by Sherry Lewis
Adam’s heart sank, even though he’d expected just such a reaction.
“Mommy, no!” Marissa stiffened in DJ’s arms, and for a moment, Adam feared she would try to get away from her mother and come to him. Luckily, DJ held her tightly.
Lifting her chin in a gesture of defiance, DJ stared into his eyes. “You knew who he was all along, didn’t you?”
“I had his picture and a report from the agency, but I didn’t know he was your father until he told you.”
Galloway chuckled low in his throat and tried to lift his head. “Didn’t I tell you he was hiding something?”
Anger tightened Adam’s shoulders and constricted his chest. He wanted to shut Galloway’s mouth—permanently. He needed a chance to make DJ understand.
She took another step away, but her face twisted in pain. “Stop it!” she shouted at Galloway. “Don’t say another word.”
Adam held out a hand to her. “DJ, please. Wait until I can turn Galloway over to the police. Then we’ll talk.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Laura said. “The man was just doing his job.”
Galloway tried to lift his head again. “Don’t listen to her, Devon. The guy’s a jerk. I’ve been trying to tell you that since I got here.”
“Stop it!” DJ glared at each of them in turn. “I don’t want to hear another word—not from any of you.”
Marissa cupped DJ’s face with her hands. “Mommy, please don’t cry. Let Adam stay. He’ll make you smile.”
Adam’s heart felt as if it would break. His stomach clenched and twisted.
DJ kissed Marissa on the forehead, but she shook her head. “No, sweetheart. He can’t stay.”
“But Mommy—”
“Marissa, I said no.”
Tears welled up in Marissa’s eyes, but in the next second her little mouth set in the stubborn lines Adam had already learned to recognize. Before he could react, Marissa stiffened, twisted in DJ’s arms and launched herself at him. “I want Adam.”
DJ struggled to hold her, but Marissa fell straight toward the deck like a rock. Left with no choice, Adam turned from Larry just long enough to catch her before she hit the deck and then push her back toward her mother. But in that half second, Galloway scrambled out from under him and lurched to his feet. Before DJ could pull Marissa back to safety, Galloway kicked Adam in the groin.
Searing pain tore through his body and knocked the wind out of his lungs. He doubled over, gasping for air. He told himself to stand straight and take Galloway back into custody, but his body wouldn’t respond. A second later, pain exploded in the back of his head and he felt himself falling toward the deck.
Even through the throbbing haze, Adam could hear Laura shouting and the sound of her footsteps as she ran after Galloway. “Call the police, DJ! He’s getting away!”
Adam tried to pull himself together, but the pain wouldn’t subside. He could hear Marissa crying, but he couldn’t focus well enough to see anything.
If he could only stand—He tried, but the throbbing tore through him again. All the sounds and voices mingled together until, at last, he heard Laura’s feet climbing up the steps, panting as she struggled to catch her breath. “I couldn’t catch him. He’s gone.”
At long last, the pain subsided enough to let Adam roll onto his back. He opened his eyes and stared straight ahead into the cloudless sky while DJ rushed inside and closed the door behind her. He’d failed Chuck, Thomas Dodge and Christina Prescott. He’d failed Marissa and Laura.
And worst of all, he’d failed DJ.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SLOWLY, STILL IN PAIN, Adam struggled to his feet.
Laura came up behind him and touched his shoulder. “You should have killed him.”
He glanced back at her without speaking.
A sad smile curved her lips, and the light in her eyes told him she was only half serious.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded slowly and touched her fingertips to the bruise on her cheek. “He’s hurt me much worse than this, before. The question is, are you okay?”
Adam nodded. He’d be fine. But he didn’t want to think about the damage Galloway had done to the women in his life. He put an arm around Laura’s shoulder and drew her against his chest. She relaxed against him for a second or two, then pulled away again and looked up at him. “So—? What are you going to do about my sister?”
“What about her?”
“Are you going to try talking sense into her or not?”
Adam studied her expression, but she gave nothing away. “What kind of sense?”
She pushed away from him with a soft chuckle. “If you don’t know, you’re in worse shape than I thought.” She grinned up at him, leaving no doubt about her meaning this time.
“She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Laura sighed as if he were incredibly slow-witted. “She’s in love with you, you idiot. I know her well enough to see that.”
He allowed himself a glimmer of hope.
“Go on,” she urged, and pushed him toward the house. “Talk to her.” When he still hesitated, she nudged him forward again. “Go on. She’s stubborn. Pigheaded. Unreasonable. All the women in our family are. One of these days, Bob can tell you how hard I made him work to win me over.”
In spite of his apprehension, Adam smiled. “You think she’ll talk to me?”
Laura rolled her eyes at him. “Of course she will. She’s standing in there right now, wondering what’s taking you so long to come after her.”
Encouraged, Adam climbed the porch steps again. But when he reached the front door, he hesitated. What if Laura was wrong? What if DJ didn’t want him? What if she sent him away?
Drawing in a deep breath, he forced himself to knock. He would never know unless he tried.
With his heart in his throat, he waited for DJ to answer. When a full minute went by without a response, he knocked again. With every passing second, his anxiety grew. He’d never had so much at stake—not only his heart, but his entire world stood behind that locked door.
“She’d better answer,” Laura said softly in his ear.
She had to answer. Adam’s life depended on it. He lifted his hand to knock again just as the door creaked open. DJ stood there in its shadow, looking lovelier than ever.
Adam’s heart pounded in his chest, and he wondered how he would ever manage to get the words out. “I need to talk to you. Please let me explain why I didn’t tell you the truth.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his, but she didn’t move away from the door. “There isn’t anything to say.”
“Please.” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d pleaded with a woman for anything.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Laura said. “Let the poor guy inside.”
He waited for DJ to respond, but she remained silent. “I need to talk to you,” he said again. “I need to explain.”
DJ lifted one shoulder in a listless shrug. “All right. Explain.”
Not here. Not standing on the porch like some door-to-door salesman. “Do you mind if I come inside?”
DJ waited a long time before she stepped aside to let him pass, and even then she didn’t meet his gaze.
Laura took Marissa from her arms and disappeared with her into the kitchen, leaving them alone. He followed DJ to the couch and sat on one end.
He looked deep into her eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say, he didn’t know how to start. “All right,” he admitted at last. “I lied to you. I’m sorry.” The words sounded weak and useless, but he couldn’t force any others from his parched throat
She didn’t answer.
Well, what had he expected? That she’d leap up and shout for joy? That she’d forgive him just like that? “I’ve wanted to tell you who I am and what I’m doing here almost from the beginning, but I couldn’t I was under orders not to tell you anything. Your mother didn’t want you to know—”
She started to speak, but he held up one hand.
“Please. Let me finish or I’ll never be able to say it.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Fine. Go ahead.”
“Telling you the truth about myself would have cost me my job. Until today, I didn’t realize how little my job means without you in my life. I love you, DJ. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
She shook her head slowly. “You expect me to believe you?”
Yes. He expected her to believe him. He needed her to believe him. But he could only say, “I hope you will.”
“You lied to me.”
“If I could undo that, I would. I’d start over this minute. I’d give anything to go back to the beginning, but I can’t.”
“No,” she said. “You can’t.”
“I can’t imagine life without you and Marissa in it.”
She didn’t speak for so long, he began to hope she’d relent. But she only shook her head again and stood. She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and looked away. “I think it would be best if you packed your things and left now. Laura and I can keep Marissa busy while you leave. I don’t want her to have to see you go. You’ve already hurt her enough.”
Pushing to his feet, he thought frantically for some way to reach her. But his mind remained a stubborn blank. All his hopes and dreams crashed around him, and the heart he’d been so anxious to offer her grew cold.
DJ CARRIED THE LAST of her kitchen chairs into the living room, grabbed the broom and dustpan from the closet and limped back into the kitchen. In spite of her throbbing knee and ankle, she’d already polished every piece of furniture she owned, cleaned tile grout in her bathroom and scoured the refrigerator and stove until they gleamed.
She’d kept herself busy all day, pausing only long enough to feed Marissa and tuck her into bed. But she hadn’t been able to work off the restless energy that had kept her moving since she’d watched Adam disappear around the corner the day before.
Her hair fell across her shoulders and down her back, damp from exertion. The last time she’d passed a mirror, she’d seen two huge dust smudges on her face, and her T-shirt and jeans definitely needed to hit the laundry the minute she took them off.
She took an almost-perverse pleasure in her appearance—as if it would prove how miserable she was if anyone cared enough to look at her. The ironic part was, there was no one left in her life who cared enough. In one horrible morning, she’d lost everyone but Marissa.
She forced away the tears that stung her eyes and attacked the kitchen floor with the broom. She supposed she ought to wait until morning to clean the floor—she would certainly be able to see better in the daylight. But if she stopped moving, she’d start thinking. And she didn’t want to think.
Dumping the contents of the dustpan into the garbage, she replaced the broom in the closet and pulled out a scrub brush and bucket. She turned on the hotwater tap and stuck the bucket beneath it. Standing on tiptoe, she rummaged through the cupboard for the floor cleaner.
The telephone rang into the silence, startling her. She glanced at it, hesitated and decided to ignore it. She didn’t want to talk to anyone—not Adam, not her mother, not Laura, and especially not Larry. None of them had anything to say she wanted to hear. But she couldn’t stop her heart from wishing she would hear Adam’s voice when the answering machine picked up the call. He’d already called her twice.
The machine clicked on after the fourth ring. She poured floor cleaner into the hot water while she listened to her own voice reciting her recorded greeting. But when the message came, it was her mother’s voice, not Adam’s.
“DJ? Sweetheart? If you’re there, pick up the phone.” She paused, waiting for DJ to answer. “DJ? I’m at Laura’s right now, and I need to talk to you. Please? I’m sorry. I only did what I thought was best. I never meant to hurt you.”
Tears burned DJ’s eyes and her throat tightened. She knew her mother loved her—Christina’s pain came through clearly in her voice.
She took a step toward the phone, but she had no idea what she would say if she answered. In the end, she hesitated too long. The answering machine reached the end of its time limit and beeped loudly as it disconnected.
Guilt and despair mixed with anger, and she didn’t know which made her feel worse. On top of that, she felt an inexplicable disappointment when she realized Adam had given up trying to reach her.
Damn him. She didn’t need him. She glared at her reflection in the kitchen window. Why did she care whether or not he called? The only difference between Adam and everyone else was that she’d allowed herself to fall in love with him.
No, she insisted silently. She didn’t love him. The Adam she loved didn’t even exist. He’d been a lie, like everything else. Just another lie.
ADAM PACED the length of the tiny kitchen in his apartment from the door to the window and back again. Outside, clouds covered the moon, the wind howled and icy raindrops pattered against the glass.
He’d spent the past two days thinking. About DJ. About Marissa. About his career. And he’d taken a good, hard look at himself.
By this morning, he’d come to terms with the mess he’d made of everything. By midday, he’d slipped into a blue funk. Now that evening had rolled around again, the extent of his mistake hovered in front of his eyes.
He’d cursed himself a thousand different ways and thought of a dozen different things he should have said to DJ. But in his heart, he knew that nothing would have made any difference.
DJ would never forgive him.
He’d spent hours thinking about Marissa and wondering how she’d taken the news that he’d gone. Just the thought of her deep brown eyes filled with tears made his own eyes grow misty.
He was restless. Anxious. Troubled.
Maybe he was deluding himself. Maybe Victoria had been right all along. Maybe he’d never be able to hold a family together. Maybe he would make a lousy father.
He stopped by the kitchen window and stared out into the night. He swore aloud and started pacing again.
He’d lost everyone he’d ever loved—and for what? His career. Big deal. A career couldn’t keep him company on a cold winter night. A career couldn’t make him laugh or warm his heart. A career couldn’t soothe his temper when he lost it or hold his hand when he needed it.
And the worst thing about it was, he couldn’t blame anyone else for this one—not even Galloway, although the temptation to find some way to do so overwhelmed him at times. No. He’d brought this on himself.
Shaking his head in disgust, he went to the refrigerator and yanked open the door. He hadn’t eaten all day, and he still didn’t have any food in there. His mother’s salad had deteriorated almost beyond recognition, and the odor emanating from the mystery dish made him a little ill. Tomorrow, he promised himself. He would get rid of that dish tomorrow.
Holding his breath, he scanned the shelves. Both cans of beer still sat there, just as they had the night Chuck had called to tell him about the assignment at DJ’s. And tonight they had Adam’s name written all over them.
He picked up one can and popped the top. But he didn’t drink immediately. Instead, he slammed the refrigerator door shut and began to pace again. Floorboards creaked under his feet, and the silent apartment seemed to growl with every step he took.
He tried telling himself he didn’t care whether DJ forgave him or not. He tried convincing himself he’d just been affected by watching her struggle to accept Galloway into her life; that he’d confused love with some other emotion—pity, perhaps. But he couldn’t lie anymore. Not even to himself.
He loved her. And he’d lost her.
He lifted the can to his lips, but the smell of the beer only made him feel worse. Glaring at the can, he abandoned it on the counter and walked away.
He’d only gone halfway across the kitchen when the front doorbell rang. Who in the—?
Glancing at his watch, he started for the door
. It felt like midnight, but his watch said it was only a little past eight o’clock. Maybe DJ had found his address. Maybe she’d come to him, ready to forgive him….
Hoping against hope, he hurried to the door and yanked it open. But instead of DJ, he found his brother Seth standing there, leaning against the doorframe and grinning. Under normal circumstances, Adam couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather see. But not tonight. Tonight he wanted to be alone with his misery.
Seth’s eyes narrowed as he pushed away from the doorframe. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call for two weeks.”
An icy blast of air blew in through the door and wrapped itself around Adam. “On assignment.”
“For two weeks?”
“Yes, for two weeks.” Adam stepped away from the door. “Get inside. It’s cold out there.”
One of Seth’s eyebrows arched as he entered. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” Adam lied.
“Yeah. Right. I can see that.” Seth paced behind Adam into the kitchen, lifted the beer can from the counter and sniffed it. “Beer? Do you have another one?”
Adam nodded toward the fridge. “Help yourself. There’s one left.”
Seth crossed to the refrigerator and pulled the door open, then stepped back and made a face. “Man! Smells like something died in here.”
Adam glared at him. “I don’t need any editorial comments about my housekeeping. What do you want, anyway?”
Seth lifted his eyebrow again. He took out the remaining can of beer and slammed the refrigerator door. “I came to find out if you’re still alive. Believe it or not, I was worried.”
Adam held out his arms to let Seth inspect him. “I’m still alive.”
Seth leaned against the counter and studied him for a long moment. “All right, what is it?”
“What’s what?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I’ve already told you—”
Seth stepped away from the counter and shook his head. “Cut the crap, Adam. I’m your brother, remember? I’ve known you all my life. If you want to lie, try it on somebody who doesn’t know you like I do.” He popped open his beer and took a swig. “What happened? Did something go wrong on the job?”