Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  "That’s just a bullshit excuse. Either we are together, or we aren't, Levi. If there’s something going on with you, you need to tell me, not try and hide it."

  "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I’ve ruined everything." Our conversation died and the silence was so absolute, I could hear Bekka making coffee in the background. "So, are you going coming back home? Do you need money? I... I could fly out, meet you there if you want," he suggested nervously.

  "I’ll be coming back, but not right now. I’ll call you later." I hesitated uncertain how to end the call. I was about to disconnect when I heard his voice, in barely a whisper.

  "I love you, Nix, I’ll wait for you."

  I pressed ’end’, regretting not saying the words back almost immediately.

  "That was pretty lame, Nix. Call him back right now, before he cries you a river," Val said dryly.

  I laughed, even though it didn’t seem very funny. "I’ll call him tomorrow. I just need to clear my mind now."

  "Bullshit. You know you love him. You should tell him, so he’s got something to hold on to."

  "I do, but maybe..."

  "There is no maybe, Phoenix Silverstone. Bekka, Tyler and I knew right away that you guys were a perfect match. We can see it in your eyes, the way you are around him and how he’s always there for you, protecting you. You were born to be with him. Have some faith in Levi, Nix. He is yours now and will always be yours."

  "I’ll text him later.”

  "And I'm kicking you out in four days, maybe even before."

  "Who the hell are you?” I demanded. “What have you done with my best friend? She used to be much nicer."

  "Says who? The heart-breaker?" she sneered.

  That was a low blow. "Oh! Come on, don't be so horrible."

  "Call him or send him a text message now, or I'm kicking you out immediately." Val crossed her arms over her chest.

  "Geez." I rolled my eyes. "Okay. I'm sending him one now."

  Each key I pressed made me feel more nervous, even though I knew I had nothing to be nervous about. I had no doubt anymore, I loved him with all my heart and I knew he loved me.

  Nix: I love you too, Angel. xxx

  His response was immediate and he replied with at least a hundred kisses. I couldn't stop smiling and I kept looking at the text message throughout the evening. I sent him a good night message at around 8pm, when I collapsed into bed in exhaustion.

  John woke me up the next morning when he was getting ready for work. I got up and prepared coffee.

  "Did you sleep well?" he asked, when he saw me in the kitchen.

  I was still stretching and I smiled warmly. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for letting me stay."

  "No problem, my girl is very happy to have you around," he grinned, showing why Val had fallen so hard for him. John was the American-dream, I could easily see him in a Tommy Hilfiger commercial. He had perfect white teeth, gorgeous looks and a clean-cut haircut. Maybe because Val is a year younger, it took them a while to get together. We’d grown up in the same area, but it wasn’t until Val matured a little that John took any interest in her. The important thing was, they were now gloriously happy together.

  "I’ve missed her too."

  He left for work and I was alone, sitting at the kitchen table while Val was still sleeping. They had a very nice apartment, which looked practically brand new. Their furniture was all made of stainless steel and the cabinets were a rich cherry wood. It gave the kitchen a warm ambiance.

  The apartment was peaceful and the sun’s rays peeked in to light the room. I walked back into the bed and grabbed my cell phone from the night stand. There were no messages from Bekka or Levi. I hated the time difference. I wanted to call him but it was still night time back home.

  I made another coffee and settled in the living room, taking some time to think about everything that had happened in the past few days. I briefly thought about Mom and Carlson, reinforcing my decision to not worry about them anymore. It was their choice, their loss.

  And then, my angel came up in my mind. I think knowing about Mercedes will only make us stronger. The fact that his ex-girlfriend was in town and he hadn’t told me was still upsetting. It wasn't very mature or honest of him, but I thought he realized his mistake now. His reaction when he’d found out I saw them together was heartbreaking, but at the same time, it showed me how much he cared. He was sad, hurt and desperate to reach me when he realized how unhappy he’d made me.

  My escape to Boston was a fine example of how immature I was. I should have let him talk to me. He deserved an opportunity to explain himself. I wasn't happy to see him holding her so close to his body, but I knew now that he’d been caring for her after telling her they couldn't be together. She was hurt, and she cried, I assumed. Levi might look like a bad-ass, but underneath the tough exterior is a teddy bear. He was so protective, I could see now, how he would have been upset because he’d hurt Mercedes’s feelings. He was a gentleman, and I knew he wouldn’t have wanted her to be distraught.

  Levi had forgiven me for leaving town and for making all the wrong decisions. Every time I touched my tattoos or saw them in a mirror, it reminded me of how much we loved each other. I wasn’t going to let anyone destroy us. Not my mother, not Carlson or Levi’s ex. We were strong together and very deeply in love. He represented the balance I needed, he was my other half.

  I fell back to sleep and woke up with Valerie sleeping by my side, just like we used to do as kids. Val, Bekka and I used to have a lot of sleepovers. Most of them would occur at my parents’ house, naturally, so they could keep a strict eye on me. Our parents knew each other well, and theirs knew my mom’s tendencies towards controlling my life. Val would always bring tons of candy and chocolates and Bekka was in charge of the movies. We had a great youth together, despite my mother’s batshit crazy mentality.

  Val had her arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly in her sleep. I think she’d been missing Bekka and me, as much as we missed her. It must have been really hard for her to start over in a different city. She had John, but other than that, she knew no one. I snuggled closer to one of my two best friends and drifted back off to sleep.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  I loved Boston. I decided I would have no problem living here. The people, the cute accent and the city, I loved everything about it. We ate breakfast in a small restaurant located on the corner of Val’s street. We were sitting by the window, where we could enjoy the downtown spirit. The restaurant was intimate and the food was so tasty.

  On my second day in this beautiful city, we walked and shopped for hours downtown. I didn't spend a lot of money, because this trip had left a major hole in my bank account. Val convinced me to buy a few things though. I'm a girl after all. I got Levi a black Boston hoodie and a nice leather belt. I couldn't recall if he needed any of these items, but I was certain he would love because I’d chosen them for him. I got a silver bracelet for Bekka, handmade by an artisan. The artist was selling his jewellery on a street stall near the market.

  We visited a dress boutique Val recommended, where I discovered a dark purple dress which really captured my attention. I couldn’t leave the store without trying it on. It fit like second skin, showing off my curves. I remained unconvinced until Val urged me to wear it when we went out the following night. John had made friends with a DJ in Boston, and he’d given us free passes to the club where he worked. Val had already been there once before and judging by her excitement, I knew the club was probably going to be electrifying. I was a little nervous about the idea, because I knew how it was in a club when you were a single girl. I wasn’t single, but Levi wasn't going to be there and wearing that purple dress, I was going to have to be extra careful not to attract unwanted attention.

  After walking all day, my legs were tired. I wanted my bed and Levi too. I missed him way too much. I knew I was behaving like a lovesick teenager, and the worst part was that it was a self-inflicted pain - I had run away from him voluntarily. Maybe having
some time alone was a good thing. Like Carlson used to say, everything happens for a reason. Although I missed him like crazy, the trip to Boston made me realize I needed and wanted Levi more than anyone else in my life.

  When we stumbled into the apartment, John had already prepared dinner. It smelled so good, my stomach was growling before we’d even sat down. It not only looked delicious, it was amazingly good. John’s mother was Italian and had taught him to cook when he was a young boy. He’d prepared ricotta and spinach ravioli with a spicy tomato sauce, garden salad and garlic bread. I ate way too much, but the food was so wonderful, I couldn't help myself.

  I crashed on the couch and woke up early the following morning with a blanket draped over me. I tiptoed to the guest room and instantly fell into a heavy sleep again.

  Levi’s hands caressed my body, his lips on mine, then he travelled lower, kissing my cheeks, my chin and lower to my breasts. He drew one nipple into his hot mouth, teasing it with his tongue, while he brushed across the other nipple with his thumb. My skin was covered in goose bumps and my body quivered beneath his intimate touch. His warm breath was dancing across my skin and the words he was whispering suggested exactly what he intended to do next...

  "Hey, Nix. Wake up. Nix? Come on, lazybones!"

  "Oh, shit." I muttered in disappointment when I opened my eyes. "It was just a dream." Realizing I’d spoken aloud, I flushed red with embarrassment.

  "A pretty good one, I think," Val teased with a giggle. “I imagine it involved a certain tattooed guy, who lives in Seattle?”

  "Definitely," I laughed and drew the covers up over my face to hide.

  “I almost forgot, I have an appointment at the hair salon today. Do you want to come or do you want to stay here?"

  I threw back the sheet. "Do I have time for a shower?" I needed a shower – a cold one - to regain some control over my body and mind. They were both playing some raunchy games with me.

  "Yeah, but you’ll need to hurry." Val slipped out of the room.

  I got up, noticing some aches and pains from all the walking we did the previous day. My head wouldn't let the dream go, the feeling of Levi, his kisses, his touch. It was so real. I wanted to see him, hug him, kiss him and so many other things. My life without him didn't make sense.

  Val had to lend me some clothes, I’d failed to grab nearly enough when I left the apartment so dramatically. I was thankful that our clothing sizes were similar. Val could almost open a store of her own, with all the clothes she owned. Her wardrobe was unbelievable and everything was classified by color. She was an obsessive compulsive freak when it came to her wardrobe and I giggled when I saw John’s measly percentage of wardrobe space.

  We’d just left the apartment, when I received a text message. My heart instantly started beating faster. How ridiculous was that? I couldn't even control my own body’s reactions. It showed how much I was missing him.

  Levi: Good Morning, my beautiful Rock Star. Hope you have a great day. ILY xxx

  Nix: Morning, Angel. Missing you like crazy. I dreamed of you last night. ILY xox

  I knew he would want more details about the dream and I thought it might be fun to tease him about it all day. I was such a bad girl and I loved it. Not even a minute later, I received a text.

  Levi: A dream?

  Nix: Yes.

  I typed back, smiling with excitement.

  "Why do you have that huge grin on your face?” Val demanded. “And... oh my god! You’re blushing, too! What are you guys talking about? Planning a sexy reunion?"

  "I'm just teasing Levi. Playing a little game with him."

  She rolled her eyes at me and laughed. "You are so cute when you’re in love." She opened the door to the hair salon and I stepped in after her, glancing around in amazement. This was a high class Hollywood-type salon. It was all white and there wasn’t a single hair on the floor. Unbelievable. “Happy birthday, Phoenix!" Val announced.

  "My birthday isn’t for another two weeks," I protested.

  "I know, but you’re with me now and I want to help you celebrate early. So, you’re getting a makeover."

  "What? No! I mean... I like my hair... why?"

  Val sighed and rolled her eyes. "I’m not suggesting you shave half of your hair off and dye it pink, just get a nice haircut and some highlights."

  The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. "You’re the craziest friend ever!"

  "But first, before hair styles, we deserve a little massage."

  What? I was astonished. I didn't know what to say. I was thankful for my trip to Boston to visit Val. I missed Levi and I wished the reasons behind my trip were different, but I was having a good time despite everything.

  I found myself lying flat on my stomach on a massage table, wearing only my panties and with a towel thrown across my lower half. I was nervous and felt terribly self-conscious. And it only got worse, when a black guy came in and announced he was my masseuse. I’d never been massaged by a man before, and to make it worse, he was utterly gorgeous.

  He turned on some relaxation music. It was ocean sounds, and it made me feel like I was by the beach with the waves crashing in and the birds singing overhead. My body relaxed for an instant, but only until I felt his hands settle on my bare back. Every muscle tensed, and I didn't like it much.

  "First time?" he asked in a soft voice.

  "Yeah." I answered uncomfortably, with my face pressed against the towel.

  "Relax, concentrate on the music." He began to rub in a circular motion near my shoulder blade. "Don’t let your mind trick you. You’ll feel better afterwards."

  Yeah, right! I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to the music. I got used to it, the pain he was creating in my back was draining me of all energy but it felt good at the same time. It was nothing like the little neck massages my mom would give me when I was a teenager. My body seemed to lighten as my muscles started to stretch out. My eyes grew tired and God, it began to feel so good.

  "Nix, come on... wake up!" Val laughed. "You crashed, you totally passed out. You’re funny."

  "What?" I was at lost, trying to figure out where I was. What happened to me?

  "Come on, sleepyhead, it's time to get our hair done."

  "You’re such a girl," I grumbled, slipping off the table and wrapping the towel around my chest.

  "You’re such a tomboy," Val retorted.

  I got dressed and followed Val to the hair stylist assigned to work with me. She was beautiful, the Marilyn Monroe type of beauty. Was it some sort of job requirement, did everyone have to look this good to work here? I’d never had any doubts about myself, my own self-confidence, but here, I wasn't certain anymore. Every person who worked in this place had their hair and makeup done, as if they were about to catwalk the runway at a Gucci or Chanel show.

  "I’m Sandra, I’ll be taking care of you today." The statuesque blonde ran her fingers through my hair delicately, studying the strands carefully. "Do you have something in particular in mind?"

  I shrugged, uncertain about what to do. "I’m a simple girl, I don't want anything too outrageous. Maybe some highlights?"

  "Yeah, and we could add some layers to your hair." She was brushing her fingers through my hair, again, and it was so relaxing. "I think I know what I'm going to do with your hair. I’ll be right back."

  Val was sitting in the chair next to mine, talking to her own stylist about what she wanted. She was the complete opposite of me, knowing exactly what she wanted. The stylist listened to her blabbering for at least five minutes before he could get a single word in. I thought it was hilarious.

  Sandra returned with some dye and the papers she would use to create the highlights. She was really nice and inflicted no pain. I relaxed in the white leather chair and enjoying the attention. Sandra divided my hair into sections and started applying the new colour. I was glad Val had insisted on me coming here, I was having a great time and it was boosting my self-esteem. Between the massage and the new hairstyle, I wa
s feeling pretty good about myself.

  After three hours and Val parting with a few hundred dollars, my hair looked better than it had on the night of my prom. I had defined curls and the highlights doubled the volume of my hair. Professionally applied make-up had given me a Hollywood star look and I adored it.

  The only downside, was that I hated the fact that I looked so wonderful and I couldn't show Bekka or Levi. I made Val take a photo before we left for the club, and I sent it through to my far-away friend and boyfriend. The new dress hugged my curves and enhanced my figure amazingly. I was used to dressing sexy for my shifts at the club, and I was usually showing more skin than I did with this dress, but somehow, it felt more revealing. It had a deep cleavage line and was cut low in the back. I wore a pair of Val’s heels. I normally hated wearing heels, but in this dress, it was the only way to go.

  The music blared in my ears. The club was packed with guys and girls in their twenties, drinking, dancing and generally having a good time. The ambiance differed a lot from the club in Seattle. I could hardly hear anything Val was saying over the noise of the crowd and music but I recognized what she meant when she pointed the bar, a drink! I worked my way across to the bar and ordered cranberry vodka for myself and a double Jack Daniels on ice for Val. I drained the glass in about three minutes. The outside temperature hovered around ninety degrees and the bar itself was hot and humid. Still thirsty, I ordered a second drink and it was gone almost as quickly as the first.

  The DJ was amazing, the music loud with a distinct beat and it vibrated to my core. I wanted to dance with Val and enjoy what was presumably my last night in Boston. Presumably, because Val had insisted she was sending me home the next day. We hadn't really gone over the details yet, but I knew it was time to go home. I’d enjoyed the couple of days with my friend, but I wanted to go home to my angel.