To all those who are seeking redemption
MY UNEXPECTED LOVE
HEIDI MCLAUGHLIN
© 2018
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The right of Heidi McLaughlin to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000. This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without prior written permission of the publisher. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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COVER DESIGN: Sarah Hansen: OkayCreations.
EDITING: Ellie: Love N. Books
Created with Vellum
Contents
1. Elle
2. Ben
3. Elle
4. Ben
5. Elle
6. Ben
7. Elle
8. Ben
9. Elle
10. Ben
11. Elle
12. Ben
13. Elle
14. Ben
15. Elle
16. Ben
17. Elle
18. Ben
19. Elle
20. Ben
21. Elle
22. Ben
23. Elle
24. Ben
25. Elle
26. Ben
27. Elle
28. Ben
29. Elle
30. Ben
31. Elle
Sneek Peek
Acknowledgments
About Heidi McLaughlin
Also by Heidi McLaughlin
Holding Onto Forever
Roman
1
Elle
My head rests against the glass of the backseat window. Raindrops slide down, one meeting the other, forming a longer stream of water. Each one’s only visible when we happen to pass under a streetlight. The edge of my fingernail follows the path until the small ball of water at the end meets the bottom of the window. I glance quickly at my phone, pressing the home button to bring it to life, only the solid black screen stares back at me.
It’s dead, like how I feel on the inside.
“What time is it?” My voice is garbled and my breath poisoned by the harsh aftertaste of vodka, tequila, and whatever else I managed to get my hands on, causing my stomach to twist. Being underage hasn’t stopped me from hitting every hotspot in Los Angeles, nor has it stopped the bouncers from letting me in. They all know who I am and not a single one of them cares because they know I’m there to spend money. Not to mention, I bring an entourage with me. For the club, it’s free promotion considering every one of my friends details our outings on social media.
“Just after three.” The driver’s foreign accent makes it sound like he said tree or maybe it was free. My mind is mush, and I feel like I’m on the verge of passing out. I lift my head to glance at his GPS, only to have a wave of nausea roll through me. I press my forehead back to the cold window and close my eyes.
“How much longer?”
“We’re here.” The car comes to an abrupt stop, throwing my body forward. I look into the rearview mirror and meet the driver’s eyes, and I swear he smirks. Blindly, I ruffle through my bag and pull out a twenty. The rate on the dash reads nineteen and some change.
“Here ya go.” I toss the bill at him and exit the car. He screeches away within seconds of me closing the door. “Asshole,” I mutter into the darkness.
Each step I take toward the apartment I share with my brother Quinn is painful. Tonight’s outing is definitely one for the record books. Aside from the copious amounts of flowing alcohol, the all-night dancing has done a number on my muscles.
I don’t know how long it takes with me fumbling around, trying to get my key in the lock before it opens. Quinn stands there, with his arm holding the door. The muscles in his arm strains, likely from the grip he has on the edge of the wood. The bright light from our living room lamp highlights his scowl almost perfectly, which is different for him because usually, Quinn’s expressionless, always stoic. It’s the troubled soul of a musician, only he’s not troubled. I swear if he were, I don’t think I’d be able to live with him.
“Thanks.” I step in, brushing against him.
“We need to talk, Elle.”
“Did someone die?” This is my automatic response to a statement like this. Quinn looks at me, his eyes cold and steady. I shrug. I know it’s a bad joke, but whatever. I don’t know why he expects anything different from me.
The door slams shut. The sound reverberates through the room, causing me to jump. “All right, can we at least turn the light off?” I shield my eyes when I look at him, exaggerating the fact that the light is too bright. His expression seems to worsen as he glares at me.
“Sit down.” Quinn’s command is forceful, demanding. He points to one of the two chairs we own. He’s set them up across from one another in the middle of our living room, almost like an interrogation, or better yet an intervention.
“What’s going on?” I sit with a huff, slouching in the chair with my legs kicked out in front of me. My brother sits down and grips the armrests, keeping his back straight and his eyes set on mine. Quinn is hard to read, always has been. I’m not joking when I say he’s a tortured or troubled musician, even though he grew up in the lap of luxury. The stigma still applies to him. He’s an old soul, according to our grandma, and carries some imaginary burden that only Quinn knows how to combat. “Quinn?”
“The partying has to stop, Elle.”
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t stutter. For the past year, you’ve been out of control. Most nights, you don’t even make it home. At first, I didn’t think it was anything. Nothing out of the ordinary, since you’re in college and this is what kids our age do, but recently, your habits are all over social media and Mom and Dad are throwing around words like court-ordered rehab.”
My mouth suddenly dries, my stomach rolls and my temper is on the verge of exploding. No one, not Quinn, my parents or even my sister can understand what I’ve been going through. What Quinn couldn’t bring himself to say is that since my twin sister almost died, since she was smashed up in a car, much like our father, and had to fight for her life, I haven’t been right. Nothing in my life seems right anymore, and partying is the only way I know how to cope. The drinking allows me to stay numb, it keeps my mind in a fog, so I don’t have to deal with the endless questions about how I’m doing, how Peyton is coming along or when am I going to settle down like her. The constant comparison, whether it's about our physical health or mental well-being is taking its toll. People seem to forget we’re twins, but we’re not the same person. “You have no right.”
“I have every right. I’m tired of watching you self-destruct. I was there too, Elle. I almost lost my sister as well, but you don’t see me drowning myself night after night with people who don’t care about me, who won’t protect me if something were to go wrong.”
“No, you’re perfect, right? You don’t let anything affect you. You don’t drink, do drugs or attempt to live life! You sit in your room, and write your songs, day after day and play them night after night at whatever bar or coffee shop will let you, until you get your big break. You sing to people who don’t care about you, who won’t rescue you if something were to go wrong. Seems we’re not much different in the way we’re coping.
”
Quinn shakes his head. “I’m not coping, Elle. I’ve moved on. I’ve come to terms with the fact Peyton almost died. It took me months, but you, it’s… this has to stop. No one’s saying you can’t go out and have fun, but night after night drunken escapades have to come to an end. We are all in agreement, things have to change.”
“Who’s we?”
“Mom and Dad. Peyton and I. Ben.”
“Ben?” My eyes divert to Quinn’s, and he nods. I shake my head, wondering when my best friend decided to betray me. He’s supposed to be my ride or die, but lately, he’s been distant, standoffish. Maybe this is why. Could it be he’s had enough of my crap and is trying to put some space between us? No, I don’t believe it. If anything, he’s got his nose in the books and is preparing for our upcoming finals.
“He’s worried about you. We all are.”
“None of you knows anything about me.” My hands push into my hair as I grunt. I want to scream, to shove Quinn against the wall and yell until he finally understands what it’s like to be me, if only for five minutes. Be Elle Powell-James, sister of Peyton who is engaged to Noah Westbury, and living their happy little life on social media for everyone to see. I shouldn’t think this way when it comes to my sister because she’s my lifeline, my best friend. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and if she knew how I felt, she’d crumble. The last thing she would ever want to do is hurt me.
Quinn sighs and rubs his hands down the front of his legs. He’s dressed like our dad, khaki shorts with combat boots with some random band shirt, likely a group from the seventies when ‘music was real’ and made with instruments and not computers.
“Dad received a call earlier tonight. He called me looking for you because your cell was going to voicemail.”
“It’s dead.”
Quinn nods. “Anyway, I’m sure you know how your night went, but Mom and Dad received an eyeful when some journalists sent them pictures of you. I had to talk Dad into staying home, but he’s angry, Elle.”
“Well, his sister didn’t almost die, did she?”
“At some point, Peyton’s accident can no longer be your excuse. You used it to ditch out of a semester of school. You’ve used it for your grades and now this.”
I turn away when I feel unshed tears threatening to escape. My throat tightens, and my body starts to ache. The impending onslaught of tears makes it hard to speak.
“These people you’re hanging out with are making sure everyone knows everything about you. Every night they post videos of the person we love, falling down drunk, hanging on strange men, and almost passed out in random clubs, for our viewing pleasure.”
“I haven’t seen anything like that. How do I know you’re not making this up?”
“Why would I? Why would I stay up until after three a.m. to have this talk with you if I were making any of this up? I value my sleep, Elle.”
“My friends wouldn’t do this.”
“They’re not your friends. They’re leeches, using you for your connections. They’re using you for the star power, which comes with saying they’ve hung out with you. They don’t care about you, no more than you care about them. How do you think Mom feels when she sees her daughter like that? Or Dad? Or the industry? You want to be a manager, but who’s going to bring you on staff when they can Google you and see what your lifestyle is like. Like it or not, we’re expected to act a certain way, behave as respected adults in the community. I don’t think our parents are asking too much of us.”
“And what if I don’t want to, huh?” My tone is defiant and harsh.
“You don’t have a choice.”
“Says who?”
Quinn adjusts in the chair. He pulls out his phone, and by his movements, I’m guessing he’s thumbing through his apps. He clears his throat. “Mr. and Mrs. James, We’re writing to let you know our facility can accommodate Elle Powell-James when you see fit to admit her. Please note, this is an intense ninety-day treatment and visitors will not be allowed unless family counseling is needed. We will restrict all outside communications as well. We have a strict paparazzi rule, and our guards will ensure all photographers are kept off the property to protect Elle’s privacy. Once you have your legal affairs in order, please let us know.”
I swallow hard as I try to understand what Quinn is reading, and am unable to hold my tears at bay any longer. My parents aren’t messing around, but what they don’t understand is, I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions. If I want to party, I can. If I want to drop out of school, I can. If I want…
“As you can see, Mom and Dad have had enough,” Quinn interrupts my thoughts. “And I think you know this, which is why you’ve been ignoring their calls, not going home to see them and dodging their visits.”
“I haven’t—”
“You have. Before Peyton’s accident, you and Mom spoke daily. When’s the last time you spoke with her? When’s the last time you’ve been home? If I had to guess, it was when Peyton was living there, but you haven’t been back since.”
“Texting is easier.”
“Only because you can avoid the elephant in the room. You need help, Elle.”
“I’m not going to some celebrity rehab center, Quinn.”
“Then stop!” His voice echoes off the walls. “Grow up and start acting like someone who has a future instead of the Hollywood cliché.”
“I’m not—”
“You are. That’s what gets me the most, Elle. This person you’ve become is the same person you’ve mocked since you moved here. All our lives, you’ve said you’d never become the socialite who uses her name to get into clubs or restaurants, and now look at you. You’ve become the epitome of someone you despise.”
“You don’t understand.”
Quinn nods. “I know, Elle. Peyton almost died. You’re twins, you felt it. I’ve heard every excuse you can come up with, blaming whatever it is you have going on, on Peyton and the accident.” He adjusts in the chair and leans forward with his arms resting on his legs. “Peyton’s healed. She’s moved on. She’s planning a wedding, finishing college and trying to make peace with her life. If she can do it, then so can you.” He taps my leg before getting up and leaving the room. I glance at the empty space Quinn’s left behind. The bright light blinds me, causing me to turn away. As soon as I hear Quinn’s door shut, I let the tears flow and the anger build. No one is going to tell me what to do with my life.
2
Ben
This is my usual spot. I’m sitting on the third to the last step of the concrete staircase, which leads to my apartment, waiting for Elle to come home. Night after night, I watch for the telltale sign of headlights and loud voices before I scurry up to my apartment, acting as if nothing is amiss. It’s when I’m in my apartment; I become this peeping tom character who I loathe. It’s not me, but the situation I’m in. Being in love with a woman who won’t give me the time of day weighs heavily on my self-worth. I’m not being fair, though, and shouldn’t assume Elle knows how I feel about her. It’s not like I’ve come clean and put my feelings out there. I’ve kept them shriveled up at the bottom of my heart, mostly out of fear she’ll reject me. I have no one to blame for my heartache other than myself.
After hours of sitting here, I’m numb. There are aches in parts of my body I didn’t know existed, yet I stay. Every person who uses the steps to reach the second and third floors stops and asks me if I’m okay. I am, truthfully, even if I want things to change. Elle worries me. Thoughts of her keep me up at night. I lose focus when I think about her, which is all the time, and yet this is the only way I can cope. I know I can go out with her, but being her standby, the guy who holds her coat at night and her hair when she’s puking in the bushes isn’t my idea of a good time. However, neither is this. Waiting here it’s only increasing the anxiety I feel brewing inside. I don’t want to see who she’s coming home with, yet I know I’ll look and let the pain of knowing some man is touching the woman I’m in love with flo
od through me.
At some point, you give up. Not emotionally, but physically, and you take your tired and sore legs up the stairs, one step at a time. And when you’re inside your apartment, alone and in the dark, you start to ask yourself why. Why are you waiting for someone who doesn’t wait for you? Why do you care? Why do you bother?
The answer is simple. I’m in love with her, and I have been since high school. For me, it was love at first sight. The love is unrequited, and for some reason, I’m okay with this because Elle is in my life, and having her there as a friend is better than the alternative.
I shut off all my lights and peek outside one more time before retreating to my room. I don’t bother to change my clothes, and flop down on my bed. Deep down, I know I have to stop worrying about Elle, stop watching her self-destruct and trust her family will intervene. I’m Elle’s best friend. I’ll be her rock, her confidante and the person she unleashes her fury on after her brother tells her she needs help.
When he came to me with the plan, I surprised myself by agreeing with him. Usually, I have Elle’s back, but in this case, he’s right. She needs help. I don’t know whether it’s rehab or therapy, but she hasn’t been right since Peyton’s accident. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she changes the subject almost instantly, or she brushes it off with some good ole fun.
My Unexpected Love: The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Page 1