by Lizzy Ford
“Sixty seconds!” Charles belted out.
Ashley hit harder, moved faster, danced swiftly. Sweat dampened her clothing and hair. She smelled Jonny’s sweat and masculine scent as well, and it only made her more fevered.
“Thirty seconds!”
Jonny switched tactics suddenly. She landed four solid blows in a row – more than any other single instance – before he disappeared.
This time, he didn’t reappear immediately. Ashley remained in place, breathing hard, senses alert, and eyes closed to await the charge of his return.
“Fifteen!”
She waited.
“Ten! Nine. Eight.”
The tingle of electricity came from her right. She whirled to confront him only to feel the tingle behind her instead. Using her momentum to double her speed, she spun completely around to block his blow. And then she sensed it – the setup he’d worked to create. A tree was on one side of her, limiting her movement, and Jonny the other.
“Five. Four …”
Jonny Traveled closer and shoved her into the tree, one arm braced against her back while the other was wrapped in her braid and pulling her head back.
“One.”
Ashley panted, locked in place and fully aware someone half as fast as she was had just beaten her.
Jonny’s hot breath was on her neck. She tensed, her eyes flying open to stare at the trunk and blue sky above. She waited for him to bite her.
Jonny lifted his head instead without releasing her.
“Speed versus strategy,” Charles said, approval in his voice as he approached. “Do you still doubt me, ikir?”
“I never doubt you, Charles. But this was sparring. When Valon comes for me, it won’t be a game.”
“Did you go into this fight considering it a game?”
Ashley listened. Jonny was breathing hard, his lean form pressed to hers.
“I didn’t think so, no,” Jonny replied. “There wasn’t as much at risk though.”
“Speak for yourself!” Ashley bit off.
Jonny released her hair and stepped far enough away for her to ease back from the tree. “This was real to you?” he asked.
“Every time is real to me,” she replied.
“And that is what you can learn from her, ikir. The Natural fights for her brother every second she’s on her feet,” Charles said. “She lacks discipline and strategy, which you do not. But you lack –”
“– heart,” Ashley finished for him. “You’re a cold, robotic bastard who’s forgotten how to feel.”
“I was going to say you lack sufficient motivation,” Charles said with a grimace. “Nothing quite so human.”
“You mean a purpose beyond strategy,” Jonny said, hands going to his hips.
“If you’re not fighting for something then why bother?” Ashley replied before Charles could. She looked around to see most of the vamps in camp had formed a ring around them to watch their god battle the Natural.
“There’s no place for emotion in what I do,” Jonny said.
“You have feelings whether or not you want to. And suppressing them is stupid and will backfire on you.”
He considered her before looking to Charles. “I don’t want to go down that path.”
“Ikir, you will have to choose one of the path you detest in order to win. Either the White God assists, your develop sufficient motivation beyond strategy.” Charles moved closer, as if concerned the other vamps might hear him. “Valon is faster, stronger and smart but not as smart as you. This won’t be a game to him, ikir. This won’t be completely about the implementation of strategy.”
A flicker of something – unease? – went across Jonny’s normally impassive features. Ashley watched the two of them for a moment, sensing the battle with Valon was of more importance than either was letting on. She didn’t know why when Jonny couldn’t be killed.
“I’ll work on it,” Jonny said finally. “Right now, I’m starving.” His focus slid to her.
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Do I get to go out tonight?” she prodded.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
She almost erupted at him but ground her teeth to keep from saying something that might prevent her from ever going out to search for Brandon again. His indecision left her scared he meant to keep her at the camp while the others fought rogues.
“We could use the help, ikir,” Charles’ words were almost too quiet to hear. “Especially after last night.”
She gazed at him quizzically. Charles was harder to read than Jonny, who had tensed either at the reminder or the soft-spoken support of her going on raids.
“Ash, let’s talk,” Jonny said and stepped away.
The crowd around them dissipated as they left the sparring area. Ashley trailed him, her insides twisting and her nerves on end as she considered what she’d do if he refused to let her leave.
Jonny returned to his suite without speaking. She was close to screaming when she closed the door behind her. Brandon wasn’t much of a talker, but he was better than Jonny about not leaving her hanging. He sat on the barstool of the pub-style dining table tucked near a corner and leaned down to untie his shoes.
She paced and watched his methodical movements, wanting to hurry him so he’d give her a straight answer. Finally, she approached him.
“You’re killing me, Jonny!” she uttered. “Are you going to let me search for Brandon or not?”
Jonny sat back, at eye level with her from his seated position. “We had a bad night last night,” he started. “Charles estimates we lost about eighty and we’re still searching for another ten. Valon hit us hard.”
“I can help.”
“If you’re well enough.”
“Even if I’m not … Jonny, I can fight better than a squad of your vamps. Charles knows it, too.”
He reached out to cup her neck in one large hand. He pulled her closer to him until she stood between his parted thighs. Uncertain what to do with her hands, she rested them on his lean thighs and quickly grew too aware of his body heat reaching her through the thin material. A shiver of heat and tickle of energy went through her at his nearness and the heady scent of him after their sparring session. She held his gaze and willed her weakness to lie low for now. Her breathing quickened, and her stomach fluttered beneath the intensity of his look.
“Healing runs in my family, Ash. I can’t do it well to others, but I can feel it if you’re not ready for another night like the one you had.”
Her heart fell. “You can patch the seizure before it drops me.”
“Not if you’re in battle and I can’t feel it coming.”
“Jonny,” she wetted her lips, terrified he meant to keep her from her brother. “Brandon needs me. Your vamps need me. If I start to feel it coming on, I’ll stop fighting and leave.”
“You think I believe that?” Amusement was in his gaze. “I couldn’t scare you off with sucking your blood. You won’t stop with Brandon in danger.”
True. She didn’t know what else to say.
“I said I’ll consider it, and I will. I know Charles could use the help,” he added. “I’ll check your body closer to the raid time.”
“I will do anything, Jonny,” she whispered. She searched his face. “Anything in the world.”
“That’s dangerous, Ashley,” he said just as quietly. “I’m not the person you knew. I won’t walk away.”
“I know that.” She swallowed hard, eyes going to his lips. “I can help you with what Charles was trying to tell you.”
Jonny lifted an inquisitive eyebrow. “Meaning …”
“The part of you that’s afraid to feel. I can help you remember,” she said.
“You think I’m afraid of something?” He appeared genuinely surprised.
“Maybe not afraid. Maybe … unwilling. You forget, Jonny. I knew you before you were … this. You have a heart, and it’s a very good one. You’ve just forgotten how to use it.”
“That person had to change to become
who I am now,” he said firmly.
“Not all of you had to. You care about me.”
“You’re a means to an end.”
“I’m a tool you won’t send onto the battlefield when you think I can’t handle it. Some part of you cares. I’ve always known it, no matter what bullshit you tell me.”
“I’m protecting my best asset. It’s what a good leader does.”
“You sound stubborn like me now!” She started to laugh.
“Emotions will not win this battle with Valon,” he replied. “Strategy and planning will.”
“That’s not true,” she said. “If you don’t fight with your heart, you lose. This isn’t a game. This is your life we’re talking about. Or maybe, it is a game, because your life can’t be taken from you like mine can me. Maybe that’s what’s missing.”
“That’s not entirely accurate,” he replied. His eyes were beginning to glow red, like they had when he kissed her. “Valon is a godslayer. He’s the only person on the planet who can kill me.”
“You’re not afraid?”
“Of course not. I can’t let emotion cloud my judgment.”
She studied him. He was so different from the teen boy she recalled. The danger of being with him and his brooding nature had been a thrill to her when she was seventeen, yet it was the quiet moments like this one that captured her heart.
“Sometimes emotion helps you fight when you feel like you can’t,” she murmured. “Sometimes you have to let anger and pain and hope out.”
“For what purpose? So I become sloppy enough to be killed?”
“No.” She rolled her eyes at him. “You view emotion as a weakness. It can make you stronger, too.”
“I can’t afford to feel, Ash. Not for anyone or any cause.”
Her instincts sparked. She’d always thought he cared for her at some point, more so than he admitted to. If she broke that barrier, if she reminded him what they once had, would it be enough for him to understand what she and Charles needed him to know? Ashley debated internally and then decided to do what she did sometimes when she sparred: dive in and see how her enemy reacted.
She kissed Jonny, resting against his frame.
This kiss was light and quick. When she leaned away, she saw his gaze riveted to her. The tension between them grew thicker quickly, and they observed one another for a long moment.
“You can’t sway my decision on whether or not to send you out,” he warned her softly. “And if you open this door, I’m not going to be the one to close it. I’m not good enough to walk away.”
“I want you to remember what it’s like not to be so alone,” she whispered. “If I have to walk through this door, I will.”
“You know I’ll only ever hurt you, Ash.”
Her heart flipped over in her breast. “Yeah. I know.”
“Is it worth it?”
“You mean, are you worth it?” she retorted. “Yeah. You are. You always have been.”
“You’re a fool, Ash. You leap before you look every time. You have no idea how deep I’ll take you.”
Her breath caught. Ashley hesitated, knowing instinctively he wasn’t talking about a single kiss. She wanted to tell herself she’d sleep with him for even the smallest chance to save Brandon. But it was the voice whispering quietly in her thoughts that made her pause, the one telling her she’d sleep with Jonny no matter what or who was at stake. Not for his benefit or Brandon’s or anyone else’s but because, from the first moment they met again, she’d been forced to acknowledge that the feelings that once held her captive had never really died.
“I’m ready to jump,” she whispered.
Jonny captured her lips with his and slid his arm around her. She rested against him, marveling at his flavor and the heated strength of his body against hers. Her arms went around his neck while his other hand gripped her bottom and pulled her hard against his hips. Her belly lit on fire and raced throughout her until she was fevered, aching, hungry for him. Jonny’s hands slid up her shirt, and she jerked when she felt the heat of his broad palms against her bare skin.
“Last chance,” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss.
“No, it’s your last chance,” she shot back.
Jonny chuckled. “I missed you.”
Ashley pushed back to see his face clearly. “You mean it.”
“Yeah,” he said with an uncomfortable smile.
“Seven hundred and fourteen women and you missed me,” she said and arched an eyebrow at him. “There’s only been one for me.”
“Someone I need to kill?”
“No, idiot. Just you.”
Jonny’s smiled faded. “But we never ...”
“Shut up and kiss me,” she ordered, face flushing.
Jonny obeyed and skated his palms up her torso to lift her shirt over her head. He tossed it and she gripped his shirt with trembling hands.
“Just …” She pulled back. “Just so we’re both uh … clear …”
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “I remember what we did and didn’t do. I know what that means.”
She was too embarrassed to say the words.
“I won’t hurt you, Ash.” He rested his hand on her cheek. “Not physically. Don’t give me anything but your body. You understand?”
She nodded awkwardly. Fear floated through her at the reminder that she’d never gotten over him the first time around, and they’d never gone farther than kissing. Jonny was going to crush her but in that moment, she didn’t care.
Jonny kissed her deeply and folded her into his arms. He stood and lifted her onto his hips, moving slowly towards the bed.
No regrets, she told herself.
Chapter Sixteen
They made love for hours and then Jonny held Ashley as she dozed for an hour or two, until shortly after sundown. Their day had been nothing but feats of athleticism, first in the sparring ring and then in his bed. She was everything he expected – and everything he didn’t know he had missed. He hadn’t slept with a woman who wasn’t under his spell in years, and Ashley’s independence and lack of inhibition in bed were an even greater turn on than the way she said his name.
Rejuvenated by her blood, recharged by the post-sex rest, Jonny found himself returning to a thought he wasn’t certain he wanted to entertain.
He had never really stopped caring for Ashley.
But emotions didn’t have a place with him now, no matter what Charles thought about him needing a motivation to fight. He already had a reason – his vamps. He understood his purpose and duty and how the fate of a race of creatures rested on his shoulders and his decisions.
What he didn’t understand was how he felt about Ashley or what to do about it. Emotion had no place in his brutal world, no matter what he told himself about her promising to stay in exchange for her life and her skills. She would always be in danger, always surrounded by predators.
She shifted in his arms, and he instinctively pulled her closer, not wanting to lose the feel of her skin on his.
Then again, if anyone could survive his world, it was Ashley, who had managed to earn the respect of vamps in days where he had struggled for years.
“What happened yesterday?” she asked sleepily. “Why did you lose so many?”
He was quiet for a moment, disturbed whenever he considered what had gone wrong. “One of my sites was ambushed,” he replied and rested fingertips against the strong pulse in her neck. He had the urge to sink his teeth into her whenever they were together, whether or not he was really hungry. The primal side of him, the vamp he tried to keep under control, yearned to claim her.
“I want to go tonight,” she said and twisted onto her back.
He saw her face in the darkness of the room. Jonny shifted to accommodate her movement and wrapped his arms around her once more. Ashley snuggled against his chest and sighed in contentment.
“Please?” she added hopefully.
He smiled. “Can you handle it? Honestly?”
She was quiet
.
“I’ll know if you can’t,” he teased and nuzzled her neck.
She moved to expose the delicate skin to him. “Does this help encourage you?”
“No,” he said and nipped her. “I’ll always do what I think is best for my vamps. What’s best for you.”
“That’s kind of arrogant.”
“It’s who I am now, Ash. Get used to it. You’re under my sphere of influence, which means I have the final vote.”
She gave an exasperated sigh. “You’re worse than Xander!” She touched his face with cool fingers. “I feel fine. I don’t feel weak, and I don’t feel like I’ll have an episode any time soon.”
He assessed her body. She retained some exhaustion, but her ability to regenerate quickly was serving her well. “You can go,” he said. “And you return right back here. To me.”
Her breath caught. “I really am stuck with you, aren’t I?” She displayed the palm with his brand on it.
“That was our agreement.” He felt her tremor of uncertainty. He had long since identified the thought of escape in her mind. She was there for Brandon and when this mess with Valon was over, Jonny suspected Ashley was headed straight for Xander.
But … it was a good thing. It would save him the trouble of figuring out his own emotions.
“C’mon. Charles will want you ready to leave soon.” With some reluctance, Jonny disentangled himself from her warm body and climbed out of bed.
Ashley trailed. He listened to the sound of her getting dressed and lifted his hands to his face, breathing in her scent. The combination of blood and sex was beyond intoxicating, and lust lit him on fire from the inside out.
“Thank you.”
He didn’t expect to hear the words and turned to face her. “For what?”
“For being gentle.” Unaware he could see her troubled expression in the dark, he studied her.
“That bothers you?”
“Sometimes I wish you weren’t. Sometimes I wish it always hurt.” She was touching her neck.
So you can leave when this is over. Jonny kept the words to himself. He couldn’t risk getting too close to her, not again. And in truth, turning the other cheek when she made her attempt to escape seemed a safer long term option than keeping her around. Emotions made him vulnerable, and he couldn’t afford to be weak.