by Sherry Lewis
Laura’s reaction to the news about Larry had surprised her. So had Laura’s certainty that Larry posed a threat of some kind to DJ and Marissa. But her refusal to elaborate left DJ frustrated and angry.
Pressing the fingers of one hand to her forehead, DJ thought back over the times she and Marissa had been around Larry since he’d first appeared in her driveway. She’d seen flashes of temper and she had been more careful around him since that day at the zoo. Even she couldn’t excuse the way he’d treated Marissa then.
Pulling her hand away from her forehead, she stared at it for a long time, as if she expected it to give her the answers. When she realized what she was doing, she laughed at herself and pushed away from the desk.
She had to admit Larry frightened her a little, and Laura’s reaction had worried her more than she’d let on. But that only made it harder to tell Larry she wanted him to leave—not easier.
WHILE DJ TUCKED Marissa into bed and read her a story, Adam reworded a paragraph of his report and saved his document He’d been pretending to write his book since dinner and hating every minute he had to spend on the computer. He didn’t like computers. Never had. He didn’t like making DJ believe he was working on his nonexistent book while he struggled with the report. He felt better since deciding to tell DJ the truth, and he planned to do it tonight But even knowing he’d made the right decision didn’t make him less uneasy about what he had to do.
He glanced at the kitchen doorway, wishing DJ would come back so he could get it over with. He’d apologize for deceiving her. He’d tell her he loved her. And then he’d hold his breath and wait for her to either send him away or forgive him.
The computer made a couple of grinding noises, then blinked the report onto the screen again and waited for him to type more. He held back a heavy sigh and bent over the keyboard again.
Even under the best of circumstances, completing a report in the painstaking detail Thomas Dodge demanded was a challenge. But tonight, with so many other things on his mind, Adam had to struggle for every word. He didn’t know why he bothered. Chuck and Dodge would probably yank him from duty by morning. But he had to do something while he waited.
He stared at the screen for a few minutes, but he couldn’t drag his mind back to the task at hand. Almost too soon, he heard DJ’s footsteps in the hallway. A second later she came into the room.
Deep-toned and rich, her hair hung below her shoulders, and she stared at him with eyes dark as the night. She seemed different, somehow. More fragile. More guarded.
He dimmed the screen on the computer and tried to force a smile. “She’s in bed, then?”
“Yes,” she said. “Finally.”
He let his gaze linger on her face and tried to read her expression. “You look tired.”
She crossed the room and dropped onto a chair beside his. Lacing her fingers, she propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin on the bridge of her fingers. “I am. Today was a very long day.”
“You were busy at the store?”
She lowered her eyes and looked away, almost as if she wanted to avoid his gaze. “Not really.”
Adam studied her for another second, but she refused to look up. “What’s wrong?”
DJ stiffened and glanced uneasily at him, but immediately returned her gaze to the table. “What makes you ask that?”
“It’s written all over your face.”
She touched one hand to her cheek and smiled, but it didn’t look genuine. She looked troubled. Concerned. Confused.
“What is it?” he asked again.
She hesitated for a long moment before she finally answered. “I talked to my sister today.”
No wonder she seemed distracted. “She’s back from her trip?”
DJ nodded. “She and Bob got home this morning.”
“And you asked her about Galloway?”
She nodded again but didn’t elaborate.
Adam tried to be patient and wait for her to give him the details. But when she hadn’t spoken after a few seconds, he cocked an eyebrow at her. “And—?” he prompted. “What did she say?”
DJ shrugged listlessly. “Apparently Larry was in prison before he showed up here.” She flushed a deep red.
Adam held back a relieved sigh. That made one less thing he had to tell her. One less reason for her to turn him away. “Did she say what he was in for?”
She nodded, but she still wouldn’t look at him. “She said he was convicted of assault with a deadly weapon.” She looked almost embarrassed—even worried—as if she expected him to hold Larry’s past against her.
Her reaction touched Adam deeply. He longed to take her into his arms and reassure her. He ached to pull her close and kiss away her uncertainty. But he only touched her hand with his fingertips. “I see. And how do you feel about that?”
She gave a bitter laugh and looked at him. “I don’t know. Betrayed, I guess. Again.” She shook her head and looked away. “And incredibly stupid.”
“Stupid?” Adam tightened his hold on her hand. “Why?”
Pulling her hand from his, she stood. “I should have expected something like this. I should have known.”
“How could you have known?”
“I could have asked.”
“You think he would have told you the truth if you had?” He smiled gently to take any sting from his words and added, “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“I could have asked,” she insisted. “But I didn’t. I could have hired a private investigator to check him out, but I trusted him. I could have taken you up on your offer to find out about him—” She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t want to know the truth. Maybe I wanted to believe—just for a little while.”
Her words hit Adam like a blow to the stomach. So much depended on this conversation, he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing. But she looked hurt and far too vulnerable. All at once this didn’t seem like the time to unburden himself. He couldn’t justify adding anything else to the list of problems she had to contend with.
He pushed aside the niggling thought that he might be using her emotional state as an excuse to avoid something unpleasant. “Maybe you needed to believe in him.”
She laughed without humor. “The ironic thing is, if I’d been doing business with him, I’d have been much more careful. I’d have checked references and made sure I knew who I was doing business with.”
Adam rose, as well. He couldn’t let her beat herself up over this. But he felt like a jerk going to her, holding her, offering comfort without removing the lie that stood between them. For a heartbeat, he considered taking a chance and telling her anyway. But when she met his gaze and he saw the pain in her eyes, he knew he had no right to soothe his conscience at her expense. He couldn’t follow this latest betrayal with one of his own.
She paced away again and stared out the window into the night. Sighing, she leaned her head on the corner of a cabinet and sent him a sideways glance. “I want to believe he’s changed, but I can’t forget the way he treated Marissa at the zoo. I can’t ignore his temper any longer. He’s upset my whole staff and Ramon’s ready to quit—”
Adam lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “You’re right to be cautious.”
“How do I tell him I’ve changed my mind? How do I tell him to leave? You know how he is. He wants to be part of everything, and he doesn’t even understand why I want to take things slowly. What do you think he’ll do if I tell him I don’t want him around anymore?”
Adam stuffed his hands into his pockets and forced himself to stay on his own side of the room. She’d run away from him twice—he wouldn’t chase her. “If you’re ready to send him away, I’ll do what I can to help.”
She gave him an anguished glance. “How do I do that?”
Adam had a few ideas, but none that would pass Chuck’s and Thomas Dodge’s scrutiny. “Start by telling him you need a few days when he’s not around while you figure out how you feel abo
ut him coming back.”.
She shook her head slowly. “What good would that do? He’ll just come back again.”
“If he does, I’ll be here.”
DJ’s eyes darkened but she didn’t argue.
Again, the urge to pull her into his arms rocked Adam to his very soul, but he battled the urge and leaned one shoulder against the refrigerator. “I’ll be right here with you,” he repeated.
DJ didn’t look sad and lost anymore. Her eyes snapped with anger and her face was flushed. Standing there in bare feet, jeans and a T-shirt, she looked more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. “Why can’t finding my father be simple, exciting and beautiful? Why does it have to be ugly, frightening and confusing?”
Adam couldn’t answer that, but neither could he tear his gaze from her. Abandoning the battle with his self-control, he walked toward her. He expected her to pull away again as he drew near; instead, she lifted her chin and stared into his eyes.
Silently, hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to the side of her cheek. “You don’t have to do this alone, you know. We’ll get through tomorrow together, and we’ll get Larry to back off a little and give you some time.”
“I can’t ask for your help.” She spoke so softly, he could scarcely hear her.
“You’re not asking, I’m offering.”
She tried to smile, but her lips trembled and he could see what the effort cost her. “Laura wants me to ask you to stay so you can protect us.”
“I can do that.”
“No.” She shook her head again. “I can’t ask that of you and I won’t hide behind you.”
“You? Hide behind me?” He worked his arms a little tighter around her waist. “In my wildest dreams, I can’t imagine you hiding behind anyone.”
She looked away quickly, but not before he caught the gleam of unshed tears in her eyes.
He hated seeing her hurt, and hated even more knowing he was partially responsible. Tilting her chin until their eyes met again, he whispered, “You could try letting someone stand beside you. That wouldn’t hurt too much, would it?”
She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”
“I haven’t, either,” he admitted. “Not really.”
This time, he drew a genuine laugh from her, but she sobered instantly and studied his face for one heart-stopping moment. “How do you do this to me? How do you make me smile—even laugh—in my darkest moments?”
He lifted one shoulder in what he hoped looked like a nonchalant shrug, but his heart pounded and his senses were filled with her. “I guess that’s the kind of guy I am. Amazing, isn’t it?”
He tried grinning at her, but his smile wouldn’t stay in place. Cupping her chin with one hand, he searched her eyes and tried to tell himself he shouldn’t take advantage of her vulnerability. But logic had no power over his thoughts. He lowered his lips to hers and brushed a kiss across her mouth, then another.
She leaned into him and slid her arms around his neck, and she offered more with the touch of her lips than he’d ever dared imagine. Her kiss robbed him of breath and filled him with hope.
When he ran his tongue across her lips, she opened her mouth to him and moaned softly. Desire swept through him, and he deepened the kiss. He pulled her closer until the soft swell of her breasts pressed against his chest. He wanted her. He needed her. And in this moment, he believed she needed him just as much.
Tightening the embrace, he crushed her against him. Every nerve tingled as if his body had been asleep for a long time and had just awakened. He used his fingers to trace the curve of her spine and the swell of her hips, and he reveled in the luxury of holding her in his arms.
He trailed kisses along her jawline, then buried his face in the hollow of her neck and let his mouth play across the skin there. With her eyes closed, she tilted her head back and moaned again. A fresh wave of desire rolled through him, tightening his loins and sending fire through his veins.
He captured her mouth again and nipped softly at her lips with his teeth. Her lips curved into a smile, and she let her hands run down his back and settle around his waist. He pulled her solidly against him and held her there for a moment while he studied her face—her eyes, her chin, her throat—and realized how much he’d give to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to possess her—to make her his. But no man could possess a woman like DJ; to try would destroy everything fine and wonderful about her.
He leaned forward to kiss her again, but this time she pushed him away gently with the palms of both hands. Struggling to catch her breath, she managed an apologetic smile. “If you kiss me like that again, I’m going to trip you and beat you to the floor.” Her grin widened, but she shook her head slowly. “But I can’t. Marissa’s in the next room, and—”
Adam touched two fingers to her lips and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I know. I don’t want to take any chances, either.” At this moment it felt like a lie, but he knew that when reason returned, he’d be glad they’d waited, if only for DJ’s sake.
He couldn’t let desire rob him of reason or take them somewhere DJ might later regret. He couldn’t allow their relationship to reach a new level with a lie standing between them.
He didn’t want to risk DJ’s eventually resenting him for trapping her when she was most vulnerable. He’d survived many things during his life, but just the thought of losing DJ made his stomach clench in fear.
She’d never know how much he wanted her or what effort it took to release her. His world felt empty without her in his arms, and letting her go was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wanted to hold her forever. He wanted to feel her silky softness pressed against him. He wanted her.
For the first time in his life, he’d found someone from whom he couldn’t remain detached on some level. The realization frightened and exhilarated him at the same time. And he knew, deep in his soul, that he couldn’t risk losing her or he would never survive.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CLUTCHING HER FIRST cup of morning coffee in one hand, DJ held open the front door for Marissa and Holly with the other, then followed them outside. She blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight and stifled a yawn as she lowered herself to the steps.
She’d spent most of the night awake reliving Adam’s kiss and agonizing over her family. Sometime during the night, she’d stopped playing games with herself about her feelings for Adam. She wanted a life with him, a future. She’d even come to terms with her conflicting feelings toward Larry. And for the first time in two weeks, she felt as if she had her life back on track.
Leaning her back against the step behind her, she looked out over her yard and savored the cool, clean air and the bright morning sunshine. The trees had already turned red and gold, a layer of leaves lined the street and the chill from the concrete crept through the denim of her jeans.
She loved autumn with its warm days and cool nights. But this fall had been so different, she hadn’t had time to enjoy the season. She hadn’t taken Marissa for a drive through the Wasatch Mountains to look at fall leaves. She hadn’t planted any new fall bulbs in her garden. She hadn’t even thought about decorating for Halloween. But with her life on a more even keel, she would be able to do all that and more in the weeks ahead.
Sighing with contentment, she watched as Marissa raced Holly across the lawn. At the street, the girl pivoted back to face her. “Can we go to the park, Mommy? P’ease?”
DJ sipped coffee and smiled. “All right, if that’s what you want to do on my day off.”
“It is, it is. Can we take Adam, too?”
Just the mention of his name made DJ smile. “We can ask him, but he might need to stay home and work.”
“No he won’t. He doesn’t like to work.”
He didn’t seem to—at least not with the same zeal her mother put into her writing. DJ had to admit, she found Adam’s more laid-back approach to his career easier to live with than
her mother’s near obsession. “We’ll ask him.”
“Can I ask him right now?”
“I think he’s still asleep. Let’s wait until he wakes up.”
“He might be awake right now. I could go see.” Without waiting for DJ’s permission, Marissa started up the steps.
“Oh no, you don’t.” DJ snagged Marissa by the waistband of her pants and held her in place.
Marissa’s face puckered into a frown. “But there’s nothing to do.”
“Play with Holly a while longer. We can go to the park after breakfast.”
Marissa’s face fell, but she stopped struggling against DJ’s hold. “I hope he wakes up soon.”
As if on cue, the front door opened behind them and Adam stepped onto the porch looking as if he’d just climbed out of bed. He wore faded jeans and an untucked, unbuttoned thermal shirt His hair stood up in soft spikes, and a night’s growth of beard darkened his cheeks and chin. He looked incredible. More seductive than any man should so early in the morning.
DJ’s pulse raced and her heart gave its now familiar leap at the sight of him.
Marissa shouted with delight and bounded up the steps toward him. “Goody. You’re awake. See, Mommy? He’s awake. Will you come with us to the park?”
“Let him wake up first,” DJ said.
He met her gaze, and a slow, sexy smile crossed his face. “Tell you what, squirt. Let me talk to your mom for a few minutes. We can play in a while.” He ruffled Marissa’s hair, but kept his gaze firmly riveted on DJ as he spoke.
Marissa scowled, but Adam’s promise seemed to satisfy her. Slapping her thigh, she called Holly and skipped down the steps to the lawn.
Adam watched her race away, then grinned at DJ and seated himself on the step behind her. When their eyes met, everything inside her seemed to liquify. His knees touched her shoulders as he sat, and desire coursed through her. Leaning slightly forward, he brushed a quick kiss across her lips. “Good morning.”
She grinned up at him, content in his presence, secure by his side. “Good morning. Do you want coffee? It’s fresh.”