Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  I glanced through the front window and what I saw nearly broke me in half with agony. My blood ran ice cold in my veins and my heart stuttered painfully in my chest. A rush of anger and jealousy pounded through my body.

  He wasn't alone.

  They stood so close together, him and a beautiful woman. It wasn't something friends would normally do. Their bodies were aligned to one another, though not actually touching and Levi had his arms around her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and it was apparent they were intimate, or had been in the past. The kind of intimate which involves sex and lots of it. Levi was staring down into her eyes and she was gazing at him as if she owned him.

  How could he do this to me?

  Levi never saw me through the window. I turned away and searched for a cab in the traffic on the street. I had to get out of here. Panic was growing in my chest as I scouted the passing cars frantically. One second I wanted to cry and the next I wanted to scream my rage at being cheated on. How could he do this?

  I spotted Kyle walking toward me, and he greeted me with a warm smile. "Hey Nix. Leaving already?"

  "Yes. I'm... no... I can’t see him... take this. It's for you. I gotta go," I couldn’t even come up with a coherent sentence. I pushed the food into his arms and ran down the street, thankfully waving down a cab.

  I knew the first places he would look once Kyle told him he’d seen me were the apartment and the club. I had nowhere else to go. I gave the driver my address, I had to grab a few things before I could run. I tried to make a list of the things I should pack in my head, but I didn’t even know where I was going. My mind was unstable, I was a confused mess and I couldn’t think straight.

  The terrible images of the man I loved crept into my mind unbidden, he’d been holding her so close with his lips pressed against her forehead. Who the fuck was she? I didn't even want to know. It was making me sick to envision them standing together and so terribly sad to think Levi had done exactly the same things to me as Tristan had. He’d cheated on me with another woman. I wanted to curl into a ball and die. This explained so much – his strange mood last night, and his words at the bar.

  ‘Don’t ever doubt me’... ‘I’m no angel’ I hadn’t understood last night. Now I did.

  The taxi driver stopped in front of the apartment a couple of minutes later. I ran inside, packed a few things into a bag and left the apartment again, glancing up and down the street in a daze. Where the hell am I going now? Was this a nightmare? It couldn't be true. My cell phone started ringing and I knew it was Levi. I ignored it as it rang again and again. He was probably on his way to the apartment, I had to get away quickly.

  Val, Boston, Yeah... I would go to the airport and catch a flight to Boston. Nobody would find me there. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. Bekka was going to hate me for rushing off without letting her know what I was planning, but it couldn’t be helped. I had to get away before Levi tried to feed me some bullshit about how I’d misunderstood, how he didn’t have that girl wrapped in his arms...

  I flagged down another cab and requested to be driven to the airport. My hands and legs were shaking, it felt like my whole world had collapsed. My eyes remained stubbornly dry. I couldn’t face Levi now, probably not ever again, not after what I’d seen.

  Just as we turned the corner, I saw his car speeding around the corner and I ducked down in the seat. He looked as though he was in agony.

  He deserved it.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Was I doing the right thing? It was a question I asked myself a dozen times during the long trip to the airport. Each time, the answer was the same. Yes, Nix, Yes, get away from him, before he can hurt you any more than he already has. I saw him with her. I fucking saw him. No wonder he’d been acting strangely yesterday. Now everything was clear in my head. I’d never seen her around here before, but I remembered him giving me the brushoff at the tattoo shop yesterday afternoon. “Head home, Rock Star, get ready for work. I’ve only got one tattoo left to do. Something small and boring for some college girl.” He’d wanted me to leave the shop – had he been meeting her there last night? It explained his strange behaviour. Should I answer the next time he called? No. There was an internal war going on inside my head. I didn’t know what to do.

  I’d been walking in circles around the airport for the past fifteen minutes, trying to get my head together and make a decision. I checked on my iPhone for the cheapest flight rates available to Boston and it seemed to be US Airways. I ran all over the airport, trying to find the US Airways ticket counter. I had my credit card in hand. Part of my head was warning me to stay here, but the other part was telling me to escape. Too much had happened lately, I was confused and felt so desperately alone.

  Levi, the man I had called my angel. What was he doing with her? Did I really want to know? I slumped onto a bench right in front of the US Airways counter and tried to think clearly for two seconds. Staying or going? Maybe it would help to get away for a little while. My mom, Carlson and Levi - every one of them had disappointed and hurt me so badly, I wondered if my heart would ever stop bleeding.

  I grabbed my phone from my bag and dialed the ten numbers which would change everything. It rang a couple of times before Val picked up.

  "Nix?" She sounded surprise by my call.

  "Val, I'm coming to Boston. I'll be there soon," I told her shakily.

  "Are you okay? You sound like you’re about to cry." I knew she was worried and I felt bad about it but she was my only escape route.

  "I’m okay. I'll tell you everything when I get there."

  "Text or call me when you know the arrival time. I’ll come pick you up."

  I hung up and regained some control over my emotions. The lady at the counter was watching me covertly, with a worried frown. I forced a smile and walked to her desk.

  "Hi, I’d like a ticket to Boston, please, on the first available." My heart was thumping erratically. I couldn’t believe myself, I was really going to Boston.

  "We have a flight leaving in fifty-three minutes. Do you have any luggage?"

  "Only a carry on."

  She asked for identification and my credit card. Less than 5 minutes later, I was booked on the flight. I sent Val a text message, confirming the time of my arrival, then found a coffee shop and ordered a drink, slumping down at a small table. My hands were still shaking, but I knew I’d made the right decision. My cell phone started ringing again, but I took a deep breath and turned it off. Leaning back in the seat, the decision made, my body finally started to calm down.

  The boarding call for the flight came over the intercom a few minutes later and I joined the queue of passengers. My whole body felt overtired and extremely stressed, and I figured the six hour flight was a good excuse to take a nap and get some rest.

  I woke up halfway through the flight and read a magazine for a little while, before I fell back asleep for the rest of the trip. It was only when the pilot announced our imminent arrival in Boston that I sat up and looked out the window to see the lights below.

  When the flight landed, I was so excited to see Val, I almost forgot the reason why I came in the first place. It came back to me quickly enough and the worst part was that I missed him. How could I miss someone who had deceived me?

  Val was easy to find, because nobody else was jumping up and down and running for their life like she was. Even though I was very emotional, she managed to make me giggle. She looked so relaxed and happy, it was obvious being in Boston with John suited her.

  "I’m so happy to see you, Nix, you have no idea! I missed you so much." She hugged me and it felt so good to see her again.

  "I missed you too. It's not the same without you at home. We miss you terribly."

  "Do you have everything? I mean any other luggage?"

  "No, I'm all set."

  "Okay, let’s go. I'm parked in a no parking area. I just got here."

  We rushed out of the airport towards her car because she feared it would be towed. I
couldn’t stop laughing at her crazy antics. She unlocked the doors of her Volkswagen and we fell inside, still laughing. As soon as I settled in her car, my laughter transformed into tears and then hiccoughing sobs. I was in terrible shape mentally.

  Forgetting about her concerns about being in a no parking zone, Val placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. "What the hell is going on with you? Is it your mother?" she questioned anxiously.

  "It’s Mom, Carlson... and Levi."

  "Levi? Yesterday, Bekka told me things were fantastic between the two of you. What the hell happened between then and now?"

  The words wouldn't come through my lips because the pain was too strong. I tried to tell her, but I couldn't get anything out. Eventually, Val gave up on getting any sense from me, started the car and drove us to her apartment. She was driving faster than necessary, but clearly her main goal was to hurry home and get me calmed down enough to explain what had happened.

  By the time we walked into her apartment, the sobbing had stopped. Only silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I thought I was ready to tell her what was bothering me enough to fly over two thousand miles to escape.

  "This morning, Levi was working, so I spent a few hours by myself around town and then I went to bring him lunch and I saw him with another girl. She was in his arms and he kissed her forehead while I was watching. All I know is that it wasn't a friendly thing, it looked so much more intimate, as though she was his girlfriend." The pain wrenched in my chest again. I was his girlfriend, damn it. What he’d done was unforgiveable.

  "What did he say about it?"

  Shit, I thought, I look like an idiot. "I didn't say anything to him. After I saw them, I turned around and left. I saw his partner when I was searching for a taxi, he probably told him I was mad."

  "You left without giving him a chance to explain himself? It could have been his sister or a cousin," Val retorted. I could tell she was frustrated with me for handling the situation in such an immature way.

  "Oh no, Val, she definitely wasn't family. She must be an ex or something. Believe me, the look in her eyes wasn’t a friendly thing, she wanted him, pure and simple." I pleaded my case.

  "Does he know you’re here? Does Bekka know?" Val asked.

  "Nobody knows." I pulled the phone from my bag and turned it on. It vibrated crazily for a couple of seconds and a robotic voice advised that my voice mail was full. A check of the screen showed five voice messages and eighteen text messages. I sat back on the couch, stunned and began to really think things through. Val’s calm demeanour was calming my anxieties. Would Levi really keep trying to contact me so frantically, if he was guilty of what I was accusing him of? "Damn it. I’m an idiot, Val, I really am."

  "Yep, you probably are,” Val announced calmly. “Call him, or at the very least, listen to his messages and text him if you’re not ready to talk."

  I pressed play to listen to his first message. Val settled next to me, draping her arm around my shoulder. She was supporting me even though I’d probably made a stupid mistake.

  "Rock Star,” Levi begged, his voice soft and strained. “Let me talk to you, please, Nix. Call me back." The pain in his voice broke my heart.

  I pressed the button to listen to the next voice message. "Nix, please, please, please, baby, give me a chance to explain. I'm heading to the apartment now, to see if Bekka’s heard anything." This time, his voice sounded like he was panicked. My heart squeezed, as if it had been stabbed.

  The third message was worse. "Where are you, Phoenix? I checked your room, saw that some of your stuff was gone? Are you leaving me?" I could hear his voice trembling, breaking with pain. He hurt because of me. He really loved me. What had I done? Tears were blurring my vision, I could feel his pain in my own chest.

  The next message was from Bekka. "Nix, why the hell is Levi going fucking crazy right now? You have to call me back as soon as you get this! Where the hell are you? Tyler is trying to calm Levi down, but I need you to call me, RIGHT NOW," Bekka ordered, sounding pissed. I could hear Tyler in the background trying to talk to Levi. Before the message ended, I heard Levi’s voice, yelling at Tyler. “I fucking love her, Ty!”

  After the last message, I slumped against Val wordlessly my eyes glued to the cell phone. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, let him hold me in his arms and give him a chance to explain.

  "I don't think the girl you saw is a danger to you, Nix," Val squeezed my shoulder and handed me her own phone. "Call him or Bekka. Let them know you’re here, it’s the least you can do while you get yourself sorted out."

  "Yeah. I think I should." I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and took her phone, offering her a tiny smile. "I’ve screwed up big time, haven’t I?"

  "No, Nix. You’ve been through a hell of a lot lately and you saw a situation and jumped to a conclusion.” She offered me a warm smile. “Despite everything, I'm glad you came to see me," she added.

  "I'm glad too, I’ve missed you so much."

  I dialled the phone number for the apartment. I didn’t know if anyone would be home but I wasn’t quite ready to ring Levi directly, and I figured there was a better than even chance that Bekka would answer.

  “Hey, Val! Have you heard from Nix? We’ve got a bit of an emergency here,” Bekka answered, talking in a rush.

  "Hey..." I said softly.

  "Phoenix? No, no, no, you didn't travel all the way to Boston without telling me! Levi is going to lose it even more than he already has!" she yelled.

  "I’m sorry. I needed time out. I thought it was my only option.” I took a deep breath. “I saw him with a girl, Bekka, I saw him so close to her that I knew something was up."

  "You should have let him explain, Nix.” she chuckled, seemingly amused at my misery.

  “What’s so funny?” I demanded.

  “It's not my story to tell.".

  "Is he okay?"

  "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

  "I don't know if I want to speak to him yet, Bekka."

  There was silence at the other end of the line for a couple of seconds. "Rock Star?" When I heard his voice, it sounded rougher than usual. "Where are you?"

  "I'm in Boston," I whispered, clutching the phone like a lifeline.

  "What the hell, Nix? You didn't have to go so damn far away."

  "Who is she?" Every word of that question shot from my mouth like bullets. I hated to ask him, not sure if I wanted the answer, but I deserved to know the truth. Bekka might be amused, and Val thought I was an idiot, but I knew what I’d seen at the shop. I needed an explanation. I knew he was still on the line, but he stayed worryingly silent. "Who is she?" I repeated angrily.

  "She’s a girl I used to date when I was living in New York." There was resignation in his tone.

  "You are an..."

  He cut me off. "Let me finish, Nix. Insult me or call me names afterwards, if you still think I deserve it."

  "You better have a fucking good explanation," I snapped.

  He sighed heavily. "I do. Remember when I asked you for a smile, that first night at the club? I’d just gotten back into town, a few days before, and I swear to God, when I saw you that was it for me. You know that.” He paused, as if he expected me to respond, but I stayed silent. Nothing he’d said had explained anything yet. When he continued, his voice was low, cautious. “Her name is Mercedes. When I was in New York, I went on a few dates with her. She’s a nice girl and she’s a tattoo artist, too.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “We were good buddies, you know?''

  I knew and I didn’t want to. "The last thing I need to hear right now is that she was your fuck buddy, Levi. Got it?" I stated coldly.

  "Yeah, well... um... Anyway, that night, when I talked to you for the first time, I knew then, Nix, I had to have you for my own. Nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do. When I finally got that smile from you, I went home and I called Mercedes in the middle of the night, to end whatever it was that we had. I swear, Rock Star, it was just a casual
thing for me."

  “Why is she in Seattle then? If it was just a casual thing, why’d she fly all the way from New York to see you again?"

  He sighed and there was another long pause before he answered the question. "She was more into the relationship than I was. She came to tell me she wanted me back, and I told her it wasn't possible. That’s when you saw us, Nix. I swear, I’d told her there was no chance, and she was upset, that’s all. I felt sorry for her. Nothing else."

  "Okay." It's all I could think of to say.

  "I’ll never love anyone else but you. You’re my rock star, you’re my lover, you’re my best friend. You’re everything I need. You complete me, Nix."

  I couldn’t get the sight of Levi with Mercedes in his arms out of my mind. Two perfect people, holding one another. It would haunt me forever, if I wasn’t certain he meant what he was saying. "Are you sure? Because you two looked like a perfect match, if you want my opinion. Your lips on her forehead, it's exactly what you did to me too. It hurt me so much Levi, so much." Tears were rolling down my cheeks again.

  "You’re my perfect match, Phoenix. Listen to me, please. I love you and only you, okay?" He put the emphasis on you. His voice was trembling again, exactly like it had in the voice messages he’d left me. "Please, Nix, I’m begging you. Please forgive me."

  "Is that why you were acting so weird the night before?" I asked.

  "Yeah. I knew she was in town, she’d been to the shop before I came in. Kyle told me."

  "Why didn't you tell me? You must have known there was a chance I would run into her. Why did you keep it secret?"

  He sighed again, and I could almost imagine him running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You were already going through so much with your mom and step-dad, Nix. You were dealing with enough shit, you didn’t need mine being added to your problems."