not leaving.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and he kissed the top of her head. He loved this woman, there was no way he’d ever leave her.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Katy paced in the living room while Nicky played on the floor. She glanced at the clock again. He was late. Jesse was supposed to have been home over an hour ago. He said he needed to do some last minute Christmas shopping when he’d left the house that morning. It was now after five and he hadn’t returned. She checked her phone again—nothing. Five more minutes and then she’d call.

  The door opened and Jesse ran through it. He kicked off his shoes and threw his coat down while he stumbled into the living room. He looked at Katy seeing the concern on her face and hated himself for doing that to her. He slowed down for a second, walked over to her, put both hands on either side of her face and gave her a long kiss.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. I promise I’ll make it up to you later,” he said with a wink and headed into the bathroom.

  Katy relaxed after the kiss, but only a little. He isn’t off the hook. She heard the water turn on and followed him into the bathroom, standing where she could still see Nicky. She pulled the curtain back so she could talk to Jesse, who grinned when he saw her.

  “Care to join me?”