4
Ben
It’s been my norm to stay on campus as long as possible after class. It’s easier to study here, and I have unlimited access to the library. Plus it gives me the opportunity to be a college student. Something I’ve missed since I’ve lived off campus this entire time, and while I like where I live, the complex is noisy, and there are far too many distractions, Elle being the biggest one of all. She knows I’d drop everything for her, but she’s also aware my grades are important to me. We’ve often joked about how our futures could align, with her in the music industry and me doing all her bands’ marketing.
I suppose there’s a chance those jokes or even dreams won’t come true if I don’t take the internship. I can put my dreams on hold and follow her around. It’s what I’ve been doing since we graduated college. I never wanted to come to UCLA, but it’s where she was going and the thought of not seeing her every day physically pained me. I know it’s not normal to feel this way about someone, especially when I’ve been so clearly friend zoned, but I do. If asked, I’d move heaven and earth for her. I wish I could say she’d never ask, but the thing is, she would and likely will someday and with my current mindset, I’d do whatever I could to please her.
The letter Professor Jacobs handed me the other day sits on the table, most of it underneath my textbook. I can see the address of the firm, peeking out. It’s one I memorized the day I figured out I wanted to work in advertising. To have the ability to create and engage an active audience through visual technique and words is fascinating. To learn from the best would be career defining. It’s my dream, and yet I haven’t told anyone about it. I wish I knew why.
I pull my book down, covering the rest of the paper. Right now, I’d rather not see it and feel like I’m making a rash decision. Everything I do or have done in the past, I’ve thought out fully or to the extent of Elle pleading with me. She means well, and I love her. Why wouldn’t I follow her everywhere?
Thing is, she could come with me to New York when the quarter’s over, assuming I have a job lined up. There are musicians in the bars there, she could easily find talent. We could share an apartment and go on pretending we’re best friends and one isn’t madly in love with the other.
“Yep, it’ll never work,” I mutter to myself, albeit a bit too loudly considering the amount of shushing going on in the library. I close my book and gather my papers before stuffing them into my bag. My last class is halfway across campus, and if I leave now, I can stop for something to eat and maybe a coffee. The extra dose of caffeine will do me some good and at least keep me from yawning in Jacobs’ class. The last thing I need is to upset him and have him yank my recommendation away.
Somewhere on campus, Elle should be studying. I thought about finding her, but neither of us would get anything done. In high school, we tried being studious, but other things would get in the way. Her house was always loud, between her sister, brother or her dad and the band, it was a revolving door of fun, and I was happy to be a part of it all. Elle wasn’t allowed at my house if my mother wasn’t home, even though we broke this rule a few times. My mom never believed me when I would say Elle and I were friends, and the last thing she wanted was to be a young grandmother. While I can assure her I have no children, I’m not so sure my brother can say the same thing.
As soon as I walk into the coffee shop, my work-study co-workers shout, “Happy Birthday.” With my coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other, I take the last available seat, next to the window and pull out my textbook. The pages are old, dog-eared, covered in highlighter and ripped in places, making it hard to read. This is what I get for living on a budget. I keep telling myself it’ll all be worth it, especially with this internship. I know if I don’t take it, I’ll regret it. However, what happens if I do?
My life shouldn’t be based on whether or not Elle is going to be there or not. Our friendship should withstand whatever career decisions we make. I’m not sure my heart will though. Color me a fool, chasing a girl who doesn’t want to be caught.
The words on the page blur together. My mind is unfocused, and I feel as if I’m not prepared for this test. It’s very unlike me to stress this much, but I want to pass it with flying colors, so Jacobs knows I’m serious about my future. I don’t know what to do about New York, but I do know Jacobs is waiting for an answer. I close the book, finish my coffee and toss the rest of my muffin in the trash as I head to the door.
The late afternoon sun feels hotter now than it did earlier, but I still find myself looking at it, wondering what the sunset will look like tonight. I have to admit, the sunsets here during the summer are amazing. For what, I’m not sure. It’s a reassuring feeling I get when I’m afforded the opportunity to watch.
I’m the first to arrive at Jacobs’ class. Thankfully, he’s nowhere to be seen, and if I have any sort of luck on my side, his grad assistant will be the one administering today’s test. I use the few minutes of quiet to close my eyes. I’m exhausted. Sleeping in a strange bed hasn’t done much for me, but going home would’ve been worse in my opinion.
I jolt awake at the sound of voices and quickly wipe at my chin, afraid I was drooling. Clearing my throat and sitting up, I smile at my classmates. A few give me strange looks, confirming I did, indeed, fall asleep. I can only hope I wasn’t snoring.
Thankfully, Jacobs’ assistant enters the room, giving me a reprieve for a few more hours. I’m not ready to give my professor an answer on the internship. I want to talk to Elle and see what she thinks. Her opinion is important to me, and I’ve always shared things with her.
The assistant starts the clock, and I get to work on what feels like a senior thesis more so than a test. Once again, I find myself out of focus and need to rub my eyes to clear away my blurred vision. When the graduate student announces we have ten minutes left, I feel as if I haven’t written a single word, yet the page is covered in my messy handwriting. I barely have time to look over what I wrote when he calls time, and my classmates start to walk down the steps to drop off their papers. He doesn’t say anything as I set mine in the basket, nor does he even look in my direction. Honestly, why should he? To him, I’m nothing more than a number.
On my way out of class, a few of the women smile and tell me they’ll see me later. I shake my head and say nothing. I don’t know if they’re assuming I’ll be at one of the many frat parties tonight or what, but the likelihood is, I won’t. I want to head home, take a swim, relax in the hot tub and finish my night off with a long shower with decent water pressure. The rooms on campus lack greatly in this department.
The traffic home is light, and I’m there within twenty minutes. The sun has set, and I’m honestly surprised to find our outside pool empty since it’s so warm out. A quick peek inside our rec room shows it’s empty, which is perfect. I like the solitude, the peace, and quiet.
I walk past Elle and Quinn’s door and pause. My hand’s raised to knock, but I refrain. I’m not sure why, other than I need to decompress this evening. There’s no doubt in my mind Elle will be over later or at least call me. A few hours by myself will be enough.
After I unlock and open my door, I jump at the loud chorus of voices yelling “surprise.” In the center of my room stands Elle, she’s wearing a party hat and blowing one of those ridiculous paper horns. Peyton and Quinn flank her, and while Noah’s here as well, there’s a group forming around him. I don’t envy him for a second with his career. The poor guy can’t go anywhere without someone asking for his autograph or a picture. Same goes for Quinn and his music. He already has a fan base following him around. I suppose they’re all used to it though.
“Happy birthday,” Elle says to me as she wraps her arms around my waist. This feels good, holding her close to my body. I’m not sure I can let her go for the last quarter of school.
“Thank you.” I look into her blue eyes and know I can’t leave. Tearing my gaze away from her, she uses this moment to disengage from me. The loss is immediately felt and is a
stark reminder we’re only friends. I look at the rest of the people in my small apartment and nod. “Thank you all for coming. This truly means the world to me.”
One by one, people come up to me, shaking my hand and giving me well wishes. Most of these people I’ve never seen before in my life, and it makes me wonder who they are, where they came from and why they’re here. Most, if not all, have to be friends of Elle’s, which has me questioning, is this my party or hers?
There are a few classmates, and the girls who said they’d see me later are here. I can’t remember their names though, and they didn’t bother telling me what they are when they wish me a happy birthday. They’re in the corner, chatting up Quinn, who raises his bottle of water in my direction. I wish I had his charm when it came to the opposite sex. If I did, I probably wouldn’t pine after Elle the way I do.
“Hey, thanks for coming. You guys didn’t have to fly in from Chicago for this.” I kiss Peyton on her cheek and shake hands with Noah. Since Peyton’s accident, she and I have grown closer. We’ve become each other’s confidant, and she’s really the only one who knows how I feel about Elle. For a while, we thought Elle was dating someone. I’m still not convinced she isn’t, but whoever it may be, they never come around. I wouldn’t put it past Elle to date someone her parents don’t approve of either. Lately, she’s on this rebellious streak, trying to make the most out of her life, according to her.
“We’re happy to be here, Ben,” Peyton says. “Besides, I miss my parents and the beach.”
“And the warmer weather,” Noah adds.
“Yeah, you guys had a major snowstorm the other day. I can easily say I’ll take the L.A. weather over Chicago’s.”
“You’re telling me. Thankfully, I don’t have to shovel. I never thought I’d love living in an apartment, but let me tell you, it’s heaven right now.” Noah looks at Peyton with nothing but love in his eyes. I have no doubt this is exactly how I look at Elle. The only difference is Peyton returns his admiration, and Elle, well I’m not entirely sure because I refuse to ask, out of fear. I don’t want her to tell me we’re friends and we’ll never be anything more. Deep down, I know this. I just don’t need to hear the words.
5
Elle
From where I stand, Ben and his brother are in deep conversation. Every so often, Brad looks around the room, probably eyeing up his next conquest or weeklong girlfriend. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s never dated anyone past the seven-day mark. Back in high school, girls flocked to him. The appeal is there. He’s the bad boy with a hot body and his always tousled hair, constant stubble, and lived-in leather jacket. When he turned seventeen, instead of cashing his savings in for a reliable car, he bought a motorcycle. I used to tease Quinn, saying Brad fit more into our family than he did.
I used to wonder when Ben was going to morph into Brad given that he used to idolize him when we were young, but, as we grew older the change never came. Ben was and still is my good guy. The one I can count on for anything. Peyton says I’m too dependent on Ben, and maybe she’s right, but I can’t imagine my life without him.
Brad nods to me and raises his beer in what I’m guessing to be a silent thank you for throwing his brother a birthday party. To this day, Brad still doesn’t understand I would do anything for Ben.
“Elle, we should have been cutting the cake.” Peyton’s voice tears my gaze away from the Miller brothers.
“Otherwise I’m liable to bump into it, and I can’t control what my hand does.” I turn and look at my soon to be brother-in-law who shrugs.
“You wouldn’t.”
He nods and smiles brightly. “I would. I’m hungry.”
“There’s a ton of food here.” I point over his shoulder where the six-foot-long table has everything from pizza, wings, chips, and dips to finger sandwiches.
“Ever since we went cake tasting, it’s all he’s been asking for.” Peyton puts her arms around his waist and pulls him closer, resting her head on his chest.
“You went cake tasting without me?” There’s a definite whine in my voice. Peyton picks her head up and looks away sheepishly. “P?”
“It’s my fault,” Noah says. “There was this bridal expo in town and a few weeks back, and we went.”
“Without me? You didn’t even tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to stress with finals coming up, Elle. I promise.” Peyton pulls away from Noah to take my free hand in hers. I down the rest of my wine before glancing at her. By the look in her eyes, she knows I’m upset. I don’t really want to hurt my sister’s feelings, but I want to be there when she plans her wedding. She’s only dreamed of marrying Noah for as long as I can remember, and I want to help her make her fairy tales come true. “I haven’t planned a single thing. Noah and I went to look, and truthfully, he had to force me to go.”
“Kicking and screaming,” Noah adds.
“Hey, are we going to cut the cake?” Quinn interrupts. Noah gives him a high-five while Peyton giggles and I roll my eyes.
“You too?”
Quinn shrugs. “What am I missing?”
“Nothing, come on.” With my family behind me, we meander through the student body. Every few steps, someone tries to stop Noah and talk football. He’s polite though and tells him he’ll circle back around later. I don’t know how he does it. If it’s not people asking about his dad, they’re on him about football. Growing up in Beaumont, no one really bothered with us, no one really cared. The band was always good to our community, and I think giving us the privacy we needed to grow up normal was their way of thanking them.
Quinn and Noah holler out to the room, asking them to quiet down for me. “Ben, if you could come over here for a second.” Ben makes his way through the crowd. He’s about six inches taller than most of the group, with the exception of Noah and a few other guys. “Everyone, on the count of three we’re going to sing happy birthday to my best friend.” I put my arm around his waist and look at him as I start to sing. For most of the song, he’s staring at me. I can’t ascertain what his expression means. He’s not smiling, but not frowning either. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at reading people. I want to ask him what he’s thinking, but the song is coming to an end, and his attention is no longer focused on me, but at the room full of his friends.
“Thank you. This has literally been the best surprise of my life. And thank you, Elle, for doing this.”
“You’re welcome. Now let’s cut the cake.”
“Yes, please!” Noah and Quinn yell out in unison. I turn away from Ben and hand him the knife, while Peyton starts pulling apart the paper plates. Once Ben slices through the cake, I take over and finish, making sure he gets the first piece.
“I know you didn’t make this, but it’s delicious. Thank you.”
Again, I tell him he’s welcome before he disappears into the crowd. Once everyone has cake, Peyton and I rest against the table, eating our slices, and watch as everyone mingles. “I’m going to see if Ben needs anything.” I polish off another glass of wine. I promised myself I wouldn’t drink, but I need the liquid courage to get through the night.
When I finally make it over to him, he’s chatting up one of the girls from his class. I have no idea who she is, but she keeps putting her hand on his arm, and when she laughs, she throws her head back. Instantly, I’m not a fan. She’s trying too hard.
“Hi, I’m Elle,” I say, sticking my hand toward her.
“Bailey,” she says as she reaches for my hand. Her handshake is weak and has no conviction, and her eyes shift back to Ben’s instead of mine. I can tell she likes him. Ben and Bailey. Bailey and Ben. Nope. I don’t like it. I step closer to Ben and hook my finger into his belt loop, pulling him closer to me. He leans toward me, smiling, as I move my finger over his upper lip.
“You have a bit of frosting here.” He doesn’t, but I want to send Bailey a message. My Ben needs someone like me to take care of him.
Ben’s hand rests on my waist. He leans farther
down, so his lips are close to my ear. “Are you drunk?”
I shake my head, hating myself because the lie comes easily. Tonight has to be about Ben and not my issues. The last thing I want is for him to worry about me. He needs to have fun and enjoy his birthday party. He can scold me later after everyone is gone.
“I think you are.”
Instead of answering, I lean my head on his chest and start swaying to the music playing in the background. I don’t know what song’s playing, but I like it. It’s slow and sensual, and I find myself pushing into Ben. His hand moves from my waist as his arm brings me even closer, pressing his body into mine. I don’t know how long we stay like this, but with the combination of his arms around me, our bodies aligned and the beating of his heart against mine, I find myself crying.
My body shudders as a sob works its way through. “What’s wrong?” he asks. The only response I can muster is to shake my head. Ben knows better though. He always does.
He pulls away and yells out that the party is over. A few people groan, and I use this time to slip into the bathroom to clean up. My reflection is nothing to be proud of with my black mascara leaving tear stains down my cheeks. “So much for waterproof.” I take my sweet time, hoping everyone is gone when I emerge. Only Peyton and Noah are left. My sister rushes over to me and pulls me into her arms.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just had a moment.” What the moment was, I have no idea. I don’t know what came over me and or why my emotions are getting the best of me. “I’m going to stay and clean up.”
My Unexpected Love: The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Page 3